caretoimagine Posted December 30, 2016 Posted December 30, 2016 Although they still do everything that married couples do apart from live with each other. Not sure about physically. I just need some advice on the whole situation.I asked her to come to a hotel with me after we have had a day out and she replied that she would like to. I then said I couldn't wait to see her and I haven't received a reply since. This was 3 days ago. I am 30 and she is 53 so I don't know what my next move should be. It's obvious she finds me physically attractive and has done for a long while. Plus, since they are officially broken up I don't feel guilty. She does have a child though. Advice on my next move please. I am contemplatinh sending a text asking her when she is free. I'll leave it if I don't receive a reply.
carhill Posted December 30, 2016 Posted December 30, 2016 Normal dating stuff and not uncommon at all with people exiting committed relationships or marriages. Things change, seemingly for no reason at all sometimes. The solution is to be pursuing multiple women and one or two sometimes prove out long term. If those women are still married but are making separated/moved out noises, that's OK. Like this one changed her mind apparently, they're free to do that. No different than any other stranger one knows very little about. Stuff happens. IMO, accept her silence, make your NYE plans as appropriate and enjoy the company of women and maybe you'll meet someone else. Maybe not. If this one contacts you in the future, process it as you feel at the time. 1
Author caretoimagine Posted December 30, 2016 Author Posted December 30, 2016 Thanks for the advice. I unfortunately in a moment of weakness just asked her to let me know when she wants to meet up. If I receive no reply then I have my question answered and can move on. I'm not really that interested in playing games.
carhill Posted December 30, 2016 Posted December 30, 2016 Working from my past experience with MW's (married women having affairs or 'separated'), unexplained silences are pretty normal. They just go dark. I've had some go from 'I love you' to dark in a day. It's just what some do. The hard part was learning to process that stuff, since we tend to view others through the lens of our own psychology. One thing I did refine over time was removing open-ended stuff and getting specific, e.g. nailing down specific times and dates and places when asking. The work was fighting a natural inclination to be flexible and accommodating, basically supplicating to whatever whim they expressed. I was reminded of that by the wording of your request. Oh, honey, I'd love to kiss you under the mistletoe on Saturday. Let's get together. Cheesy, right? IDK, maybe, but sure did work a lot. In any event, have fun. Being around women is supposed to be fun. IME, generally, it has been. The married ones though, mixed bag
Author caretoimagine Posted December 30, 2016 Author Posted December 30, 2016 She just replied with hi, ok xx. Which to me isn't very reassuring. Do I definitely leave it now and wait for her to get in touch?? or do I reply but with what?? I've never been in this situation before.
smackie9 Posted December 30, 2016 Posted December 30, 2016 Your just a little distraction....stop wasting your time focusing on her. Date other people and let her ask for a hookup.
VeveCakes Posted December 30, 2016 Posted December 30, 2016 As I asked in your other thread - donyou want to date her or just sleep with her? Inviting someone to a hotel can be seen as an insult unless you both just want to hook up. Why not do a date without a sleep over first? 2
Author caretoimagine Posted December 30, 2016 Author Posted December 30, 2016 I don't know what she wants . I'm guessing a bit of fun going by what she was saying and acting last week. So yeah sex. She isn't bothered about a relationship with me and neither am I due to the age gap. She just went cold. On Tuesday she said she couldn't wait to see me again and then she said she lived spending time with me and wanted to go to a hotel with me but after I said I couldn't wait to see her there was nothing unto she texted me a couple of hours ago. I'm just unsure how to play this as it's not something that's ever happened to me before 1 No Strings Sex 2 The Age Gap 3 The Married Aspect It's left me feeling confused. So the best thing now is to just wait until she contacts me again??
MissPriss2017 Posted December 31, 2016 Posted December 31, 2016 You're a boy toy to her. The woman is old enough to be your mother for God's sakes. Women that age get off on knowing youngin's like yourself are most anxious to be 'taught' by an experienced woman such as herself. But make no mistake. You're a TOY to her. Her real family will always come first. Why don't you go hang out at the bingo hall and just find another older woman to lust after? Cougars (actually I think she's the next step up from cougar - panther?) are a dime a dozen.
William Posted December 31, 2016 Posted December 31, 2016 ^^Ha, ha, Lois, nice to see ya. Banned. However, the thread starter can enjoy your usual candor as they wish. It appears moderation has cleaned up a couple PBM's out of this thread and we apologize to the OP for any disruption. Please continue and Happy New Year. 1
Author caretoimagine Posted December 31, 2016 Author Posted December 31, 2016 Hmm maybe you are right. I' m not really interested in older women as a rule. This one just piqued my interest. I'll probably give it five days and ask her out on a specific date if I don't hear from her beforehand. If there is no interest or I am declined then so be it. Is that a good idea??
