x Maria x Posted December 29, 2016 Posted December 29, 2016 (edited) So if you've read my last thread it's started from that. Two years together, albeit a long distance relationship. He has kids with two ex's, I have none but would like. He's 29 and I'm 35. Him saying that he wasn't sure about feelings anymore. After days of him barely speaking to me at all, I said that he should have a few days with no contact to try and clear his head, so it's now been nearly 9 days with no contact from him apart from a 'Merry Christmas xxxx' message on Christmas day. I'm really not sure what to do, whether to message and say does he want to talk now, or keep feeling annoyed that he's ignoring me and ending things in a really cowardly way after all I've been through for him. I'm really not coping with being back at the start with nothing again. I wake up everyday feeling a sinking feeling in my stomach and an ache in my chest, feeling panicked, I suffer with anxiety anyway and this is just pushing it over the edge. It's sunk in a bit more and even though I love him, there are some things I'm glad to be out of, but I keep thinking what if he was the best I'd do, what if I don't ever meet anyone else, and as well how do you ever trust again after keep being hurt. I would like to have children and I know that would never happen with him even if he still wanted to be together. There's always stress with his kids and the two ex's being horrible and his issues. I'm really lost right now, don't know what to do about anything in life. Or what to do about him. I don't do break ups, my last long term relationship just fizzled out but we carried on living together as friends. So this is all new to me when in a real proper relationship. Edited December 29, 2016 by x Maria x
amaysngrace Posted December 29, 2016 Posted December 29, 2016 What do you mean "what if he's the best you can do" ? You haven't set the bar very high, have you?
Survivor12 Posted December 29, 2016 Posted December 29, 2016 Let's start with the fact that he is telling you that he needs space in a LD relationship... The fact that is has two children--are they with the same woman? Does he see/support the kids? Why isn't he with her/them instead of being in a LD relationship with you? Finally, you are thinking about having a child with him? How do you expect that to work? He doesn't live where you do, he has two other children (if he has a relationship with them what makes you believe that he would leave them to be with yours & if he doesn't, why would his relationship with yours be any different? He has told you that he isn't sure about his feelings for you (translation: he's not in love with you) & he's pretty much ghosted you. It sounds to me as if instead of thinking about having children with him, you would be better off thinking about ending things with him & moving on with your life. This guy is not ever going to live up to what you want, expect, and deserve.
BluesPower Posted December 29, 2016 Posted December 29, 2016 Listen for a sec... First off, you are 35. THAT IS YOUNG. Second, love or not, I am not sure why you would want to be with this guy. And, if he needs space and you are already in an LDR, it looks like it is time to end it and get back out there. Don't do any LDR's and find a guy that is in to you and close by.
Author x Maria x Posted December 29, 2016 Author Posted December 29, 2016 What do you mean "what if he's the best you can do" ? You haven't set the bar very high, have you? My self confidence and self esteem has never been good. And when the relationships I've had have been not good then you kind of end up thinking it's just a fantasy in your mind of a guy that totally treats you right and good and is everything that you've wanted.
Author x Maria x Posted December 29, 2016 Author Posted December 29, 2016 Let's start with the fact that he is telling you that he needs space in a LD relationship... The fact that is has two children--are they with the same woman? Does he see/support the kids? Why isn't he with her/them instead of being in a LD relationship with you? Finally, you are thinking about having a child with him? How do you expect that to work? He doesn't live where you do, he has two other children (if he has a relationship with them what makes you believe that he would leave them to be with yours & if he doesn't, why would his relationship with yours be any different? He has told you that he isn't sure about his feelings for you (translation: he's not in love with you) & he's pretty much ghosted you. It sounds to me as if instead of thinking about having children with him, you would be better off thinking about ending things with him & moving on with your life. This guy is not ever going to live up to what you want, expect, and deserve. We used to message constantly daily and have done for the past two years, so when he started being distant recently that's why I said that maybe he needed space with no contact, but I meant a few days not nearly 9, someone said he might just not know how to start the conversation off and that his message on Christmas day might have been his way in which all I did was saying merry christmas back. But to me if he'd wanted to talk wouldn't he have messaged back again. And if I message him now will I look totally desperate, when I'm annoyed by his ignorance as well. The plan was always for me to move to live with him as he couldn't move with having small children so I would have. His kids are with two women, both used him for the kids so he says, one got pregnant after only two months together even though she told him she was on the pill etc as the first did as well. I would have liked kids with him, but that would never happen, he doesn't want anymore and he had a vasectomy a few years ago as well which he isn't willing to reverse anyway. I've met his kids on numerous times and they're great. I'd never ask him to leave them that's why I was planning on moving to be with him. He isn't with the kids mums because they treated him and still treat him like absolute crap, the first kept the kid away from him for two years when he finally had enough of her abuse and left, and the second stole money off him and treated him like a child she could order about in the relationship, both used him and still do for money and to make his life hell. So I don't blame him for not being with them. And even though they're horrible people, and used him for the kids he's an amazing dad, has the kids every weekend, pays for them, gets them things, takes them places, always looks after them, does everything that a great dad would do despite them two making his life hell. I've given up thinking I'd ever have a family with him, but it's the how he's being now, why can't he just talk to me and talk it out and then end it with closure not just ignoring.
Author x Maria x Posted December 29, 2016 Author Posted December 29, 2016 Listen for a sec... First off, you are 35. THAT IS YOUNG. Second, love or not, I am not sure why you would want to be with this guy. And, if he needs space and you are already in an LDR, it looks like it is time to end it and get back out there. Don't do any LDR's and find a guy that is in to you and close by. Thank you for saying that. I'm hating the age I am, always panic thinking I'm old and watching life slip by, I haven't done anything with my life and am now single again back at the start when I thought that by now I'd have had someone, maybe married with a family. He isn't treating me good I know, he can't get much more space from me than he has in the miles, apart from the 9 days no phone contact either. It's just I wish he'd have the guts to talk to me, tell me how he feels, let me tell him how I feel and then have that closure properly. I'm definitely not doing any LDRs again, it's not living and not having a proper relationship. I've done them twice now, first time I moved within 6 months to be with the guy and was with him for a long while. This one has been two years in a LDR and I've hated it. Everyone I've been with though, not that many I've had two long term relationships, I've started talking to online and met through there, so more often than not they're never close.
stillafool Posted December 29, 2016 Posted December 29, 2016 If you want kids and this guy can no longer make them why waste more time with him? I agree 35 is not very old but if you want a family it takes time to meet, date and marry in order to start your family. Which means you don't have more time to waste on this guy and his 2 baby momas.
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