Grey40 Posted January 2, 2017 Posted January 2, 2017 So I've seen this girl twice, two dates in person both last week. Tuesday we went out for drinks near her place and Friday we met halfway for lunch and some wine. Both dates seemed to go really well. I kissed her a bunch on date 1 and we made out for much longer on date 2. Since the second date, however, the messaging/communicatio has seemed to drop a little bit. I know Saturday was NYE, so I didn't expect much but I texted her in the morning asked how her Friday night went and what she decided to do for NYE. She finally texted back at like 11pm..like 8 hours later saying what she did and that she hoped I enjoyed my night. Got a text from her this morning, "happy new year! Hope you had a good one". I replied saying the same thing and then asked her a question/insider joke about her cooking for her family coming over, she hasn't responded to that it's been almost 6 hours. She usually always responded within an hour or so and usually sent longer paragraph answers or asked questions back to me to keep the conversation going. Am I being paranoid or does it sound like she's lost interest? 1
ElizabethIII Posted January 2, 2017 Posted January 2, 2017 Dont worry about it. Hasnt been very long. 2
spiderowl Posted January 2, 2017 Posted January 2, 2017 If I was interested in a guy, I would be wanting to hear from him. I might not reply immediately but I would not wait 6 hours.
winny Posted January 2, 2017 Posted January 2, 2017 Wait for couple more days before jumping to conclusions.
Fhsjkfjrhsdh3646 Posted January 2, 2017 Posted January 2, 2017 Yeah wait 2 days and if you still haven't heard back from her, drop her another line. Don't mention the fact that she didn't respond to your last text, just drop her a fresh line and pretend it doesn't bother you. If she's interested she'll likely apologize and get back to you, if she's not interested she won't respond. Pretty simple. 2
Author Grey40 Posted January 2, 2017 Author Posted January 2, 2017 Well so never got a reply hoping for the best that maybe she was going to reply later and then fell asleep or something. Very unlike her to not respond at all. Not sending good vibes about this. And Winny, wait days? No way, any girl who is interested is going to contact me before that I would hope. If I don't hear anything from her by tomorrow night I'm not sure what to do, I guess reach out again maybe try and set up a third date and then I'll have my answer
winny Posted January 2, 2017 Posted January 2, 2017 Well so never got a reply hoping for the best that maybe she was going to reply later and then fell asleep or something. Very unlike her to not respond at all. Not sending good vibes about this. And Winny, wait days? No way, any girl who is interested is going to contact me before that I would hope. If I don't hear anything from her by tomorrow night I'm not sure what to do, I guess reach out again maybe try and set up a third date and then I'll have my answer Why I am saying wait 2 days is because of this - You are making her your entire focus by paying so much attention to her texting patterns after 2 dates. This waiting thing will help you to learn some patience and during this time try to focus on other things and other women. Make her a low priority. The more time passes, the less priority she should become to you. Then when you reach out to her.... you wont sound needy or that you have been waiting for her response and making stories in your mind about why she is late and that she may have lost interest etc etc. Truth is - none of us know why she hasn't responded. There could be a 100 reasons. So chill and relax for 2 days.... also try to introspect as to why you are paying so much attention to someone you met 2 times that you need to worry about her texting even a bit....