Scarlett94 Posted December 31, 2016 Posted December 31, 2016 You said let me know when you want to meet up and she said ok. So she will let you know. I wouldn't keep pursuing a woman who is old enough to be your mom. 2
kendahke Posted December 31, 2016 Posted December 31, 2016 Although they still do everything that married couples do apart from live with each other. Not sure about physically. I just need some advice on the whole situation.I asked her to come to a hotel with me after we have had a day out and she replied that she would like to. I then said I couldn't wait to see her and I haven't received a reply since. This was 3 days ago. I am 30 and she is 53 so I don't know what my next move should be. It's obvious she finds me physically attractive and has done for a long while. Plus, since they are officially broken up I don't feel guilty. She does have a child though. Advice on my next move please. I am contemplatinh sending a text asking her when she is free. I'll leave it if I don't receive a reply. My advice: leave married women alone. Until she comes to you and shows you the executed divorce decree or the death certificate for her husband, she's not available, as she has shown you.
Author caretoimagine Posted January 2, 2017 Author Posted January 2, 2017 Still nothing from her. Very tempted to just text her and ask her out this weekend but I probably won't. I need to date someone my age probably.
carhill Posted January 2, 2017 Posted January 2, 2017 Unless she died, trust me she knows how to find you if/when she wants something. Onward.
spiderowl Posted January 2, 2017 Posted January 2, 2017 (edited) Hmm, I tend to look on the negative side of things but I do see several red flags here. Separated but not divorced can mean many things. She may be truly separated and has just not got round to divorce or she may be hoping to patch things up. If it is the latter, forget her. The age gap is important. She might be interested in you and find you attractive but probably does not see any long-term prospect with you. It is a big risk for an older woman to get emotionally involved with a younger man. He is likely to move on to a younger woman at some point. She may be interested in casual fun but most older women I know actually want to start with something that could lead into a relationship, not just have a bit of fun with a younger guy. She hasn't responded to your text yet, so she probably has mixed feelings about any involvement with you. Someone who is interested would have responded, failing any technical problem with their phone. Did she initiate the marriage break-up? If not, you are wasting your time with her. Never get involved with a partner who is separated but did not initiate the break-up, especially within the first year after the split. They are still likely to be hoping for a reconciliation. (And yes, I really need to take my own advice .) The child will feature a lot in the relationship so, unless you are prepared to share her with a child and give that child your love and attention too, please do not bother. The child will always come first for her. You could text her to check that she has received your message. If she replies and acknowledges she got your other message, then that is a clear sign she is ambivalent at the least. Why don't you find someone your age instead anyway? Why this woman? Edited January 2, 2017 by spiderowl
Author caretoimagine Posted January 2, 2017 Author Posted January 2, 2017 Hmm, I tend to look on the negative side of things but I do see several red flags here. Separated but not divorced can mean many things. She may be truly separated and has just not got round to divorce or she may be hoping to patch things up. If it is the latter, forget her. The age gap is important. She might be interested in you and find you attractive but probably does not see any long-term prospect with you. It is a big risk for an older woman to get emotionally involved with a younger man. He is likely to move on to a younger woman at some point. She may be interested in casual fun but most older women I know actually want to start with something that could lead into a relationship, not just have a bit of fun with a younger guy. She hasn't responded to your text yet, so she probably has mixed feelings about any involvement with you. Someone who is interested would have responded, failing any technical problem with their phone. Did she initiate the marriage break-up? If not, you are wasting your time with her. Never get involved with a partner who is separated but did not initiate the break-up, especially within the first year after the split. They are still likely to be hoping for a reconciliation. (And yes, I really need to take my own advice .) The child will feature a lot in the relationship so, unless you are prepared to share her with a child and give that child your love and attention too, please do not bother. The child will always come first for her. You could text her to check that she has received your message. If she replies and acknowledges she got your other message, then that is a clear sign she is ambivalent at the least. Why don't you find someone your age instead anyway? Why this woman? I've never been with an older woman before. Plus I find her very attractive. I don't know why but I can't get her out of my mind. Tbh, I wish she would have just replied with I don't think there's any future in it instead of her half assed comment of ok. I'm not going to contact her though as I don't want her to think im pressurising her. Maybe if I don't text her it will get her wondering. How long in terms of duration should I give it until I know there is no interest on her part??
Author caretoimagine Posted January 4, 2017 Author Posted January 4, 2017 She text me saying that I have to understand she isn't a single lady but that she still wants to go out with me one day. Just received the text now.
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