Ex girlfriend broke up with me for co worker

[Solost123]

Hi everyone Iv never posted on a forum or anything before regarding my personal life but I would appreciate to hear people's opinions on what's going on in my life. I'm feeling absolutely devastated and in shock.

 

My ex partner broke up with me out of the blue. we've been with eachother over 3 years. Like we were the couple nobody thought would ever break up. We were living with eachother for most of this time, we have gone through so much together. Spent most of our days together, I cant help feeling like I messed it up myself. She started studying from home and normal 9to5 work and we lost so much time together. I feel like I went down the road of getting too comfortable not helping out around the house as much etc. Didnt go out with friends much as I genuinely preferred my nights in with her to start but then maybe it just became habit. The breakup was a shock and I buried my head in the sand for a few days then it hit me. I moved out and was dealing with it okay, 2 weeks later I find out that she's had a crush on a higher up work colleague who has a girlfriend for around a year. I knew about this guy when it first happened and she told me it was stupid and that it was just a irrational feeling she had because she wasn't happy. Now I hear this news Im finding it all so hard. I found out that they had both confessed their feelings to eachother months ago. I guess I was just kept in the picture until she had finally made up her mind? Apparently he's in a relationship where the girlfriend is completely dependant on him so apparently that's the reason he can't leave. She tells me she isn't going to get with him etc buts a loud of rubbish. I can't help but feel that this guy is a snake and is just a womanizer but I don't know him at all so im thinking out of emotion. How she has been is unrecognisable, I really didn't think she would ever do something like this to me. I was a good boyfriend and she knew I loved her with everything but she said that we had grown apart and that basically I needed to grow up. Through the hard times in her life I stood by her and supported her financially and emotionally but as soon as she gets to a good point in her life and mine took a dip it feels like she needed a upgrade. I made a stupid mistake a year into the relationship and cheated on her. Told her everything and we agreed to give it another shot. We got past it by me not almost giving up going out into town with my friends due to her paranoia it was just easier to not go out at all.

 

I find it so hard because I know it was my fault that the relationship didn't work out and I could of been so much better. Those sorts of feelings just creep on me and I get the thought of what if she was the one and I blew it all. Don't really know what my question is but I would like some input on it? I just feel lost and worthless. I also read the texts between them and it was horrible. She told me she is no longer in love with me. I just don't get how this all happened so quickly. I know she must of been thinking these things for a while as girls do but how could I of been so blind sighted to it. Im finding everything in life sour and Unenjoyable. Feel like I'm sinking into a pit of self pity and everything I once enjoyed doing I no longer enjoy I'm 27 and she's 23

Edited December 30, 2016 by Solost123

[Pugwash]

Hi everyone Iv never posted on a forum or anything before regarding my personal life but I would appreciate to hear people's opinions on what's going on in my life. I'm feeling absolutely devastated and in shock.

 

My ex partner broke up with me out of the blue. we've been with eachother over 3 years. Like we were the couple nobody thought would ever break up. We were living with eachother for most of this time, we have gone through so much together. Spent most of our days together, I cant help feeling like I messed it up myself. She started studying from home and normal 9to5 work and we lost so much time together. I feel like I went down the road of getting too comfortable not helping out around the house as much etc. Didnt go out with friends much as I genuinely preferred my nights in with her to start but then maybe it just became habit. The breakup was a shock and I buried my head in the sand for a few days then it hit me. I moved out and was dealing with it okay, 2 weeks later I find out that she's had a crush on a higher up work colleague who has a girlfriend for around a year. I knew about this guy when it first happened and she told me it was stupid and that it was just a irrational feeling she had because she wasn't happy. Now I hear this news Im finding it all so hard. I found out that they had both confessed their feelings to eachother months ago. I guess I was just kept in the picture until she had finally made up her mind? Apparently he's in a relationship where the girlfriend is completely dependant on him so apparently that's the reason he can't leave. She tells me she isn't going to get with him etc buts a loud of rubbish. I can't help but feel that this guy is a snake and is just a womanizer but I don't know him at all so im thinking out of emotion. How she has been is unrecognisable, I really didn't think she would ever do something like this to me. I was a good boyfriend and she knew I loved her with everything but she said that we had grown apart and that basically I needed to grow up. Through the hard times in her life I stood by her and supported her financially and emotionally but as soon as she gets to a good point in her life and mine took a dip it feels like she needed a upgrade. I made a stupid mistake a year into the relationship and cheated on her. Told her everything and we agreed to give it another shot. We got past it by me not almost giving up going out into town with my friends due to her paranoia it was just easier to not go out at all.

