indyboy362 Posted December 30, 2016 Posted December 30, 2016 Me: 26M Her: 24F Been together 1.4 years. LDR - She lives 2 hours away. So this new years I have been invited to a big get together with my friends. I told them I would go 3 weeks ago and have been excited for it. My girlfriend however, does not like my friends at all, and does not enjoy being at their parties. She's telling me that I should ditch my good friends and just hang out with her at her house for the night, just the two of us. She says that hanging out with her on new years trumps anything else. I'm trying to meet her halfway and say we can go to my friend's party and leave early and then hang out on our own, but she still does not want to. Now I wouldn't mind doing her house plan, but I barely get to see my friends nowadays. It'd be great to catch up with everybody. And I literally see my girlfriend every other weekend, whereas I barely get to see my friends. My girlfriend says that I should just wait for another big event sometime next year. Is she being selfish here? Or is being with her on new years completely trump everything? If she had a big event on new years with her friends, I would feel extremely selfish if I told her that she couldn't go and to hang out with just me. Lastly keep in mind that on our Anniversary a few months ago, there was miscommunication on both sides and I ended up spending the night with my friends instead of her. She just wanted to hangout in a hotel room alone instead of follow through with the entire plan I setup and it caused her to not come at all. It was both our faults and now she's saying that I'm going to ditch her again if I don't hang out with her on new years.
letsgetcoffee Posted December 30, 2016 Posted December 30, 2016 I feel like this post lacks sufficient context to really give an insightful reply but I'll do my best since nobody else seems compelled to : ). One piece of information that is crucial here is when your girlfriend asked you to spend new years eve with her, and when she found out you already had plans. If this is like a deal-breaker situation for her, or would introduce a lot of stress into your relationship, and you can find time to spend with your friends later, I'd say hang out with your girlfriend. It's also worth asking her if there's any way you can make up for it, explain how important seeing your friends is, how long you've planned, etc and say "But I really value spending time with you, how about we do something special a different day instead?"
Author indyboy362 Posted December 30, 2016 Author Posted December 30, 2016 We knew we would spend new year's together earlier this month. And early this month she kept asking what my friends were doing to see what her plans would be. She said she wanted to do something with my friends. Originally it was to hang out in a nearby city to a club, but now it's changed to a house party which she isn't into, so I think that's why she changed her mind.
phineas Posted December 30, 2016 Posted December 30, 2016 sorry but a GF who doesn't like my friends or doesn't want me hanging with them would not last long with me. I had one ex who didn't like my friends, didn't want to hang with them, didn't want me hanging with them, wanted me to spend all my free time with her instead. yeah, she got the boot. if you are turning into one of those guys who falls off the face of the earth because of your GF you need to stop that. Otherwise when she dumps you, you won't have any friends to turn to because you bailed on them all the time.
IfonlyIknew Posted December 30, 2016 Posted December 30, 2016 She is trying to isolate you. It should be compromised. Your idea of events sound fair.
introverted1 Posted December 30, 2016 Posted December 30, 2016 Your compromise is fair. Did she actually say that hanging out with her "trumps anything"? What does that even mean? Sounds like the set up to a controlling relationship, which is bad news, imo.
SoleMate Posted December 30, 2016 Posted December 30, 2016 Female here. Unless there are some special circumstances.....like, say, a recent grievous loss or heartbreak that means your GF needs seclusion and special care on NYE.....her request for you to completely skip the party does not appear reasonable to me. As you've said, it's a rare opportunity for you to spend time with friends whom you rarely have a chance to see. And your compromise plan sounded very reasonable to me. If you end up skipping the party, I doubt if the two of you will even have a nice evening......you'll find it hard not to think about the fun you're missing, and she'll doubtless notice your distraction. So you'd be missing this long-planned special evening for a non-enjoyable one. Obviously your choice....a tough one.
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