Why is my girlfriend purposefully annoying me?

[Area57]

New girlfriend. She basically sleeps at my house every night. Maybe she is secretly plotting to move in, or maybe she already has.....!

 

Seriously tho, we have gotten along pretty well and there is this weird source of conflict that keeps comin up. I don't know why ah is doig it andni also don't know why it drives me so crazy.

 

Basically at night, when I come home, that is the main time we get to spend together. But night after night she leaves to another room an purposefully ignores me. For hours, until I'm pissed off and then we fight for hours. I told her that it is the main thing that bothers me. I don even really mind the fact that she goes off alone. Well, I do, but the main thing is I want us to fall asleep together. So I wait and then get madder and madder and walk in the room and ask her if she will be in soon. And then she explodes and threatens to leave in te middle of the night, so I capitulate ad end up begging her i stay because I don't want the neighbors to hear fighting so late and because it isn't safe to leave so late.

 

So I apologize and beg her to at last stay until morning.

 

After a huge fight last night I came home tonight to her being sweet. The as soon as we were gettin along, she retreats to the extra bedroom for hours.

 

Why? She had even left me a card she wrote about how special I was.

 

So what is causing this? Power struggle? Sabotage? Am I over reactin?

[GemmaUK]

Did you ask her why she goes into another room?

[Mangue]

Go with her and have sex

Or let her be alone if it's what's she need. Don't be that dependant.

[phineas]

is she hacking the pentagon and your spare room has the best signal from the starbucks wifi?

 

why not ask her WTF she is doing?

it's your house isn't it?

 

argue for hrs?

really?

 

who is the man in this relationship?

[IfonlyIknew]

It sounds to me that you guys are spending a lot of time at your house, she is sneaking away for her "me time". I do this too (but not for that long) I have to find time everyday alone for my sanity. We are all wired differently she might just need more time than others.

[doyathinkso]

Oh come on now. You do really love all this drama don't you? I mean, it's always one thing after another.

 

Look, if it's working you'll know it's working. Aaaaand, if not ... then not.

Edited December 30, 2016 by doyathinkso
punctuation

[amaysngrace]

Next time she retreats to the spare bedroom, leave.

 

Go to the mall. Hit the the gym. Get a meal. Whatever.

 

If it's alone time she wants give it to her freely.

[Area57]

Well, the post about me liking drama was mean but no I don't and I dont like fighting at all.

 

I would think it would be the me time but she does it like tonght, when we firs saw each other at 11:00. She was in there from 12-3. It's getting rediculous. We had been apart all day. Maybe we just don't get along. Moved too fast.

[Formerfiveo]

Maybe set some boundaries and tell her that she can't spend the night anymore.

 

Problem solved.

[Gaeta]

What does she do in that other room?

 

Tell her to go spend 'me time' at her own place and when she feels like spending an evening with you she is welcome.

 

Next time she threats to leave go get her coat and hand it to her.

 

She is a new GF, how long you've been dating? If you had been dating for a few years I'd say to let her have her 'me time' but this is ridiculous from a new GF. All that fighting is ridiculous. You don't endure a behavior like this in a new relationship, you end it and look for someone better suited.

[BaileyB]

I agree, if she wants me time she can go home.

 

In a new relationship, it's not good that she closets herself in the spare room and that you are fighting about things.

[Area57]

Yeah I think I'm over it

[RecentChange]

Very very strange. I would never go to someone's house, then not hang out with them, wtf?

 

As for "new girlfriend" and "fighting for hours" the point of dating is to see if you are compatible. Fighting early in a relationship shows that you two aren't.

[GemmaUK]

What is her reason OP? You didn't let us know.

Also, why is she at yours so much?

You seem not to know. Surely you have communicated??

[vampirebrat]

Kinda late to this. If want to continue then next time she goes off for alone time I would approach her and try to talk. If she flies off the handle I'd calmly ask her to leave.

 

After that I'd give it some time, still talk and stuff but try to meet elsewhere. You need to re-establish boundaries. Because right now by begging her to stay you're green flagging unacceptable behaviour and giving her too much power.

 

If things start to improve then I'd start letting her stay over again. But only if you want her to. It's your house after all.

 

Good luck.

[kvolm2016]

Yeah I think I'm over it

 

"Over it" as in you're done with the relationship or "over it" as in not gonna fight about it anymore and let the relationship continue the way it is?

[stillafool]

Why can't she go to her place if she wants alone time? Does she live with her parents? If so, I think she is using you for along time in your apartment.

[enddeck]

Are you sure she actually has her own place to live.It seems to me she just wants to live rent free without any interaction with you.I would tell her hit the road fairly soon.

[joseb]

OP, how many days a week is she at your place?

How does she get in (does she have a key, is she there alone?)

Doe she work?

Have you been to her place?

 

It's a bit pathetic to hear you begging her to stay after she has been ignoring you. Don't do that again.

 

How long have you been together?

How is your sex life?

 

Just trying to get an idea on if she is just using you for a place to crash...

[bachdude]

So the way I read it is you are gone all day at work and when you get home she goes into the other room for the rest of the evening.

 

 

I would say when she retreats, and it sounds often, she doesn't want to spend time with you.

 

 

And my question is, why is she at your place most of the time if not to spend time with you?

 

 

If it's not to spend time with you there must be another reason.

 

 

I think the other posters have a point. She may be looking for a place to crash.

[grays]

If a guy was doing this to me, I'd tell him I only want him around when he actually wants to spend time with me. Maybe if you only saw each other twice a week she'd wanna actually be with you on those nights.

[whichwayisup]

Maybe there's more going on and she's not ready to open up about it. Maybe she has a sleep disorder or anxiety which can affect sleep.

 

Instead of letting it get to the point of a fight, calmly ask her what is going on and if there's something she needs to talk to you about, that you're willing to listen.

[basil67]

Why do you say she's purposely trying to annoy you?

[Area57]

Lol so many funny and good responses! Begging her o stay was maybe a harsh way to put it. I just don't want my neighbors to see people storming off at 3 in the morning.

 

She does have some anxiety. I'll see what I can do.

 

I do need to tees tabling boundaries.

 

The sex is good. Too good. We haven't missed a day besides today and yesterday since she has been gone in the past moth and a half

[Lansing]

And you didn't answer what she is doing in this other room? Reading, on the computer, on her phone?

 

Not sure why she can't do these things in the same room as you unless she doesn't want to be around you.... The whole thing seems odd..

 

I was dating a girl once and a bunch of times she wasn't "tired" to go to bed at 1am and wanted to stay up later. She didn't work so she wasn't tired as most other people were and it started bugging me. That was the start of the end for me. She would make fun of me for not being able to stay up later/etc.