Brought up the question

[CaliforniaGirl]

I don't think sex on the third date was the problem. That's not very unusual (sex by the third date or thereabouts). I don't think it's that she's sexually "easy", it's that she's emotionally "easy" (if you will) (i.e. overanxious, constantly alert to him, so he doesn't have to be alert to her or wonder where she is, what she's doing or anything...IOW, it's as if she's sitting on a shelf waiting for him and when he gets bored he can just pull her back out again; he has zero doubts about her and doesn't have to do any of the initiating because of that).

[Minka101]

Not true. It frequently prevents a guy from developing deeper interest. It's like a guy who tells you he is in love on the first date and then gets all clingy.

 

Tbh, I think that inviting me over on a third date shows he wasnt intrested. Otherwise, he would be careful enough to ask me out somewhere else. So, I decided to have one night stand but then, he was the one to keep in touch and plan other dates. Then, I had to clarify that casual relationship is not something I am intrested in.

[CaliforniaGirl]

Not true. It frequently prevents a guy from developing deeper interest. It's like a guy who tells you he is in love on the first date and then gets all clingy.

 

Since the guy obviously also wanted the sex, this isn't an exact analogy.

 

It would be more akin to: the woman ASKS the guy to TELL her he loves her. He smiles and shrugs and says shyly, "Okay, I love you" and she says "I love hearing that! Until the end of this date" and then she goes home and says "What a loser, I don't want to see him anymore, he's too easy."

[winny]

Not true. It frequently prevents a guy from developing deeper interest. It's like a guy who tells you he is in love on the first date and then gets all clingy.

 

Sure, immature guys who are yet to learn how to respect women and solely take their decision based on when a woman wants to have sex.... men who still live with a backwards mindset and see a woman as an object --- when they themselves in 99% of case initiate the sex on the "3rd date".

[winny]

Since the guy obviously also wanted the sex, this isn't an exact analogy.

 

It would be more akin to: the woman ASKS the guy to TELL her he loves her. He smiles and shrugs and says shyly, "Okay, I love you" and she says "I love hearing that! Until the end of this date" and then she goes home and says "What a loser, I don't want to see him anymore, he's too easy."

 

Awesome!!

Agreed..!!

[Cinnamonstix]

Tbh, I think that inviting me over on a third date shows he wasnt intrested. Otherwise, he would be careful enough to ask me out somewhere else. So, I decided to have one night stand but then, he was the one to keep in touch and plan other dates. Then, I had to clarify that casual relationship is not something I am intrested in.

 

This is not always the case. But in your situation, it may very well be the case if his effort was lacking in multiple ways.

 

My bf thought I was the one from the first date, and he invited me over on the 2nd date (third time seeing each other). Even though he seemed to take a deep interest in who I was as a person, I was like heeeelllll no and said another day would work better. This time he came up with a date out of the house.

 

I didn't sleep with him for two months and went over to his house many times before that. Some might say this is a stupid move, but I don't put myself in situations I am not comfortable in. With other guys who seemed like they would be pushy, I have stayed away from their places... and eventually dumped them bc pushy and me don't mix.

 

If the guy seems interested enough in who you are as a person and has changed the things that bothered you before, then he might be worth another chance.

[winny]

 

If the guy seems interested enough in who you are as a person and has changed the things that bothered you before, then he might be worth another chance.

 

Yes, thats all OP should see.

[Minka101]

I feel like I have no more energy to deal with this. I need a break from dating. This is really affecting my self esteem (lukewarm guys and players).

[Minka101]

This is not always the case. But in your situation, it may very well be the case if his effort was lacking in multiple ways.

 

My bf thought I was the one from the first date, and he invited me over on the 2nd date (third time seeing each other). Even though he seemed to take a deep interest in who I was as a person, I was like heeeelllll no and said another day would work better. This time he came up with a date out of the house.

