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Girlfriend had a fling while on vacation and I don't feel anything..

t3sla

By t3sla
in Cheating, Flirting, and Jealousy

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t3sla New Member

t3sla

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My gf (25), went on a vacation a few weeks back. During that time, we were having constant fights, as I became insecure, jealous and just plain crazy. I was giving her a hard time. I know my mistake, as I became over protective and somewhat too controlling. I always ask where they are, what she's doing, why didn't she message me etc etc. (I ask her to send photos even if she's drinking coffee or eating).

 

One night, she lied about where they were and what they're actually doing because she's afraid of me. When I talked to her over the phone, she told me that they went drinking and had fun. I want full retard and ignored her for a whole day. For almost a week it was a fight, make up kind of thing. I always ask what she's doing and everything. My insecurity got the best of me and I pushed her away. She said that we need to breakup and she needs time to think about things.

 

Prior to the trip, her situation with her family is not that good. I can say that she's kind of feeling trapped, depressed even , and that a vacation is a breather for her. So her family was giving her a hard time, and I.

 

When she got back, we're still not okay and I can sense that something's up. She said she needs more time to think about things. Few days after, she messaged me and said she was sorry for not understanding me and she can't afford to throw away our relationship. We patched things up and I told her that I realized my mistake and I'm willing to do everything to change.

 

For 2 weeks our relationship was great, everything is perfect. I felt that our bond was restored and I feel complete again. One day, a random dude messaged me and asked if we are together, which I said yes.

 

I asked her about it, and she told me that she met him during her vacation, during our "break" period, and they had a fling. She told me it was not intentional and she doesn't have any feelings for him at all.

 

I was initially shocked when she admitted her mistake. She told me she was really sorry and probably because of guilt, she broke up with me. She said I deserve someone better etc. We didn't talk for a few days after the breakup and one night, she called me crying, saying she was sorry that everything was a mistake and she wants me back, that it was a wrong decision. I accepted that fact that I also played a part why this happened. (Insecurities, jealousy, neediness)

 

I thought about things and I realized that I can't really lose the person and I understand her point of view why she did it. I kinda felt nothing when she told me about the fling and for some reason, I was okay with it. I do understand where she's coming from, mid - life crisis perhaps or it's just a phase. I'm not saying what she did was right, it's just I understand her because at one point, I was on her shoes. I genuinely love the person with all her flaws and looking forward to the day we're gonna get married. We are planning to get counseling from this on how we can communicate effectively to improve our relationship.

 

I plan on giving her another chance and move forward from this. I kinda accepted that it was a karma of mine. (I cheated once from a past relationship and during the early stages of us exclusively dating, I had sex with a girl from the club. I also go to massage parlors regularly without her knowledge.)

 

I'm not sure why I don't feel as bad as I should with the knowledge that she had a fling. Is there something wrong with me?

Edited by t3sla
smackie9 Established Member

smackie9

Posted
Posted

because you DO understand, accept it and willing to move forward.

  • Like 1
mikeylo Established Member

mikeylo

Posted
Posted
My gf (25), went on a vacation a few weeks back. During that time, we were having constant fights, as I became insecure, jealous and just plain crazy. I was giving her a hard time. I know my mistake, as I became over protective and somewhat too controlling. I always ask where they are, what she's doing, why didn't she message me etc etc. (I ask her to send photos even if she's drinking coffee or eating).

 

One night, she lied about where they were and what they're actually doing because she's afraid of me. When I talked to her over the phone, she told me that they went drinking and had fun. I want full retard and ignored her for a whole day. For almost a week it was a fight, make up kind of thing. I always ask what she's doing and everything. My insecurity got the best of me and I pushed her away. She said that we need to breakup and she needs time to think about things.

 

Prior to the trip, her situation with her family is not that good. I can say that she's kind of feeling trapped, depressed even , and that a vacation is a breather for her. So her family was giving her a hard time, and I.

 

When she got back, we're still not okay and I can sense that something's up. She said she needs more time to think about things. Few days after, she messaged me and said she was sorry for not understanding me and she can't afford to throw away our relationship. We patched things up and I told her that I realized my mistake and I'm willing to do everything to change.

 

For 2 weeks our relationship was great, everything is perfect. I felt that our bond was restored and I feel complete again. One day, a random dude messaged me and asked if we are together, which I said yes.

 

I asked her about it, and she told me that she met him during her vacation, during our "break" period, and they had a fling. She told me it was not intentional and she doesn't have any feelings for him at all.

 

I was initially shocked when she admitted her mistake. She told me she was really sorry and probably because of guilt, she broke up with me. She said I deserve someone better etc. We didn't talk for a few days after the breakup and one night, she called me crying, saying she was sorry that everything was a mistake and she wants me back, that it was a wrong decision. I accepted that fact that I also played a part why this happened. (Insecurities, jealousy, neediness)

 

I thought about things and I realized that I can't really lose the person and I understand her point of view why she did it. I kinda felt nothing when she told me about the fling and for some reason, I was okay with it. I do understand where she's coming from, mid - life crisis perhaps or it's just a phase. I'm not saying what she did was right, it's just I understand her because at one point, I was on her shoes. I genuinely love the person with all her flaws and looking forward to the day we're gonna get married. We are planning to get counseling from this on how we can communicate effectively to improve our relationship.

