Kayley Posted December 30, 2016 Posted December 30, 2016 So, I'm about 2 months out of a very short but intense relationship with probably the first guy I've had real feelings for. Blindsided by the break up, found it hard to get over. Anyway, at the beginning of December I went on a date with a guy. Wasn't sure of my feelings. Kinda liked spending time with him though & I'm very much if I'm not feeling it at all I shut down. We went on a second date 2 weeks later, speaking everyday in between but not constant. I was still a bit unsure but the more we talked after the second date the more I found myself wanting to hear from him. I think I have a bit of a wall up at the moment. Anyway, we went on a third date last night and he stayed over here. This morning he was talking about exclusivity and being a couple which has really freaked me out. I spoke to a friend who doesn't think that's a big deal after 3 dates but like...he said that then asked my surname! How well can you really know someone to want to be exclusive? Am I being stupid here? I do like him but I don't want to rush anything. I want to take it slowly and see how it goes. 1
Satu Posted December 30, 2016 Posted December 30, 2016 (edited) snip So, *I'm about 2 months out of a very short but intense relationship with probably the first guy I've had real feelings for. Blindsided by the break up, found it hard to get over. I do like him but *I don't want to rush anything. I want to take it slowly and see how it goes. As you are only 2 months out of your last relationship, it is a bit too early to be talking about 'being a couple.' You should maybe wait until you know each others faces well enough to recognise each other in a crowded room... Take care. Edited December 30, 2016 by Satu 2
Author Kayley Posted December 31, 2016 Author Posted December 31, 2016 snip As you are only 2 months out of your last relationship, it is a bit too early to be talking about 'being a couple.' You should maybe wait until you know each others faces well enough to recognise each other in a crowded room... Take care. These are exactly my thoughts. I don't want to be a couple because I'm not long out of that relationship. I'd like to go out, spend time together and see where that leads down the line. Him bringing that up has completely thrown me 1
Satu Posted December 31, 2016 Posted December 31, 2016 You just need to let him know where you stand. "I like you, but I'm not going to rush into anything." Take care. 2
basil67 Posted December 31, 2016 Posted December 31, 2016 Just bear in mind that being exclusive simply means not dating others. It's not about commitment or long term relationships. If you want to keep seeing other men as well as him, this is entirely your prerogative. But if he's a 'one woman' type of man, you may lose him. However if that happens, you're simply incompatible at this time of your lives. Also, if you're not ready to meet a new man, I hope you're not fishing about for guys online. 5
morrowrd Posted December 31, 2016 Posted December 31, 2016 You probably shouldn't have slept with him if you wanted to take things slow. 9
OnlyHonesty Posted December 31, 2016 Posted December 31, 2016 You shouldn't even be dating. Why are you so eager to jump back into this after the break up? Are people that afraid of not dating and just being alone? 5
Satu Posted December 31, 2016 Posted December 31, 2016 Time alone is definitely beneficial for healing. Recommended. Take care. 2
Author Kayley Posted December 31, 2016 Author Posted December 31, 2016 He used the word 'couple' though had the chat been not dating others I'd probably have freaked out less. I'm not seeing other men anyway and I'm not fishing about for guys online. I just happened to meet him. If I do lose him then it's not right. I can accept that though. I'm not 'so eager' to jump back into this after the break up. It's just so happened this way. I'm not afraid of just being alone, between my last 2 relationships I was alone for quite a bit. 1
Ronnys93 Posted December 31, 2016 Posted December 31, 2016 He used the word 'couple' though had the chat been not dating others I'd probably have freaked out less. I'm not seeing other men anyway and I'm not fishing about for guys online. I just happened to meet him. If I do lose him then it's not right. I can accept that though. I'm not 'so eager' to jump back into this after the break up. It's just so happened this way. I'm not afraid of just being alone, between my last 2 relationships I was alone for quite a bit. I understand what you're saying. However, I really think you're not giving yourself enough credit. Only you can say how fast a relationship moves. He's putting his intentions out there and is being honest about how he wants to move forward. I feel like you owe it to yourself to being honest with YOURSELF. Clearly you are emotionally unavailable at the moment. Be upfront about this. It's not a problem that he wants to be exclusive with you after only a few dates, the problem is that you are not ready for that at this time. So let him know how you feel, and if you really do enjoy spending time with him, stick around a bit. Maybe it'll make you both grow stronger!
