MEOrtega Posted January 1, 2017 Posted January 1, 2017 Hi everyone, I'm having a hard time with this through out my relationship and I don't know what to do anymore... We've been dating for a year and 3 months and I really love him but this is getting to me. He's not the type of person to plan things he likes to just go with the flow meanwhile I do like to plan things like going out and doing fun things with each other. He's more of a home body than me I am too but I do like to go out and do things but if it were up to him we wouldn't go out at all. I just find it really frustrating because he says we're going to do all these things and agrees then when the time comes he's like we'll see what happens. He's been making an effort to agree and do things more and we have but tonight he does the same thing again... He's going away this Friday to Europe for 10 days and while I'm having a hard time dealing with him leaving because we've never been apart so long and him so far away... I suggested to him we get a room at a hotel or something for a few hours and be intimate with each other because we never get that. We both live with our parents and they're always home and I'm not allowed at his house when his parents aren't home. So basically we just did it in the car at night in abandoned parking lots (romantic right?) I mean we have had sex in a bed but only when his parents are away on vacation and that's not something that's going to happen anytime soon because his mom is sick. I asked him tonight just to make sure we're going and then he tells me I don't know we have to see because it's a big week and I'm leaving Friday. It kind of just crushed me... i felt really let down because this was something important to me and I just wanted to have sex with my boyfriend properly and be all intimate and crap without looking over our shoulder to make sure no one catches us and for it to mean something special not a quickie in a car. And most of all I just wanted to do something special before he left. And if you're wondering why I'm not going with him it's because his parents won't allow us to travel together. I just don't know anymore... he knew it was something important to me and then he acts like it's something nuisance that he'all get to if he has the time for it. I got upset too... then he tells me I'm not being fair and that I'm acting like a child because I'm not getting what I want when I'm just upset at the fact that he makes so light of it and he promised me something and now it's like it doesn't matter. How would you feel if someone built up your hopes and then just says maybe? especially something important to them... He basically then told me that "fine I'll take you are you happy now?" And expects me to be okay with that when all I really wanted was for him to stick with his promise. So I just told him to do what he wants because he's going to anyways and hung up the phone. i don't know guys I need help here.
Kempeitai Posted January 1, 2017 Posted January 1, 2017 BF lets you down a lot....... Time to get a new one. No brainer. 1
morrowrd Posted January 1, 2017 Posted January 1, 2017 I'm wondering what your ages are, because with so much regarding your relationship dynamics being influenced by parents, is a concern. I really hope the two of you aren't adults because this post would be ridiculous. If you're an underage girl, you are going to receive different advice. Having a "proper" sex life isn't something I would recommend to anyone who is high school age. The emotions and bonding that happens, not to mention the possibility for pregnancy, are things your parents are trying to shield you from. All those horrible "rules" are there for young people to have the freedom to date, and enjoy a relationship within certain boundaries. I have no idea how old you are so the advice I give, and others give, will depend on that info.
Author MEOrtega Posted January 1, 2017 Author Posted January 1, 2017 Well we're in our 20's He's 22 and I'm 20, both live with our parents. I understand the whole parents influencing the relationship, but it's really comes down to the "my roof my rules". Well for him really, his parents are old fashioned like really old fashioned. So no underage or any of that stuff! It's just finding a private place without the worrying of someone catching us you know doing it in a car and enjoying each other.
kidm Posted January 1, 2017 Posted January 1, 2017 I don't know a 22 year old man who would turn down a day of intimacy with his girlfriend at a hotel before he leaves on a trip. Are you sure he is that invested in the relationship? Sounds to me he can take it or leave it so that doesn't bode well for the relationship. 4
Gaeta Posted January 1, 2017 Posted January 1, 2017 Hon, if your boyfriend treats you like this after 1 year of dating imagine 20 years later. You can't trust him with your heart or your life. You call it 'letting you down' but the real expression is he is unreliable and selfish and this is not the type of man you can build a solid relationship with. It's important at your age to recognize who is a quality guy and who isn't. This one isn't. You are wasting your youth on this guy. 2
kendahke Posted January 1, 2017 Posted January 1, 2017 Why are you trying to force a fit with someone who is completely incompatible with you? This needed to die off at the 6 week point once the representatives were sent home and the real "yous" came to the fore. The first time you told him it was ok to be like this (because you staying with him told him you were ok with him being undependable), he decided that he didn't need to change who he was to appease you. There were no consequences for him--you rewarded him by still being there. He has no incentive to make any kind of a change because this arrangement works for him. Doesn't matter to him that it doesn't work for you. There is a name for that: selfish. If he doesn't want to prioritize you, there really isn't anything any of us can offer to make him want to prioritize you. You have to do this heavy lift and that may mean that you back all the way off, let him go on his trip and stay all the way off when he returns. 2
LoveFiend Posted January 1, 2017 Posted January 1, 2017 Well unfortunately people rarely change and he won't change. That is the way he is. He probably doesn't mean to hurt you or dissapoint you. Some men are just better at planning then other men. You love him and are happy to be with him. Many girlfriends and wives find a lot of fault with their parter, but they love him and accept his faults. Then again you can look at the relationship and say to yourself, "this was a great relationship. I had a great time with him. I learned and growed a lot in a relationship. However after being in the relationship a little more than a year I know more what I want in a partner." Your boyfriend is great, but you want a change and want something different in your life and you want to move on. Your still young and maybe you need to go through several relationships before you find what you really want. I have been through a lot of relationships because into the relationship I realized what I wanted or my interest changed and I wanted something different in my life. It is a choice you have to make.
vampirebrat Posted January 1, 2017 Posted January 1, 2017 i don't know guys I need help here. I'm sorry, but the guy just doesn't sound invested in the relationship. Personally I would leave him but that's for you to decide. In the meantime, try not to dwell on it too much. I know that'll be hard. Take the time apart as a chance to focus on you and what makes you happy. All the best
smackie9 Posted January 1, 2017 Posted January 1, 2017 Relationships only work when expectations are being fulfilled.....he isn't doing that so why are you still with him? A relationship cannot survive on love alone and shouldn't be the only reason to keep a relationship. The only solution is to find a new BF.
ExpatInItaly Posted January 1, 2017 Posted January 1, 2017 I wouldn't be able to stay in a relationship like this. He doesn't sound like he really cares if you're around or not, which to me would indicate that he isn't invested at all. You would be wise to re-think this relationship. It's probably not going to get any better because he's not as into it as you are.
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