My girlfriend is on the brink of breaking up with me :(

[Rasti]

Hey guys! Thank you all for finding time and helping me with my situation. It means a lot!

 

 

I’m not a good writer so will be straight to the point and as clear as possible.

 

 

My girlfriend(23) and I(26) have been together for 3 years and 3 months. We would both agree that we were in an amazing and serious relationship. We had plenty of fun, almost no fights, very supportive of each other. I have used our relationship and her positive influence to improve myself in all the parts of my life. 2016 has been the best year of my life. I have been working relentlessly on my business, going back to the university while working part time, working out regularly(although I’ve been working out for 11 years now) and making nice money. Basically, my life is filled with positive energy, lots of hope, discipline, never giving up on my dreams and hard work.

 

 

We have travelled to several countries together, had time of our lives, almost every day filled with nice memories. This past October we visited my country and she finally visited the rest of my family. We have always liked each other’s families.

 

 

My girlfriend had quite difficult teenage life. She got addicted to a coke when she was 15, luckily no other drugs. She told me about it at our first date and although it felt weird I have always been positive she could recover and have drug free life.

 

 

Personally, I really liked that deep inside she was really honest and nice human being, she has always been very supportive, she would give me lots of attention, help, our sex life has been amazing, etc…

When It All Started…

 

 

When we came back home at the end of October from our holiday in Italy, we became quite lazy, kinda stopped taking care of each other and just hibernated throughout November and December. She would also start saying things like “don’t be so nice”, “don’t say sorry all the time”, “you’re always so nice to me”. She was kind of losing attraction towards me.

Right before Christmas eve she left to party with her friends and came back next day. I knew she was doing drugs as we were trying to fight it, but I also knew that cheating was never her intention. On Christmas day, when she came back, she told me she was breaking out with me. She couldn’t do it anymore, was tired of everything and just wanted fresh start. She didn’t want to pull me down with her coke problem, although that was not the case, I have been very supportive of her recovery and getting help. She is definitely not a lost case.

 

 

It hit me so badly, I became desperate, started reasoning and talk her back out of it. I begged, got angry, cried, everything to no avail. She then told me she developed feelings for somebody else and made out with him. I was crushed, devastated, emotionally wrecked.

 

 

It felt like she had complete power over me. Suddenly, I was seen as a miserable, needy, unattractive, nice boyfriend. I had no idea what to do. We kept talking through Boxing day, I behaved extremely needy. We have been living together for 2 years, but that night she stayed at a neutral place with her friend.

 

 

Yesterday, she left to Spain with her family for 9 days. We talked that it might be a good idea if she stayed longer, to think through all this and calm down. Last 3 days were extremely exhausting for both of us.

She is devastated that she is leaving me. Crying all the time, telling me that she had amazing time with me. How much she enjoyed it and how amazing I was. She told me she is still deeply in love with me. She has been full of conflict and confusion.

 

 

Basically, we haven’t officially broken up yet. I’m reaching out for help and feedback. Please! Is there a way we can turn this around? I think her feelings for someone else are playing a big part in her decision, although she said it’s an accidental crush, never had it before. She just doesn’t know what to do with her feelings.

 

 

While she is gone to Spain, I’m using this time to reclaim back the control of my emotions, become more manly, less needy. Am going to update my clothing style. Got a new haircut. Am back to the gym and am going to try enjoy life a lot more.

 

 

Also I’m trying to maintain no contact with her while she is gone, although it’s driving me crazy. Is there any chance we, as a couple, could turn things around? I have a week or so to turn things around before she comes back and probably moves out

 

 

What else should I do to make it work again? Are those feelings that she has only temporary? Just two weeks ago we told each other that as long as we are together we will manage everything we want. We were talking about the future and kids and how we could imagine being together. It’s been a serious relationship.

 

 

Thank you so much all of you for your feedback and help! I deeply appreciate it!

