Mark2 Posted July 18, 2005 Posted July 18, 2005 This is for the men have a successful, modern dating life. How do I modernize this empty, sickening one-way dating life of mine? I'm NOT interested in a dating life that's essentially the dark side of something out of the 1950s. I don't know why I never get even approached at all, or why no women ever try to break the ice and start friendly conversations with me, or why not even one has asked me out on a date in these modern times. It's always me stuck in this painful fight to even get some interested eye contact, and/or seeing if they actually respond to an attempt to converse, and so on, which has gotten me painfully little of anything over the years. It's NOT funny. I'm doing my best to figure out why this is happening, but I haven't found any leads so far. I want to hear things like "Hi, my name's Jenn, what's yours?" regularly, and occasionally find myself asked out for some ice coffee or something like a modern-age man would be. What social skills will I need to work on to accomplish this? Thanks for your help.
nicki Posted July 18, 2005 Posted July 18, 2005 Hi, my name is nicki, wanna go get a coffee? There, now you have had a woman ask you. Many more will do it now, too...isn't that the way it always works? You put yourself out there, take risks, get shot down a few times, then, bam, someone responds...and suddenly more women want you! Actually, like men, women are a bit afraid to approach men, too, unless the men appear to be interested in them. I'm pretty aggressive, so i go up to men all the time. BUT, I don't just ask them out. Usually I hang around where there are, smile, etc...wait for a few signals to fly back to me...are women doing this with you? If so, you may not be noticing their interest. If you see a woman you are interested in, try looking directly at her, smile. Go back to whatever you were doing. Then let her catch you taking a few little peeks at her. She may come over if she thinks you are interested, but too shy to approach her.... Also, don't be afraid to strike up conversations with women. You can position yourself close to her ( but not scary close!) Try asking about a book she is looking at, or a product she is buying. Just be casual and see if she responds. Be friendly, but not desperate, you know what I mean? After talking to her for a minute, you can say that you were just going to get a coffee...hmm, would she like to join you? This, of couse, is assuming that the coffee place is right next door. If she says No, just smile and say that you enjoyed talking with her and if she changes her mind, you will be at the coffee shop....then walk away.... A lot of women will say no to every guy she meets like that, but quite a few will say yes, too... If you really want the woman to ask you to have coffee, then mention you were just leaving to have a coffee, smile and shut up....if she's smart, she'll ask where, etc...or maybe offer to join you... good luck. have fun. go for women who seem interested, approachable...be that way yourself...
Mark2 Posted July 19, 2005 Posted July 19, 2005 Nicki, you're an absolute sweet heart. Regarding your advice: Originally posted by nicki Usually I hang around where there are, smile, etc...wait for a few signals to fly back to me...are women doing this with you? If so, you may not be noticing their interest. This hasn't happened yet. If you see a woman you are interested in, try looking directly at her, smile. Go back to whatever you were doing. Then let her catch you taking a few little peeks at her. She may come over if she thinks you are interested, but too shy to approach her.... Also, don't be afraid to strike up conversations with women. You can position yourself close to her ( but not scary close!) Try asking about a book she is looking at, or a product she is buying. Just be casual and see if she responds. Be friendly, but not desperate, you know what I mean? Those are what I've been trying. I believe that generally I'm reasonably friendly. I don't know how effectively I hide my desperation. Unfortunately, I am desperate--so far I've seemed to have no choice but to either force myself through more unrewarding, unreciprocated social proactivity or else give up hope of any but the most perfunctory contact. I only hope that somewhere along the line this could at least start becoming fun instead of painful. After talking to her for a minute, you can say that you were just going to get a coffee...hmm, would she like to join you? This, of couse, is assuming that the coffee place is right next door. If she says No, just smile and say that you enjoyed talking with her and if she changes her mind, you will be at the coffee shop....then walk away.... A lot of women will say no to every guy she meets like that, but quite a few will say yes, too... If you really want the woman to ask you to have coffee, then mention you were just leaving to have a coffee, smile and shut up....if she's smart, she'll ask where, etc...or maybe offer to join you... Those I actually haven't tried. Thank you, Nicki. good luck. have fun. go for women who seem interested, approachable...be that way yourself... Thanks. I try to be approachable, and I smile if I'm feeling happy enough, but I don't know what's been missing. I'd like to go for women who seem interested and approachable, but I've rarely seen such women who were openly showing interest. All I can say is that I do my best. Thanks again for the advice (and for the invitation ).
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