spiderowl Posted January 1, 2017 Posted January 1, 2017 Okay thanks. I guess I am not big on the Midnight kiss tradition and I just didn't care about it that much. How do I ask if she is sure she is okay with us not being exclusive since she seemed concerned about it though? There is something of a difference between not being exclusive with someone because it is at an early stage in a relationship and clearly letting her know you are not showing any signs of ever wanting to be exclusive. It is early stages for exclusivity perhaps, but what you seem to want is entirely casual. She may want you just for sex, I suppose, but she may equally decide if it is not likely to develop into a relationship, she might as well not bother. 1
ElizabethIII Posted January 1, 2017 Posted January 1, 2017 I dont see why you cant be exclusive right away. You dont have to multi date. The way I date if I meet someone I like and want to see them again and they me, I dont see others. If that person doesnt last more than a few dates or a month or two then I go back and look again. But once you have found someone you like there is no reason why you cant stop seeing people until you see if this works out. Seeing loads of different people is confusing and too much choice. 1
kendahke Posted January 1, 2017 Posted January 1, 2017 Like tonight she keeps sending me text asking me if I am with another girl, but she it feels like she is accusing me, the way she asks... And no, I was not, but still... You opened that door, though, with that comment. By telling her that it was ok for her to kiss other guys, the inference without clarification is that you aim to do exactly that yourself, so that is why she is now asking--and she's right to do so--because now is the time to squash this instead of investing any more of her time, youth and energy into a relationship with someone who appears to not give a rip. But you keep asking how to treat with her--do you have any female friends? Or friends in general? Do you say insensitive things to them (and they still stick around)? How do you treat with them? I mean, given the exact same variables but switching sides, if she'd told you "hey, sorry, can't rendezvous with you on NYE, but since we're not exclusive, you can go ahead and kiss any girl you want", how would you have felt? Even if that was the furthest thing from your mind, hearing the object of your interest tell you to swap spit with whomever is a bit like someone throwing up on your shoe--it doesn't go over well. Plenty of men I know would have been put off by that. Why? Because the inference is that since she owes you nothing in terms of exclusivity, she plans to act accordingly. Plenty of threads on this site spell out how this line of thinking comes across. 2
Gaeta Posted January 1, 2017 Posted January 1, 2017 OP, next time you speak to her just tell her that when you said you were not looking for anything serious you meant you wanted to multi-date. You are not interested in exclusivity for now and that yes if opportunities present themselves you will go on dates with other women and no you are not ok with sharing those details with her. Like versachehotie mentioned I think she is one of those women that thinks she can win a man over if she spends time with him. She is young, she has less experience than you, she believes in fairy tales and unicorns. I don't think you should continue with her, you will just break her heart. At your age you should be able to recognize when a younger woman cannot handle casual. 3
Author ironpony Posted January 4, 2017 Author Posted January 4, 2017 Okay thanks as long as multidating is not unfair to her. I guess I just feel mislead cause at first when she got my number, and I told her I wasn't looking for anything serious, she said she was just looking for a fling, and was okay with that. But now after two dates, the idea of me going on a date with another woman in the meantime was upsetting to her, and it made her cry actually.
Gaeta Posted January 4, 2017 Posted January 4, 2017 But now after two dates, the idea of me going on a date with another woman in the meantime was upsetting to her, and it made her cry actually. She is an amateur. She liked you and thought she could play your game but she cannot. Do not pursue anything with her. Often women get into a fling, fwb, ons thinking they can handle it and they can't. 1
Pill Posted January 4, 2017 Posted January 4, 2017 Okay thanks as long as multidating is not unfair to her. I guess I just feel mislead cause at first when she got my number, and I told her I wasn't looking for anything serious, she said she was just looking for a fling, and was okay with that. But now after two dates, the idea of me going on a date with another woman in the meantime was upsetting to her, and it made her cry actually. Trust me when I say that I feel you. You and I think along the same wave length. Wouldn't be surprised if you are Accountant or something. Even though you are right, young women are used to living in the moment and be coddled emotionally. So even though she may have every intention of it being a fling she expected you to play the role in the moment. Since you didn't, now she's emotionally she's emotionally insecure and is seeking your validation. Unintentionally you have her in the palm of your hand.
basil67 Posted January 4, 2017 Posted January 4, 2017 Okay thanks as long as multidating is not unfair to her. I guess I just feel mislead cause at first when she got my number, and I told her I wasn't looking for anything serious, she said she was just looking for a fling, and was okay with that. But now after two dates, the idea of me going on a date with another woman in the meantime was upsetting to her, and it made her cry actually. I doubt you were mislead. She probably meant what she said at the time but has since come to feel differently. A change of mind is not a lie. I also think that it was actually your harsh wording which made her cry. You were brutal to the extreme. What if to her question about the midnight kiss you'd answered "I'm not really planning on kissing anyone" or "I haven't thought about it LOL"? 1
heavenonearth Posted January 4, 2017 Posted January 4, 2017 I am dating my guy long distance for 9 weeks now (we met on Tinder). We met each other in real life only once, 5,5 weeks in, for 4 days. Meaning, we only spend 4 days together, physically. We established exclusivity after the first 4 weeks, because we enjoyed talking to each other so much that we didn't want to date others at the moment, and that persists to this day. We are not boyfriend and girlfriend yet, but since we are long distance it takes time to get to know one another well. And yet, I don't think it is bad if the exclusivity phase takes a bit longer, because it is nice to focus on just ONE person and really spend time together. I think the moment you feel some mutual chemistry, you should establish exclusivity. Anything else would be unfair, like dating other people on the side.. not only is it unfair to the other person, but it also diminishes the chances of you really ending up together. That's just my opinion.
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