[ExpatInItaly]

OP, don't try to assume responsibility for her bad choices. I see you are essentially blaming yourself and trying to think of all the ways you can change to make her happy. Getting a new haircut, or changing your wardrobe or trying to pretend she hasn't been a totally selfish jerk is not going to work. You might not have been perfect (but really, who is?) but she made a conscious choice to betray you. It wasn't an accident or unintentional. Unless she fell down the stairs and just happened to land on this guy's mouth, she made a decision to be unfaithful. She also made a choice to use drugs. Think about what her choices say about her priorities.

 

Also, while you may have been needy, she could have chosen to end it before this. She could have chosen to talk about it and try to work on it. Did she? No. Being needy can damage a relationship, but if she never spoke up about it, then you can assume that it's not the underlying problem.

 

Cheaters cheat because they are already emotionally detached, yet aren't mature enough to end their relationship before getting close to someone else. If she were deeply in love with you, this wouldn't have even happened. She said she has developed a crush on someone, which suggests she's been talking to him for a while. It's not as though she met him and developed this crush all in one night. Unfortunately, you must consider that cheaters often don't tell the whole truth about their infidelity. My guess is she has been getting friendly with him for a while, and knew he'd be at this party. Do you know who he is, how she knows him? Perhaps making out was the extent of it, but don't be surprised to learn there was more to it.

 

My suggestion is to stop communication with her. You need to find that backbone and tell her to take a hike while you sort out your own emotions. I know you are shocked and hurt but it's essential you understand that once trust is broken like this, it's very hard to reclaim it. Let her see what it feels like to suffer the consequences of her choice. Yes, really. Don't worry about pushing her away - she's already mostly out the door. If she really wants forgiveness, she will seek it and work to remedy it. If she doesn't want to repair it, then I'm afraid it was already over the moment she cheated.

 

Don't do the Pick Me Dance.

[marky00]

She is already gone.

 

 

So, there is only 1 thing you can do to maybe 1 day get her back but I very much doubt you will listen to my advise here.

 

 

You need to let her go!!!

 

 

No fuss, just disappear. All the crap that happens after the breakup is what ruins any chance of a reconciliation.

 

 

Will it be hard? Absolutely. But 6 months down the road you will be extremely proud of yourself and will be comforted by the fact you handled the post-breakup better than the 99.9% who just make total fools of themselves.

 

 

Just stop everything right now. Just disappear. Don't talk to her at all until she reaches out to you (which may or may not happen).

 

 

All you can do now is handle the breakup like a man which will show her you are happy in your own skin. Lead by your actions because words will just make you look weak.

 

 

Sorry, but this is what you must do.

 

 

Good luck.

[Sweetfish]

She is already gone.

 

 

So, there is only 1 thing you can do to maybe 1 day get her back but I very much doubt you will listen to my advise here.

 

 

You need to let her go!!!

 

 

No fuss, just disappear. All the crap that happens after the breakup is what ruins any chance of a reconciliation.

 

 

Will it be hard? Absolutely. But 6 months down the road you will be extremely proud of yourself and will be comforted by the fact you handled the post-breakup better than the 99.9% who just make total fools of themselves.

 

 

Just stop everything right now. Just disappear. Don't talk to her at all until she reaches out to you (which may or may not happen).

 

 

All you can do now is handle the breakup like a man which will show her you are happy in your own skin. Lead by your actions because words will just make you look weak.

 

 

Sorry, but this is what you must do.

 

 

Good luck.

 

Follow this advice!

 

Its dead on.

 

There is no other advice.

 

He is right... no one follows this advice.

[Rasti]

Thank you so much for all your feedback! I appreciate it although it's very hard to swallow!

 

I really do not believe she is a cheater though. She felt really guilty and apologetic.

 

This is very rough for me to go through all this. The only thing that helps me keep going is that small hope that she will change her mind.

 

And yes! I know I should just cut it off and let it go But what about those websites and advices about how to get my ex back? No contact rule, working on myself, rebuilding attraction?

Edited December 29, 2016 by Rasti

[marky00]

 

And yes! I know I should just cut it off and let it go But what about those websites and advices about how to get my ex back? No contact rule, working on myself, rebuilding attraction?