 

I find it so hard because I know it was my fault that the relationship didn't work out and I could of been so much better. Those sorts of feelings just creep on me and I get the thought of what if she was the one and I blew it all. Don't really know what my question is but I would like some input on it? I just feel lost and worthless. I also read the texts between them and it was horrible. She told me she is no longer in love with me. I just don't get how this all happened so quickly. I know she must of been thinking these things for a while as girls do but how could I of been so blind sighted to it. Im finding everything in life sour and Unenjoyable. Feel like I'm sinking into a pit of self pity and everything I once enjoyed doing I no longer enjoy I'm 27 and she's 23

 

I hate to be the barer of bad news but dude, you sowed the seeds and it probably killed her inside knowing the man she loved cheated on her.

 

After you cheated on her, she probably thought strongly about ditching you and never speaking to you again but decided to go with her heart instead of her head. But her head would have been over thinking and suddenly feelings decrease as a result, thus leaving herself open to others, which seems to me that is exactly what happened.

[Solost123]

I hate to be the barer of bad news but dude, you sowed the seeds and it probably killed her inside knowing the man she loved cheated on her.

 

After you cheated on her, she probably thought strongly about ditching you and never speaking to you again but decided to go with her heart instead of her head. But her head would have been over thinking and suddenly feelings decrease as a result, thus leaving herself open to others, which seems to me that is exactly what happened.

 

Yeah I know, still to this day I think about that stupid mistake and wish I could do anything to take it back. Bet I'm not the first person to say that on here! I'm trying to not get caught in what ifs and regrets because it just sinks me even deeper but it's really hard to not think like that. I know that it's over but it's just the stupid thought of imagining her turning up and wanting to fix things etc. but I know I need to move on and am doing what I can to do so. The thought of her with someone else kills me. The house we lived in I'm moving back into on my own and it really hurts to be there but I don't have a choice for now.

[ExpatInItaly]

I hate to be the barer of bad news but dude, you sowed the seeds and it probably killed her inside knowing the man she loved cheated on her.

 

After you cheated on her, she probably thought strongly about ditching you and never speaking to you again but decided to go with her heart instead of her head. But her head would have been over thinking and suddenly feelings decrease as a result, thus leaving herself open to others, which seems to me that is exactly what happened.

 

I have to agree with the above, in the sense that she probably never really moved past your cheating, OP. She likely never completely felt the same about you again, even if she didn't say so.

 

You cannot in one breath claim you were a good boyfriend but that you also cheated. Really great boyfriends don't cheat. You shot yourself in the foot there, in a way you didn't fully understand. You might not have stayed together in the end even if you hadn't cheated, but I have no doubt in my mind that seriously changed the way she felt about you and the viability of your relationship.

 

Don't get me wrong - that's not to say she should have been getting close to someone else while still in a relationship with you. That isn't right and she shouldn't have done it. You stepped out on her, she stepped out on you. This isn't a match if you were both capable of infidelity, be it physical or emotional.

[Solost123]

I have to agree with the above, in the sense that she probably never really moved past your cheating, OP. She likely never completely felt the same about you again, even if she didn't say so.

 

You cannot in one breath claim you were a good boyfriend but that you also cheated. Really great boyfriends don't cheat. You shot yourself in the foot there, in a way you didn't fully understand. You might not have stayed together in the end even if you hadn't cheated, but I have no doubt in my mind that seriously changed the way she felt about you and the viability of your relationship.

 

Don't get me wrong - that's not to say she should have been getting close to someone else while still in a relationship with you. That isn't right and she shouldn't have done it. You stepped out on her, she stepped out on you. This isn't a match if you were both capable of infidelity, be it physical or emotional.

 

I know what your saying, I did think I contradicted myself. I ****ed up massively but there was a lot of instability and just to add abit more info to the timeline she slept with a guy when we were in the seeing eachother stages so I'm sure most would of jumped ship before it even got to that point. Saying that we were both a lot younger in these times so the relationship was different. I messed up badly but after that I did everything in my power to prove to her that I wouldn't ever make that mistake again. Its hard because it was such a long time ago in our relationship so much has happened since then. I spose it was easier to forget for me than her.

Edited December 30, 2016 by Solost123