And the breadcrumbs continue

[Marc878]

Those breadcrumbs do make a fella hungry don't they?

 

Amazing how much time people waste on them.

 

All that time/effort thinking uses up brainpower better spent elsewhere.

[marky00]

So, what is it that YOU want? There's lots of talk about her possible motives and what it is what she wants, but I'm still not clear on what it is you desire from all of this.

 

 

Good question.

 

 

Blanco, I don't know for sure but the fact is this person did some very messed up things to me and used her culture as some sort of reason to never give me any explanations for any of it.

 

 

10 years of my life and every single question and answer has mainly just been an inner dialogue in my own head.

 

 

Am I making progress now? Yes I am but its very slow, baby steps as they say. When the healing only comes from yourself, it is indeed authentic but boy is it slow.

 

 

With other bad things in my past happened, I always eventually found total peace and move on. This thing has been different. I have learned to co-exist with the negative past and I have forgiven myself to some level but I think it will be a very long time until I will be having a giggle about all this.

 

 

I think based on all this, hopefully you can understand why I am curious as to why she is messaging me. I would have thought after all this NC time and the clarity I thought I had found, that any subsequent events such as contact would be easy to interpret and I could deal with them appropriately.

 

 

After all this time, I just don't know if she is messaging me because she is totally crazy or because she cares in some weird and sadistic way. I can understand why many would say who cares and on many levels I agree with that thinking. But at the end of the day I am human and although the slow turning wheels of NC does work, if an opportunity presents itself where I may be able to get some more insight into things, that could information could potentially heal me exponentially faster.

 

 

This person just did some amazing horrible things and she probably realises that now. For several years I have asked myself did I deserve that treatment? Did I truly do something to deserve that? Unfortunately, I have never been able to find an answer to that in my own mind.

 

 

I think for many years, like maybe 6 years I was a pretty good boyfriend and definitely made positive contributions to keep the relationship rolling forwards. Then unfortunately my dog got deaf in a botched operation, I got depressed and she started to distance herself. She wanted no part in the negative situation that had transpired. I did still try, I never gave up on her but I can understand from her point of view it was a frustrating situation. I was trying as I said, working hard, trying to keep our connection and meanwhile being secretly depressed about the awful situation I was in (basically stuck at home for most hours because my dog would create noise complaints because he was deaf and couldn't hear himself). It was truly horrible situation and extremely draining but I still tried to put up a positive front when I continued to visit her on overseas trips.

 

 

I will always wonder how things would have transpired had that dog situation not have occurred. That saga finished in 2014 when I finally put my dog to sleep. Soon after, my happy self came back but it was apparently too late.

 

 

I can imagine she is a little confused herself. Because as she was preparing to BU, I was actually getting way better and gravitating to my normal happy self.

 

 

It has no doubt surprised her that after kicking me out of her country, there was never any begging, crying or pleading (not even on the day of the breakup). And now I have been 8 months NC.

 

 

I have behaving more like the person she had first met (just before we broke up and after the BU) but since she probably had already made up her mind she probably didn't see it.

 

 

It's probably a surprise to her that I am 8 months NC and still ignoring her. But if she had her eyes open and was actually watching what was going on, it wouldn't have been a surprise to her. Maybe, she is slowly understanding that now.

 

 

I suppose in summary, I had a negative period of my life for a couple of years and she was (although not always present) somewhat of a mirror as to what actually happened. So clearly her opinion of me can on some level affect any conclusions I have reached about the messy situation it was.

 

 

This whole thing has been far more complicated than it simply being about a BU.

[Sweetfish]

Correct.

 

 

But to be honest, I wouldn't really call it a second chance. I knew deep down she wasn't over her issues (recent breakup) and I knew I was still not over the hurt she had caused.

 

 

But I was kind of sick of feeling sorry for myself so I figured we might as well go on a holiday. I think we both had our reasons for doing that holiday. Maybe we were looking for better closure, maybe we where still in the wean off each other stage. I held out some hope but I was very reserved let me tell you. I definitely did it with open eyes and prepared myself for the worst.

 

 

She ghosted me a few months after that which did of course sting, mainly because told her in advance to tell me directly should things change but she once again took the easy and gutless approach.

 

 

I assume she went back to her ex but I cant say for sure as I immediately went NC when she ignored one of my messages.

 

 

I figured she would be having the time of her life, why dredge up the negative past? It is what it is.

 

This sound really weird.

 

But its like you two are faintly connected still.