 

Sadly those sites don't work for loss of attraction cases which is what brings most folks to this website (when the relationship really has gasped its last breath)

 

 

30 days NC etc may work when there has been an argument or w/e but it not going to help when feelings have been lost.

 

 

It probably took months or even years for those feelings to diminish so it's not like that would turn around in 30 days of NC.

 

 

Having hope etc is totally normal but I guarantee you that when you read my 1st post in 6 months, you will realise I was 100% spot on.

 

 

But I can't tell you to believe that. You will only believe it when you believe it yourself.

[Rasti]

OP, don't try to assume responsibility for her bad choices. I see you are essentially blaming yourself and trying to think of all the ways you can change to make her happy. Getting a new haircut, or changing your wardrobe or trying to pretend she hasn't been a totally selfish jerk is not going to work. You might not have been perfect (but really, who is?) but she made a conscious choice to betray you. It wasn't an accident or unintentional. Unless she fell down the stairs and just happened to land on this guy's mouth, she made a decision to be unfaithful. She also made a choice to use drugs. Think about what her choices say about her priorities.

 

Also, while you may have been needy, she could have chosen to end it before this. She could have chosen to talk about it and try to work on it. Did she? No. Being needy can damage a relationship, but if she never spoke up about it, then you can assume that it's not the underlying problem.

 

Cheaters cheat because they are already emotionally detached, yet aren't mature enough to end their relationship before getting close to someone else. If she were deeply in love with you, this wouldn't have even happened. She said she has developed a crush on someone, which suggests she's been talking to him for a while. It's not as though she met him and developed this crush all in one night. Unfortunately, you must consider that cheaters often don't tell the whole truth about their infidelity. My guess is she has been getting friendly with him for a while, and knew he'd be at this party. Do you know who he is, how she knows him? Perhaps making out was the extent of it, but don't be surprised to learn there was more to it.

 

My suggestion is to stop communication with her. You need to find that backbone and tell her to take a hike while you sort out your own emotions. I know you are shocked and hurt but it's essential you understand that once trust is broken like this, it's very hard to reclaim it. Let her see what it feels like to suffer the consequences of her choice. Yes, really. Don't worry about pushing her away - she's already mostly out the door. If she really wants forgiveness, she will seek it and work to remedy it. If she doesn't want to repair it, then I'm afraid it was already over the moment she cheated.

 

Don't do the Pick Me Dance.

 

She was very honest about what she did. And felt really confused about her feelings. However, she has never done anything like that before, not even in her past relationships

 

I know that she would bump into same people when she went out with her friends and developed a crush on somebody. It's just weird she didn't talk about it. She felt really sad and said it was an accidental crush on somebody else, it was not her intention.

 

I told her, I would be willing to work through it, but only if she cuts all the contact with that guy.

[marky00]

 

I told her, I would be willing to work through it, but only if she cuts all the contact with that guy.

 

This was a good thing to say. Well done.

 

 

Now it's up to her. Until then, just disappear.

[Rasti]

Sadly those sites don't work for loss of attraction cases which is what brings most folks to this website (when the relationship really has gasped its last breath)

 

 

30 days NC etc may work when there has been an argument or w/e but it not going to help when feelings have been lost.

 

 

It probably took months or even years for those feelings to diminish so it's not like that would turn around in 30 days of NC.

 

 

Having hope etc is totally normal but I guarantee you that when you read my 1st post in 6 months, you will realise I was 100% spot on.

 

 

But I can't tell you to believe that. You will only believe it when you believe it yourself.

 

Thank you for your support and feedback!

You are straight to the point and probably right it's just very tough to swallow.

 

Last time we spoke, she told me that I can't even imagine how much she loves me. I just want to keep hope alive for the feelings that we still have towards each other

[marky00]

Thank you for your support and feedback!

You are straight to the point and probably right it's just very tough to swallow.

 

Last time we spoke, she told me that I can't even imagine how much she loves me. I just want to keep hope alive for the feelings that we still have towards each other

 

Yes, I'm coming off as being direct because I'm further down the road than you. And yes, in the early stages, I was shocked by the tough love I was getting.

