requiem1 Posted December 28, 2016 Posted December 28, 2016 (edited) Hi Everyone, This is my first post, and I will try to be as direct as I can. To be clear at the outset, I would like to have this person in my life, and I want advice on how to repair the relationship, if possible. *Sorry about the title...* My ex (21) and I (26) were in a 2 year relationship, 7 months of which were long distance. We began long distance in May 2016 - she joined the military in May, I went to graduate school in August. She ended the relationship with me on Dec. 6th. We were having communication troubles during our time apart. We're both very busy. At the end of November, during a visit, we had a great time, and both claimed that we loved each other and wanted to make it work, no matter the difficulties. Following the visit, I tried to improve my communication with her, but I was in a rough place. I was terribly depressed, overwhelmed, and uncertain of the future. She knew this. I ended up becoming needy. I think she was fed up with it all, and, given her new responsibilities, she said she couldn't handle it anymore. We were both very torn up about the breakup. After several days of brief communication, I realized it was one-sided, that what she needed most right then was distance, and decided to go NC. I didn't hear from her or text her for two weeks, but I broke NC on Christmas just to say "Merry Christmas." I received a nice response, but it was, again, cold and one-sidedly positive. I know the breakup was something I needed to make myself happy again. I feel better about myself, and I've made many positive changes (my outlook, my behavior). My ultimate fear is that it's too late. I really love her, and I know that our relationship is/was special. I don't know how a person can give up, cut all ties, while saying that they loved you so much/wanted to be with you through everything a day before breaking up. What do you think I should do? Should I fight for her, or should I let her go and let her contact me when she is ready (if that ever happens)? I'm desperate for as much advice as I can get. Edited December 28, 2016 by requiem1 Title problem
preraph Posted December 28, 2016 Posted December 28, 2016 It sounds like she has moved on. Her career in the military, well, that will change a person in all kinds of ways, for which we thank them. I say don't do anything. If she's at all still interested, she will let you know.
mystificatecg Posted December 29, 2016 Posted December 29, 2016 Your ex is too young for you. She's at a different life stage and the circumstances are too strenuous on your bond. I'd go no contact forever and date someone a bit closer to your age who is likely to settle down in a few years, if that's what you want.
umirano Posted December 29, 2016 Posted December 29, 2016 Let it go. You can't fix a RS if the other person isn't a hundred percent in on it. Your ex is zero percent in. Easy. And yes, you can go complete no contact with a person you once loved. I've done it for the second time in just over 2 years. As soon as you realize it's for your self, it's actually kind of fun. You can be proud of yourself every day that you've not written to them, unblocked them or anything else of that sort. You can also safely assume that you're not the only one going through a hard time. If your ex is not a psychopath, suddenly not speaking to you and hearing from you will have an effect on her too. That's just a little consolation, don't expect it to bring her back. There's a reason you broke up and these reasons haven't gone away in a couple of weeks. Good luck!
Author requiem1 Posted December 29, 2016 Author Posted December 29, 2016 And yes, you can go complete no contact with a person you once loved. I've done it for the second time in just over 2 years. As soon as you realize it's for your self, it's actually kind of fun. You can be proud of yourself every day that you've not written to them, unblocked them or anything else of that sort. You can also safely assume that you're not the only one going through a hard time. If your ex is not a psychopath, suddenly not speaking to you and hearing from you will have an effect on her too. That's just a little consolation, don't expect it to bring her back. There's a reason you broke up and these reasons haven't gone away in a couple of weeks. I've realized that no contact is for me, and it makes me feel much better about everything - it helps with the healing process, independence, etc. I'm sure that no contact has an effect on her too; I don't want to bring her back. I haven't emotionally recovered from the breakup yet, and when I do, I'll reassess what it is I would like to have with her. I know I can't force anything, and I know that she knows how to use her phone. Ever since the breakup I haven't wanted much more than a friendship, and I haven't cared about what sort of "ramifications" that will have. I care about her, but I don't want her back. If that's something that could happen in the future, then that will happen in the future; assuredly not now. 1
Author requiem1 Posted December 29, 2016 Author Posted December 29, 2016 Your ex is too young for you. She's at a different life stage and the circumstances are too strenuous on your bond. I'd go no contact forever and date someone a bit closer to your age who is likely to settle down in a few years, if that's what you want. That's the main reason why I was so hesitant to start anything with her several years ago. But, she persisted, and I eventually gave in. We had an amazing connection, and I have no doubt that we could have made it work if we didn't begin a LDR (she agrees). I don't know if I could go no contact forever, to be honest. It's not who I am, nor who I want to be. I care about her, as a person, regardless of the relationship. I'm positive that she will reach out eventually, but if she doesn't, I'm not going to be torn up about it. She knows my number. 1
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