Joga_31 Posted December 29, 2016 Posted December 29, 2016 My girlfriend has brought her two friends from Hong Kong and from what I met about them they are pretty rude. For ex- one of them said to me " why did you come tonight" and "why are you not spending time with your family" when I came to see my girlfriend at her workplace and the other time during christmas. My girlfriend since these two have arrived makes little effort in seeing me and only calls me for like 5-10 mins during the day and will text here and there. Yesterday I came to see her after working 8 hours at the hospital (I am a security guard) and she didnt really spend time with me and said she was tired and is with her friends. what am i supposed to do? should I start clubbing and hang out with my own friends until they are gone? I mean I feel like I am not a priority and before her friends came I would always be available and even if I was tired after a 12 hour shift I would come and see her. But she can't even call me for like 30 mins or see me for like 2 hours. I am so mad.
IfonlyIknew Posted December 29, 2016 Posted December 29, 2016 She is probably trying to be the best host as possible to them, I wouldn't put too much of this on your gf. Just let her know you know her friends are here but you would love to set some time aside as a couple and go from there.
Author Joga_31 Posted December 29, 2016 Author Posted December 29, 2016 She is probably trying to be the best host as possible to them, I wouldn't put too much of this on your gf. Just let her know you know her friends are here but you would love to set some time aside as a couple and go from there. she overslept on Christmas and we had plans
GunslingerRoland Posted December 29, 2016 Posted December 29, 2016 On the one hand her friends came from far away, so I don't think it's wrong that she is putting a lot of focus on their visit. But why are you totally excluded from being involved? That is the more concerning thing IMO. If she was serious about you, you would both be showing them around. 3
Author Joga_31 Posted December 29, 2016 Author Posted December 29, 2016 On the one hand her friends came from far away, so I don't think it's wrong that she is putting a lot of focus on their visit. But why are you totally excluded from being involved? That is the more concerning thing IMO. If she was serious about you, you would both be showing them around. I work 3-11 only have saturday and sunday off, but this week I have friday, saturday and sunday, but I have been so angry and argumentative to her lately. As I type this message I am angry
SunnyWeather Posted December 29, 2016 Posted December 29, 2016 how long have you two been together and what is the status of your relationship? if you two are exclusive and have been together for a while, it would not be out of line to have a discussion about this and let her know how you feel. If you two are committed, you should be with her and her friends some of the time and not be entirely excluded, especially on holidays. what am i supposed to do? should I start clubbing and hang out with my own friends until they are gone? If she doesn't want to see you or talk to you, why wait around? yes, go out, do your own thing, as hard as it may be. Stop waiting around for someone who is acting like they don't give two figs about you, and who has clearly signaled to her friends your limited value to her. I'd be mad too.
Author Joga_31 Posted December 29, 2016 Author Posted December 29, 2016 how long have you two been together and what is the status of your relationship? if you two are exclusive and have been together for a while, it would not be out of line to have a discussion about this and let her know how you feel. If you two are committed, you should be with her and her friends some of the time and not be entirely excluded, especially on holidays. If she doesn't want to see you or talk to you, why wait around? yes, go out, do your own thing, as hard as it may be. Stop waiting around for someone who is acting like they don't give two figs about you, and who has clearly signaled to her friends your limited value to her. I'd be mad too. 10 months and committed monogamous relationship
Author Joga_31 Posted December 29, 2016 Author Posted December 29, 2016 Ok so I tried to talk to her today in the afternoon about the situation. She didn't wake up till like 12 tells me to wait later. Then at 1pm she wakes up says to wait again because she needs to shower. I then explode and she says she has no time to talk or argue because she has some car rental thing for her friends at 3 pm and is showering and getting ready. I really exploded hard and she kept hanging up and not seeing my point of view. I am at a total loss now. But super angry
elaine567 Posted December 29, 2016 Posted December 29, 2016 OK all this tiredness and sleeping late, is that because she out clubbing with her friends?
basil67 Posted December 29, 2016 Posted December 29, 2016 When a person explodes from anger, they tend to go on the attack. This puts the other person in defensive mode and prevents them from hearing you. If you have issues, they need to be discussed in a manner which gets your feelings across without putting them on the defensive. "I'm feeling quite left out while your friends are here. I would like if we could make sure we still have time for each other" 1
smackie9 Posted December 29, 2016 Posted December 29, 2016 This is what you do....make a compromise. tell her she needs to send off her two friends on their own to go do something for a couple of days, while you two have some quality time. They are big girls, I'm sure they can use google maps and GPS themselves around for a couple of days seeing the sights. Or meet up for dinner. If she doesn't follow through, just suck it up for the duration of their stay, and let her have at'r. When they are gone, your GF has some catching up to do if you know what I mean. 1
preraph Posted December 29, 2016 Posted December 29, 2016 Wow. You're jealous of your gf's friends. Insecure. If you know what's good for you, you'll never let her see that side of you. She has all year to entertain you. These friends are a rare treat for her -- and I bet she has known them longer and better than she knows you. What you don't do is make her feel guilty for having friends or show her how insecure and immature you are by retaliating and trying to put pressure on her. A person gets to have friends, and smart people will drop a gf or bf who tries to stop them. 2
umirano Posted December 29, 2016 Posted December 29, 2016 Your GF has a ***** attitude. She knows you have something important to talk about and keeps blowing you off? After her friends have tried to get a rise out of you she didn't stand up for you? It's time to let her know what's up. Tell her "Either show some respect for the relationship or find someone else to ignore and blow off over the holidays." Who needs that? If she finds it so hard to keep her promises and a minimum level of communication she's not GF material. 3
