How can I even trust anyone?

[Aveenolover]

Backstory on me: I moved from Indiana to California back in September and ALL my family/friends are back in Indiana so the holidays are a little bit rough. But, it's all good.

 

I work in a warehouse and do receiving and one of the drivers that deliver to my company had asked me if I was excited for Christmas. I told him no and explained my situation and he felt bad and gave me a hug. The friday before the Christmas weekend he said he talked to his sisters (he has 3 that live here) and they decided I was coming with them to their extended family christmas parties. lol. I laughed and said alright, not like I'm doing anything else, right? and gave him my number. He texted me the details that night and I ended up going saturday to his mom's side.

 

I went into it thinking it was a friends kinda thing. Neither of us had hit on each other, even though he's a cutie. But that wasn't my expectation. Halfway through the evening he started putting his arm around me, pulling me closer and rubbing my back. Cutesie type stuff. And by the end of the night, when we were riding home, he kissed me. He initiated it all. The next morning he had invited me to his dad's side christmas party lol. I texted him back and was like are you sure?? Because I didnt want to feel like I was overstepping my boundaries or anything. Immediately all his sisters started messaging me and saying HEY YOU'RE COMING!!! so he gave out my number to them lol.

 

I went to it. it was really nice, and towards the end, we made out. Again, he initiated, I went with it. It was nice. And even after he was holding me the whole time. On the car ride home, he was holding me some more, rubbing my arms/back, everything. Wanted me to sit in the back with him. (we had been drinking so we had a DD, but neither of us were sloppy drunk) We got back late and I ended up staying the night. There was no sex or anything. He just cuddled me all night, and I woke up a few times to some back massages lol. I left the next morning and he hugged/kissed me goodbye. Everything seemed really nice. His sisters kept saying they really liked me and hoped I wasnt getting scared away from everyone I was meeting lol.

 

Monday I got home and texted him a thank you for everything--that it'd be a christmas I wouldnt forget and it meant so much to me that his family took me in. THE NEXT DAY he messaged back and said hey youre welcome! yada yada. Oh well, maybe he was busy or maybe he just wasnt into me. alright. Well, he came into work to drop off packages and I told him i had forgotten my jacket over there and he goes, "Oh yeah, I'll bring it t--wait, you're coming with us to go out for new years!!" and I was like Oh! lol okay! and he hugged me goodbye and that was that.

 

He didn't message me like all all during the week. No texts, no calls, no asking how I was. I had made plans with his sister to get a NYE outfit because I had nothing to wear but it was like crap, if he doesnt want me to go then I dont need to get an outfit...so I texted him Thursday night to make sure it was still on--he said yes and just needed to get details from the fam to know when they were leaving. Alright, cool. Friday, I messaged the sis to make sure she still wanted to go shopping and she did so we went out....Then she informed me, "yeah, I have to be honest with you...hes just NOT into you at all. I'm sorry"

 

Thats fine, and I'm grateful for being informed but...why do that to someone? I went into it as a friend thing. Why change it, why mentally mind F me into thinking there was something more if there wasn't?? I dont get it. But now its like shoot. If someone can invite me out to meet their WHOLE extended family and show me that kind of attention as if they cared about me and have it mean absolutely NOTHING, how can I ever tell if anyone ever likes me or if its just a joke?

 

Merry Christmas and happy new year to me, though:) lol

[preraph]

Oh, well, I'm sorry that happened to you. It was such a good story. Here's what he did wrong: He plunged you right into his family life WAY prematurely. His motives seem to be on the good side and not just the horny side, so I'm not mad at him except he needs to be more careful, you know.

 

It was so nice and romantic, but the cart was put before the horse. And then he does like you and didn't want to hurt you and didn't have the heart to tell you the truth. He sounds like a softie, but he needs to take things in the right order or he'll hurt someone all the same.

 

Please forgive him, though. I don't see he was deliberately trying to hurt or use you. I know he's disappointed you. But who knows, maybe this will lead to meeting someone else.

 

Happy New Year. Hey, at least you had a couple of fun times, right? Those count. They do. Fun is fun.

[winny]

You dont need to trust anyone other than you.

Next time remember - BOUNDARIES

No one is allowed to kiss you till you are on date or something like that.

He saw a lonely gal and made the best use of the situation.

[preraph]

aveeno, also remember that sometimes people are kind of in love with love and projecting on to you some "ideal woman" in their head and so they come on strong and then fizzle when they realize you don't match up to their imaginary ideal (no one will -- she doesn't exist). So there are all kinds of reasons for this, but please don't be too hurt by it. He thought you were interesting and so will others.

[Kempeitai]

Trust is earned not given.

 

So the answer is simple. They need to prove themselves trustworthy.

 

The guy was obviously looking for sex and or wasn't interested in you for anything other than sex. You didn't put out so he is on to the next woman.

 

Very simple concept.

