Cathy789 Posted December 31, 2016 Posted December 31, 2016 I started with a man I have known my whole life, but hadn't seen in a couple decades. (We are 50) He was always so kind. It began as a renewal of our friendship with my encouraging him as he is going through a terrible divorce and not having his children in his home anymore. I just wanted to help as he struggled through his days. Of course, this led to more. We talked in advance that we didn't want this to wreck our friendship. We knew this wasn't going to be serious and wouldn't lead to a long-term relationship other than as friends. Anyway, we had a great couple of times together. Texted every day. Then he asked me to come over when I was in town next to make him dinner. But when that day came, I got nothing. I didn't even get a reason other than he was sick (he'd had pneumonia) and wasn't feeling "social." And I had to drag that out of him. I was in town from 400 miles away! It's not like this could be rescheduled easily. I'm not used to being treated this way, so I texted a few things, like how I had been there and been kind to him during the worst days of his life and he couldn't bother to see me for a few minutes. I apologized the next day, because I live my life with grace. I got back a text that he appreciated my apology and that he doesn't want me to think he doesn't care about me or doesn't want me. But then nothing. I realize now that he hadn't been replying to my texts the week before as much -- but he'd attributed that to his pneumonia. And here's the real kicker: The same day he gave me to hard pass on dinner I got news that my cancer had returned and it's bad. I was honest and told him that this time I needed his support and friendship. And still nothing. Obviously, I am going to do my best not to reach out to him. But I have to say I wish it wasn't true that I could be treated this way by someone I had thought of fondly my entire life and who I had been so generous with my time and sympathy when he needed it. Anyone have any advice for me?
hippychick3 Posted December 31, 2016 Posted December 31, 2016 I'm so sorry OP. What a cruel way to treat you. My advice when it comes to men is to not give more than you receive even if it's in your nature to do so.
ExpatInItaly Posted December 31, 2016 Posted December 31, 2016 I'm sorry for your bad news about your health, OP. I imagine this is a very difficult time for you. Sometimes the way someone is as a friend is totally different from who they are in the context of a romantic relationship. It sounds like you two are better just staying friends and not attempting anything more than that. Pneumonia or not, he's going through a divorce and probably is nowhere near ready for anything even resembling romance. Having said that, he also isn't being a very good friend to you either. You are clearly struggling with some bad news and he's nowhere to be found. My guess is that he doesn't want to deal with any emotionally-heavy stuff, so he is avoiding you. That speaks volumes about him, in my opinion. It's hard that you had to find out this side of his character this way, but given the status of your health, I would focus on prioritizing friends who are there for you. Not this man.
Author Cathy789 Posted December 31, 2016 Author Posted December 31, 2016 Great advice. Thanks for taking the time to reply.
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