Midgirl Posted December 29, 2016 Posted December 29, 2016 Hey! I've just come out of a whirlwind relationship. We met April 2015 we met random. Exchanged number and went from there. I have a son, and he told me he had a daughter too. I thought it was perfect as he will understand parent issues etc. We went on dates every weekend and he had enough money to spoil us with great trips. He was super super affectionate almost a little full on. Started telling me he loved me (as did I) the words 'love of my life' was shared and that we had never felt like this before. It was so good that I couldn't believe my luck. I felt like I found Mr everything.....then the flaws kicked in. I found out from a friend who decided to be nosey and look at who I was dating and found a job profile about him at his company's website it said he was a great business man blah blah with 3 children... yes 3! Turns out he did! He didn't want to tell me because he didn't want to scare me( apparently) I was angry and told him this was so stupid to lie about as I would never dislike someone for having children. I have my own child! Anyway we moved on and I met his 2 children (with his one ex) and we moved to a new house together after 4 months! People said it was soon but it felt so right. About 2-3 weeks after moving in his oldest duster of 10 was introduced (he doesn't see her that much) As months went on I started to notice he lies a lot more. Not huge lies but really pointless ones and ones that when you realise they are lies you wonder why he said them. i told him he needs to stop fabricating the truth to make himself look better because he cared an awful lot about what his business life friends would think of him. I wasn't working when I met him I chose to stay off from my maternity leave with my son. I had a benefit source of income and he knew this when we moved in but he was just so in love with me we wanted to go for it. Nearly 9months later he asked me if I was red to go back to work and I said yes I do I want my independence back. So I started looking and got an interview. I got the job and I felt like this is another great accomplishment that year...however he started a new job also and his ways changed. He wasn't so affectionate, deleted all records of us on social media, and was saying he doesn't know 'if I can do this anymore' with me. I was hurt and confused but decided to leave him to my Mums and have a break. He was seen by a friend dancing with another girl that weekend. I was so angry. I started throwing up.....sick continued and it turned out I was pregnant. I didn't ever want another child and was on the implant so the pregnancy was rare and a shock. I decided along with him that we wouldn't go ahead and unfortunately that is what we chose as the healthiest option for is and our situation. During that time he wasn't great to me. He was still offish and none affectionate. And started to go out out more. And then I perminatly moved out thinking it would scare him. But nope he continued his distant way. We would still see each other but it fell down to 2 days a week and we didn't see the kids together I hated it I just wanted to go back to the start. He would trade me and be indecisive and say he didn't know if he wants us anymore then the next min he would say he doesn't want to loose me. His lies continued and even when I had the upper hand and felt sting he would still lie about stupid things and it really got to me. I found out he was texting another girl and sending rude pics and silly me just forgave him because he said 'I'm an idiot, I don't know why I did it. I'm just so unhappy I want A better job and house like I used to have I love you and don't want to loose you' After that we started to be ok, talking about what we would do next in terms of living arrangements and things were just patching up I think...then he starts another new job and starts feeling like what he has is **** and he wants more etc. He was really offish with me butt would text me like nothings wrong. I said I was going to stay over at his and he said no he had to get up early...I tired for a week and half to get to meet up with him and he wouldn't. I don't know why my stuff is still at his house too. We would speak on the phone and he would say the same thing 'I need to figure out myself and what I want, I love you and don't want to loose you' We decided to meet up the Thursday before Christmas...however on the Thursday afternoon he text saying can we meet tomorrow as I have to do late night shopping after work to get his daughter something. I was so upset I told him I've been waiting around for days for just some clear indication of what's going on and he just couldn't give me and answer. After he finished shopping that night we spoke on the phone and things ended. With so many tears from me and throwing up it was done. I felt a sense of relief the next day that I wouldn't have to put up with the stupid lies that started to make me anxious. And we went NC over Christmas.....Boxing Day a girl posted a photo collage of him and her at a hotel with the captions '#what is happening #christmasmiracle' Turns out he's now in a reltionship in less that a week. I know he didn't know her more hat 2 weeks ago because she also had been not in this country for a while according to her social media! Now he's posted a photo saying 'new beggings' and I cannot believe this has happened! We still are on NC ever though we need to sort the stuff out at the house and we still haven't seen each other face to face! I'm so angry and I did love him a lot. And when we had good times they were amazing. Nearly 2 years relationship and he didn't have the decency to tell me to my face. I'm still in shock and surprised I'm not acting as bad as I thought. But I still can't stop thinking about them and knowing he took her to the place that we went on our first date as theirs is just ridiculous! I don't really know what advice people can give me or say to me because I can see for myself that he isn't worth the tears because he is a compulsive liar (and not just towards me) who cares mainly about his ego and image and has treated me so cold the past year I don't know why I stuck around. It's just I wanted back what we had in the begging and kept digging for it. And in the end it just all went worse and he now looks like he's in a happy relationship and I never existed. He said some very deep meaningful things to me that I cannot get out of my head either and I felt like that our love was so strong no matter the hard times we would get through. I'm 25 and he's 35. He has had 2 ex relationships both leading to children and one divorce. And now the new girl has no children unlike me and has her own job etc. Please can someone tell me to man up or something constructive. 1
Satu Posted December 29, 2016 Posted December 29, 2016 Sorry that you're hurting. You need to stop snooping on him, and collecting data about what he is doing. It will only upset you, as it already has. "What the mind doesn't know, the heart doesn't grieve for." Whatever he does, insomuch as it is unrelated to your child, is not your business. *De-friend or delete him from all social media. *No monitoring of him on social media. *No 'little birds' feeding you news. *Tell people that you don't want to know anything about what he is doing or saying. Take care. 4