Author Grey40 Posted January 2, 2017 Author Posted January 2, 2017 Why I am saying wait 2 days is because of this - You are making her your entire focus by paying so much attention to her texting patterns after 2 dates. This waiting thing will help you to learn some patience and during this time try to focus on other things and other women. Make her a low priority. The more time passes, the less priority she should become to you. Then when you reach out to her.... you wont sound needy or that you have been waiting for her response and making stories in your mind about why she is late and that she may have lost interest etc etc. Truth is - none of us know why she hasn't responded. There could be a 100 reasons. So chill and relax for 2 days.... also try to introspect as to why you are paying so much attention to someone you met 2 times that you need to worry about her texting even a bit.... Yeah I don't know, I shouldn't be this caught up after 2 dates but I am. I was even starting to worry I wasn't texting her enough and maybe she's unsure where I stand. But most likely just overthinking this and she'll probably send me something tomorrow and I'm worrying for nothing. I'm going to at least let tomorrow go by, see if she reaches out 1
winny Posted January 2, 2017 Posted January 2, 2017 Yeah I don't know, I shouldn't be this caught up after 2 dates but I am. I was even starting to worry I wasn't texting her enough and maybe she's unsure where I stand. But most likely just overthinking this and she'll probably send me something tomorrow and I'm worrying for nothing. I'm going to at least let tomorrow go by, see if she reaches out Use this as an opportunity to learn how to worry less, have more patience and avoid letting negative thoughts take over your mind. You are caught up because you are thinking that not landing the interest of this girl is somehow a reflection of your worth. Stop thinking that way.... 1
Fhsjkfjrhsdh3646 Posted January 2, 2017 Posted January 2, 2017 Well so never got a reply hoping for the best that maybe she was going to reply later and then fell asleep or something. Very unlike her to not respond at all. Not sending good vibes about this. And Winny, wait days? No way, any girl who is interested is going to contact me before that I would hope. If I don't hear anything from her by tomorrow night I'm not sure what to do, I guess reach out again maybe try and set up a third date and then I'll have my answer Speaking as a guy who used to overthink things (ok i still do), let me give you my perspective. Right now I have 2 girls on Match, 1 on Tinder, and 2-3 on Kik/Whisper that I am talking to. Sometimes one of them will message me when I am in the middle of something and I can't be bothered to respond right away, so I will usually wait until it's more convenient for me. If they begin to keep messaging me when I don't reply within x amount of time, it really annoys me and will give me a negative perception of her. Now of course girls who I am more thrilled about, I will usually make extra sure that I do get back to them, but I still don't worry about making them wait a bit. If you don't chill out and wait 2 days it will be the same story for her. Nobody wants to deal with someone who is needy. If I message her and she takes 2 hours to respond, I will respond when I feel like it. If she messages me back right away, I will usually message her back right away as well. The way I look at it is you don't want to look like you're sitting at your phone waiting to respond to them right away, it comes off as needy. However if she messages you back right away, your phone is likely still in your hands. Hope this makes sense, just message some other girls and don't worry too much about it. I've had girls where our convo faded out randomly, and I forgot about them, and then I messaged them back a week or two later and convo re-ignited and we ended up meeting. Sometimes people just forget to respond (although this might indicate you're a lower priority for them).
smackie9 Posted January 2, 2017 Posted January 2, 2017 Don't hold your breath. Keep looking for other women. 2
Lansing Posted January 2, 2017 Posted January 2, 2017 If you ask her out again, you will have your answer. Maybe she didn't want to get into a big conversation via text but yeah when people don't respond to my texts it is kind of annoying because you wonder if you offended them or something happened. Personally I try to respond within a few hours (or usually after work if someone texts me during the day) but I can see situations where you get tied up and maybe too much time passes by and then you don't bother responding. I would just say ask her out again and depending on how she responds you will know your answer. 2