[MeadowFlower]

Marky, if it helps you, and if you are prepared for whatever happens as a result and if you feel you can't move forward unless you do, then: Perhaps you could respond, but not just a 'Lifes good, thanks'. But maybe a question, maybe something as you have already suggested. But lay the questions to rest if you can.

[marky00]

This sound really weird.

 

 

haha, aint that the truth.

[marky00]

So, what is it that YOU want? There's lots of talk about her possible motives and what it is what she wants, but I'm still not clear on what it is you desire from all of this.

 

Looking over the thread, there hadn't really been much discussed about possible motives. I threw up a few possibilities but they were in my head already.

 

 

When I first posted about this BU about 2 years ago, everyone was quick to jump in with all the theories about what happened and what to do etc.

 

 

I just feel now that respondents are as confused as I am about this very odd behaviour. To the point we just put up the white flag and go with the standard BLOCK and IGNORE play, since we can't rationalise the behaviour. The fact I am way more level-headed now and a lot of time has passed yet the confusion and odd behaviour intensifies further.

 

 

There's a lot of threads about Bi-polar etc. Not saying my ex is that, she is probably more a narcissist.

 

 

To have someone treat me the ways she has, seemingly in love with someone else and then continually asking me how I am doing? I am a logical person but I just can't rationalise any of it.

 

 

I kind of wish a couple of years back when she dumped me that she gave a huge laundry list and just went mental on me. Instead, she gave no reasons other than the fact she claims she had some "thinking time". And of course now there is no logical reason for her messaging me. Shouldn't she be busy with her new lover or pining over him (if the relationship failed)?

Edited February 23, 2017 by marky00

[SoThatHappened]

we just put up the white flag and go with the standard BLOCK and IGNORE play, since we can't rationalise the behaviour.

 

Behaviours like?:

she is probably more a narcissist.

To have someone treat me the ways she has, seemingly in love with someone else

she gave no reasons other than the fact she claims she had some "thinking time".

 

I've done the block/delete/move on to women for less, and couldn't be happier with the girl I'm seeing right now.

 

Don't settle.

[Blanco]

It seems like you're looking to her to give you closure on this relationship. I understand how things may feel open-ended because of how she exited your life, but I have to ask again: What do you want here?

 

Does it really matter what she wants at this point? Is there really something she can say or do to give you closure? And if she really does fit some of the descriptions you've given of her, then there's a good chance that day will never come where she rings you up and explains to your liking why she left you.

 

You are investing an exceptional amount of mental energy to this situation and I just don't think it's warranted at this point. Even if she never gave you satisfactory answers for why she left, proper introspection after the breakup should have given you some things to work on that can serve you better in the next relationship. You don't need her to illuminate anything at this point. You've done that for yourself.

[marky00]

 

Does it really matter what she wants at this point? Is there really something she can say or do to give you closure? And if she really does fit some of the descriptions you've given of her, then there's a good chance that day will never come where she rings you up and explains to your liking why she left you.

 

Well I think I have already touched on what I want here. It's not something you can just condense into one sentence.

 

 

Another angle to this.

 

 

I have seen many dumpers on LS and other sites confess that when it came to their dumpees they really just did not care anymore. Yes the breakup was hard to follow through on but they were certain of their decision then and most certainly sure of it several months later. And although they may have missed the dumpee on some level, most did not send out crumbs (especially several months later).

 

 

I have had this feeling since the BU that on some level she might see we had a good thing going and she gave up for pretty immature reasons. I realise a lot of dumpees think that at some point but I have felt that way pretty much the whole time since the BU.

 

 

I respect her decision to leave and would not stand in the way if she has another love interest but that still does not refute the above statement.

 

 

I think another aspect is personalities and culture maybe. The combination of me always being caring towards her and her always wanting to look good (Thai culture = look good = karma) kind of created this really connected friendship. Yes maybe that connection/friendship was founded on unhealthy reasons but it nonetheless was a friendship and lasted for years.

 

 

I guess what I am saying here is that her contacting me does validate my thinking regarding the friendship thing mentioned above. I guess I can understand why she might try to keep some type of connection because friendships like that (even if as I said are unhealthy in nature) come around only a few times in a lifetime.

 

 

However, due to the way she handled the BU and a lot of her other cruel behaviour, I could never consider being a plutonic friend. Because friends do not treat each other that way.

 

 

I already told her a few times I can't be her friend (told her maybe a few months post BU) and yet here she is still contacting.

 

 

Why have neither one of us closed the door properly? If this was one-sided then that would be wrong but the unwillingness to totally sever the connection has happened on both ends.

