lastresort1234 Posted January 1, 2017 Posted January 1, 2017 Hello all, I signed up because I have an issue that I wanted to discuss and the anonymity of the internet gives me a boost of courage I wouldn't otherwise have. I could probably be categorized as the classic "nice guy". I'm very polite, considerate and thoughtful. I would say I'm decent looking and what I lack in the looks department, I try to compensate for with a witty personality. I'm a bit shy, but once you get to know me, you'll see I have a number of things to talk and joke about. So, here's the thing...I've been single for over two years and have only had one even semi-serious dating prospect within that time period. I've been out a lot at bars, clubs, parties, small social gatherings and it never fails...I can't seem to spark up any interest with ANYONE. I couldn't get a date if my life depended on it. This isn't really a new thing for me, either. I've only had three real relationships in my life (I'm 27) and those women and I just happened make it work for a while in-betwixt my many strikeouts. So, I would say with pretty much anybody I've really wanted to date or pursue, minus those outliers, it never happens. On the flipside, my friends seem to fall for me a lot. And by that I mean, established friends. It's usually women where the basis of our relationship was 100% platonic at the start and I've made no indication I'd want it to be otherwise. I would say for those three girlfriends I've had over the years, at least double that number of friends have come and told me they like me. I know they say beggars can't be choosers, but I can't force an attraction. I just don't see them in that way. I'm curious if anybody with much more experience in relationships can help me understand why that happens. Is it because my friends know me better and can see things other people can't? Am I only attractive after months and years have gone by? What is it? 1
preraph Posted January 1, 2017 Posted January 1, 2017 If you want to be sure each new woman doesn't just become a friend, ask her on a real date and kiss her at the door at the end of the night. Any who try to hang on that are unwanted and refused your kiss are "just friends" and you can just move on from most of those. Sounds like you need to act right away, first date, to get on with kissing so it's clear what you want. 1
basil67 Posted January 1, 2017 Posted January 1, 2017 Correcting your title: "Women fall for me, but they aren't the ones I want" 2
Logo Posted January 2, 2017 Posted January 2, 2017 To move away from the friend zone on a first date, you need to get to the point where both of you feel comfortable with light touching of each others' hands, or arms, maybe a friendly and brief rub of the shoulder. Don't cross boundaries, though. Be respectful. A kiss at the right moment at the end of the date is a good way to make sure you're not friended. Just be cool and calm about it. If you're having fun, it'll happen naturally.
Erik30 Posted January 2, 2017 Posted January 2, 2017 It might be because your female friends get to see the "real" you, while the girls you actually want to date get the "nice guy version" of you. You probably act different around the girls you like 1
spiderowl Posted January 2, 2017 Posted January 2, 2017 It seems pretty much par for the course, if you ask me. I am in the same position myself. Trying to find a relationship where the attraction on all levels is mutual often seems impossible. What I would say is look at those friends again. Why are you not interested in more? Is it just physical attraction or is there something about these friends that turns you off from a sexual attraction point of view. The answer may tell you about why you are attracted to some women and not others. For example, do you find you are only attracted to women who do not seem interested in you? You can see that this is not a recipe for success. Maybe you are only attracted to women who are not looking for a relationship. Do you want a relationship? If so, what point is there is chasing women who don't? Conversely, it could be that you show your interest in women who might be more intrigued by a guy who was less intense perhaps or appeared happily independent. The above are things to think about. I am not suggesting any of it is true, just that it is worth looking at what patterns you might be repeating.
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