 

 

It's a process that can't be rushed. But my 1st post is pretty much what everyone in the end realises is the only way. And for a few (not many but a few), if you can start that process ASAP, it does increase the chances of a reconciliation of some type.

 

 

If she does love you, that wont disappear overnight, probably not even after months of NC so be comforted by that fact. But if you start acting needy and clingy, whatever love is there could be wiped out pretty fast.

Edited December 30, 2016 by marky00

[DarrenB]

 

While she is gone to Spain, I’m using this time to reclaim back the control of my emotions, become more manly, less needy. Am going to update my clothing style. Got a new haircut. Am back to the gym and am going to try enjoy life a lot more.

 

What else should I do to make it work again?

 

Do the above for you and strictly only you. Don't start a new lifestyle, mindset, gain a new personality and have mental and emotional control to please or attract her back. Doing so, you'll be essentially just lying to yourself with your whole 'plan' and you'll potentially be back at square 1 if things turn out into a calamity. You shouldn't have to change in order to please someone who cannot accept your flaws or who ridicules you in the process. Change for yourself, you will benefit a lot more and I say that with all the confidence at my disposal.

 

Doing all of that for yourself is what you personally need to help yourself, not her, not the relationship or the situation for that matter.

[Rasti]

Yes, I'm coming off as being direct because I'm further down the road than you. And yes, in the early stages, I was shocked by the tough love I was getting.

 

 

It's a process that can't be rushed. But my 1st post is pretty much what everyone in the end realises is the only way. And for a few (not many but a few), if you can start that process ASAP, it does increase the chances of a reconciliation of some type.

 

 

If she does love you, that wont disappear overnight, probably not even after months of NC so be comforted by that fact. But if you start acting or needy and clingy, whatever love is there could be wiped out pretty fast.

 

Thank you Marky for your support.

About your first post. We have been living together for 2 years. All her stuff is in my apartment. I can't kick her out, she has nowhere to go.

 

What if I just go all in when she comes back from her holiday? I would gather all my courage, strength and self respect, tell her about my feelings that I'm willing to work through it, but only if she wants to. Otherwise, I will break up with her and go for limited contact while she still has stuff in my house?

[Satu]

snip

This is very rough for me to go through all this. The only thing that helps me keep going is that small hope that she will change her mind.

 

 

The first thing you should do is STOP blaming yourself for everything that went wrong.

 

That will just cause you needless pain, so stop it, ok?

 

 

Take care.

[Rasti]

Do the above for you and strictly only you. Don't start a new lifestyle, mindset, gain a new personality and have mental and emotional control to please or attract her back. Doing so, you'll be essentially just lying to yourself with your whole 'plan' and you'll potentially be back at square 1 if things turn out into a calamity. You shouldn't have to change in order to please someone who cannot accept your flaws or who ridicules you in the process. Change for yourself, you will benefit a lot more and I say that with all the confidence at my disposal.

 

Doing all of that for yourself is what you personally need to help yourself, not her, not the relationship or the situation for that matter.

 

Thank you Darren, I appreciate your feedback! Yes, you're right. That all would be just a lie. All this that I mentioned about changing clothing style and so on, I've read on another website that helps people get their ex back.

 

The thing is my girlfriend has accepted my flaws. She has expressed that indirectly numerous times during our relationship. She has never ridiculed me either.

 

I have always been the one in charge. Except for her using coke with her friends. She has had hard time getting out of that lifestyle.

[marky00]

Thank you Marky for your support.

About your first post. We have been living together for 2 years. All her stuff is in my apartment. I can't kick her out, she has nowhere to go.

 

What if I just go all in when she comes back from her holiday? I would gather all my courage, strength and self respect, tell her about my feelings that I'm willing to work through it, but only if she wants to. Otherwise, I will break up with her and go for limited contact while she still has stuff in my house?

 

Honestly, I feel like she has already broken it off.

 

 

This trip is just a delaying thing.

 

 

I agree that her living with you adds to the complexities but I have a strange feeling that once she gets back, she will be acting quite odd and different. It wouldn't surprise me if she was to contact you to say that she wants to picks up her things and leave.

