Is he interested or just a flake?

[Florafng]

Hi all,

 

I met a guy through dating site. I'd like to get an insight about whether this guy is truly interested in me. Sorry it is a bit long as I'd like to give you as much detail as I can...

 

We had our first date just a week before the Christmas. We didn't exchange much information before the meeting. I think mostly because both of us prefer real life communication. He turned out quite different from what I thought. Half hour before our date he texted he will be 15 minutes late. When he arrived he didn't apologise or explain why he was late. Actually he has rescheduled our first date on the day we supposed to meet due to sickness, which I gave him benefit of doubt but was quite annoyed.

 

He led our conversation, talked about himself and asked me some basic questions. 15 min into the date he said we had no chemistry and suggested we just treated it as a causal meeting. We both loosen up and acted more like friends afterward and actually can have fun and some physical touch. He offered to pay for the drinks and dinner, and invited me to join his dancing night in a club nearby. He hold my hand when we left the restaurant and walked to the club. He was excited that I let him hold my hand in public. In the club, I walked away when he was ordering drinks at the bar. I blew him a kiss when he was looking for me. He smiled, had me to come close to him and put his arm around my waist. We chatted but in a more flirty way. He wanted us to meet for lunch and asked me a question. I pestered him to tell me what he wanted to ask. He first resisted then surrendered, he wanted to know whether my good looking comment in our first text exchange is genuine. I pretended I can't remember but then I gave him a kiss on his cheek. He was surprised. As I live far away I had to leave. He walked me to the cab and paid the cab fare for me. Before I got in the cab, we hugged and I kissed on his cheek again, also a quick one on his lip. He texted me after about 40 min asking me to let him know when I am home safe. When I arrived home I texted him to say thank you for the dinner and good company. He replied he had a good time too.

 

He texted to check if I wanted to go for a second date after 2 days but no solid plan was made. He texted to say Merry Christmas on Christmas Day. He texted on 29th Dec to check I am still available for catchup the week after. No text on New Year Eve or New Year day. I'm not sure if the second date is still on, no solid plan is set.

 

We have discussed briefly our date plan, I suggested go to the beach. He said he will take me out in the evening but we could make our third date at the beach. It was last Thu. and now is Mon.

 

Our communication was minimal between dates, he doesn't seem used to chat over text, but use text for arranging dates and planning logistics etc. He disclosed very limited about himself through text, and me too. I didn't initiate any text, but I flirted a lot when we texting, and he just played along. I mentioned I got a tan and joked he should too. He seemed a bit uncomfortable and our dynamic change afterward. I should mention he is in sales and marketing, so I'd expect he is good with people. I saw him online in the site last night but we didn't talk.

 

My overall feeling about him is we may not compatible long term as we have different view about kids and marriage, but I enjoy his company and don't mind spending some time to get to know him better to see if we can find a middle ground. I feel more comfortable see him in person than through text as I feel he show a "more real" side of him. I can feel his true emotion in our first date but he seems on guard in text before and after our date.

 

What should I do if I want to continue but I don't want to appear desperate.

 

Any advice and comment is appreciated.

 

Thanks for taking time to read.

 

Flora

[umirano]

Let him come to you. I don't have the impression he's very eager. I'm actually surprised the date went as far after a comment like "I don't feel the chemistry" after only 15 min. But it was NYE and he might have been busy with friends and family. Play it cool for now. Good luck.

[Yaya0620]

Sounds exactly like the guy Im dating hmmmm scary

[joseb]

Wow I cant imagine being as blunt as saying I didn't feel chemistry after 15 mins. And if I did, my next move would be thanking my date for meeting and getting out of there. That is just so weird that he continued the date.

The only thing I can think of is it's a weird line he uses to get girls to want him because he declares no interest in them.

[umirano]

Wow I cant imagine being as blunt as saying I didn't feel chemistry after 15 mins. And if I did, my next move would be thanking my date for meeting and getting out of there. That is just so weird that he continued the date.

The only thing I can think of is it's a weird line he uses to get girls to want him because he declares no interest in them.