[Space Ritual]

Backstory on me: I moved from Indiana to California back in September and ALL my family/friends are back in Indiana so the holidays are a little bit rough. But, it's all good.

 

I work in a warehouse and do receiving and one of the drivers that deliver to my company had asked me if I was excited for Christmas. I told him no and explained my situation and he felt bad and gave me a hug. The friday before the Christmas weekend he said he talked to his sisters (he has 3 that live here) and they decided I was coming with them to their extended family christmas parties. lol. I laughed and said alright, not like I'm doing anything else, right? and gave him my number. He texted me the details that night and I ended up going saturday to his mom's side.

 

I went into it thinking it was a friends kinda thing. Neither of us had hit on each other, even though he's a cutie. But that wasn't my expectation. Halfway through the evening he started putting his arm around me, pulling me closer and rubbing my back. Cutesie type stuff. And by the end of the night, when we were riding home, he kissed me. He initiated it all. The next morning he had invited me to his dad's side christmas party lol. I texted him back and was like are you sure?? Because I didnt want to feel like I was overstepping my boundaries or anything. Immediately all his sisters started messaging me and saying HEY YOU'RE COMING!!! so he gave out my number to them lol.

 

I went to it. it was really nice, and towards the end, we made out. Again, he initiated, I went with it. It was nice. And even after he was holding me the whole time. On the car ride home, he was holding me some more, rubbing my arms/back, everything. Wanted me to sit in the back with him. (we had been drinking so we had a DD, but neither of us were sloppy drunk) We got back late and I ended up staying the night. There was no sex or anything. He just cuddled me all night, and I woke up a few times to some back massages lol. I left the next morning and he hugged/kissed me goodbye. Everything seemed really nice. His sisters kept saying they really liked me and hoped I wasnt getting scared away from everyone I was meeting lol.

 

Monday I got home and texted him a thank you for everything--that it'd be a christmas I wouldnt forget and it meant so much to me that his family took me in. THE NEXT DAY he messaged back and said hey youre welcome! yada yada. Oh well, maybe he was busy or maybe he just wasnt into me. alright. Well, he came into work to drop off packages and I told him i had forgotten my jacket over there and he goes, "Oh yeah, I'll bring it t--wait, you're coming with us to go out for new years!!" and I was like Oh! lol okay! and he hugged me goodbye and that was that.

 

He didn't message me like all all during the week. No texts, no calls, no asking how I was. I had made plans with his sister to get a NYE outfit because I had nothing to wear but it was like crap, if he doesnt want me to go then I dont need to get an outfit...so I texted him Thursday night to make sure it was still on--he said yes and just needed to get details from the fam to know when they were leaving. Alright, cool. Friday, I messaged the sis to make sure she still wanted to go shopping and she did so we went out....Then she informed me, "yeah, I have to be honest with you...hes just NOT into you at all. I'm sorry"

 

Thats fine, and I'm grateful for being informed but...why do that to someone? I went into it as a friend thing. Why change it, why mentally mind F me into thinking there was something more if there wasn't?? I dont get it. But now its like shoot. If someone can invite me out to meet their WHOLE extended family and show me that kind of attention as if they cared about me and have it mean absolutely NOTHING, how can I ever tell if anyone ever likes me or if its just a joke?

 

Merry Christmas and happy new year to me, though:) lol

 

Wait a second..She informed you of this?

 

does anyone else reading this thread see a disconnect here.

 

may be way off base here, but there usually is a natural progression to this type of stuff. This sounds like the sister was getting her diplomacy cues from watching the Housewives shows on Bravo.

 

I hope you actually followed up with this, because it sure sounds odd that you go out with dude's sister shopping and she drops this on you.

 

and you are just going to take HER at her word?

 

I'm sorry OP, I don't know if anyone else gets this vibe but something is off, and I think it's the sister.

 

If you can update us and let us know if you talked to this guy since she said that and let us know what he said that would explain much. Surely if he stated as such I will stand corrected.

 

IDK though. Maybe she thinks you' re a hayseed from the Hoosier state that isn't good enough for her brother and tried to head you off a the pass. I mean why go though with the production of going shopping with you if she was going to tell you this anyway. She could have done that any old way but that.

 

Something does not add up from the way she went about this,

[Aveenolover]

I trust her. After she informed me of how he feels, she told me that the whole family adores me and begged me not to disappear from everyone just because he's dumb. I told her I didn't want to look like a fool but I also think they were all awesome too and if she wanted she and her son could come to my house on Saturday to celebrate New Years (cuz there was no way in heck I was going with him lol)

 

He ended up never even messaging me again anyway to tell me what time they were leaving. She came Saturday with her 12 year old son and the 3 of us hung out until Monday evening:). It's actually really nice because in the end, I think I got a friend out of it:).

 

I saw him today at work when he dropped off packages and he apologized profusely for "forgetting" to text me the time and acted like he felt so bad. As far as I know, she hasn't told him that she told me how he feels (she told me she wasn't going to because he wasn't man enough to tell me himself).