Being the other man - a preference? (Updated)

[DrReplyInRhymes]

Discussion requested:

 

Thesis: I prefer to be the "other man". I get the passionate sex, the "taboo"ness of the passion, and the in-the-moment liveliness/attractiveness of a woman. Everything that makes a woman sexy is used at that moment because she wants/needs that intimacy and isn't getting it. These are often short lived, as attraction dies over time. It's lust but can be disguised as love. It's getting what you need when you aren't getting it due to a long, and often unfulfilling marriage.

 

So, if you can have a harem of married women who want/need this passion in their life, and you never meet a woman that makes you change your ways, what are the reasons why this type of lifestyle is wrong?

[Poppy47]

I suppose if you like playing with the fate of the husbands and children it's fine.

 

After all, it's all about you.

 

Poppy.

[DrReplyInRhymes]

How is the fate of the husbands / childrens affected?

[FortyandForlorn]

Well as a society, we typically don't take too kindly to people who exhibit sociopath behavior. And to convince a woman that you love them to the point where's she's abandoning her marriage and making her husband a refugee in his own house, when you don't give two sh*ts about her...yeah that shows you to be a sociopath.

 

And if all you want is no strings attached sex, that's what Tinder is for. It's the 21st century - finding someone to bang is easy.

[Satu]

I'm not falsehoods and deception.

 

 

“And so we use them for a kind of pleasure which can be called "fun." But it is not the creative kind of fun often connected with play; it is, rather, a shallow, distracting, greedy way of "having fun." And it is not by chance that it is that type of fun which can easily be commercialized, for it is dependent on calculable reactions, without passion, without risk, without love. Of all the dangers that threaten our civilization, this is one of the most dangerous ones: the escape from one’s emptiness through a "fun" which makes joy impossible.”

 

― Paul Tillich, The New Being

 

 

Take care.

[aileD]

can you live with yourself knowing you have a hand in actively hurting someone who never did you any harm? If you are, you should probably go to therapy because you're not a very good person.

 

It's not all secrets. People find out. More than they don't. Childrens lives are ruined. Spouses lives are ruined.suicides happen. Trust me, it's a soul crushing experience to know the person you trusted more than anything stepped out on you. Why would you want to be a part of causing someone that pain? Of tearing families apart?

 

How are you going to feel when one or more of your harem members husband's shows up at your door and kicks your ass....or worse?

 

If this is an actually question for you, you need to do some serious self reflection on what being a decent human being is all about

Edited December 28, 2016 by aileD

[Ruffian1]

what are the reasons why this type of lifestyle is wrong?

 

Just the fact that you asked that question speaks volumes about YOU.

 

1. Lies, deception.

2. Hurting innocent people who are deceived.

 

 

Now if all involved are in an agreed upon open marriage or open relationship and everyone is onboard with it, then, nothing wrong.

[elaine567]

How is the fate of the husbands / childrens affected?

 

Is that a serious question?

[gettingstronger]

Refer to the oddly similar post on this topic for the answers you seek.

[DrReplyInRhymes]

I want to hear the reasoning by the multitude of women and men who throw a pity parade in this part of the forum all year long while continuing with it.

 

Seems like if everyone is doing it, must be a reason. Even those here who keep saying it's wrong continue to do it.

 

Does it feel that good?

 

I mean, group things (orgies, 3somes, etc) are fun. So, what's with women(and married men) falling in love with affairs all the time?

[Maddieandtae]

This does seem like an odd coincidence in timing with the other post

[DrReplyInRhymes]

If you can't beat em, mind as well act like you're joining them.

 

Right? I mean, that's what the trolls on this forum do.

[ShatteredLady]

As a long standing member Doc, I assume this is theoretical & NOT a nerve twanging exercise at a very vulnerable time of year.

 

In theory it all can sound so good but reality isn't like that. Firstly you've got to find completely sociopathic women (even daytime soap characters aren't portrayed as that shallow anymore) for it not to destroy lives.

 

Then there's the (theoretical) YOU. In my experience throw a man like that in the path of a woman who excels at playing the game & he's the one in trouble! The kind of ego that thinks that way gets truly messed-up by rejection & push-pull stuff.

 

This chats happened before & will no doubt happen again. Nearly all of the hurt people who post on this forum NEVER had that kind of intent & if they did at the start things generally change fast.

I know some members around here like to go on about 'nature' & men being predisposed to getting 'it' where ever they can. I believe that things are more complicated than that. Hearts & lives get anihilated.

[NTV]

I guess as long as you are willing to risk your life for that, then it's your call. My W's ap's got lucky in that I have sworn off violence after having kids. If this had happened before the kids were born, then I'd probably be in prison.