phineas Posted December 31, 2016 Posted December 31, 2016 Just bear in mind that being exclusive simply means not dating others. It's not about commitment or long term relationships. If you want to keep seeing other men as well as him, this is entirely your prerogative. But if he's a 'one woman' type of man, you may lose him. However if that happens, you're simply incompatible at this time of your lives. Also, if you're not ready to meet a new man, I hope you're not fishing about for guys online. this. a lot of men really don't want to be out sleeping with multiple women at the same time. They also don't want to be sleeping with someone who is out sleeping with others. yuk. 2
2011 Posted December 31, 2016 Posted December 31, 2016 These are exactly my thoughts. I don't want to be a couple because I'm not long out of that relationship. I'd like to go out, spend time together and see where that leads down the line. Him bringing that up has completely thrown me Don't blame him though as everyone has expectations he probably really likes you but all you need to say is we need to take it slow and tell him why as you just got out of a RL. You really shouldn't be dating anyway if you are still raw from a previous RL as it will blindside a new one. 1
Author Kayley Posted December 31, 2016 Author Posted December 31, 2016 how old are you two? I'm 24, he's 25
smackie9 Posted December 31, 2016 Posted December 31, 2016 They are just words, you are pretty much exclusive because you are not dating others anyways. If it gets too much, and he is already naming the kids you are going to have, just end it with him. It's not like he asked you to marry him. BUT this is your opportunity to tell him of your situation and how you feel. Communication is key. Tell him what you told us. 1
Gr8fuln2020 Posted December 31, 2016 Posted December 31, 2016 It's sooo frustrating when people who are clearly not ready to make any kind of commitment go out and 'try things out' to ony disappoint the people who are. You are not ready to date, so don't. This guy seems to be ready to do the right thing here and having slept with you (?), you are not. So many discussion revolve around guys wanting to get into a woman's pants for a single encounter only to ghost, but now it is you who has introduced the unnecessary complication. Not b/c you don't want to commit, rather, you were/are not ready to date and bring your A game. Being exclusive after 3 dates is not unusual. He's simply saying that he would like to take the time to get to know only you, you only him to see where it goes. Alas, your response will be NOT RIGHT NOW. I wonder what his reaction will be. If he continues dating other ladies, you other men, where does the getting to know oneanother come into play? 3
phineas Posted December 31, 2016 Posted December 31, 2016 It's sooo frustrating when people who are clearly not ready to make any kind of commitment go out and 'try things out' to ony disappoint the people who are. You are not ready to date, so don't. This guy seems to be ready to do the right thing here and having slept with you (?), you are not. So many discussion revolve around guys wanting to get into a woman's pants for a single encounter only to ghost, but now it is you who has introduced the unnecessary complication. Not b/c you don't want to commit, rather, you were/are not ready to date and bring your A game. Being exclusive after 3 dates is not unusual. He's simply saying that he would like to take the time to get to know only you, you only him to see where it goes. Alas, your response will be NOT RIGHT NOW. I wonder what his reaction will be. If he continues dating other ladies, you other men, where does the getting to know oneanother come into play? sadly, my experience is once i sleep with a woman i have to basically treat her like a FWB in order to get her to keep finding me attractive and want to date me and only me. it's like women these days want to claim "he used me for sex" while at the same time getting turned off by any guy who shows they actually like the girl and don't want her just for sex.
