didifkup Posted December 30, 2016 Posted December 30, 2016 (edited) I was really stressed already the whole day and we were doing something and we were in the heat of the moment and she said, "why don't you just love me?" I said "I do love you." She responds saying it doesn't feel like I love her. I said, "what do i have to do? how dont i love you, i dedicate all my time to you." she keeps saying it doesnt feel like i love her and then i was pretty overtook with emotion because i really do spend all my time with her and she is all i talk to and show affection to on the daily. I ended up crying and she felt bad for saying that it doesn't feel like I don't love her. She said she didn't mean it, so now I feel like I cried for nothing because i took her concern seriously and I didn't want her to feel like that. But now i feel like less of a man.. for crying in front her. she was trying to cheer me up the whole time afterwards by showing extra amounts of affection..did i **** up? will she lose attraction for me because i cried? I'm already a timid person, and i feel like crying just seals the deal in making me seem like a wimp. I've read online in many places that say you should never cry in front of your gf so im concerned. Edited December 30, 2016 by didifkup 1
Mkn1010 Posted December 30, 2016 Posted December 30, 2016 Anyone who thinks you shouldn't cry in front of your GF as a 'man' is a flipping IDIOT! End of story! (PS: I'm a woman and love men who cry) 6
RecentChange Posted December 30, 2016 Posted December 30, 2016 All of my serious boy friends, from the burly line backer, to the motorcycle dude, to the tough athlete have all cried to me. I never felt anything less about them, only touched that they could be so vulnerable to me. If she can't handle some years she is immature. 4
winny Posted December 30, 2016 Posted December 30, 2016 Aww...sweetheart... it's okay...!! There is nothing wrong in being yourself and being vulnerable...! It is an act of courage to show your authentic self to someone.... most people hide behind masks. You have nothing to worry... take care... 3
Satu Posted December 30, 2016 Posted December 30, 2016 There's nothing wrong with a man crying when he needs to. The ones to worry about are the ones that don't. Take care. 5
Ronnys93 Posted December 30, 2016 Posted December 30, 2016 Personally I don't date a guy who cries in front of me. I like strong men. You probably look like wimp I'd say. Unless your mom and dad dies, crying for no reason is not okay in my book. Sincerely, Part of the problem. 2
basil67 Posted December 30, 2016 Posted December 30, 2016 If your girlfriend is kind and thoughtful, she won't mind at all. If anything, your show of emotion will let her see the depth of your feelings. As context, can you tell us more about what had been happening before she said this? How were you behaving when you were stressed?
Author didifkup Posted December 30, 2016 Author Posted December 30, 2016 we were playing a video game together online and she was giving me a hard time because we were losing the whole day..i was giving her a hard time too sorta..nothing major i didnt act out
basil67 Posted December 30, 2016 Posted December 30, 2016 we were playing a video game together online and she was giving me a hard time because we were losing the whole day..i was giving her a hard time too sorta..nothing major i didnt act out In that case, I do think she owes you an explanation. It's a pretty horrible accusation for her to make if she can't back it up with a reason she feels this way. 1
PogoStick Posted December 30, 2016 Posted December 30, 2016 (edited) It likely means she's the one with issues. She sounds immature. Probably has unrealistic expectations of what love and relationships really are. A woman who can't be satisfied is exhausting, and not worth the effort in the end. It's time to do some serious searching whether you want to continue with her. PS. I might also consider her remark to be projection. She may have said that because she doesn't feel in love WITH YOU. She then blames her lack of feelings as a result of your actions. Such as, "Why doesn't he make me feel like I love him? It must be because he doesn't love me". Edited December 30, 2016 by PogoStick 4
GoodOnPaper Posted December 30, 2016 Posted December 30, 2016 I ended up crying and she felt bad for saying that it doesn't feel like I don't love her. She said she didn't mean it, so now I feel like I cried for nothing because i took her concern seriously and I didn't want her to feel like that. But now i feel like less of a man.. for crying in front her. she was trying to cheer me up the whole time afterwards by showing extra amounts of affection..did i **** up? will she lose attraction for me because i cried? I'm already a timid person, and i feel like crying just seals the deal in making me seem like a wimp. I've read online in many places that say you should never cry in front of your gf so im concerned. Don't beat yourself up over this. Yes, the crying thing is a minefield but I see a lot of things at work here - it's not worth scarring yourself over. First, it seems that your GF made this into a s***-test. That's just plain mean and if this episode adversely affects your relationship in any way, that's on her. That said, since you describe yourself as "timid", you probably need to be prepared for the likelihood that many women will not consider your crying to be a positive or endearing thing. Guys like this . . . from the burly line backer, to the motorcycle dude, to the tough athlete have all cried to me. . . . can cry all they want to their GFs and wives in private and it's considered endearing because they have such tough public personas. For those of us who are "timid", "nerdy", "soft-spoken", or otherwise give a vibe that our sensitivity sits close to the surface, it's a different story. Then the crying thing is truly a minefield. I know that crying once killed a GFs attraction to me, but my sense was that instead of being due to some kind of wimp-related impression, it was more about how my crying revealed that I viewed the relationship more seriously than she did. But with THAT said, I think the healthiest thing is to try and live and feel as authentically as possible. If you can cry, or not cry, without worrying about others' impressions of your manhood, then that's probably the best masculinity statement you can make. 1
letsgetcoffee Posted December 30, 2016 Posted December 30, 2016 (edited) I'm not responding atm to any of the original questions/requests for your advice, but it's TOTALLY OK for dudes to cry. I'm a dude. I cry. More often than not, I find women respect and appreciate men who can show emotional vulnerability and express their emotions in a real way. Don't worry about the crying, it's totally normal, and all dudes cry. Edited December 30, 2016 by letsgetcoffee 4
Gaeta Posted December 30, 2016 Posted December 30, 2016 Actually I think it will do good for your relationship. It will show her that her words can hurt and if she doesn't mean something then she should not go around and pretend 'I don't feel your love' just to get a reaction out of you. I see her getting a new respect for you out of this.
IfonlyIknew Posted December 30, 2016 Posted December 30, 2016 You're absolutely fine. I'm not a crier, and neither is my boyfriend but when he first cried in front of me I just felt closer to him, that he is comfortable enough to share such a vulnerable emotion.
BaileyB Posted December 30, 2016 Posted December 30, 2016 Agreed, there is nothing wrong with crying in front of a woman. Her behavior, is a little less respectable... 1
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