 

I plan on giving her another chance and move forward from this. I kinda accepted that it was a karma of mine. (I cheated once from a past relationship and during the early stages of us exclusively dating, I had sex with a girl from the club. I also go to massage parlors regularly without her knowledge.)

 

I'm not sure why I don't feel as bad as I should with the knowledge that she had a fling. Is there something wrong with me?

 

25 midlife crisis ? Lol

 

You are going to massage parlors without her knowledge and with no remorse or regret. She is at least sorry ! Duh

  • Like 3
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t3sla New Member

t3sla

Posted
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Posted
25 midlife crisis ? Lol

 

You are going to massage parlors without her knowledge and with no remorse or regret. She is at least sorry ! Duh

 

My bad. It's supposed to be quarter life crisis.

Space Ritual Established Member

Space Ritual

Posted
Posted
I'm not sure why I don't feel as bad as I should with the knowledge that she had a fling. Is there something wrong with me?

 

Because you yourself are cheater, that's why.

 

There is no such thing as a Quarter Life Crisis..what the hell are you watching MTV a little to much?

 

Look, if you were single, and you were seeing hookers and getting an extra service from the Yank and Tug, that would be one thing,. But being in a relationship and doing it?

 

That is not only risking your partner's health, that's just plain stupid and creepy

 

I have a sneaking suspicion that you actually are more turned on by her cheating than you think you are. You really don't see too much wrong with it and find it exciting, now that the tables have been turned on you.

 

You two need to stay together, because to subject either of yourselves to another human being would be a shame.

  • Like 5
GunslingerRoland Established Member

GunslingerRoland

Posted
Posted

Maybe a monogamous relationship isn't the right place for you? Maybe you should go back to the single life, or find someone who is into an open relationship.

 

She is devastated over the fact that she slept with someone while you were on a break, and meanwhile you are not concerned at all with the fact you are cheating on her.

 

It doesn't seem fair to her.

  • Like 2
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t3sla New Member

t3sla

Posted
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With the quarter life crisis thing, i'm not so sure that's why I said maybe. My understanding is that we all mistakes and I believe that we, as a couple, can move forward from this. I admit at first I felt betrayed and miserable for a while then I came to understand why that happened.

 

I believe that I can change as well. All of us are capable to change for the better.

mikeylo Established Member

mikeylo

Posted
Posted
With the quarter life crisis thing, i'm not so sure that's why I said maybe. My understanding is that we all mistakes and I believe that we, as a couple, can move forward from this. I admit at first I felt betrayed and miserable for a while then I came to understand why that happened.

 

I believe that I can change as well. All of us are capable to change for the better.

 

Start from owing up your massage parlors.

  • Like 1
road Established Member

road

Posted
Posted

At this point you need IC to correct why you think it is oh to cheat.

As well as confess your sins to your GF for she deserves the truth.

  • Like 1
Whitestar Established Member

Whitestar

Posted
Posted

Yeah dont leave her feeling like the bad person here. Confession will probably make her feel better about herself. Just be nice to each other from now on!

 

(I have never even been to a massage parlor ???)

  • Like 1
CobraX Member

CobraX

Posted
Posted
With the quarter life crisis thing, i'm not so sure that's why I said maybe. My understanding is that we all mistakes and I believe that we, as a couple, can move forward from this. I admit at first I felt betrayed and miserable for a while then I came to understand why that happened.

I believe that I can change as well. All of us are capable to change for the better.

 

You don't care because you feel guilty. She blames you and you let her. You are a doormat to her my friend.

 

I don't understand what's wrong with getting a massage. I've done it many times and it's no big deal.

Try Established Member

Try

Posted
Posted
I was initially shocked when she admitted her mistake. She told me she was really sorry and probably because of guilt, she broke up with me. She said I deserve someone better etc. We didn't talk for a few days after the breakup and one night, she called me crying, saying she was sorry that everything was a mistake and she wants me back, that it was a wrong decision. I accepted that fact that I also played a part why this happened. (Insecurities, jealousy, neediness).
Nothing you did when she was on this trip indicates unfounded "Insecurities, jealousy, neediness". Your gut told you that something was wrong because she was acting differently than she normally does with you. You were right as she had met another man (OM) on this trip that she was romantically interested in. As is common with most cheaters, she picked fights with you so as to look for an excuse to break up with you so that she could rationalize her fling. The cheater calling you insecure, jealous, and needy is false excuse number one that is used throughout the infidelity sections of websites for causing the planned breakup so that they can cheat and blame. What they are hoping that you will not notice is that you were right in that there was an OM that they were romantically getting involved with. You had corretly detected the emotional affair (EA) part of it and knew early on that it was going to go physical. Please understand that there is nothing wrong with you having questioned her actions, when your gut tells you that you had good reason to, especially when it is later confirmed that you were right.