Gr8fuln2020 Posted December 31, 2016 Posted December 31, 2016 sadly, my experience is once i sleep with a woman i have to basically treat her like a FWB in order to get her to keep finding me attractive and want to date me and only me. it's like women these days want to claim "he used me for sex" while at the same time getting turned off by any guy who shows they actually like the girl and don't want her just for sex. I don't get why you have to do that phineas. If they are attracted enough to sleep with you, why wouldn't they want to try a more meaningful approach of developing a relationship...like longer term dating? 1
phineas Posted December 31, 2016 Posted December 31, 2016 I don't get why you have to do that phineas. If they are attracted enough to sleep with you, why wouldn't they want to try a more meaningful approach of developing a relationship...like longer term dating? I honestly have zero clue. Honestly. It isn't the quality of sex. but i've noticed, If I let them come to me it's all good. (make them chase) If I hit them up it seems more than a few times week they lose all interest. i'm not chasing, i'm not acting desperate. and when I ignore them. for a month or two they all of sudden start blowing me up and want me again. Then if i keep ignoring them and let them hit me up every time they want to see me they after a month or so don't want me seeing anyone else. It boggles my fricken mind. maybe because i only meet divorced women around 40 who honestly I do not believe have had a healthy relationship their whole lives is the issue? not all women are like this but the majority i meet are.
KBob Posted December 31, 2016 Posted December 31, 2016 I honestly have zero clue. Honestly. It isn't the quality of sex. but i've noticed, If I let them come to me it's all good. (make them chase) If I hit them up it seems more than a few times week they lose all interest. i'm not chasing, i'm not acting desperate. and when I ignore them. for a month or two they all of sudden start blowing me up and want me again. Then if i keep ignoring them and let them hit me up every time they want to see me they after a month or so don't want me seeing anyone else. It boggles my fricken mind. maybe because i only meet divorced women around 40 who honestly I do not believe have had a healthy relationship their whole lives is the issue? not all women are like this but the majority i meet are. Maybe you're subconsciously looking for women who possess these traits. 1
phineas Posted December 31, 2016 Posted December 31, 2016 Maybe you're subconsciously looking for women who possess these traits. nah. i just go for women i find hot. i think it's just most of the women my age want to feel like they have to work for a guy. Which sucks because i don't like acting this way with women i actually like. 1
leogirl876 Posted December 31, 2016 Posted December 31, 2016 sadly, my experience is once i sleep with a woman i have to basically treat her like a FWB in order to get her to keep finding me attractive and want to date me and only me. it's like women these days want to claim "he used me for sex" while at the same time getting turned off by any guy who shows they actually like the girl and don't want her just for sex. Sorry that's been your experience, but not women are like that. If I sleep with a guy and he starts treating me like a FWB, I'm out of there! I like men who show interest and show they like me, I can't believe there's women out there that don't. I guess times have changed now that I'm back in the dating world, it has gotten so complicated!
Gr8fuln2020 Posted December 31, 2016 Posted December 31, 2016 Sorry that's been your experience, but not women are like that. If I sleep with a guy and he starts treating me like a FWB, I'm out of there! I like men who show interest and show they like me, I can't believe there's women out there that don't. I guess times have changed now that I'm back in the dating world, it has gotten so complicated! I've dated plenty of women from online and have sex with most of them and have yet to meet a woman who didn't want a relationship. Phineas, are you coming across as someone who wants a serious relationship? 2
phineas Posted December 31, 2016 Posted December 31, 2016 I've dated plenty of women from online and have sex with most of them and have yet to meet a woman who didn't want a relationship. Phineas, are you coming across as someone who wants a serious relationship? I believe so. i don't sex talk them. in fact most women start the sex talk with me. and I tell them I want a relationship. I ask them out for drinks not to my house for a movie. but most times, THEY are the one's who want to come over for a first date or come onto me on the first date and we end up having sex. then, like I said if i just tell them it was fun and let them contact me things go well. If I try to take them out again they usually flake on the second. Don't try to reschedule either. at that point i forget about them. they always seem to come back months later. I really think it's online.
Gr8fuln2020 Posted December 31, 2016 Posted December 31, 2016 I believe so. i don't sex talk them. in fact most women start the sex talk with me. and I tell them I want a relationship. I ask them out for drinks not to my house for a movie. but most times, THEY are the one's who want to come over for a first date or come onto me on the first date and we end up having sex. then, like I said if i just tell them it was fun and let them contact me things go well. If I try to take them out again they usually flake on the second. Don't try to reschedule either. at that point i forget about them. they always seem to come back months later. I really think it's online. I online date exclusively (for now). I don't get that kind of response from the ladies. I see you date the ladies in their 40s. How old are you?
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