Author Grey40 Posted January 3, 2017 Author Posted January 3, 2017 (edited) Update: So like I Said, last time she texted me was on Sunday around 2pm wishing me a happy new year etc. around 230/245 I sent her a reply saying happy new year too, blah blah and then asked if she was helping her family cook like she had planned. No response. Today was Monday, she never texted me or reached out. I made sure to also not do anything, but man was it tough not to text her. Should I text her today? It's Tuesday and it's now beeen well over 24 since we've texted at all. I was thinking of just dropping her a line and asking how her week at work is going, make a quick little joke etc, then when she responds try and set up a date #3 for the weekend. Good plan? Or should I wait for her to reach out to me? She has said she's used to guys chasing her and kind of not leaving her alone. But also during date #2 she mentioned the fact that she's the kind of person that loses interest really easily (in context she was referring to hobbies, career etc. how she always changes her mind). I worried that was a subtle hint to tell me how she's feeling about me, but I'm probably reading too much into that. I'm just a little torn because I know keeping myself more unavailable should keep her wondering and keep the attraction up, but at the same time, if she's the kind of person that loses interest so easily, I'm worried that if I don't reach out within x amount of time, she'll just drop me or just give up. Edited January 3, 2017 by Grey40
angel.eyes Posted January 3, 2017 Posted January 3, 2017 Have you asked her on another date? That would give you immediate feedback on her level of interest. It would also be way more productive than keeping your log of when precisely you sent a text and when she responded. That's just a mind-boggling level of pettiness. When you ask her out, either she'll say yes and show up for date #3 or she won't. Then you'll have your answer. Personally, I find guys who are clear about what they want and confident enough to pursue it very attractive. Guys who are unavailable? Why waste my time? On to the next. Plus I just don't deal well with timid, tentative, insecure guys. It's a total turnoff, so we aren't compatible. 3
Fhsjkfjrhsdh3646 Posted January 3, 2017 Posted January 3, 2017 Send her a text, make sure you pretend like you never noticed that she didnt respond to you before. Send something fresh, and do a short exchange with her and ask her out again if she's being responsive. If she's interested she will respond, otherwise just move on to the next one and forget about her.
Author Grey40 Posted January 3, 2017 Author Posted January 3, 2017 Also, I'm having a lot of trouble coming up with a good third date idea. Date one we went to a live music jam where I played a little bit..basically a bar with music. Date two was lunch and then a wine place, where we talked a lot. I don't want to be boring. She's very outdoorsy but it's winter time. I was thinking of doing dinner and a movie or maybe dinner/give her s tour of my town and then back to my place for a movie??
Fhsjkfjrhsdh3646 Posted January 3, 2017 Posted January 3, 2017 How about ice skating? she would love that. 1
angel.eyes Posted January 3, 2017 Posted January 3, 2017 What interests do you share? Base the date idea on something you both enjoy doing. Failing that, look for events in your city that you both might enjoy. If nothing comes to mind, then dinner and a movie is fine. The important thing is the time you spend together getting to know each other.
winny Posted January 3, 2017 Posted January 3, 2017 She has said she's used to guys chasing her and kind of not leaving her alone. But also during date #2 she mentioned the fact that she's the kind of person that loses interest really easily (in context she was referring to hobbies, career etc. how she always changes her mind). I worried that was a subtle hint to tell me how she's feeling about me, but I'm probably reading too much into that. Red flags!!! A girl who actually has guys chasing after her would never talk about it... Also that thing about losing interest easily - fickle minded, unstable.. Both these things say - INSECURITY n probably into mind games. Proceed with caution... 4
Gaeta Posted January 3, 2017 Posted January 3, 2017 Hello Grey, I hope you did not text this woman. Dating is a game played by 2, she isn't pulling her own weight as of now. You planned the 2 first dates and let me guess did you pay as well? Any interested woman would mention a 3rd date and even organize it. I think this woman's interest is mild probably because she has other bobcats chasing her. You are better than this. Learn to know your value as a man, guys like you that's got it together don't fall from the sky. If this woman wants to play hard to get she can play on her own. Remind yourself that under 3 dates it's only about checking each other out, there is nothing gained and women (and men) disappear without an explanation all the time. She got your last text, it's sitting there on her phone. She has seen it. She is choosing to not answer it.