BlkVelvet Posted December 29, 2016 Posted December 29, 2016 (edited) Hey! I've just come out of a whirlwind relationship. We met April 2015 we met random. Exchanged number and went from there. I have a son, and he told me he had a daughter too. I thought it was perfect as he will understand parent issues etc. We went on dates every weekend and he had enough money to spoil us with great trips. He was super super affectionate almost a little full on. Started telling me he loved me (as did I) the words 'love of my life' was shared and that we had never felt like this before. It was so good that I couldn't believe my luck. I felt like I found Mr everything.....then the flaws kicked in. I found out from a friend who decided to be nosey and look at who I was dating and found a job profile about him at his company's website it said he was a great business man blah blah with 3 children... yes 3! Turns out he did! He didn't want to tell me because he didn't want to scare me( apparently) I was angry and told him this was so stupid to lie about as I would never dislike someone for having children. I have my own child! Anyway we moved on and I met his 2 children (with his one ex) and we moved to a new house together after 4 months! People said it was soon but it felt so right. About 2-3 weeks after moving in his oldest duster of 10 was introduced (he doesn't see her that much) As months went on I started to notice he lies a lot more. Not huge lies but really pointless ones and ones that when you realise they are lies you wonder why he said them. i told him he needs to stop fabricating the truth to make himself look better because he cared an awful lot about what his business life friends would think of him. I wasn't working when I met him I chose to stay off from my maternity leave with my son. I had a benefit source of income and he knew this when we moved in but he was just so in love with me we wanted to go for it. Nearly 9months later he asked me if I was red to go back to work and I said yes I do I want my independence back. So I started looking and got an interview. I got the job and I felt like this is another great accomplishment that year...however he started a new job also and his ways changed. He wasn't so affectionate, deleted all records of us on social media, and was saying he doesn't know 'if I can do this anymore' with me. I was hurt and confused but decided to leave him to my Mums and have a break. He was seen by a friend dancing with another girl that weekend. I was so angry. I started throwing up.....sick continued and it turned out I was pregnant. I didn't ever want another child and was on the implant so the pregnancy was rare and a shock. I decided along with him that we wouldn't go ahead and unfortunately that is what we chose as the healthiest option for is and our situation. During that time he wasn't great to me. He was still offish and none affectionate. And started to go out out more. And then I perminatly moved out thinking it would scare him. But nope he continued his distant way. We would still see each other but it fell down to 2 days a week and we didn't see the kids together I hated it I just wanted to go back to the start. He would trade me and be indecisive and say he didn't know if he wants us anymore then the next min he would say he doesn't want to loose me. His lies continued and even when I had the upper hand and felt sting he would still lie about stupid things and it really got to me. I found out he was texting another girl and sending rude pics and silly me just forgave him because he said 'I'm an idiot, I don't know why I did it. I'm just so unhappy I want A better job and house like I used to have I love you and don't want to loose you' After that we started to be ok, talking about what we would do next in terms of living arrangements and things were just patching up I think...then he starts another new job and starts feeling like what he has is **** and he wants more etc. He was really offish with me butt would text me like nothings wrong. I said I was going to stay over at his and he said no he had to get up early...I tired for a week and half to get to meet up with him and he wouldn't. I don't know why my stuff is still at his house too. We would speak on the phone and he would say the same thing 'I need to figure out myself and what I want, I love you and don't want to loose you' We decided to meet up the Thursday before Christmas...however on the Thursday afternoon he text saying can we meet tomorrow as I have to do late night shopping after work to get his daughter something. I was so upset I told him I've been waiting around for days for just some clear indication of what's going on and he just couldn't give me and answer. After he finished shopping that night we spoke on the phone and things ended. With so many tears from me and throwing up it was done. I felt a sense of relief the next day that I wouldn't have to put up with the stupid lies that started to make me anxious. And we went NC over Christmas.....Boxing Day a girl posted a photo collage of him and her at a hotel with the captions '#what is happening #christmasmiracle' Turns out he's now in a reltionship in less that a week. I know he didn't know her more hat 2 weeks ago because she also had been not in this country for a while according to her social media! Now he's posted a photo saying 'new beggings' and I cannot believe this has happened! We still are on NC ever though we need to sort the stuff out at the house and we still haven't seen each other face to face! I'm so angry and I did love him a lot. And when we had good times they were amazing. Nearly 2 years relationship and he didn't have the decency to tell me to my face. I'm still in shock and surprised I'm not acting as bad as I thought. But I still can't stop thinking about them and knowing he took her to the place that we went on our first date as theirs is just ridiculous! I don't really know what advice people can give me or say to me because I can see for myself that he isn't worth the tears because he is a compulsive liar (and not just towards me) who cares mainly about his ego and image and has treated me so cold the past year I don't know why I stuck around. It's just I wanted back what we had in the begging and kept digging for it. And in the end it just all went worse and he now looks like he's in a happy relationship and I never existed. He said some very deep meaningful things to me that I cannot get out of my head either and I felt like that our love was so strong no matter the hard times we would get through. I'm 25 and he's 35. He has had 2 ex relationships both leading to children and one divorce. And now the new girl has no children unlike me and has her own job etc. Please can someone tell me to man up or something constructive. This is exactly why I deactivated my FB account. Although he's not one to publicly announce who he's dating -- although he did with me -- I don't want to be tempted to snoop and risk seeing something that will send me over the edge. What and WHO he does is no longer my business. Of couse Ive had 6 or 7 weeks pass since the break up so it's a bit easier to deal with. Dont look at social media. It's emotional suicide. Read Men Who Can't Love. He is a textbook case. Take care. Oh, and what Satu said. Edited December 30, 2016 by BlkVelvet 1
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