Am I crazy or are my ex and his friends jerks? clear my mind

[jellyfish666]

hi all,

 

just got out of a 2 year relationship, way too much stuff to talk about but this is definitely one of the most shocking ones Ive been in, and looking back i can't believe i spent this much time around this ex and his friends,

 

it's got to the point where they've been constantly trying to brainwash me and convince me that im the one thats crazy and hard to satisfy here.

 

a brief background intro:

we are a group of asian americans. we all grew up in USA but Im from east coast, most of my exbfs' friends including him are from the west.

 

i moved to asia few years ago when my ex moved there as well and we met in china.

 

im 28, my ex is same age as me.

 

ok, so at first i started to notice that my ex and all his friends all came from decently well off families and none of them work outside of their family.

they all work for their parents. therefore none of them are really independent in a sense. i guess this is another reason why they act like overgrown boys cuz they dont have the real stress of adults or mortgages to pay etc.

 

most of them smoke, drink, blaze all the time, even his friends that are married with kids. they would leave the kids and wife home and come out to party with their unmarried guy friends ALL THE TIME.

 

i met a few of my exbf's friend's wives, EVERY SINGLE ONE of them complained to me about their husbands.

 

most of these women don't have jobs or income and depend on their husband to provide, some are brainwashed to believe that women should take all this **** (asian culture) so it's a pretty bad situation.

 

some of these guys intentionally choose women from much lower financial/social status backgrounds than them, so they can have the upper hand in the marriage and have their wives cater to them like maids.

 

one time, one of my ex's close guy friend, let's call him G, G was having dinner with us and some other friends,

and G started talking about his exgf. I never met his exgf as they broke up way before i started dating my ex.

 

G kept complaining about her, saying how bad she was, how terrible/awful and crazy she was blah blah blah. i just listened, obviously.

 

then he said he's with his current girlfriend because she takes all his ****, just like how he used to take his "evil exgfs ****", except the roles are reversed now and his current girlfriend is such a good girlfriend because she never complains and takes it like a champ (so essentially she's a doormat, i guess thats what it truly means)

he even said he's still more attracted to his exgf cuz she has bigger tits than his current one. (i felt quite disgusted when i heard that, it's quite disrespectful to talk about your girlfriend like this in public at a friends gathering when there are other females present, its not a guys locker room talk between boys.)

 

at that moment i felt sorry for his current girlfriend, (she wasn't at the dinner so obviously she doesnt know G talks about her like this to his friends)

 

this is one teeny tiny example that doesn't even mean anything. but this is their normal exchanges...

 

i remember one time i was telling my exbf's guy friend, a guy name S, how my ex is too dependent on his family and theres always so much family drama, i felt like the 3rd person in the relationship, him, his family and me.

I just want a normal relationship with a mature independent adult so we can build our own lives.

 

S raised his eyebrows at me, and literally word for word said this to me:" do you know you are a girl? if so, you should know that usually the GIRL needs to cater to the guy and his family."

 

i looked at him and was SHOCKED.

 

PLEASE MIND YOU WE ARE ALL ASIAN AMERICANS THAT GREW UP IN USA!!! WHERE DOES THIS "GIRL NEEDS TO CATER TO THE GUY AND HIS FAMILY COME FROM"???

 

AM I crazy or is this still 2016????!!

 

another nightmare was my ex's mother. the worst woman i have ever met my entire life. (i had 3 exbfs before him, all their moms and sisters, if they had sisters, LOVED me. i still miss some of them to this day, so i have no problems with moms in general and never ever thought it would ever be an issue)

 

his mom is divorced and not married. my ex is her only son. shes extremely snobby and thinks they are from a better background than everyone else, she also believes that all women out there are to get her son, therefore they should kiss her ass and bend over backwards.

 

she even said to me one time:"if you want to marry my son, you should do this and that blah blah blah, be prepared to sacrifice yourself if you want to marry into our family,"

i was dumbstruck shocked again, i started thinking in my head what the heck is wrong with this woman? who says something like this out of nowhere???

sacrifice for what??? my own mom and dad dont even say this to me, who the hell are you to say this to another girl??

 

she was insane, she would insist on having lunch/dinner with us all the time during the first year of us dating, i literally saw this woman more often than my own mother.

she would even demand us spend time with her, one time she even questioned me:"how dare you try take my son away from me, why can't we 3 all spend time together." umm, sorry but im not dating you ??? im dating your son?

 

she fires her live-in maid every 3 months as none of the maids want to work for her long term. explains how nasty she can be.

 

gosh, i can't even muster up the courage to type out the real nasty stories in the past 2 years, the stuff i wrote here are nothing....

 

there were blacked out drunk nights that resulted in violent fights, my ex has drinking, drug and sex addiction, had DUIs, not just one but two i think, constantly high, smoking weed all the time. doesn't have any income and is always trying to make some grand business deal happen but it never did..etc etc. always with his mom, scared to death by his mom..and being surrounded by the same type of men that are emotionally immature, selfish and truly believe women should cater to them and their family like maids.....

i literally thought i was living in the Qing Dynasty in China, not 2016.....i can go on forever.

 

 

I finally woke up a year into the relationship and told my ex Im not taking this crap anymore. i stopped seeing his mom and i didn't care at all.

 

the relationship got dragged on another year and i was able to see more and more clearly this group of guys are just plain bad dating choices.

 

I feel lost sometimes, I can't believe i was surrounded by people like this in the past 2 years and being convinced im the crazy one here..

 

i got my own business on track and am doing quite well these days, Im glad I woke up and left.

 

Just wanted to vent and share this...am i being too harsh on my judgement or am i the only sane person here >_< whew....

[Nowty V]

They are all on some crazy superficial trip.

 

Gas-lighting is a common way of eroding someone's self confidence in order to gain control of them.

 

The World is a crazy place, you can only strive for your ideals, stay true to you.

[Sweetfish]

Sounds like you dealt with this because you were sucked into the status and position the BF was in and not his personality traits. If this was a humble average guy i wonder if you would put up with the same abuse.

[jellyfish666]

They are all on some crazy superficial trip.

 

Gas-lighting is a common way of eroding someone's self confidence in order to gain control of them.

 

The World is a crazy place, you can only strive for your ideals, stay true to you.

 

thanks for the kind words...im not sure if they intentionally gas lighted me or this is something they all sincerely believed in...sounds like the later..

but yes stay true to yourself, that is very important. thanks alot for the comment:bunny:

[jellyfish666]

Sounds like you dealt with this because you were sucked into the status and position the BF was in and not his personality traits. If this was a humble average guy i wonder if you would put up with the same abuse.

 

you are right but not 100%...i came from a decent background myself and have dated guys from decent backgrounds too...but i didn't get this kind of entitlement attitude from them..

 

this group seem to be alot more full of themselves and truly believe men are above women (old chinese culture beliefs) which is quite odd considering we all grew up in the west....not china

 

but yes, i learned my lesson to see a guy for who he is, not where he's from and what he appears to have...i guess its a lesson most women learn in their 20s....definitely won't be putting up with any disrespect like this in the future, don't care if he's the prince of england.