bachdude Posted December 31, 2016 Posted December 31, 2016 I see both you and your GF as being unreasonable. I think it would be a considerate gesture for your GF to include you in some of the activities with her friends. And I think you have an anger problem. Blowing up at her is not a healthy way to resolve conflict. And I think you need to realize that her friends have traveled a really far distance to see your GF, probably at significant expense. You need to be cooler with your GF prioritizing her time with them. Chill man! 1
Author Joga_31 Posted December 31, 2016 Author Posted December 31, 2016 I see both you and your GF as being unreasonable. I think it would be a considerate gesture for your GF to include you in some of the activities with her friends. And I think you have an anger problem. Blowing up at her is not a healthy way to resolve conflict. And I think you need to realize that her friends have traveled a really far distance to see your GF, probably at significant expense. You need to be cooler with your GF prioritizing her time with them. Chill man! I will man. I hope I still have a girlfriend. I will give an update later, currently kind of crying =(
lolablue17 Posted December 31, 2016 Posted December 31, 2016 Now you're in so much stress and mess and can't see or understand anything. You took her for granted and broke up with her out of anger, and now you're crying and regretting. I'm sorry she's not important here, what's important is your temper and lack of self-restraint. I remind you - She has the right to do what ever she likes, and you too has the same right. If you didn't like her treatment while her friends, and she still didn't want to even talk to you, you should have taken it as "that's what she wants". From now on it's only your choice. It ok to get hurt but it's your thing, not mine. According to my standards, neglecting a bf so rudely for so long, is a deal breaker. I wouldn't want to remain her bf anyway after that. Because as a 10 month bf, I would expect a differet treatment. But you jump from one side to another in 2 seconds, changing your mind many times and don't take any responsibility for your word, and for your decisions. Come on, man. Let her be... send her an apology, and at he same time do a favor to both of you and finish it amicably. If you meant to be together again, i think it better be after being single for a while.
Author Joga_31 Posted January 1, 2017 Author Posted January 1, 2017 Now you're in so much stress and mess and can't see or understand anything. You took her for granted and broke up with her out of anger, and now you're crying and regretting. I'm sorry she's not important here, what's important is your temper and lack of self-restraint. I remind you - She has the right to do what ever she likes, and you too has the same right. If you didn't like her treatment while her friends, and she still didn't want to even talk to you, you should have taken it as "that's what she wants". From now on it's only your choice. It ok to get hurt but it's your thing, not mine. According to my standards, neglecting a bf so rudely for so long, is a deal breaker. I wouldn't want to remain her bf anyway after that. Because as a 10 month bf, I would expect a differet treatment. But you jump from one side to another in 2 seconds, changing your mind many times and don't take any responsibility for your word, and for your decisions. Come on, man. Let her be... send her an apology, and at he same time do a favor to both of you and finish it amicably. If you meant to be together again, i think it better be after being single for a while. She attempted to break up again, we worked things out on friday and then on new year's eve she wanted to break up and everything caused me stress on the phone. I asked to not break up, then when I talked to her a few hours later said I am ok " I love you and want to be with you, but I respect your decision of breaking up. She then said, no no, no please don't I thought you we were ok. I then said " stop monkeying me around and make a dam choice. She then said no break up, but does not want to see me and that she will go out tonight again and does not want me there because of the fight on Thursday. But feels guilty I am alone with no new years plan. I really am annoyed now, and actually wont argue with her if we split, I am very tired of the back and forth. I might go out myself after midnight and dance a little. I asked to go with her, but she said no and I need to go and have fun too. All I did this new years was workout, do chores, play FIFA and hang out with my buddy and played more FIFA while checking in with my mom how she is doing because she is sick.