 

 

I know that the "all out thing" is what you want do but it wont have the effect you are hoping for.

 

 

You know what would totally blow her mind? Is if she came back to find you had moved out already. I know that's probably not feasible but that's the sort of thing that is attractive, not pleading for another chance. She knows how you feel already.

[dumbass2]

"She would also start saying things like “don’t be so nice”, “don’t say sorry all the time”, “you’re always so nice to me”."

 

She was done with the relationship at this point. Now she cheated on you and what do you want to do? You want to say "you're sorry and you'll change" and be that "nice" guy that she is evidently tired of. Time for you to think of yourself. she CHEATED on you and for me, there is NO excuse for that and It sounds like it probably wasn't a one time thing. Once she met him and started having feelings for him, she started trying to sabotage your relationship with the drugs and then lashing out at you, trying to get you to be the one to break up. She doesn't want a "nice guy"

[Pugwash]

Thank you so much for all your feedback! I appreciate it although it's very hard to swallow!

 

I really do not believe she is a cheater though. She felt really guilty and apologetic.

 

This is very rough for me to go through all this. The only thing that helps me keep going is that small hope that she will change her mind.

 

And yes! I know I should just cut it off and let it go But what about those websites and advices about how to get my ex back? No contact rule, working on myself, rebuilding attraction?

 

Maybe so my friend "but" could you honestly be at peace sitting at home some Saturday evening when she's out with her friends after knowing she kissed some other guy full on before?

 

If you truly love someone, no matter how drunk or how beautiful or famous someone who tried it on with you, you stay loyal to your partner and if they can't do the same then they are not the right person for you.

 

I did the whole NC for a few weeks with my ex, until her facebook page popped up on my timeline 2 weeks ago telling me she was in a new relationship! I stupidly hit the roof and sent her a lot of nasty texts and threatened to break her new boyfriends jaw in a facebook message I have since apologized for my actions to both but yeah try that NC for aslong as you can if you decide to end it because it does work!!!

[ExpatInItaly]

"She would also start saying things like “don’t be so nice”, “don’t say sorry all the time”, “you’re always so nice to me”."

 

She was done with the relationship at this point. Now she cheated on you and what do you want to do? You want to say "you're sorry and you'll change" and be that "nice" guy that she is evidently tired of. Time for you to think of yourself. she CHEATED on you and for me, there is NO excuse for that and It sounds like it probably wasn't a one time thing. Once she met him and started having feelings for him, she started trying to sabotage your relationship with the drugs and then lashing out at you, trying to get you to be the one to break up. She doesn't want a "nice guy"

 

Bingo. I have seen that happen so many times.

 

And OP, forgive me, but what exactly do you mean by "accidental" crush? And what difference does that make? She has the hots for someone else and she acted on it. Where is the "accident" in that?

 

The bottom line is still the same. She cheated, which makes her a cheater, though you say she is not a cheater. It makes zero difference if she'd never done it before to other boyfriends; she has now. She was already checking out of the relationship, or this would never have happened. And that isn't your fault. She could have chosen a hundred different ways to deal with her changing feelings for you, but she chose the worst possible way out.

 

You say you are surprised she didn't talk to you about this crush she had. But why would she? People who cheat rarely ever warn their partners ahead of time that they are interested in another person. That should be a huge indication to you that she in fact isn't transparent and honest, because you had no idea she liked someone else to begin with. If you dug deeper, you would probably find they've been communicating for a little while behind your back. Ask yourself what kind of girl does that to the man she says she loves. All the while you were thinking she was happy with you, she's actually sneaking the odd message or Snap or call to another guy. I would not believe for a moment this is someone she's just happened to bump into at clubs. They know each other better than that. Again I ask, where is the "accident" factor?

 

You absolutely have my sympathy, though I know I sound harsh. I was also betrayed by a long-term partner. He too would never have been described as the type who cheats - until he actually did. I didn't know the full extent of it until after we split, but let me tell you, cheaters nearly always give you the sanitized version of the truth. And if she's not already apologizing and asking for forgiveness and wanting to try again...then I'm afraid to say it's because she doesn't want to. I am sure she didn't want to hurt you, necessarily, but I also don't get the impression she wants to remain in the relationship either.