 

I'm not sure which is weirder, that she continued the date, and even went on to kiss him, or that he continued after him making this comment. As for him, he seems to be quite inconsistent. Florafng, why'd you let this go?

[spiderowl]

He sounds quite controlling and not really interested. He said there was no chemistry on your date. You should know that means he is not interested in a relationship. He may not feel very attracted but would probably not pass up sex if you offered. You didn't take the very clear hint and flirted with him and kissed him. The guy is not interested. Don't waste time on him. If you two do end up together, he would be looking for sex only. Don't put yourself through that kind of miserable state when you clearly want more.

 

It would have been better if you had left when he said there was no chemistry. It sounds like he made his mind up pretty quickly which suggests judgmental, black-and-white thinking. It is better to get to know more about a guy's attitudes before meeting him, to save yourself from this kind of situation.

[Dis]

Wow I cant imagine being as blunt as saying I didn't feel chemistry after 15 mins. And if I did, my next move would be thanking my date for meeting and getting out of there. That is just so weird that he continued the date.

The only thing I can think of is it's a weird line he uses to get girls to want him because he declares no interest in them.

 

My thoughts exactly!

 

If a guy said this to me I'd politley excuse myself and end things right then and there

 

Why would you continue the date when he said something like that? That comment is borderline rude. I've had dates with guys I didnt feel chemistry with and I would never tell them that, I just dont go on a second date with them

 

Girl have some respect for yourself. Ask yourself why you still have interest in a guy like this. Go find a guy that keeps in contact with you in between dates, a guy who feels chemistry with you and a guy whos not rude!

[Florafng]

Thank you everyone for the quick responses.

 

I think both myself and him already known that we are not compatible long term, but, just for dating would be cool, as both of us are fun loving persons and physically attractive. When we talked about our view about marriage, he said he wants marriage but doesn't want kids; my view is that no kids no point to get married and I am not looking for being a wife. I told him that after his no chemistry comment. I also told him I won't stay in a relationship requiring lots of work, as life is short, it is better to find the right person than waste time fixing something not working and forcing both parties living a miserable life.

 

About staying after his no chemistry comment. He said he still wants to catch up sometime over lunch as I'm an interesting person. He even gave me dating advices. How I see it is that he was being friendly. It is better stay and make a new friend than leave awkwardly. I didn't ask to stay longer, he offered to pay for my dinner and invited me to join him to the dancing club.

 

About the kiss, I think he is an attractive guy, at least at that moment I felt the sexual chemistry between us. I didn't force it, it just happened. When I gave him a quick kiss on lips, his lips was open, I think it meant he wanted it.

 

What confused me is that after this "no chemistry" date, he still asked me out for a second date and hint about a third date, and strictly follow dating rules, until the new year eve.

 

I don't mind having a short term romance while looking for a long term partner. I think he is a cool date would fit the role as a lover.

[Dis]

Thank you everyone for the quick responses.

 

I think both myself and him already known that we are not compatible long term, but, just for dating would be cool, as both of us are fun loving persons and physically attractive. When we talked about our view about marriage, he said he wants marriage but doesn't want kids; my view is that no kids no point to get married and I am not looking for being a wife. I told him that after his no chemistry comment. I also told him I won't stay in a relationship requiring lots of work, as life is short, it is better to find the right person than waste time fixing something not working and forcing both parties living a miserable life.

 

About staying after his no chemistry comment. He said he still wants to catch up sometime over lunch as I'm an interesting person. He even gave me dating advices. How I see it is that he was being friendly. It is better stay and make a new friend than leave awkwardly. I didn't ask to stay longer, he offered to pay for my dinner and invited me to join him to the dancing club.

 

About the kiss, I think he is an attractive guy, at least at that moment I felt the sexual chemistry between us. I didn't force it, it just happened. When I gave him a quick kiss on lips, his lips was open, I think it meant he wanted it.

 

What confused me is that after this "no chemistry" date, he still asked me out for a second date and hint about a third date, and strictly follow dating rules, until the new year eve.

 

I don't mind having a short term romance while looking for a long term partner. I think he is a cool date would fit the role as a lover.

 

Ok so....tell me again why you would even casually date a guy who says he feels no chemistry with you???