 

I didn't sleep with him for two months and went over to his house many times before that. Some might say this is a stupid move, but I don't put myself in situations I am not comfortable in. With other guys who seemed like they would be pushy, I have stayed away from their places... and eventually dumped them bc pushy and me don't mix.

 

If the guy seems interested enough in who you are as a person and has changed the things that bothered you before, then he might be worth another chance.

 

I am not sure if his effort was lacking in other ways (we were seeing each other for maybe two/three weeks before I broke up). He always gave me a choice of going out or staying at his place. He always offered to come out and help me find a parking space around his building. We went out for breakfast after I stayed over at his place. That is pretty much it. It wasn't enough time to determine, I guess.

[kendahke]

Can anyone answer why he was giving me only a peck on a cheek when I was leaving after we spent the night together?

 

You were being dismissed.

 

Why would any man, who has just got finished having his mouth all over you, suddenly opt for a chaste kiss upon your cheek? Because he didn't want to go further--for whatever reason... and there are a myriad of reasons we can't guess because it's to him you need to put that question, but he's probably not going to take a 2x4 to your esteem and tell you exactly what turned him off to you to the point where a chaste kiss on the cheek is how he left you.

[Minka101]

You were being dismissed.

 

Why would any man, who has just got finished having his mouth all over you, suddenly opt for a chaste kiss upon your cheek? Because he didn't want to go further--for whatever reason... and there are a myriad of reasons we can't guess because it's to him you need to put that question, but he's probably not going to take a 2x4 to your esteem and tell you exactly what turned him off to you to the point where a chaste kiss on the cheek is how he left you.

 

Makes sense. I thought it was his way of telling me "we are not in a relationship." It was nice kissing you during sex, but that's about it.

[kendahke]

Oh please. sleeping with the guy on the third date wont change anything, ***if*** guy is really intrested.

 

The operative word in that sentence is IF.

 

Dude wasn't sufficiently interested to be arsed to keep going.

 

If dude isn't interested, sleeping with him too soon will kill the momentum. Not too many guys will turn down free sex on offer from a pretty girl with lots on the ball. They certainly aren't going to kiss her after having a night of sex with her like they're kissing their great aunt unless the interest was gone.

[kendahke]

Makes sense. I thought it was his way of telling me "we are not in a relationship." It was nice kissing you during sex, but that's about it.

 

I think you'd be right in that conclusion.

[Minka101]

The operative word in that sentence is IF.

 

Dude wasn't sufficiently interested to be arsed to keep going.

 

If dude isn't interested, sleeping with him too soon will kill the momentum. Not too many guys will turn down free sex on offer from a pretty girl with lots on the ball. They certainly aren't going to kiss her after having a night of sex with her like they're kissing their great aunt unless the interest was gone.

 

But he did kiss me all the time, when I show up at his apartment, while watching a movie or just sitting and talking on the couch. He also did during sex. But it is only when I was leaving, he would just give me a peck on the cheek:bunny:

[kendahke]

But he did kiss me all the time, when I show up at his apartment, while watching a movie or just sitting and talking on the couch. He also did during sex. But it is only when I was leaving, he would just give me a peck on the cheek:bunny:

 

The last time you stood in front of him before this expanse of time and no contact happened, how did he kiss you goodbye?

[CaliforniaGirl]

But he did kiss me all the time, when I show up at his apartment, while watching a movie or just sitting and talking on the couch. He also did during sex. But it is only when I was leaving, he would just give me a peck on the cheek:bunny:

 

I feel like he's giving you what you want before sex in order to get you to have the sex, then during and after in order to keep you "into it" and then not complaining/angry/miffed/demanding demonstrations of affection until you're safely actually out the door, then he's able to turn it off and just peck and dismiss you.

 

Wouldn't be good enough for me.

 

I feel like I have no more energy to deal with this. I need a break from dating. This is really affecting my self esteem (lukewarm guys and players).

