No Happy New Year text from new guy

January 2, 2017

If I were him I'd think you weren't interested.
He asked what you were doing as he probably wanted to know if you wanted to do something with him.

And now you're not even saying Happy New Year. That was really lame.

If he was that interested he would have made plans at least a week before NYE with you. Wouldn't ask you - what your plans are. That's not asking you out... that's just a random question and glad you had other plans.

January 2, 2017

If I were him I'd think you weren't interested.
He asked what you were doing as he probably wanted to know if you wanted to do something with him.

And now you're not even saying Happy New Year. That was really lame.

Then he needed to say "Wanna spend NYE with me?"

I don't like games to test me to see how much I care. Like the OP, I do a lot of initiating and communication - how much more can a gal do to let a guy know he's into her without him resorting to "testing" her?

January 2, 2017

I'm guessing that the OP and the guy are very young.

That kind of thing wouldn't work for me in my thirties but I also expect phone calls rather than texts.

It seems that people today don't come right out and make plans. Don't date. They " hang out", don't commit to anything.

I answered based on this.

She also has allowed him to get away with keeping things casual after sex.

January 2, 2017

Is it bad that I did not receive a happy new year text from a guy I have been seeing recently? It's a new thing, and pretty casual, but I worry it means it'll never go anywhere if he didn't even do that.

you could have texted him too.but if you did yes, it is not a great sign.

January 2, 2017

If you feel the need to "protect" yourself you should probably wait to sleep with someone then. I'm not the type of girl who can have sex and then be all casual about things. No pressure, not going to ask about his plans for NY, etc.

These are two separate issues though.

Maybe just step back a bit. Figure out what you want before you see him or text him.

I didn't get into this seeking out a casual relationship.

I feel like this guy tricked me, because it certainly never felt like it was just sex-- that's based on body language, conversation, dates, etc. I have had two meaningless "flings" before and they were nothing like this, there was never any strong connection with those two (no good conversation, no cuddling, rare dates). Then there are moments like this when you realize how casual the new thing actually is.

I'm debating whether I should contact him to explain all of this, or just wait for him to initiate again.

January 2, 2017

you could have texted him too.but if you did yes, it is not a great sign.

I could have, but I'm reaching a point where I just want to lean back and see what happens. Because his intentions are confusing and not promising.

January 2, 2017

I could have, but I'm reaching a point where I just want to lean back and see what happens. Because his intentions are confusing and not promising.

I was going through this with my crush (actually my problem was just being impatient and always reaching out first) and then eventually he started reciprocating. Don't fall back on that too much though. You'll be playing games with both him and yourself. Special occasions go ahead and send that text, but yeah if he barely reciprocates anyway it may be time to let it go.

Edited January 2, 2017 by Ronnys93

January 2, 2017

I was going through this with my crush (actually my problem was just being impatient and always reaching out first) and then eventually he started reciprocating. Don't fall back on that too much though. You'll be playing games with both him and yourself. Special occasions go ahead and send that text, but yeah if he barely reciprocates anyway it may be time to let it go.

I wouldn't say he doesn't reciprocate, just that he's not as eager as I'd want him to be.

January 2, 2017

Then he needed to say "Wanna spend NYE with me?"

I don't like games to test me to see how much I care. Like the OP, I do a lot of initiating and communication - how much more can a gal do to let a guy know he's into her without him resorting to "testing" her?

People generally indicate their availability with the answer they give. If he asked her plans and she said anything other than "Nothing, what are you're plans", then any normal person is going to conclude she's already preoccupied and won't make it awkward.

Initiating and communicating doesn't substitute effort and risk. You and OP should focus less on communicating like a "gal" and more like an "adult".

January 2, 2017

People generally indicate their availability with the answer they give. If he asked her plans and she said anything other than "Nothing, what are you're plans", then any normal person is going to conclude she's already preoccupied and won't make it awkward.

Initiating and communicating doesn't substitute effort and risk. You and OP should focus less on communicating like a "gal" and more like an "adult".