 

Forget the silly get-your-ex-back websites. They mean squat when you're the betrayed partner and the cheater isn't banging down your door trying to get you to stay.

[Rasti]

Guys, Thank you all for your feedback! You have been very supportive and it made me realise many things about myself and our relationship!

 

I think when she comes back from her holiday, I will break up with her. If she wants to stay with me, I think she would fight for it! I will just keep going and become comfortable on my own. I believe down the line I will get into a healthy and meaningful relationship!

 

Just a day before she proposed breaking up and told me about her crush, I got a new office with my business. Am starting a new life around new people. I'm sure it will help me a lot. Am going to book some cool trip abroad for couple of days.

 

The worst thing is the evenings when I come back home and am there alone and suddenly it hits me so badly and I am back to it again.

 

I gotta man up take it into my own hands, break up with her, move her out, just out of respect for myself. I was betrayed and cheated on! All this during the worst part of the year.

[Rasti]

"She would also start saying things like “don’t be so nice”, “don’t say sorry all the time”, “you’re always so nice to me”."

 

She was done with the relationship at this point. Now she cheated on you and what do you want to do? You want to say "you're sorry and you'll change" and be that "nice" guy that she is evidently tired of. Time for you to think of yourself. she CHEATED on you and for me, there is NO excuse for that and It sounds like it probably wasn't a one time thing. Once she met him and started having feelings for him, she started trying to sabotage your relationship with the drugs and then lashing out at you, trying to get you to be the one to break up. She doesn't want a "nice guy"

 

 

Yeah, she was the one who wanted me to break up with her.

First two year, I wan't really a nice guy. I was just a good guy. Sometimes a jerk, sometimes normal, sometimes caring...

 

However, I became a lot nicer and supportive when I saw how she was struggling with her addiction and how insecure in general she was.

 

And yeah, it's obvious to me too that she's done with me being nice all the time.

[fromheart]

Thank you so much for all your feedback! I appreciate it although it's very hard to swallow!

 

I really do not believe she is a cheater though. She felt really guilty and apologetic.

 

This is very rough for me to go through all this. The only thing that helps me keep going is that small hope that she will change her mind.

 

And yes! I know I should just cut it off and let it go But what about those websites and advices about how to get my ex back? No contact rule, working on myself, rebuilding attraction?

 

 

But what the best of those websites will also say is, do you really want your ex back?

 

Its sounds like you're a successful man who's hardworking. There's a lot of women out there for you. Why do you want this particular girl back?

 

No disrespect but she's disloyal and has a drug problem. Bear in mind you only know what she's told you. Cocaine is one of the worst drugs because it turns people into liars.

 

Get back with this girl right now and you'll never know for sure if she's back on drugs, and you'll never know for sure what she's doing with other men.

 

I'd advise you telling her that she has a problem with drugs that she needs to get help with. She's been disloyal, and you can't have that in your life. This has to be goodbye and you're moving on completely. Who knows what may happen in the future, if she works on herself.

 

Then move on completely. This could give her a massive incentive to change once she realizes she's lost you due to her bad behavior.

 

Otherwise, you're going to be a friend zoned lapdog serving her emotional needs, while she does whatever with coked up bad boy wannabes.

[Slimtripper]

But what the best of those websites will also say is, do you really want your ex back?

 

Its sounds like you're a successful man who's hardworking. There's a lot of women out there for you. Why do you want this particular girl back?

 

No disrespect but she's disloyal and has a drug problem. Bear in mind you only know what she's told you. Cocaine is one of the worst drugs because it turns people into liars.

 

Get back with this girl right now and you'll never know for sure if she's back on drugs, and you'll never know for sure what she's doing with other men.

 

I'd advise you telling her that she has a problem with drugs that she needs to get help with. She's been disloyal, and you can't have that in your life. This has to be goodbye and you're moving on completely. Who knows what may happen in the future, if she works on herself.