 

This may be a good idea. But remember that this self-esteem reduction is a mutual thing. They're being lukewarm, but you're also pushing to get them interested anyway, which is only going to make you feel LESS wanted. WAIT. WAIT for the person who REALLY WANTS you, and go out with THAT guy, and you'll be surprised how your self-esteem rises. I promise you.

Edited January 11, 2017 by a LoveShack.org Moderator
Merge

[winny]

I feel like I have no more energy to deal with this. I need a break from dating. This is really affecting my self esteem (lukewarm guys and players).

 

Okay so may sound bit harsh here but... If you let others affect your self esteem you have work to do on yourself.

 

[]

Edited January 11, 2017 by a LoveShack.org Moderator
Merge and off-topic content redacted

[Minka101]

The last time you stood in front of him before this expanse of time and no contact happened, how did he kiss you goodbye?

 

Last time, I slept over, had breakfast in the morning. Dropped him off at the apartment and got a kiss on the cheek in the car.

[Scarlett.O'hara]

I have posted about this guy before but here is a short summary. We went on few dates, had sex on third date. He was a good guy but didnt really keep in touch in between dates. Maybe once every two/three days. I asked him (via text) if he wanted something casual and he replied that there is chemistry between us and he wants to see where things go. Also, he was looking for something more meaningful (at least he claimed so). Two days later, after not hearing from him, I dumped him. He wished me all the best and that was it.

Today, two weeks later he contacted me. He apologized for being distant, and blames it on his hectic schedule (he is working on his PhD research right now and was trying to meet the deadline). Anyway, he asked me if I want to have dinner with him at some point. Do you think he is sincere and what should I do? I liked him, his is a nice, cute, educated guy and we had good chemistry. Our dates were 3 hours long every time.

 

I'm slightly confused. He accepted the fact that you were dumping him with such maturity and politeness, and then two weeks later asks you out like nothing happened?

 

The way you described him reaching out to you makes it seems like he dumped you because he was busy and is offering you a second chance. If he is trying to rewrite history like that, then perhaps his ego was hurt more than you realize?

 

If there is a possibility that this is just in response to a bruised ego, I would approach this with caution.

[ashy555]

Well Minka, you proved you are strong willed at that. I love that. Even if it was a little bit of self sabbotage and a little too early. You have been hurt before so you are struggling with letting your walls down. You are also not putting up with BS and you know what you are looking for. Thought it left you with a little doubt that you pulled the trigger too soon and now you have the option to see him again. Really I think you have nothing to lose. Just make sure you don't sleep with him for your OWN sanity!

See what he says. If he brings anything up. If he gets no sex and you never hear from him again, then you have your clear answer. Tread carefully but we have NO idea what is going on in his life atm. It was the christmas/new years period. If I end something formally, the man usually doesn't resurface as its a clear cut sign.

You're not afraid to bring things up with him. He knows what you are after. He would have to be a real Ahole to keep chasing you knowing you want a relationship and even going as far as ending things with him.

 

Maybe I have too much faith in men. Very possible

 

Just see him once with no expectations, and no sex. See how you feel afterwards. If he is still the same and he doesn't make you feel good then cut ties and have a break from dating. God knows we all need breaks. Dating can be real draining sometimes.

[winny]

Last time, I slept over, had breakfast in the morning. Dropped him off at the apartment and got a kiss on the cheek in the car.

 

Can we move on from that peck on the cheek now?

Stop over analyzing this situation so much!

 

Why is it so tough for you to be able to just be chill and see how the guy conducts himself - Whether the communication gets better or not? You don't have to marry him tomorrow. Or take a life altering decision.

[Minka101]

it is maybe a scenario where I say I am not happy the way things are and instead of letting go, he apologized and decided to try harder this time.

-- I might agree if he said he'd try harder the day you tried to end it or a couple of days, maybe. Not this long.

 

In his defense- when I broke up with him, I told him him I wanted to give him back his belongings back because I would be out of town the following week. Not trying to justify his actions, just to be fair.