I was feeling insecure.. not only did I make up plans to look cool, but truly did not want to know what he was doing if I was not invited. And I expected that.

January 2, 2017

*

I was feeling insecure.. not only did I make up plans to look cool, but truly did not want to know what he was doing if I was not invited. And I expected that.

Do you not expect the guy to make any implications or assumptions based on he fact that you specifically communicated that he wasn't involved in your plans and you couldn't care less about his plans?

Let's flip the script. Lets say you asked him his NYE plans and he said he was busy, not only that but he couldn't even feign a **** enough to ask about your plans, what would you make of the situation?

I mean no offense, I'm a brash person but this is stupid. I find it ridiculous for you to analyze his actions but think your action are immune to be interpreted.

We really need to get past the idea that a woman's communication is irrelevant to the interpersonal relationships she develops with men. It's something that I am dealing with now. It's tiring dealing with women who will pick apart everything you do or don't do but stroll through life not expecting to be held accountable for her own decisions.

January 2, 2017

People generally indicate their availability with the answer they give. If he asked her plans and she said anything other than "Nothing, what are you're plans", then any normal person is going to conclude she's already preoccupied and won't make it awkward.

Initiating and communicating doesn't substitute effort and risk. You and OP should focus less on communicating like a "gal" and more like an "adult".

But someone's gotta take the lead - which even though this is 2017 - it's still expected for the man to lead.

In my recent situation, I did a lot of initiating and sometimes wondered if he's waiting on me to say/do something - before he does. And, if I didn't - he took it as me not being interested or not wanting what he wanted

Like one day when I first started chatting with him, he was walking behind me and I turned around several times to try to make eye contact and wave "hi", but he didn't see me. So, he passed me without acknowledging me and stopped and was chatting with this nuttty/gossippy girl; and, since his back was turned to me and I didn't wanna seem like I was interrupting their conversation - I kept on walking. OMG, the next day I went to see him he was mean and standoffish. He was like "How can I help you?" And, I was like "WTF/WTH?":eek:

So, I'm assuming he thought I blew him off. Actually this happened again, where I was walking and some idiot I worked with started speaking to me, and I saw dude and was trying (again) to make eye contact and say "Hi", but it happened too fast.

From that point, every time he passes by - I make sure I get up, approach and say something to him or make sure he sees me saying "Hi". Cuz, I guess that despite ALLLL the initiating I've done with him. How I'm the one always putting the effort to see him - that "somehow", it's not enough?

But guess what? Come to find out that now he's complained that I'm chasing him and wanted me to leave him alone - so go figure. SOOO....I'm reverting back to letting a man take the lead. Not gonna get accused of chasing anyone again.

So, to the OP, I say give him one more chance. Casually give him a ring and suggest meeting for coffee or something to "Catch up after the holidays". And, when you meet, let him know that you: 1) Feel that you're doing most of the work in the RL and wondered if this is RL is working for him; 2) Was wondering if when he called he expected to spend NYE with you because you really didn't have plans and thought it would've been cool to spend with him; and, 3) Are gonna take a step back cuz you don't wanna pressure him and/or don't wanna be with someone who isn't really that into you.

Well, you don't have to say verbatim what I recommended, but before you end it with him, at least call the meeting to order, have a frank discussion and maybe it can be salvaged.

Well wishes:)

Edited January 2, 2017 by Gloria25

January 2, 2017

*

Do you not expect the guy to make any implications or assumptions based on he fact that you specifically communicated that he wasn't involved in your plans and you couldn't care less about his plans?

Let's flip the script. Lets say you asked him his NYE plans and he said he was busy, not only that but he couldn't even feign a **** enough to ask about your plans, what would you make of the situation?

I mean no offense, I'm a brash person but this is stupid. I find it ridiculous for you to analyze his actions but think your action are immune to be interpreted.

We really need to get past the idea that a woman's communication is irrelevant to the interpersonal relationships she develops with men. It's something that I am dealing with now. It's tiring dealing with women who will pick apart everything you do or don't do but stroll through life not expecting to be held accountable for her own decisions.