seekingpeaceinlove Posted December 30, 2016 Posted December 30, 2016 - GF is not being considerate at all - The more you try right now, the needier you come off - Your gf does not seem to be willing to hear you out at all right now, too preoccupied with her visitors - The more you pull, the more she will push away For now, take a step back and let her contact you. When her friends leave...have that much needed conversation. Until then, go out and have fun with your friends (don't do anything stupid out of spite). Perhaps it's a good time to re evaluate the relationship if you're feeling this angry and disrespected... 1
kendahke Posted December 30, 2016 Posted December 30, 2016 My girlfriend has brought her two friends from Hong Kong and from what I met about them they are pretty rude. For ex- one of them said to me " why did you come tonight" and "why are you not spending time with your family" when I came to see my girlfriend at her workplace and the other time during christmas. That was a legitimate question, actually. Direct, legitimate but not rude. People do spend Christmas with their families primarily. My girlfriend since these two have arrived makes little effort in seeing me and only calls me for like 5-10 mins during the day and will text here and there. Yesterday I came to see her after working 8 hours at the hospital (I am a security guard) and she didnt really spend time with me and said she was tired and is with her friends. what am i supposed to do? Remember that her two friends are visiting from Hong Kong and not across town. should I start clubbing and hang out with my own friends until they are gone? So you want to start some drama because you can't have your way? Do it if you want to do it, but don't do it as a means to punish anyone. It won't work out the way you envisioned. I mean I feel like I am not a priority and before her friends came I would always be available and even if I was tired after a 12 hour shift I would come and see her. But she can't even call me for like 30 mins or see me for like 2 hours. I am so mad. Those are things you did by choice and of your own volition; you didn't have to go see her after working a 12 hour shift, too. Her friends are here from the other side of the globe for 3 weeks--not 3 months or 3 years--and you're saying that you don't have the discipline to let her visit with her friends? You really have nothing to do with your time? If the first thing you want to reach for is lashing back because you want her to show her friends--again, in town for 3 weeks from Hong Kong and not across town-- that you mean more to her than they do (which is a total apples/oranges thing, but ok), then you should prepare yourself for staying mad.
kendahke Posted December 30, 2016 Posted December 30, 2016 Wow. You're jealous of your gf's friends. Insecure. If you know what's good for you, you'll never let her see that side of you. She has all year to entertain you. These friends are a rare treat for her -- and I bet she has known them longer and better than she knows you. What you don't do is make her feel guilty for having friends or show her how insecure and immature you are by retaliating and trying to put pressure on her. A person gets to have friends, and smart people will drop a gf or bf who tries to stop them. I dare say that the bolded above may be the reason why the friend ask OP the direct question. 1
phineas Posted December 30, 2016 Posted December 30, 2016 (edited) OK all this tiredness and sleeping late, is that because she out clubbing with her friends? nah, it's because they are Eiffel Towering her all night. j/k or not. however it seems the way the one friend didn't want him around is an issue also. i mean who the heck is he to tell his guests BF to take a hike and who is the GF to just exclude him? something doesn't feel right to me about this situation. I mean, these are two grown-ass men who made it alll the way from hong-kong without op's GF holding their hands. They can't walk around a city by themselves so she can see her BF? No woman i know in a relationship would do this unless she was sleeping with one of the guys. Sorry to cry "cheater" but what other reason is there for not including your SO in your plans with your other friends? especially when they are opposite sex friends. Edited December 30, 2016 by phineas 1
kgcolonel Posted December 30, 2016 Posted December 30, 2016 Okay, maybe i missed it, are the friends male or female?
phineas Posted December 30, 2016 Posted December 30, 2016 Okay, maybe i missed it, are the friends male or female? I thought they were male because of the way one told him he should be with his family which op felt was "him" trying to get him out of the picture?
GunslingerRoland Posted December 30, 2016 Posted December 30, 2016 I assumed these were girlfriends or it would have been mentioned. Either way I don't understand why the OP can't be included. Of course showing around out of country guests is time consuming, but what exactly are they doing that the OP can't come along? If this relationship was serious in her eyes, she would make sure he was included.
Author Joga_31 Posted December 30, 2016 Author Posted December 30, 2016 Okay, maybe i missed it, are the friends male or female? females both of them
Author Joga_31 Posted December 30, 2016 Author Posted December 30, 2016 Ok so here my update. I had a horrible night, I went out to the club out of spite, she said have fun, and 20 mins later she said she was sorry and wants to join me, I kept saying I don't want to be a burden. I was still very much explosive. Eventually she met me up at the club and I called her a liar and told her she isn't at the club she said she would. And I am breaking up The arguing and her yelling at me started she ignored me the whole time and broke up with me =(. We then went out of the club with her two friends present and I pretty much begged her all night, and she actually ended up hitting me =(. I told her I don't want to break up and that I will give her the space she needs and that I won't go an see what she is up to next time, that this is the last time. She then said sorry to me at like 4:30 am when I got home, about what had happened, but still believes we should break and I said if that is what you want. She then said how come you are not stopping me? and I told her we are both adults and I apologized and do love her dearly and don't want to end, but I can't force someone to come back to me. She was crying on the phone and then said that she just need some time alone. And now I am all paranoid, because I don't want the relationship to end over this. I know I have a lot to work on. =(
Author Joga_31 Posted December 30, 2016 Author Posted December 30, 2016 When a person explodes from anger, they tend to go on the attack. This puts the other person in defensive mode and prevents them from hearing you. If you have issues, they need to be discussed in a manner which gets your feelings across without putting them on the defensive. "I'm feeling quite left out while your friends are here. I would like if we could make sure we still have time for each other" I should have used this way to communicate
kendahke Posted December 30, 2016 Posted December 30, 2016 I know I have a lot to work on. =( Please make self discipline first on that list. 1
Author Joga_31 Posted December 30, 2016 Author Posted December 30, 2016 Please make self discipline first on that list. ok will do
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