 

 

What do I want?

 

 

Well, for a start, if she wants to totally sever the connection (as most dumpers do) and close that chapter off in her life, how about she start acting that way.

 

 

That behaviour would be more healthy for me.

 

 

Maybe if this other love interest wasn't on the scenes, I would have already got to the bottom of this. Unless that was to change, I suppose the cloak and dagger stuff would just continue endlessly.

 

 

Regarding the energy I am investing. I post on LS like others do for my own therapy. It helps. If it didn't help, I wouldn't be here posting.

Edited February 24, 2017 by marky00

[Marc878]

Very simple solution. Block everything

[MeadowFlower]

Any updates?

[marky00]

Any updates?

 

Since the last round of crumbs, no further contact.

 

 

I checked like a week later if I was blocked and it didn't look like I was. She just carried on doing whatever she was doing.

 

 

So the moral of the story here for all you dumpees. Do not be scared in anyway to ignore every message that isn't worth your time. Ignoring doesn't make them hate you or increase their anger.

 

 

It is now very comforting to know that I can ignore any further messages without worrying about any retribution or any attempts to undermine me.

 

 

That is a huge win in my book.

[marky00]

Guys,

 

 

I got some more messages today saying the following:

 

 

"Mark"

 

 

"????"

 

 

Just to refresh everyone memory, around NYE, she sent a couple of messages asking me how my life was going etc. And then around middle of February, I got a similar message via a different means of communication.

 

 

Guys, most of you all know my story and can also know I have been trying to make good progress. I have held NO contact since July last year.

 

 

But for once can people not give me the standard one-liners that I know so well since I have been connected to this forum on a very regular basis. I know the deal.

 

 

It's amazing that after knowing this person for more than 10 years, I actually don't know what is behind her contact. Sure, it could be guilt, ego, wanting a friendship or maybe wanting to reconcile. I honestly in my heart do not know. My gut tells me that her new relationship did not work out but then again maybe it did which is why she feels ready to contact me.

 

 

The more contact I get, the less I feel this is a guilt thing because surely if she felt guilty and I was ignoring her, she would not keep trying because that would clearly negate the reason for the contact in the first place.

 

 

There is a part of me that feels SICK at the idea of responding to someone who ghosted me last year and treated me very disrespectfully. And to be honest I don't even know if I love her anymore. All that hurt forced me to gradually push that love outside of my body.

 

 

But there is another part of me that knows I am not a HAPPY person. I am doing ok, I function. I even have gone a couple of holidays to meet other women but I know the truth is I am still numb at some level, can be cold as ice (on occasions) with people who care for me and I just feel like a post-breakup robot at times doing the standard baby steps to try and feel better.

 

 

Guys, is there anyway I can respond/entertain this recent message without sinking back into the rabbit hole? Although I am disappointed she has not laid more on the line rather than putting the ball in my court each time, it does feel like it has got to the point where I would like to understand the reason for this contact.

 

 

After the second round of message in Feb, I told myself I might respond if she tries a third time. Well she did.

 

 

Lets see what you guys think.

Edited April 23, 2017 by marky00

[BC1980]

Guys, is there anyway I can respond/entertain this recent message without sinking back into the rabbit hole? Although I am disappointed she has not laid more on the line rather than putting the ball in my court each time, it does feel like it has got to the point where I would like to understand the reason for this contact.

 

The answer to your question is: probably not. However, at this point, I'd actually suggest that you ask her why she is contacting you. I don't think the answer is going to be what you want to hear, but, if the answer is not a good one, I think that actually hearing it from her will help you. We can tell you all day long that it's probably just crumbs, but I know how the uncertainty games goes. I allowed my ex to stay in contact with me for months after our breakup, and I remember wondering if he wanted to get back together with me every time he would contact me. I know how you can convince yourself that it might mean something more.

 

It finally took me breaking NC and hearing from the horse's mouth that he did not want to get back together. The breakup had solidified his decision. Of course, he threw something in there about maybe trying in the future, years down the line, but that's just junk. It basically meant that if he didn't find anyone else in a few years, he might consider settling for me. That sounds awful just typing it, but it's the truth. But yeah, unless you are going to block her and go NC for good, I think it's time to talk to her and see what she has to say.

[frigginlost]

Completely agree with BC.

 

I thinks it's time to just flat out ask why she is contacting you. The answer no matter what it is will allow you some peace within your own head.