OK, I ****ed up So what do you propose I do now? Just wait? Reach out and risk chasing?

January 2, 2017

But someone's gotta take the lead - which even though this is 2017 - it's still expected for the man to lead.

In my recent situation, I did a lot of initiating and sometimes wondered if he's waiting on me to say/do something - before he does. And, if I didn't - he took it as me not being interested or not wanting what he wanted

Like one day when I first started chatting with him, he was walking behind me and I turned around several times to try to make eye contact and wave "hi", but he didn't see me. So, he passed me without acknowledging me and stopped and was chatting with this nuttty/gossippy girl; and, since his back was turned to me and I didn't wanna seem like I was interrupting their conversation - I kept on walking. OMG, the next day I went to see him he was mean and standoffish. He was like "How can I help you?" And, I was like "WTF/WTH?":eek:

So, I'm assuming he thought I blew him off. Actually this happened again, where I was walking and some idiot I worked with started speaking to me, and I saw dude and was trying (again) to make eye contact and say "Hi", but it happened too fast.

From that point, every time he passes by - I make sure I get up, approach and say something to him or make sure he sees me saying "Hi". Cuz, I guess that despite ALLLL the initiating I've done with him. How I'm the one always putting the effort to see him - that "somehow", it's not enough?

But guess what? Come to find out that now he's complained that I'm chasing him and wanted me to leave him alone - so go figure. SOOO....I'm reverting back to letting a man take the lead. Not gonna get accused of chasing anyone again.

So, to the OP, I say give him one more chance. Casually give him a ring and suggest meeting for coffee or something to "Catch up after the holidays". And, when you meet, let him know that you: 1) Feel that you're doing most of the work in the RL and wondered if this is RL is working for him; 2) Was wondering if when he called he expected to spend NYE with you because you really didn't have plans and thought it would've been cool to spend with him; and, 3) Are gonna take a step back cuz you don't wanna pressure him and/or don't wanna be with someone who isn't really that into you.

Well, you don't have to say verbatim what I recommended, but before you end it with him, at least call the meeting to order, have a frank discussion and maybe it can be salvaged.

Well wishes:)

Yeah I'm thinking about trying once more, maybe in a few days or so I'll reach out. Thank you for your help!

January 2, 2017

But someone's gotta take the lead - which even though this is 2017 - it's still expected for the man to lead.

I don't necessarily have a problem with that, but if you're expecting the man to take the lead then you're going to have to follow. So if things aren't going the way you wish they would then you have no right to complain or build resentment since you're just hitching a ride. It's entirely possible for two people to both treat each other like capable adults and work together mutual benefit each other.

In my recent situation, I did a lot of initiating and sometimes wondered if he's waiting on me to say/do something - before he does. And, if I didn't - he took it as me not being interested or not wanting what he wanted

Like one day when I first started chatting with him, he was walking behind me and I turned around several times to try to make eye contact and wave "hi", but he didn't see me. So, he passed me without acknowledging me and stopped and was chatting with this nuttty/gossippy girl; and, since his back was turned to me and I didn't wanna seem like I was interrupting their conversation - I kept on walking. OMG, the next day I went to see him he was mean and standoffish. He was like "How can I help you?" And, I was like "WTF/WTH?":eek:

So, I'm assuming he thought I blew him off. Actually this happened again, where I was walking and some idiot I worked with started speaking to me, and I saw dude and was trying (again) to make eye contact and say "Hi", but it happened too fast.

From that point, every time he passes by - I make sure I get up, approach and say something to him or make sure he sees me saying "Hi". Cuz, I guess that despite ALLLL the initiating I've done with him. How I'm the one always putting the effort to see him - that "somehow", it's not enough?

But guess what? Come to find out that now he's complained that I'm chasing him and wanted me to leave him alone - so go figure. SOOO....I'm reverting back to letting a man take the lead. Not gonna get accused of chasing anyone again.

