How important is it that your SO agrees with you on politics/social issues?

[polkadotspots]

This might have been asked a lot during the election but anyway, I am curious how much politics/social issues matter to you in a relationship? For me personally, it's been something I've been thinking about often lately. I was raised by a conservative dad and a liberal mom that have been together for some 30 years so I guess I've always had this idea that you can be with someone that has a different political mindset than you? I've been with my boyfriend for about a year officially, year and half in total and we agree on some things but sometimes I wonder about some of the things he says. For background info, I'm a pretty staunch liberal, I don't consider myself radical by any means but I am dedicated to social justice issues and raising awareness around issues like racism, sexism, homophobia, transphobia etc. I also work for a non-profit who is dedicated to social justice as well. My partner isn't really conservative or liberal, I guess if you were to call him something it'd be a centrist. Anyway, we've had discussions on issues like gender/trans identities/sexual assault/gay rights and he has said some things that others might consider...well transphobic/homophobic I suppose. Things like "I feel like some people just identify as trans because they want attention" and "private businesses, like a bakery, should have the right to refuse gay people based on their religious beliefs."

 

I guess my main concern is how do I deal with seeing myself as an ally to marginalized communities while loving someone who says things that can be interpreted as trans/homophobic. Of course I realize that everyone has their own opinions, some people might not even see these comments as being a big deal or phobic of anyone in any way. And I know the importance of having a partner that agrees with you on social issues really just depends on the individual. Any thoughts or experiences? Or, even anyone on the flip side of being a staunch conservative struggling with dating someone that has more liberal beliefs? How much is politics a deal breaker for you? I know there are people that absolutely have to have a partner that agrees with them politically, and I dunno, I don't feel like that is me but sometimes I wonder how I can balance my beliefs as an ally and also being with someone that doesn't necessarily agree with some of these beliefs?

[Els]

I'm mostly a centrist, which means that in some people's opinion I'd come across as a tree-hugging liberal, whereas in others I'd come across as a hardass right-winger . I do need someone who's relatively close to centre, as well - I think I would be unlikely to do well with a partner who is on either extreme of the scale.

 

That being said, it's only as much of an issue as you find it to be. Given that you've been together for 1.5 years, I would assume that the disparity in political beliefs isn't negatively impacting your relationship? If it is, I'd leave, but if it isn't, I'd stay.

 

My partner's views are fairly close to mine. We both support the centre-right party where we live, but in American politics we're both definitely on the Democrat side of things (not that we can vote in America, but everyone has an opinion on American politics... ). But he ranges closer to the left than I do on some aspects, and closer to the right on others. We just agree to disagree when it happens.

[Ronnys93]

Political stances and opinions on social issues are definitely a big deal breaker for me if they don't at least align somewhat with my own. Not saying that they have to be exactly the same. I am a bisexual male, but I prefer to date men mostly. The situation would be a big issue for me if I had another male partner who literally believed that he should not have the right to marry me, and that other LGBTQ members should not have certain basic rights. It would clash with me as that is something that is very important to me and my mental well being. I think the bigger question is whether you can separate someone from their beliefs and look past that? Me personally, no I can't. I feel like that IS part of what makes you the person you are. It'd be a giant incompatibility for me.

[introverted1]

Look at Mary Matalin and James Carville.

 

The ability to respectfully consider others' opinions (while not necessarily agreeing with them) is a hallmark of maturity.

 

Sounds as though you and your bf are in a good place.

 

p.s. It is probably a good idea not to label opinions that don't align with yours as "phobic" (which means "irrational fear"). Being able to discuss different opinions without name calling goes a long way to preserving respect.

Edited December 31, 2016 by introverted1

[elaine567]

I think if politics/current affairs/social issues are not too important to you, and you can tolerate the odd OMG comment then fine, but many people get MORE political as they age and more ingrained in their viewpoints too and often more outspoken at the same time. Some adopt a live and let live attitude, whilst others become even more extreme.

What may seem tolerable now may not seem so tolerable when your next door neighbours are gay and your now husband refuses to talk to them - highly embarrassing for you as it actually reflects on you too as you have tolerated his homophobic attitude...

[amaysngrace]

Sometimes it gets to a point where you have to say "just shut up and fck me"

[LookAtThisPOst]

With the

 

"Who did you vote for?" before going out on a date has been a huge filtering process for some.

[Thenicegirl]

Bf and I are both super liberal but we're an interracial couple so we have different opinions and understandings on some social issues. I think if you can both have constructive and respectful conversations about things then most differences can be tolerable or it can even be refreshing to hear a different point of view.

 

You just have to set healthy boundaries on what beliefs/values are most important to you and where you can give someone a bit of slack.