Chloe Dancer Posted July 17, 2005 Posted July 17, 2005 Here's the deal. I totally, totally, totally have this huge crush on my friend's ex-boyfriend. My friend and I are good friends from back when we were in grad school. They broke up about 4 years ago, maybe longer (about right when we were starting grad school); they were each other's first everything (other than kiss) and remain almost-best-friends to this day. She has said many times that marriage would never work with him, that they were friends before they dated and just couldn't get along while they were together, and they are better off apart. She has since been in two serious relationships and was engaged to one of them. He too has had a couple serious relationships. They seem to have truly moved on from one another, in the romantic sense. He's been very flirty lately, and I think he's really interested, but I don't want to go there until I know it would be ok with HER. Should I talk to her, have him talk to her, not even go there at all? What are your thoughts please.
Naive Posted July 17, 2005 Posted July 17, 2005 It all depends how much you like this guy....if it's enough to risk a friendship with your friend then go for it but if not let it go. If you decide that you do like him a lot then I suggest you talk to your friend by yourself and let him talk to her by himself (if in fact he likes you). Do you even know for sure whether he likes you or if he is just being flirty? Maybe before saying anything to your friend you should talk to HIM first and see if he wants the same as you.
A Fly onThe Wall Posted July 18, 2005 Posted July 18, 2005 Originally posted by ~Naive~ It all depends how much you like this guy....if it's enough to risk a friendship with your friend then go for it but if not let it go. If you decide that you do like him a lot then I suggest you talk to your friend by yourself and let him talk to her by himself (if in fact he likes you). Do you even know for sure whether he likes you or if he is just being flirty? Maybe before saying anything to your friend you should talk to HIM first and see if he wants the same as you. I agree with ~Naive~ .. A lot of times these type of dating situations break up friendships.. So you need to figure out how much is dating a friends ex worth to you .. My friends & I have alway's had the unwritten rule where friends ex's were untouchable and no way would you date a friends ex .. It's a respect thing between friends
seabiscuit Posted July 18, 2005 Posted July 18, 2005 me and my friend have agreed if we feel that we could be happy with each others ex's then we wouldn't get mad. so depending on how good of friends you are and more importantly how well you relate to her she probably wouldn't mind but definitely ask first.
Naive Posted July 18, 2005 Posted July 18, 2005 Plus, there are so many men out there!!!! Why go for your friend's ex? Go out and meet guys that are not linked to anyone, someone YOU met.
Dasani Posted July 18, 2005 Posted July 18, 2005 Originally posted by Chloe Dancer they were each other's first everything (other than kiss) and remain almost-best-friends to this day. this alone should make it ok.. ask her first though. She'll probably say yes... hwoever the yes comes with strings. You probably are not allowed to hurt him lol (protective best friend feelings)... he of course shouldnt hurt you... but also watch out for her feelings re-surfacing for him. You cannot not make that happen and you'll be at a disadvantage if she begins to start having feelings again- since she knows him better than you. so ask her and live life as usual- just find out for sure how she REALLY feels before asking him.
Angelina1433 Posted July 19, 2005 Posted July 19, 2005 My friends and I have a rule that we never date a friends exboyfriends. Especially my close friends. I'd never even ask them. However, if you really, really want this guy, and you talk with her first and she says she'd be so happy for you if it works out, then alright. But if she hesitates in the least, I'd forget about it. You may risk your friendship over him. At least if you ask her about it and she's against it, she'll get over it. But if you don't and you don't know how she really feels, you could be in hot water. Good luck!
Zaira Posted July 19, 2005 Posted July 19, 2005 Four years is a long time. I'd talk to your friend first, and be sure it's not going to cause any ill feelings between you. If you think this guy could be the one though, why let anything hold you back?
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