Hitman Posted January 1, 2017 Posted January 1, 2017 (edited) Okay so my ex and I broke up about a month ago and a lot has happened since then. She broke up with me as she said the feelings weren't really there anymore and after we talked about it some more, we mutually agreed that ending it now would be best. So we worked on being friends for all of December, because we were close friends before we went out and didnt want to lose what we originally had. We went almost the whole month fine and it wasn't until the end where I had to actually confront my still existing feelings. I found out on Facebook that she had gone on a date with this guy she assured me not to worry about while we were still dating and I had an incredible rush of emotion to say the least. I never confirmed if they're actually full on dating because I haven't checked her Facebook since then and the next time we texted, I brought up no contact. The no contact chat didn't go quite well because we ended up simultaneously talking to the same mutual friend who informed me that me mentioning it brought her to tears. This made me immediately try to take it back because i felt completely awful but, because she didnt know i had inside information and she didn't even hint at being upset in her response, she ended up confused/hurt that i was “playing with her emotions ” and decided to go through with no contact after all. We haven't spoken since and i know things will be awkward when school starts up again in a few days but, i plan on sticking to no contact for at least a month. I'm not trying to get back together with her in the slightest and I've accepted that not being together would probably be best for both of us but, I'm not quite willing to let the friendship go because we've been pretty good friends all 4 years of high school. So, does anyone think it'll be possible to reconcile the friendship after we've both had time apart or should I let it go completely? Edited January 1, 2017 by Hitman
ExpatInItaly Posted January 1, 2017 Posted January 1, 2017 You two won't be able to revert the same friendship you had before. Once you date,t hat dynamic is almost never the same. I wouldn't worry about trying to be friends again at this point. You still have feelings, while she has already gone on dates with someone else. Someday, in the distant future, you might get to a point at which you can be friendly, but not "friends" exactly. That nearly never really works. Over time, as you both move on, you will probably drift apart to an extent too. You will probably find after a few months that the desire to try to revive a friendship isn't as strong anyway. For now, you're doing the right thing going No Contact. Ask your friend to please not update you anymore about her. 1
Author Hitman Posted January 2, 2017 Author Posted January 2, 2017 Ok thanks for the reply and advice. I guess you're right in that the dynamic will probably never be the same again and I'm hoping I eventually do lose interest in wanting to be friends. For now though, I guess I'll just power through no contact and hope one month will be enough.
dumbass2 Posted January 2, 2017 Posted January 2, 2017 Once you have no romantic feelings for her and have no problem going and hanging out with her and her next boyfriend and seeing them all kissy face, then you might be able to be just friends again. Step one is NC to help you get over her.
basil67 Posted January 2, 2017 Posted January 2, 2017 Ok thanks for the reply and advice. I guess you're right in that the dynamic will probably never be the same again and I'm hoping I eventually do lose interest in wanting to be friends. For now though, I guess I'll just power through no contact and hope one month will be enough. Forget this One Month No Contact thing. The basic principal of No Contact is to move forward without them in your life. Or if they are entangled in your social circle, to move forward without being close friends.
ExpatInItaly Posted January 2, 2017 Posted January 2, 2017 Ok thanks for the reply and advice. I guess you're right in that the dynamic will probably never be the same again and I'm hoping I eventually do lose interest in wanting to be friends. For now though, I guess I'll just power through no contact and hope one month will be enough. A month won't be enough. You'll need much longer to really detach, and that's okay. Don't put any kind of timeline on it.
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