Author Joga_31 Posted January 2, 2017 Author Posted January 2, 2017 That was a legitimate question, actually. Direct, legitimate but not rude. People do spend Christmas with their families primarily. Remember that her two friends are visiting from Hong Kong and not across town. So you want to start some drama because you can't have your way? Do it if you want to do it, but don't do it as a means to punish anyone. It won't work out the way you envisioned. Those are things you did by choice and of your own volition; you didn't have to go see her after working a 12 hour shift, too. Her friends are here from the other side of the globe for 3 weeks--not 3 months or 3 years--and you're saying that you don't have the discipline to let her visit with her friends? You really have nothing to do with your time? If the first thing you want to reach for is lashing back because you want her to show her friends--again, in town for 3 weeks from Hong Kong and not across town-- that you mean more to her than they do (which is a total apples/oranges thing, but ok), then you should prepare yourself for staying mad. It went down hill from here for me haha horrible. I should have stayed home and went to bed.
Author Joga_31 Posted January 2, 2017 Author Posted January 2, 2017 This is what you do....make a compromise. tell her she needs to send off her two friends on their own to go do something for a couple of days, while you two have some quality time. They are big girls, I'm sure they can use google maps and GPS themselves around for a couple of days seeing the sights. Or meet up for dinner. If she doesn't follow through, just suck it up for the duration of their stay, and let her have at'r. When they are gone, your GF has some catching up to do if you know what I mean. unfortunately this is what I will need to do. My gf did sleep over with me after she went to a new years party with her two friends from Hong Kong, also worth mentioning they can't speak english super well and they are staying at her place for the duration of stay.
doyathinkso Posted January 2, 2017 Posted January 2, 2017 Joga, are you by any chance asian? If not then it could well be that her buddies are racists. In my experience some ethnic Chinese can be like that big-time. Hopefully this trip will open their eyes a bit then.
central Posted January 2, 2017 Posted January 2, 2017 Her friends understandably take priority since they are here a short time, and it is a rare thing. However, if you are a serious couple, you should be included a little more. I think this is showing you that you are lower in her priorities than she is in yours. Do stuff with your friends. Continue to do so even when hers leave, but keep it reasonable. This relationship has an imbalance, and she calls the shots because she can - you enable it. Stop that! 1
Author Joga_31 Posted January 2, 2017 Author Posted January 2, 2017 Joga, are you by any chance asian? If not then it could well be that her buddies are racists. In my experience some ethnic Chinese can be like that big-time. Hopefully this trip will open their eyes a bit then. Yes they are Chinese
Author Joga_31 Posted January 2, 2017 Author Posted January 2, 2017 Her friends understandably take priority since they are here a short time, and it is a rare thing. However, if you are a serious couple, you should be included a little more. I think this is showing you that you are lower in her priorities than she is in yours. Do stuff with your friends. Continue to do so even when hers leave, but keep it reasonable. This relationship has an imbalance, and she calls the shots because she can - you enable it. Stop that! I already told her how I feel and what I would like for to happen, but she is not following. What can I do? I can't force her even if I really try it will end up in her arguing again.
Author Joga_31 Posted January 2, 2017 Author Posted January 2, 2017 (edited) Joga, are you by any chance asian? If not then it could well be that her buddies are racists. In my experience some ethnic Chinese can be like that big-time. Hopefully this trip will open their eyes a bit then. I am latino. She told me that many people in HK do not have a lot of diversity and in fact I think she said one of her friends don't remember if they were girls are here in the stay, but yeah the friends thought I was black, but clearly I am not. I hope they are not racists I don't think they are, I mean I bought them food on several occasions since they arrive, brought them to the house from the airport and bought them chocolate as Christmas gifts. They gladly took it and did talk to me in the little bit of english they know When me and the gf argued on Thursday, one of her friends still decided to give me a ride home. Edited January 2, 2017 by Joga_31
SunnyWeather Posted January 2, 2017 Posted January 2, 2017 in the kindest, gentlest way I can say: Stop being a whiny wet blanket, a push over, and an option! Get on with your life and put her on "ignore", and please, stop begging, it's unbecoming and only pushes her away further. I hope this helps. It sucks you spent your holidays like this, but maybe it's a sign to start the new year fresh with someone who appreciates and admires you the way you deserve to be. 2
Have no idea Posted January 2, 2017 Posted January 2, 2017 If she's introduced you to her friends and you've seen them a few times them may not be something wrong. Just things to learn. Just the fact that there is a language barrier which can make things boring or make you feel excluded from conversations. Just from the mixed couples I've seen and experienced. Might be a reason. Also just to use a stereotype, would you want to spend your night singing karaoke songs in Chinese. Could be the honeymoon period ending and need to talk and set some new expectations. It's only 3 weeks. In a week or 2 they will be gone. You have a right to be annoyed if you've tried.to talk and she hasn't responded. When they leave then she has no excuse not to talk. Can discuss then.
