W4ndeelust Posted December 29, 2016 Posted December 29, 2016 Hey awesome people So I first saw this guy in the train on the way to the university , apparently he lives in the city nearby and we study together at the same faculty. At the beginning I got the feeling that he had a crush on me, he looked at me sneakily in the train and in the class, that's how I noticed him. Moreover, he is such an attractive guy, not only me but also many girls at university think the same, and I found out that he is 8 years younger than me , he's 21 , I'm 29 (I traveled and worked before I decided to do my master degree). Eventually in the end of the semester we started talking to each other on the way back from uni and added him on Facebook, he helped me study if I didn't understand such thing, during exam he looked at me and smile and my friends think he has a crush on me but he knows that I have a boyfriend and living together with him. This guy liked the pic of me and my boyfriend that I posted on Facebook yesterday. However, I started to grow interest and cannot get over my feeling towards him. This guy is a bit shy and single, and I think he's not the playboy type even if he can. Although I live together with my bf but we haven't had sex for 6 months, and i really want to have intimacy with this younger guy instead. Do you know how to make it work with the younger guy ? I'm thinking to ask him out but I wonder what would he think. Looking forward to hear your advice , thanks in advance Happy holidays
RecentChange Posted December 29, 2016 Posted December 29, 2016 Why haven't you had sex with your live in BF in six months!?! You are in your 20's!!! My advice, break up and move out. Sounds like your relationship is over, and that is leading to your wandering eye. Then you will be free to sleep with who ever you like! Heck, you are at uni, that's like being a kid in a candy store. Do the right thing and end things with your BF okay? 2
Thenicegirl Posted December 29, 2016 Posted December 29, 2016 Break up with your boyfriend first and remember that the grass isn't always greener on the other side. This guy isn't going to be perfect and may not have a gf because he doesn't want one. I don't see myself dating a 21 year old... Even when I was 21 I found them to be too immature.
Redhead14 Posted December 29, 2016 Posted December 29, 2016 Hey awesome people So I first saw this guy in the train on the way to the university , apparently he lives in the city nearby and we study together at the same faculty. At the beginning I got the feeling that he had a crush on me, he looked at me sneakily in the train and in the class, that's how I noticed him. Moreover, he is such an attractive guy, not only me but also many girls at university think the same, and I found out that he is 8 years younger than me , he's 21 , I'm 29 (I traveled and worked before I decided to do my master degree). Eventually in the end of the semester we started talking to each other on the way back from uni and added him on Facebook, he helped me study if I didn't understand such thing, during exam he looked at me and smile and my friends think he has a crush on me but he knows that I have a boyfriend and living together with him. This guy liked the pic of me and my boyfriend that I posted on Facebook yesterday. However, I started to grow interest and cannot get over my feeling towards him. This guy is a bit shy and single, and I think he's not the playboy type even if he can. Although I live together with my bf but we haven't had sex for 6 months, and i really want to have intimacy with this younger guy instead. Do you know how to make it work with the younger guy ? I'm thinking to ask him out but I wonder what would he think. Looking forward to hear your advice , thanks in advance Happy holidays I seriously doubt that anyone on these boards (except for a couple I can think of), will give you advice about how to cheat on your boyfriend . . . This is an advice site to help people "successfully" navigate the dating scene and life in general. I believe that the majority of us support morality, conscience, treating partners and people with respect and operating in life with good character, common sense, empathy for others, insight and forethought as to behavior and it's affect on one's future and others involved in our lives. If you are unhappy with your boyfriend, you end that relationship and then you can seek out a new partner. If you cheat on your boyfriend, you should consider how that will be viewed by future partners when/if they find out. Most people do not trust other people who have cheated on previous partners. It's a slippery slope. Read these boards and the posts about cheating and the affect on future relationships for both the cheaters and the victims of cheaters. It's not pretty. 1
Author W4ndeelust Posted March 2, 2017 Author Posted March 2, 2017 (edited) So we met often on the train and apparently we go to the same uni. I'm a Ph.D. Student, he's doing master program. You know the feeling when your instinct says that someone got a crush on you, well I have it (caught him several times looking at me sneakily, and he often came and sat in the same wagon/passenger coach on the train where I was), but he never started making contact before me. Thus I began to talk to him and we became friends, we talk about school stuff and life, we text each other sometimes (usually I start it first,we never flirt), we've been going out as friends , I asked him to hangout with me and he agreed even if only two of us, and I realized that he's a shy person , for a 21 years old attractive guy I can tell that he doesn't use his charm to attract women although he can. (I'm 29 and I know 20 years old guys can be kinky and flirty but this guy is not), Apparently other friends notice that he's shy aswell, my best friends think that he likes me cause often times he looked at me and smiled , and in a party he was distracted whilst talking to others cause his eyes were on me in across the room). The thing is when he was asked in front of me what's his type of girls, he answered blonde, I'm Asian and totally not blonde. And he knows that I'm kinda dating someone who I met before I know him , but my status is not steady yet. So my questions to you , do you guys know what's exactly on his mind ? Is it because I'm seeing someone that makes him back off? And is it possible for guys who prefer blond girls to like Asian woman who is much older than him? And what should I do to change our friendship to dating without being needy and look desperate? I actually have been with younger guys (max 5 years) and I never really had to work hard to get closer to them, but this guy is different. Thanks in advance for the answer Edited March 2, 2017 by a LoveShack.org Moderator Paragraphs and merged with previous thread on same topic ~6