[marky00]

The answer to your question is: probably not. However, at this point, I'd actually suggest that you ask her why she is contacting you. I don't think the answer is going to be what you want to hear, but, if the answer is not a good one, I think that actually hearing it from her will help you. We can tell you all day long that it's probably just crumbs, but I know how the uncertainty games goes. I allowed my ex to stay in contact with me for months after our breakup, and I remember wondering if he wanted to get back together with me every time he would contact me. I know how you can convince yourself that it might mean something more.

 

It finally took me breaking NC and hearing from the horse's mouth that he did not want to get back together. The breakup had solidified his decision. Of course, he threw something in there about maybe trying in the future, years down the line, but that's just junk. It basically meant that if he didn't find anyone else in a few years, he might consider settling for me. That sounds awful just typing it, but it's the truth. But yeah, unless you are going to block her and go NC for good, I think it's time to talk to her and see what she has to say.

 

ok thanks.

 

 

I just feel in my case, there was so much rejection and disrespect, I find it very hard to rationalise how she can even contact me at all.

 

 

I guess that is why I think of it being something more than a "I hope your not dead" thing.

 

 

I mean, she essentially broke it off twice and ghosted me on the final time when we sort of re-kindled but I don't think either of us believed it was a relationship at that point.

 

 

If I had done that to someone (even if I knew I did not want to be with them), I certainly would not contact them at all. I have dumped and I know how it goes.

 

 

If I break NC only to find out it was all about her, that would be very disappointing.

[GeekLover]

I will speak from personal experience: There was a world of difference for me in doing NC while not having her blocked versus having her blocked.

 

I never worried about being unable to resist contacting her, because despite everything else, that part had been relatively easy outside of the first couple of weeks. What did weigh heavily on me was knowing that she was always just a simple text away from further infiltrating my world.

 

Make no mistake: I still thought about her a lot after I finally blocked the number, but it was like a weight had been lifted from me. I knew I wouldn't hear from her via text or phone call, and so I was able to proceed on with life with, dare I say, a bit more confidence in my stride.

 

Some people might say blocking is extreme and it shows that the other person has way too much impact on you. But I think those are usually just excuses from people who are afraid that blocking will forever ruin their chances at reconciliation. For them, it's preferable to remain attached to an idea that might never be realized than it is to truly proceed on with life.

 

I needed to read this. Thank you.

[BC1980]

ok thanks.

 

 

I just feel in my case, there was so much rejection and disrespect, I find it very hard to rationalise how she can even contact me at all.

 

 

I guess that is why I think of it being something more than a "I hope your not dead" thing.

 

 

I mean, she essentially broke it off twice and ghosted me on the final time when we sort of re-kindled but I don't think either of us believed it was a relationship at that point.

 

 

If I had done that to someone (even if I knew I did not want to be with them), I certainly would not contact them at all. I have dumped and I know how it goes.

 

 

If I break NC only to find out it was all about her, that would be very disappointing.

 

I say go ahead and break NC and find out what her contact is about. If it's going to weigh on you and keep you in limbo, go ahead and talk to her. The only other option is go block her and commit to NC. You're not really doing NC right now because you are allowing her to text you, and her motivation is taking up space in your head. The whole point of NC is to minimize any contact to reduce triggers. NC is supposed to help keep you from going down the rabbit hole you are now going down.

 

If you are keeping lines of communication open, that's not NC. A lot of people come here thinking the same thing. There was a guy not too long at that said he had been in NC for a year, but he refused to block his ex. So every few months, he would get a text from her, but he thought that since he never responded, he was in NC. Meanwhile, for a whole year, this girl is taking up head space, and he isn't making much progress moving on.

 

You are currently in a holding pattern, and you're not moving on. You might as well be in daily contact with your ex if you are going to keep lines of communication open. Right now, you are worrying over what exactly her text means, and you will keep worrying unless you either a. call her or b. go NC. There's no middle ground with NC. You either commit to it full force, or you don't.

[GeekLover]

ok thanks.

 

 

I just feel in my case, there was so much rejection and disrespect, I find it very hard to rationalise how she can even contact me at all.

 

 

I guess that is why I think of it being something more than a "I hope your not dead" thing.

 

 

I mean, she essentially broke it off twice and ghosted me on the final time when we sort of re-kindled but I don't think either of us believed it was a relationship at that point.

 

 

If I had done that to someone (even if I knew I did not want to be with them), I certainly would not contact them at all. I have dumped and I know how it goes.

 

 

If I break NC only to find out it was all about her, that would be very disappointing.