Author Joga_31 Posted January 3, 2017 Author Posted January 3, 2017 in the kindest, gentlest way I can say: Stop being a whiny wet blanket, a push over, and an option! Get on with your life and put her on "ignore", and please, stop begging, it's unbecoming and only pushes her away further. I hope this helps. It sucks you spent your holidays like this, but maybe it's a sign to start the new year fresh with someone who appreciates and admires you the way you deserve to be. what about when her friends are back home?
Author Joga_31 Posted January 3, 2017 Author Posted January 3, 2017 If she's introduced you to her friends and you've seen them a few times them may not be something wrong. Just things to learn. Just the fact that there is a language barrier which can make things boring or make you feel excluded from conversations. Just from the mixed couples I've seen and experienced. Might be a reason. Also just to use a stereotype, would you want to spend your night singing karaoke songs in Chinese. Could be the honeymoon period ending and need to talk and set some new expectations. It's only 3 weeks. In a week or 2 they will be gone. You have a right to be annoyed if you've tried.to talk and she hasn't responded. When they leave then she has no excuse not to talk. Can discuss then. I tried talking to her, but she and I just came out of a big argument because I was angry at her.
Author Joga_31 Posted January 3, 2017 Author Posted January 3, 2017 My girlfriend said that she is working on December 23 at a club, and on facebook instead what I see is her taking photos with her friends both co workers and her two hong kong friends at the club she said she would work at. the photo shared day says 23 rd of December. Should I cool down, I think she lied to me.
Raena Posted January 3, 2017 Posted January 3, 2017 It sounds like she was at work taking pictures with her coworkers and some other friends. What makes you think she lied?
Author Joga_31 Posted January 3, 2017 Author Posted January 3, 2017 It sounds like she was at work taking pictures with her coworkers and some other friends. What makes you think she lied? she said she it was with a certain company not her clothing company.
SunnyWeather Posted January 3, 2017 Posted January 3, 2017 what about when her friends are back home? do you really want to be with someone who can dispose of you so easily? please see my earlier reply for clarification. take care
Author Joga_31 Posted January 3, 2017 Author Posted January 3, 2017 in the kindest, gentlest way I can say: Stop being a whiny wet blanket, a push over, and an option! Get on with your life and put her on "ignore", and please, stop begging, it's unbecoming and only pushes her away further. I hope this helps. It sucks you spent your holidays like this, but maybe it's a sign to start the new year fresh with someone who appreciates and admires you the way you deserve to be. I saw this comment, but there are other users telling me to just do my own thing. and let her prioritize her friends for now.
SunnyWeather Posted January 3, 2017 Posted January 3, 2017 I saw this comment, but there are other users telling me to just do my own thing. and let her prioritize her friends for now. you have to do what feels right/best for you. please consider my second comment (#44) above. hope this helps
fireflywy Posted January 4, 2017 Posted January 4, 2017 Question to the OP: Do you find in your relationship that you cater to her a lot or that you've had to make the bigger moves and overtures to receive emotions and commitment from her? Is she a closed person?
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