New dealbreakers in dating

[Iva0201]

I have recently started OLD dating and hasn't had too much luck (not the only one, I know). Now, in order to get dates/relationship, I realized a girl has to be at least cute, attractive, smart, can't be needy or clingy, should be fun, positive.... you get the idea. Fine. Some people thought I was all of these some didn't and that is all normal.

However, today, I felt especially bad after a guy stop responding to me.

I am originally from Europe and when I won green card I moved here to finish my education. So, you can tell I am not erican just by seeing a photo (probably).

Anyway, a cutish guy (lawyer) started talking to me and we exchanged few texts. He didnt ask anything abput my job or school. However, he asked where I was from originally and how long I had been in USA. I replied and asked him where he moved from to our current city (he said he had been here for a number of years now). Guess what, he never responded.

I can't believe it. Is being immigrant, born in another country such a bad thing? Now, in addition to all other deal breakers, I have one more to deal with. I am sorry if this sounds like too much complaining, I had no idea, that a stranger not responding to my text would hit me this way. Is it deal breaker for someone else here?

[Gr8fuln2020]

I have recently started OLD dating and hasn't had too much luck (not the only one, I know). Now, in order to get dates/relationship, I realized a girl has to be at least cute, attractive, smart, can't be needy or clingy, should be fun, positive.... you get the idea. Fine. Some people thought I was all of these some didn't and that is all normal.

However, today, I felt especially bad after a guy stop responding to me.

I am originally from Europe and when I won green card I moved here to finish my education. So, you can tell I am not erican just by seeing a photo (probably).

Anyway, a cutish guy (lawyer) started talking to me and we exchanged few texts. He didnt ask anything abput my job or school. However, he asked where I was from originally and how long I had been in USA. I replied and asked him where he moved from to our current city (he said he had been here for a number of years now). Guess what, he never responded.

I can't believe it. Is being immigrant, born in another country such a bad thing? Now, in addition to all other deal breakers, I have one more to deal with. I am sorry if this sounds like too much complaining, I had no idea, that a stranger not responding to my text would hit me this way. Is it deal breaker for someone else here?

 

Well, ironically, there is a very strong anti-immigrant population here in the USA, so not surprising. Also, it would be interesting to know which European country you hail from.

 

I love women from all over and would not discriminate based on your origin. I have dated Romanian, English, Hispanic, Welsh, German, etc., but I am hesitant about dating someone who is only temporary resident. My, warranted or no, skepticism rears its head and I begin to think about the complications that may result. He was a lawyer, so he may have thought about the same. No way of knowing for sure.

[Iva0201]

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We cannot know what exactly he thought but it is sad. I am a full time student here, I have one more year left to graduate and I keep my gpa 4.0 (despite the fact that English is my second language and I have to work full time to support myself since I am here on my own). Oh well, I guess I have to accept the reality and hope not everyone is the same as mr Lawyer.

[Space Ritual]

No need to apologize.

 

And no, being an immigrant is not a bad thing at all. We are a nation of them.

 

Online Dating is something I am not very experienced in because I had a bad experience with it over a decade ago and actually got "Catfished" before I even knew there was a term for it.

 

Online Dating may be fine for some, for me it was a one time thing and I would never do it again.

 

 

I think there is probably a very high market for a intellectual and highly educated woman, I will probably get flamed for this, but I don;t think that market exists as much in the O.L.D. world as it does in the real world. It is because from what I can tell. most people that rely on OLD are more interested in hookups and causal encounters because O.L.D. provides such an easy vehicle for it.

 

Just my opinion of course, I'm sure there are plenty of people who use O.L.D in hopes of a long term relationship, but I think those who have success with that would not be using O.L.D. if in fact they had succeeded.

 

 

There is no substitute for being able to look somebody in the eye, to get that first rush of excitement when they cross your path for the first time. O.L.D. kind of makes that step obsolete as everyone has a virtual resume posted about how wonderful they are and exactly what they are looking for. Usually the lion's share of what they are looking for when they put it out there online is something they will never find, hence why they remain on O.L.D. sites. That is not everyone that uses O.L.D. but many of them.