d0nnivain Posted March 2, 2017 Posted March 2, 2017 If is his shy & he knows you are dating somebody that could be why he's not making a move. Your higher education status probably also skews the power dynamic in such a way that he's reluctant. If you want him to ask you out you need to say & do things that let him know that if he asks he will get a positive response. For example: Years ago I was at a business card exchange that was billed as part networking reception part singles event. I was talking to a guy who happened to be in the market for services my company provided. I thought there was a fair amount of flirting going on more so then business talk. When I had to leave to get to another appointment, he asked for my card. As I handed it to him I said that I would happy to help with his business issue but I'd be happier if he used the card to call me socially. Then I left. He called 2 days later & asked me out. Over dinner he confessed that if I hadn't said that -- given him express permission to ask me out -- he never would have taken the chance. You can't expect a man to be a mind reader. If you won't take the bull by the horns & ask him out, at least make it really easy & safe for him to make that first move. 2
preraph Posted March 2, 2017 Posted March 2, 2017 Just because he likes blondes doesn't mean he doesn't also think you're totally cute. So don't worry about that. You dating someone is probably all that's scaring him off -- well, that and he's maybe too shy to make a move anyway, so I don't like that aspect of it, but since you're dating someone and he knows it, you have to give him the benefit of the doubt. I think if I were you I would tell him, Hey, I'm not exclusively dating this other guy and it's not serious, so we can go on a real date if you want to, as long as that doesn't bother you too much. Of course, most people don't like multidating, so maybe you ought to break it off first. 1
somanymistakes Posted March 2, 2017 Posted March 2, 2017 Many people have vague ideas of what they think the MOST attractive qualities are, that doesn't mean they don't also like other qualities. "I like blondes" is not the same as "I don't like Asians". But I think you're getting ahead of yourself a bit. You don't need a complex gameplan, just see what happens. 1
Birdies Posted March 2, 2017 Posted March 2, 2017 You obviously don't want to be with your boyfriend (who you live with! not a casual dating scenario), so first things first, break up with him already. Poor guy. If the young guy is a halway decent guy, he's not hitting on you because you LIVE WITH YOUR BOYFRIEND. Change that and then ask the guy out.
coolheadal Posted March 2, 2017 Posted March 2, 2017 Sounds like you want your cake and candle lite together. Age doesn't mean much here you can be 20 years difference once you get to that point in life. But for now just be you and let that younger guy makes his move on you if he does it or not. Your not even engaged or married to the sleepy guy you have as a security blanket. So the cat is wanting to play with others you have the hots for. This gets interesting for you. Shy guy with no experience with women seeing and living with another guy. Could be more of a flirt and tease then anything else for now. Your not going to drop off the blanket for the icing for the cake just yet are you. Mr Shy vs Mr nonsense. You want both and can't haven't have it your way yet.
TheTraveler Posted March 2, 2017 Posted March 2, 2017 (edited) you LIVE WITH YOUR BOYFRIEND. ................ I have a preference as well, but I'll date others because...why not? Since you're Asian you probably look younger than the typical 29 year old. Also is it 9 months now since you've had sex? Edited March 2, 2017 by TheTraveler
Darren Steez Posted March 2, 2017 Posted March 2, 2017 So we met often on the train and apparently we go to the same uni. I'm a Ph.D. Student, he's doing master program. You know the feeling when your instinct says that someone got a crush on you, well I have it (caught him several times looking at me sneakily, and he often came and sat in the same wagon/passenger coach on the train where I was), but he never started making contact before me. Thus I began to talk to him and we became friends, we talk about school stuff and life, we text each other sometimes (usually I start it first,we never flirt), we've been going out as friends , I asked him to hangout with me and he agreed even if only two of us, and I realized that he's a shy person , for a 21 years old attractive guy I can tell that he doesn't use his charm to attract women although he can. (I'm 29 and I know 20 years old guys can be kinky and flirty but this guy is not), Apparently other friends notice that he's shy aswell, my best friends think that he likes me cause often times he looked at me and smiled , and in a party he was distracted whilst talking to others cause his eyes were on me in across the room). The thing is when he was asked in front of me what's his type of girls, he answered blonde, I'm Asian and totally not blonde. And he knows that I'm kinda dating someone who I met before I know him , but my status is not steady yet. So my questions to you , do you guys know what's exactly on his mind ? Is it because I'm seeing someone that makes him back off? And is it possible for guys who prefer blond girls to like Asian woman who is much older than him? And what should I do to change our friendship to dating without being needy and look desperate? I actually have been with younger guys (max 5 years) and I never really had to work hard to get closer to them, but this guy is different. Thanks in advance for the answer Still haven't addressed your bf. So what if you haven't had sex in 6 months, why not leave him then you can pursue this guy and have all the sex in the world. You're 29. Take some responsibility for your actions. 1
TheTraveler Posted March 2, 2017 Posted March 2, 2017 Still haven't addressed your bf. So what if you haven't had sex in 6 months, why not leave him then you can pursue this guy and have all the sex in the world. You're 29. Take some responsibility for your actions. But, that takes work. She would have to move out, find a place, separate items, cover 100% of her own expenses, etc. Her train line would probably change and she wouldn't see him as much. Much easier to keep the status quo and find a side bang
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