 

Then move on completely. This could give her a massive incentive to change once she realizes she's lost you due to her bad behavior.

 

Otherwise, you're going to be a friend zoned lapdog serving her emotional needs, while she does whatever with coked up bad boy wannabes.

 

She lost attraction for you, you became more clingy. That's natural.

But when she cheated on you and you did nothing her attraction level plummeted. Now every day you keep this going she loses more and more attraction until you are an annoying friend she is forced to deal with.

 

If that was our place I'd throw her things out on the lawn. Or move out and leave her with the rent. She cheated. That's a dirt move.

 

Be a man. Show her u won't tolerate that behavior

[Rasti]

She lost attraction for you, you became more clingy. That's natural.

But when she cheated on you and you did nothing her attraction level plummeted. Now every day you keep this going she loses more and more attraction until you are an annoying friend she is forced to deal with.

 

If that was our place I'd throw her things out on the lawn. Or move out and leave her with the rent. She cheated. That's a dirt move.

 

Be a man. Show her u won't tolerate that behavior

 

Thanks for your feedback!

 

I became clingy in the last few days. That's true

And I also felt and saw that her attraction for me was a lot lower

 

Basically, when she said she's breaking up, I did everything wrong. I behaved like a little boy.

It was so obvious she hated my behaviour, but I couldn't stop.

 

What I'm going to do when she comes back is I will not contact her at all up until she lets me know she's on her way to my house.

 

I took her keys from my house. She might stay in Spain with her parents longer than originally planned.

 

I was betrayed and cheated on, so the only way how we can save it is if she cuts all the contact with the guy(Is it actually wise to do this in my case?), gets some hobbies and direction in her life and will get help with her coke problem(although she does it "only" socially with her friends). It's still ruining her life.

 

Otherwise, I will have to break up with her before she does, to get back my respect and show her that I care about my life.

If she ever in the future works on herself and decides to contact I might be open to it unless I'm happy with somebody else.

[Rasti]

But what the best of those websites will also say is, do you really want your ex back?

 

Its sounds like you're a successful man who's hardworking. There's a lot of women out there for you. Why do you want this particular girl back?

 

No disrespect but she's disloyal and has a drug problem. Bear in mind you only know what she's told you. Cocaine is one of the worst drugs because it turns people into liars.

 

Get back with this girl right now and you'll never know for sure if she's back on drugs, and you'll never know for sure what she's doing with other men.

 

I'd advise you telling her that she has a problem with drugs that she needs to get help with. She's been disloyal, and you can't have that in your life. This has to be goodbye and you're moving on completely. Who knows what may happen in the future, if she works on herself.

 

Then move on completely. This could give her a massive incentive to change once she realizes she's lost you due to her bad behavior.

 

Otherwise, you're going to be a friend zoned lapdog serving her emotional needs, while she does whatever with coked up bad boy wannabes.

 

Do I want my ex back?

 

Yes, I did want her back. She has always been very supportive and loving, taking care of our household. Our sex life has been absolutely amazing. She has expressed many times how much she loved my body and how sexy she found me.

 

At the moment I'm moving on. I'm a bit careless now, but on the other hand it's helping me make exponentially more money with my business than ever before.

 

But who do I do this all for? To enjoy it myself only?

 

She has never asked anything from me. Always gave me really personal presents.

Never used me financially or in any other way.

 

It's been only last few weeks that were very passive.

 

The only problem is, she doesn't know how to deal with normal life situations- she had a crush on somebody, she didn't deal with it, she made out with the guy...she is feeling down or she's having a tough day-she gets drunk with her friends and does some coke.

 

She thinks she doesn't fit into normal daily life. She says she is really comfortable chilling with her friends on the couch, doing some coke and letting go of everything.

 

She really really really hates being on her own. She can't stand being at home alone. She feels so empty and useless. That's when she goes out to do some coke too.

 

 

But you're right. She has to know she lost me and maybe will realize many things and turn her life around.

I'm done with telling her how much I love her and how amazing it all was.

[Satu]

This relationship has already ended.

 

You're just seeing the after-image.

 

 

Take care.