Author Grey40 Posted January 3, 2017 Author Posted January 3, 2017 (edited) Gaeta, I planned the first date, we kind of mutually planned the second one. I offered a winery or movie, she said how about we do lunch and I'll drive down closer to you to make it easier. So she DID make some effort, a good amount of it. She had plans later that day with her family to go see her cousins performance, and she actually woke up early on her day off got ready, drove down to meet me halfway, when she could have easily just declined. That really impressed me. She felt bad that I paid for lunch and wanted to cover the tip (which I let her do) and she wanted to split the wine at the winery to which I said don't worry about it. She made tons of effort and interest in the conversations too. She's young (22), and she probably just built me up. I'm a 28 year old musician and she thinks I look like an actor, so perhaps I just didn't meet her what she hoped I'd be. Who knows. Literally we finish our date, and then NYE weekend happens and BAM she just goes totally silent. I knew something was up. Sucks because I'll never find out exactly what happened. An ex could have came back into her life, maybe she met another guy that attracted her more over the weekend etc. but her interest most definitely not MILD, she was VERY interested going into date 2. It's too late, sent her a text about an hour ago, asked her how her week is going and then made a little joke. Probably just should have asked her out, but figure if she's interested she'll answer back no matter what. It's been about an hour and no answer. Man this sucks, now I know what "ghosting" feels like. I'm used to getting ghosted by girls that I've been messaging that I've never met with, and that I get--there hasn't been any real connectiOn built. But getting ghosted after 2 dates in person where everything seemed great and there was chemistry and physical contact is head scratching and frustrating and new to me. She must have liked me after date 1 but decided after date 2 that I wasn't what she was looking for. Most likely she built me up in her head and I didn't live up to whatever crazy expectations she had. Edited January 3, 2017 by Grey40
Lansing Posted January 3, 2017 Posted January 3, 2017 Ok, move on now. Next time, just be more direct and ask her out on another date vs. chit chatting. That way you don't waste time. Also, don't worry so much about where/what you will do together. If the girls is into you then even a walk around the block would interest her. Also, for future reference, when a girl hears "come back to my place for a movie" then know you are interested in more than just a movie. BTW, in general, don't expect someone to respond back to your text message within an hour or even a few hours. The instant gratification causes a lot of issues for people and they get trapped into a circle/loop. 1
Author Grey40 Posted January 3, 2017 Author Posted January 3, 2017 Eh I'm not gonna move on yet. 8"" give her some time to message and then if she doesn't then I'll just ask her out. I've had instances where a girl wouldn't answer my normal text but once I asked them out I got a respOmar--either a polite decline or an acceptance. So it could be she really just doesn't want to talk via text, but it's not like I'm even doing that, if she responded literally my next text would be arranging another date.
Gaeta Posted January 3, 2017 Posted January 3, 2017 She is 22 years old so she got her nose glued to that phone. Do you know how long she has been single? What is the goal of your search? serious dating? settling down? I would not hold my breath too long for a 22 years old. She is probably running this by all of her girlfriends. 1
Author Grey40 Posted January 3, 2017 Author Posted January 3, 2017 (edited) She is 22 years old so she got her nose glued to that phone. Do you know how long she has been single? What is the goal of your search? serious dating? settling down? I would not hold my breath too long for a 22 years old. She is probably running this by all of her girlfriends. My goal is to explore. Go on dates, if I like the girl keep going out with them until either I feel it's not progressing or until I like her enough to decide to be exclusive. So, not nessecarily serious dating, but I'm not opposed to that of it seems right. Yeah, her interest has seriously made a 360. She went from being polite, responding excitedly to now totally ignoring it appears. It's been over 3 hours since I sent the last text. I know she works 9 to 5 but nice response even during lunch break is no excuse. Something definitely happened that made her mind completely stop to a halt. Could be girlfriends in her ear, could be another guy, could be I came on too strong. She's definitely purposely ignoring..the question is..why? Don't worry I've been trying to talk to other girls so I'm not holding my breath on this one, but I did really like her. She's the first date I've had in a LONG time that I'm insterested in moving to a 3rd date with. She said she's been single for a year, was only in one semi-serious relationship that was on and off for 3 years when she was in college. She met another guy off OLD about a year ago and they dated for like 4 months and he suddenly ditched her for his "career" or something. So she's been burned before, perhaps she thought things were moving too quick and she's now putting up a wall? I could see that but you don't have to completely cut communication with me to do that. I would think she'd at least want to keep me on the back burner. I must have really scared her off, maybe I acted way too keen and enthralled too soon. Edited January 3, 2017 by Grey40
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