 

Your best bet is to go out and be yourself, and meet people in person. Even if there is a coffee shop or if there are meet up groups in your area, that is a good start.

 

Do not get disuaded because some guy may have been put off by your profile. It happens. His loss. don't give him a second thought.

 

Again, the best way t meet someone is to leave it to chance when you are out in public.

[smackie9]

He probably stopped responding because he found someone that interested him more. Stop reading so much into it. It's a competitive world out there. AND OLD is not a magic bullet to get you dates. If you have trouble having guys approach you in person, OLD isn't going to help you much.

[kendahke]

it could be that his girlfriend busted him on the dating site and that's why he didn't return your message.

 

Seriously doubt it had to do with you being European born outside of the US... most likely, he would have said something hamfisted about immigrants in his profile.

[kendahke]

Wow. Somebody is bitter. LOL.

 

Oooh, someone is judgemental.

 

That's not bitter--that's is a plausible reason. Go read some threads around here from people who have busted their girlfriend/boyfriend starting something online with someone else.

[Iva0201]

I dont think he found someone better becaue we were texting back and forth within minutes/seconds. And then it just stopped after I replied where I was from.

And Smackie, I dont think I have a problem that guys dont approach me in real life. But I do have a problem to meet people. As I said, I am a full time student and work full time. On most days, I leave th house at 7am and come back home at 11pm or later.

[grays]

He could've dropped his phone in a puddle. Or been hit by a bus while he was texting you back. There's no way you can know it was about your immigrant status.

[No_Go]

I am an immigrant: I moved to the US 3-4 years ago, and before that I was an immigrant in Western European country. I'm originally from Eastern Europe.

 

I haven't noticed any correlation between my dating success or professional success and country of origin. Maybe it is because I largely do not care - if anyone wants to judge me for origin of birth, good luck to them I built my life in the way that I wanted to, I let them challenge me if they have done the same

 

In your case: get real! You have no way of knowing why he dropped - people do this in OLD every day. When I was dating the last time, I spoke to 3-5 guys in the same time, but met only one who became my boyfriend. I don't recall did I gave explanations to the rest because ... We never met! You can't 'break up' something that doesn't exist.

[Iva0201]

I am an immigrant: I moved to the US 3-4 years ago, and before that I was an immigrant in Western European country. I'm originally from Eastern Europe.

 

I haven't noticed any correlation between my dating success or professional success and country of origin. Maybe it is because I largely do not care - if anyone wants to judge me for origin of birth, good luck to them I built my life in the way that I wanted to, I let them challenge me if they have done the same

 

In your case: get real! You have no way of knowing why he dropped - people do this in OLD every day. When I was dating the last time, I spoke to 3-5 guys in the same time, but met only one who became my boyfriend. I don't recall did I gave explanations to the rest because ... We never met! You can't 'break up' something that doesn't exist.

 

I understand, I went out on probably 6-7 dates. All of these guys wanted the second date or to be in a relationship.

But in this particular case,... of course I cannot know that is the reason 100% but if you talk back and forth to someone for an hour. And then it stips without a reply...

[smackie9]

I dont think he found someone better becaue we were texting back and forth within minutes/seconds. And then it just stopped after I replied where I was from.

And Smackie, I dont think I have a problem that guys dont approach me in real life. But I do have a problem to meet people. As I said, I am a full time student and work full time. On most days, I leave th house at 7am and come back home at 11pm or later.

He could have been texting multiple women at other times. It's possible

he saw someone come on line and *poof* he dropped off....But hey you can "assume" to your heart's content as to what happened......is there not better things to worry about tho?? It's just a guy, there are plenty of other ones that are not as rude.

[spiderowl]

You have recently started online dating so you are new to it. People chat and then disappear - not all, but some. Some have strict requirements, e.g. on race, nationality, ethnicity, weight, job, status, and so on. They are usually inflexible people and you don't want to be with someone like that do you? Please do not take it personally, just assume he has other things going on or is a prejudiced kind of guy not worth bothering with.