 

I also go to massage parlors regularly without her knowledge.
Secretly going to "massage parlors regularly without her knowledge" makes you a serial un-remorseful cheater. You feel nothing about her cheating because now you have an ace in the hole should she find out about your cheating.

 

Nothing to see here, time to move along.

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t3sla New Member

t3sla

Posted
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Nothing you did when she was on this trip indicates unfounded "Insecurities, jealousy, neediness". Your gut told you that something was wrong because she was acting differently than she normally does with you. You were right as she had met another man (OM) on this trip that she was romantically interested in. As is common with most cheaters, she picked fights with you so as to look for an excuse to break up with you so that she could rationalize her fling. The cheater calling you insecure, jealous, and needy is false excuse number one that is used throughout the infidelity sections of websites for causing the planned breakup so that they can cheat and blame. What they are hoping that you will not notice is that you were right in that there was an OM that they were romantically getting involved with. You had corretly detected the emotional affair (EA) part of it and knew early on that it was going to go physical. Please understand that there is nothing wrong with you having questioned her actions, when your gut tells you that you had good reason to, especially when it is later confirmed that you were right.

 

Secretly going to "massage parlors regularly without her knowledge" makes you a serial un-remorseful cheater. You feel nothing about her cheating because now you have an ace in the hole should she find out about your cheating.

 

Nothing to see here, time to move along.

 

Happy new year and I thank you for your input. Actually, the insecurities, jealousy, neediness and being overprotective has been going on for a long time. Even our friends told me that I am a little bit too much but I was blinded by my own way of thinking. An example: I got mad when she was drinking inside her house with her mom and cousins and some friends of her cousins.

 

We decided to talk about this in person, and I decided to stay and trace the root cause of our problems and move forward as a renewed couple.

  • 4 weeks later...
AngryGromit Established Member

AngryGromit

Posted
Posted

I don't understand what's wrong with getting a massage. I've done it many times and it's no big deal.

 

Depends on what kind of massage parlor. It your going to a legit massage parlor, then I see nothing wrong with getting massages without your Wife or Girlfriends knowledge. However, increasingly common are Asian Massage Parlors with usually provide a HJ happy ending, and sometimes even full service sex.

whichwayisup Established Member

whichwayisup

Posted
Posted

I plan on giving her another chance and move forward from this. I kinda accepted that it was a karma of mine. (I cheated once from a past relationship and during the early stages of us exclusively dating, I had sex with a girl from the club. I also go to massage parlors regularly without her knowledge.)

 

I'm not sure why I don't feel as bad as I should with the knowledge that she had a fling. Is there something wrong with me?

 

Probably because you cheated on her and never told her and the fact you go to massage parlors and haven't told her. So it's easier to forgive her and move on together rather than admit what you did and are currently doing.

 

Why do you feel the need to go to a massage parlor? You're putting yourself and your gf's health at risk. How far to you allow things to go?

  • Like 1
whichwayisup Established Member

whichwayisup

Posted
Posted

 

We decided to talk about this in person, and I decided to stay and trace the root cause of our problems and move forward as a renewed couple.

 

As a renewed couple but you're hiding the truth from her. She came clean about what she did, took the chance of losing you. If you love and respect her, then allow her the same courtesy. Come clean and tell her the truth.

  • Like 1
ExpatInItaly Established Member

ExpatInItaly

Posted
Posted

This "renewed couple" concept is absolute hogwash if you also don't come clean yourself.

 

I'm assuming these were not legitimate massages if you felt the need to hide them from her.

 

Be a man. Own up to what you have done so that she doesn't go forward feeling like she is the only one who did wrong when you yourself have a few secrets.

 

Otherwise, your "renewed couple" idea is a complete farce.

  • Like 1
HandsomeAndLonely Member

HandsomeAndLonely

Posted
Posted

I plan on giving her another chance and move forward from this. I kinda accepted that it was a karma of mine. (I cheated once from a past relationship and during the early stages of us exclusively dating, I had sex with a girl from the club. I also go to massage parlors regularly without her knowledge.)

 

I'm not sure why I don't feel as bad as I should with the knowledge that she had a fling. Is there something wrong with me?

 

^^ Yes, your girlfriend's fling with some other guy during her vacation does seem like God's Karma towards your fling at AMPs.

 

If you're single, and have difficulty finding a girlfriend and want sex, then yeah, I can see how you are in the mood to find an escort to have sex.

 

But man, you're lucky to have been in a relationship. Didn't you feel any guilt while having sex with escorts?

  • Like 1
road Established Member

road

Posted
Posted
because you DO understand, accept it and willing to move forward.

 

No he does not understand. Cheaters always play the you are too controlling

card. This GF played him like a pro. Had a OM chasing her so she plays up

her BF insecurities to escalate to a break up. She now has justified her

f'ing her new toy and not call it cheating. Then crocodile tears for

forgiveness when she gets back home.

 

 

What is the OP to do?

 

 

Dump her.

 

 

Why?

 

 

Because he does not need to be back here posting years from now.

You see I have seen too many BH have a WW come and post that my

WW cheated on me why did I not dump her the first time she cheated

on me before we got married.

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