 

This is a tough spot for you. I can only imagine how confused you must be. Honestly, if it were me receiving these crumbs, I don't even know what I'd do either. As much as I think I'd love to hear something, I actually think I would feel much differently if I did hear something.

 

I've been fortunate recently where the doors of communication opened with my ex from 20 years ago. Long story short- we dated for 3.5years, he cheated on me, I dumped him, then took him back for a little while. As much as I tried, I couldn't get over what he did and I told him I needed space away for awhile. We took two months from each other, then met up to talk. I was ready to forgive and give it another go, but he didn't want any of it anymore. That was that.

 

NC for about 4 years, until his father passed away. I decided to attend the funeral. It was the first contact we had in at least 4 years since everything happened. He was so very grateful to have me there. He apologized over and over for what happened. Luckily for me, I was completely indifferent by that point. It was water under the bridge.

 

We got to hang out a bit before we went our separate ways again (different cities). We kept in touch for a little bit, but then he ghosted me again. This wasn't a huge deal as I was in a relationship anyway which last 17 years, including a marriage.

 

A bit before Christmas, I took it upon myself to reach out to him. Again, he was so happy to hear from me and we spoke for hours. Over the holiday, he even flew half way across the country to see some friends of his who live in my city, and we got to catch up again a few times. We're still in contact a few times each week.

 

It has been a nice experience for me because I'm finally able to ask him the questions I needed answers for.

 

Last week, I asked why after 20 years, he never once thought to reach out to me.

 

His response was that he did, in fact think about it...a lot. He said he did try by "liking" some things on FB and sending a "hi" (breadcrumbs?), but he didn't try very hard because he didn't think I'd respond anyway. He saw I was living my life and I was in a new relationship, so he chose to sit back and just watch (he knew all this because he also confessed to creeping my FB a lot).

 

He then said something that has really resonated with me - he said, "The way we split, it didn't seem justified".

 

I guess I'm telling you this because I suppose you could look at her breadcrumbs in two ways:

 

1) Like my ex, she's reaching out a bit, but not with much intention. She's just being friendly and possibly curious about what's been going on in your life. She's doing it carefully because she's expecting some push back from you. She's also most likely feeling guilty and knows, now that some of the dust has settled, that the way she left you was inhumane and unthinkable.

 

2) If you look at what my ex said, contacting you IS unjustified, and perhaps she knows that. If she knows this and is contacting you for more than just casual chit chat, then she is going to tread very lightly so she does not push you farther away. She would also be in a position where her heart is on the line and she is putting herself in a position to be rejected (rightfully so). If she knows all this, and yet continues to contact, perhaps it's more than breadcrumbs.

 

Unfortunately you are unable to know which one it is until you respond.

 

Or...she's a narcissist.

 

Best of luck with your decision.

[marky00]

Thanks.

 

 

I have posted many times I think she is a narc.

 

 

That is a sad possibility.

 

 

That said, her last msg with open question marks implies to me she really is wondering why I am ignoring her. I don't really want the script to flip where down the line I feel a bit weird for continuing to ignore. and if she is the narc she appears to be, that could just makes things worse once she gets fed up.

 

 

One thing is for sure, if I was to find out she is in a relationship, that would anger me more. Its her right to be in a new one BUT that would just limit the openness required to create some authenticity (if that's possible) and so it would be a complete waste of time.

 

 

I think your right about the "unjustified" thing. I unfortunately had some personal issues that affected me towards end of relationship that caused problems for us. But at the end of the day, if this is about her GUILT, I want nothing of it. I have way enough on my plate how it is. And also to me it was a 10/10 BU which makes me wonder why she contact because as you said, "its not justified". Your Ex knew that, so why doesn't mine.

 

 

Assuming she isn't totally ignorant, that leaves me more with the narc or the "feeling things out" situation. But the narc scenario is the most likely.

Edited April 24, 2017 by marky00

[marky00]

I say go ahead and break NC and find out what her contact is about. If it's going to weigh on you and keep you in limbo, go ahead and talk to her. The only other option is go block her and commit to NC. You're not really doing NC right now because you are allowing her to text you, and her motivation is taking up space in your head. The whole point of NC is to minimize any contact to reduce triggers. NC is supposed to help keep you from going down the rabbit hole you are now going down.

 

If you are keeping lines of communication open, that's not NC. A lot of people come here thinking the same thing. There was a guy not too long at that said he had been in NC for a year, but he refused to block his ex. So every few months, he would get a text from her, but he thought that since he never responded, he was in NC. Meanwhile, for a whole year, this girl is taking up head space, and he isn't making much progress moving on.