 

He may have thought you were after a Green Card but if you had explained your status and he still disappeared, just write him off as an inexplicable disappearance. I promise you, you are better off without those kind of guys. There are nice guys online who won't treat you like that. Some will find it wonderful that you are from another country. People are attracted to different things, you just need to find the right connection.

 

Above all, don't settle for anyone who treats you with disrespect. No-one is entitled to do that. Any hint of selfishness, cruelty or disrespect on their part should remind you to dump them asap.

[Kempeitai]

I believe you are being too picky. Women have vastly more leverage in dating than men under normal circumstances.

[BoatsBoatsBoats]

That's OLD in general for you. People go silent just like that for various reasons, and you can never guess why.

 

I highly doubt this had anything to do with you being an immigrant. When I studied in the US I found that being european was more of an advantage than disadvantage. Guys loved the accent and exotic vibe. I drew way more male attention there than I do in my home country and so did my German friend. I kinda miss that now

[Kempeitai]

That's OLD in general for you. People go silent just like that for various reasons, and you can never guess why.

 

I highly doubt this had anything to do with you being an immigrant. When I studied in the US I found that being european was more of an advantage than disadvantage. Guys loved the accent and exotic vibe. I drew way more male attention there than I do in my home country and so did my German friend. I kinda miss that now

 

guys love exotic girls.

 

white girls to me are bland and boring.

 

give me a latina or asian.

[Gloria25]

I hate OLD with a passion. Too many people who aren't honest about what they are seeking. Some put up fake pics, statuses, etc.

 

That being said, IMO, there is not an "anti-immigration" population here in the United States. There has been a lot of debate over immigration over the few years - and IMO, unless you work in the immigration industry (i.e. for the government, a private law firm, non-profit group) - you watch the news/TV and get a biased and uninformed over all picture of the depth, complexity, and magnitude of the issue.

 

I can only speak of my personal experiences and I'll just say that yes, I've seen many people (professionals or not) seek out people to get permanent residency (aka the "green card") and/o citizenship, not because they genuinely wanted to date that person.

 

So, unfortunately, there may be a perception or stereotype that some people form about a foreigner who is trying to date outside of his/her country.

 

I also go through something similar as a woman who dates outside of her race. I get a lot of ignorant people who make assumptions about me - which are based on negative stereotypes and I often get dismissed without them even taking a minute to get to know me.

 

So, don't take it personal, but realize that it's going to make dating a bit more difficult for you.

 

Well wishes

[Iva0201]

I hate OLD with a passion. Too many people who aren't honest about what they are seeking. Some put up fake pics, statuses, etc.

 

That being said, IMO, there is not an "anti-immigration" population here in the United States. There has been a lot of debate over immigration over the few years - and IMO, unless you work in the immigration industry (i.e. for the government, a private law firm, non-profit group) - you watch the news/TV and get a biased and uninformed over all picture of the depth, complexity, and magnitude of the issue.

 

I can only speak of my personal experiences and I'll just say that yes, I've seen many people (professionals or not) seek out people to get permanent residency (aka the "green card") and/o citizenship, not because they genuinely wanted to date that person.

 

So, unfortunately, there may be a perception or stereotype that some people form about a foreigner who is trying to date outside of his/her country.

 

I also go through something similar as a woman who dates outside of her race. I get a lot of ignorant people who make assumptions about me - which are based on negative stereotypes and I often get dismissed without them even taking a minute to get to know me.

 

So, don't take it personal, but realize that it's going to make dating a bit more difficult for you.

 

Well wishes

 

I think this is spot on. After sleeping on it, I realize it is possible that was the reason but, it is not even his fault (if it was the reason in the first place).

He didnt learn anything about me (whether I am a resident or not, whether I go to school, do I work, etc) so yeah, if he did it because of my immigrant status, maybe he thought too many complications to deal with.

And if he didnt, there will be someone who will do that. Yup, makes dating slightly harder for me but oh well.