I get it, but I don't like it.

[SillyMe08]

Story: I was with a man for 7 years. He's 5 years younger (he's 31 now and I'm 36). We have built a relationship and friendship over the years as well as tried to build our careers. He has had goals to become successful as an entrepreneur but has not achieved it in the time we've been together. Lately, it's taken a toll to the point that he has become financially struggling. I moved out so that he could rent his home out to some friends. I was not able to pay for that much, even though I would have if it helped. He stayed at the house, but is considering leaving it to rent the other room out to get more money. I have been upset about leaving the house, but I told him that I get it and I will do what it takes to help. I offered to get us a 2 bedroom if he'd be willing to chip in a little. He said no. That bothered me, but whatever. After Christmas he came and told me that he wants to do things as a single man. He doesn't know what is going to happen and he still has not money coming in. I told him that I was upset and sad, but if that's what he needs then fine. I want him happy no matter what. I offered to give his key back. He said "Keep it". He told me that it was weird to not have me at the house and that he feels bad that he was not able to provide and keep things going.

As a man trying to build and gain success I can understand not wanting to feel like a failure, like you can't provide, etc. On the other hand, I like to look for ways to make it through. Sometimes you don't want to look for a way, you want to do it alone.

I get it, but I don't like it. I miss my friend. I don't miss him being miserable. It was getting hard to see him like that, but I wanted to stay because I love him and wanted to see him through good and bad. On one hand it sucks, on the other it's freeing.

We are not in touch. It's been 3 days. I am taking time to separate from him so that I don't get caught back up and hurt again. I know that I am not a dumper so he would probably have to push me away. I can't deal with that, so I'm staying away to protect my heart.

Just needed to vent.

[Satu]

His ambitions outstrip his abilities.

 

He will not "become a successful as an entrepreneur," if he can't manage basic subsistence.

 

Leave him to get on with it while you get your own life working well.

 

No contact.

 

 

*No direct contact.

*No sending or receiving of messages.

*Block any means he might use to contact you.

*No replies to anything that gets through your blocks.

*No indirect contact through third parties.

*De-friend or delete him from all social media.

*No monitoring of him on social media.

*No 'little birds' feeding you news.

*Tell people that you don't want to know anything about what he is doing or saying.

 

 

Take care.

[SillyMe08]

Yeah, you're right. If he is not able to handle someone loving him through the bad times, there's not much I can do about that. I've been doing that for most of our relationship. Actually, most of our relationship has been me supporting him while he tries to accomplish his goals. Meanwhile, I've been pushing towards my own. He's been supportive, but my goals would not seem as important as his. I never got in his way... he does that on his own.

[preraph]

I think this is his way of breaking up and he thinks it will solve his money problem too, but I don't see how! Sorry for you.

[SillyMe08]

I don't know either. I hope he gets what he wants, but I know that it was not me in the way of him getting it or not getting it all this time. We all compromise at times. He went overseas earlier this year for 5 months and we made that work. So I figured we could get through this as well. I also considered that maybe while he's pursuing this he might not want to be obligated to a committed relationship. I get that as well. So whatever he's thinking he needs, he can go for it.

[Satu]

He thinks that he can leap from borderline insolvency to "success" all in one go, but it doesn't work that way. We get to where we want to be one step at a time.

 

He'll most likely end up doing something quite mundane, just to keep his head above the water.

 

There's no shame in that; most of us have done the same.

 

But to my way of thinking, making anything a higher priority in life than the people in your life, is borderline insane.

 

People who do that don't understand what happiness is.

 

You deserve to be with someone more enlightened, more self-aware, more loving, more committed.

 

 

Take care.

[Survivor12]

I agree with preraf...he wanted you to move out; needing the money was an excuse. He is either concerned about hurting your feelings or not wanting to deal with confrontation.

 

You are doing the right thing to protect your heart by staying away.

[SillyMe08]

Thanks everyone. I definitely want to protect my heart. I want to make sure that whoever I end up with doesn't get a bitter version of me. Whatever he is trying to do, he could have talked to me more about it. Maybe it would have helped him see he had support through all of this. Maybe not.

As much as I love him, I don't want to be at the mercy of someone who just isn't sure about himself. I'm not perfect, but I knew that I was in it for the long haul. I need someone who feels the same.