Situations like these always suck. Same thing has happened to me before I had confidence and knew that women actually liked me.

I made a popular comment on another woman's board that said women are funny because you guys spend your life not pursing men and then comes one day you see a guy too good to pass up. You then awkwardly and heavy handily (because you never developed the skills) go after the man with no subtlety which would turn off any man or woman, then after the rejection you swear off initiation rather than recouping and trying again like you'd expect a man to. Most of the women couldn't even complain, they laughed and conceded at how accurate the statement was.

Your story sounds similar. Like I said before it's one thing to expect men to lead. But if it gets to the point where the men you wish would pursue don't and you never took initiative to get what you want, don't blame men for the lack of success.

Edited January 2, 2017 by Pill

January 3, 2017

*

Do you not expect the guy to make any implications or assumptions based on he fact that you specifically communicated that he wasn't involved in your plans and you couldn't care less about his plans?

Let's flip the script. Lets say you asked him his NYE plans and he said he was busy, not only that but he couldn't even feign a **** enough to ask about your plans, what would you make of the situation?

I mean no offense, I'm a brash person but this is stupid. I find it ridiculous for you to analyze his actions but think your action are immune to be interpreted.

We really need to get past the idea that a woman's communication is irrelevant to the interpersonal relationships she develops with men. It's something that I am dealing with now. It's tiring dealing with women who will pick apart everything you do or don't do but stroll through life not expecting to be held accountable for her own decisions.

This is unnecessary analysis.

If he liked her as much as she likes him.... he would be behaving the way she is now... and letting go of ego and other such crap to reach out to her like she is thinking of doing now.

Simple thing is - when you like someone or love someone you don't let ego come in between and you give benefit of doubt and more so when the communication was over a text where things can have 1000 meanings. If a guy is not smart enough and mature enough to understand this and good enough to keep his ego aside (he has already met her in person, shouldn't he know by now what kind of girl she is? A mean one or a sweet one? One who is deliberately making plans with others or who would like to be with him instead... Is he really dependent on a random text to answer that?), then I don't want him anyways. OP, do not worry. If your gut is telling you he isn't interested enough then he isn't. If he was really into you, the plans would have been made long back. No one would have to think who needs to text first <--- one of the most useless things in any relationship.

You can reach out to him, and that is okay. Ego should not come in between you two. But is he mature enough to keep his ego aside if he is letting texts decide a real life relationship???

January 3, 2017

This is unnecessary analysis.
If he liked her as much as she likes him.... he would be behaving the way she is now... and letting go of ego and other such crap to reach out to her like she is thinking of doing now.
Simple thing is - when you like someone or love someone you don't let ego come in between and you give benefit of doubt and more so when the communication was over a text where things can have 1000 meanings. If a guy is not smart enough and mature enough to understand this and good enough to keep his ego aside (he has already met her in person, shouldn't he know by now what kind of girl she is? A mean one or a sweet one? One who is deliberately making plans with others or who would like to be with him instead... Is he really dependent on a random text to answer that?), then I don't want him anyways. OP, do not worry. If your gut is telling you he isn't interested enough then he isn't. If he was really into you, the plans would have been made long back. No one would have to think who needs to text first <--- one of the most useless things in any relationship.
You can reach out to him, and that is okay. Ego should not come in between you two. But is he mature enough to keep his ego aside if he is letting texts decide a real life relationship???

The convo was actually in person. I hope I don't cave and text him out of impatience. I don't feel sure about his interest level since he hasn't shown strong eagerness. I think the best thing to do at this point is just lean back and see if he eventually reaches out. He has never been in consistent contact. If he does contact me again then I will be upfront about how I feel.

January 3, 2017

The convo was actually in person. I hope I don't cave and text him out of impatience. I don't feel sure about his interest level since he hasn't shown strong eagerness. I think the best thing to do at this point is just lean back and see if he eventually reaches out. He has never been in consistent contact. If he does contact me again then I will be upfront about how I feel.