 

You are currently in a holding pattern, and you're not moving on. You might as well be in daily contact with your ex if you are going to keep lines of communication open. Right now, you are worrying over what exactly her text means, and you will keep worrying unless you either a. call her or b. go NC. There's no middle ground with NC. You either commit to it full force, or you don't.

 

I have never been the blocking type. I think I have done things the way I needed to. Her messaging me or me seeing a pic on social media has not felt like contact. It's only when I would engage with her would that set me back. I have not said a word for about 10 months. And for about 6 months, neither did she.

 

 

For me, keeping the door slightly open helps me to extinguish What Ifs etc and I knew deep down it was going to be an extremely slow process to heal using NC. Maybe in time, I will realise, receiving these messages has helped me move on faster because it might offer some validation which always helps.

[marky00]

 

1) Like my ex, she's reaching out a bit, but not with much intention. She's just being friendly and possibly curious about what's been going on in your life. She's doing it carefully because she's expecting some push back from you. She's also most likely feeling guilty and knows, now that some of the dust has settled, that the way she left you was inhumane and unthinkable.

 

 

Best of luck with your decision.

 

But that is totally unfair. If she is expecting that I might push back (I admit that could be possible if I let my guard down), then why contact.

 

 

I was expecting a push back and I didn't want it, I would not contact.

[BC1980]

I have never been the blocking type. I think I have done things the way I needed to. Her messaging me or me seeing a pic on social media has not felt like contact. It's only when I would engage with her would that set me back. I have not said a word for about 10 months. And for about 6 months, neither did she.

 

 

For me, keeping the door slightly open helps me to extinguish What Ifs etc and I knew deep down it was going to be an extremely slow process to heal using NC. Maybe in time, I will realise, receiving these messages has helped me move on faster because it might offer some validation which always helps.

 

Go back, and look at your first post. It's almost verbatim to the one you posted today. You have been circling around the same questions since January with no progress. The reason: you allow her to toy with you and mess with your mind. You haven't said a word to her in 10 months, but you are still asking the same questions and in a holding pattern.

 

I'm not going to name specific people, but I've seen posters on LS that have asked the same questions for years. I've seen someone go into a tailspin 3 years after a breakup over a picture on social media. All of this because people refuse to shut the door completely. They refuse to block numbers and block/defriend on social media. You're playing with fire my friend.

[marky00]

Go back, and look at your first post. It's almost verbatim to the one you posted today. You have been circling around the same questions since January with no progress. The reason: you allow her to toy with you and mess with your mind. You haven't said a word to her in 10 months, but you are still asking the same questions and in a holding pattern.

 

I'm not going to name specific people, but I've seen posters on LS that have asked the same questions for years. I've seen someone go into a tailspin 3 years after a breakup over a picture on social media. All of this because people refuse to shut the door completely. They refuse to block numbers and block/defriend on social media. You're playing with fire my friend.

 

You say No Progress.

 

 

I wasn't waiting on a msg nor did I expect one. For me that is very big progress.

 

 

I'm also here taking advise given seriously. I will not respond until I know why I am responding.

 

 

We aren't all built the same and I do feel I am following the path that naturally feels right to me.

 

 

And you did say you were hurt for 2 years. This relationship was 10 years.

 

 

I am not in a holding pattern. I have met other girls etc. I have tried. I wasn't awaiting her message. Am I hurt about what happened in the past? ABSOLUTELY. I have a very big scar but I accept that it is a part of me, I can't not escape from it totally, just learn to deal with it.

 

 

And if I am allowing her to toy with my mind, why have I simply ignored her for 4 months? All not true.

Edited April 24, 2017 by marky00

[bluefeather]

If I break NC only to find out it was all about her, that would be very disappointing.

 

I would bet money that the reason she reaches out in this way is because it is all about her. Sorry, but that is what I believe, and the reason is that they are only very small texts. I think a reply from you would be worth more than what you just showed here.

 

I wouldn't want to tell you to reply, because I think that NC is just always the best route to go for healing, no matter how much you may want to break it. However, if I was put in a position to reply to what that person said, it would be something very short like, "Why are you contacting me?" and that would be all I would say. Then you would have your answer, good or bad, and you are not obligated to continue a conversation.

 

But I really would not suggest breaking NC. Not unless you were completely over this person, and by that time, if you were actually over this person, you probably wouldn't even care to talk to her at all. That is the best advice I can give you as someone who has been through similar situations.