Oh cool... If it was face to face then he should be even more sure in what context you said it. And I am sure that you came across as normal... Not some calculating b*tch playing games... Ha ha

Also it is perfectly okay if you had other plans... He should not be holding that against you!!! Dont the guys always call a girl clingy if she doesnt have a life of her own? Ha ha you are not supposed to accept any indirect date invitations (assuming it was indeed an indirect one) we all need guys who can stand up and ask you for a date as clearly as possible... and not feel bad if u turned down an indirect invitation.

Chill... And let him come to you.

January 3, 2017

Has he communicated at all today?

January 3, 2017

This is unnecessary analysis.
If he liked her as much as she likes him.... he would be behaving the way she is now... and letting go of ego and other such crap to reach out to her like she is thinking of doing now.
Simple thing is - when you like someone or love someone you don't let ego come in between and you give benefit of doubt and more so when the communication was over a text where things can have 1000 meanings. If a guy is not smart enough and mature enough to understand this and good enough to keep his ego aside (he has already met her in person, shouldn't he know by now what kind of girl she is? A mean one or a sweet one? One who is deliberately making plans with others or who would like to be with him instead... Is he really dependent on a random text to answer that?), then I don't want him anyways. OP, do not worry. If your gut is telling you he isn't interested enough then he isn't. If he was really into you, the plans would have been made long back. No one would have to think who needs to text first <--- one of the most useless things in any relationship.
You can reach out to him, and that is okay. Ego should not come in between you two. But is he mature enough to keep his ego aside if he is letting texts decide a real life relationship???

This perception sounds like it came from a misandric teenager. You seem to be only interested in analyzing his "maturity and ego" to the extent it compensates for her inability to react like an adult. Instead of holding her responsible for not effectively communicating you challenge his decision making for literally for not taking the words coming out of her mouth seriously.

His ego should not come in between these two people according to you, but apparently her ego which causes her to lie about plans and lay dormant should.

January 3, 2017

Has he communicated at all today?

I don't know how the nye plans thing overshadowed everything. This guys repeated gaps of silence are exactly why I was insecure in the first place and that happened. And no, I still haven't heard from him.

January 3, 2017

I don't know how the nye plans thing overshadowed everything. This guys repeated gaps of silence are exactly why I was insecure in the first place and that happened. And no, I still haven't heard from him.

Give up on him now and start dating again, if you aren't already doing that.

Next time, dont chase a guy. You said you initiated contact more than he did...do not do that. You never know if he is replying out of politeness or because he really wanted too. You said he has form for gaps of silences, this is a BAD SIGN. If a man a bad communicator, he is not that interested. I actually posted a thread recently about a guy who was a bad texter, he wasn't a bad texter...he just was not that interested in me.

It sucks, I been there after sleeping with a guy but your in the worst stage right now, the unsure dont know what going on stage. Once you accepted/know its over, it be a lot easier to move on.

January 3, 2017

I don't know how the nye plans thing overshadowed everything. This guys repeated gaps of silence are exactly why I was insecure in the first place and that happened. And no, I still haven't heard from him.

I think it's safe to say he's not interested in making this more than a casual fling.

Time to put this one to bed so you can find a man who's looking for the same things you are.

January 3, 2017

I think it's safe to say he's not interested in making this more than a casual fling.

Time to put this one to bed so you can find a man who's looking for the same things you are.

Well I think you are right about that. It's a first for me. I have never been in a situation like this where a guy I've gone out with did not want to be my boyfriend. I can usually pick out the players right off the bat. I hate him.

January 3, 2017

If he was that interested he would have made plans at least a week before NYE with you. Wouldn't ask you - what your plans are. That's not asking you out... that's just a random question and glad you had other plans.

I don't know, I started dating a guy in late October/early November, and he already had New Years plans then, so when the time came, it wasn't even up for debate if we spend it together or not. He sent me a New Years text, though, so that's different :/

But I don't think we need to spend New Years with the person we just started seeing, honestly, even though I was alone this year, I think i'd much rather spend it with friends I have already made plans with than with a person i just started seeing.

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