susanl Posted July 17, 2005 Posted July 17, 2005 Could someone, possibly a guy, explain to me why guys don't like girls to show emotions. Say something is bothering you and you get upset or just tired and upset from a long day--he says something that sets you off, the tears come and he backs off and doesn't talk to you for days. Doesn't apologize or anything --just no contact. He has told me he hates tears but you know sometimes things just get to you. So come on someone explain why guys don't like emotions???Just enlighten me a little---Thanks
Merin Posted July 17, 2005 Posted July 17, 2005 Tear's and ranting are not something a lot of people want or can deal with.. My Guess on your Guy.. While you see things one way, he see's them another. You may feel you're talking to him about a crappy day at work or whatever.. and you may not want him to solve the issue you're having, only want to vent about it your BF may feel (and probably does as most Men tend to be problem solvers) that you are not just telling him about your day rather you are somehow expecting him to come up with a resolution to solve what's happend. OR Could be that when you're telling him about something bad thats happend (and again you may only be venting/ranting to get it out) he may have told you to do X-Y-Z regarding this issue, you may not have taken his "advice" so when the problem comes up again he is annoyed that he's given you his solution and you're still complaining about the same issue... Tear's.. I've got to say that honestly unless my BF has jacked himself up mad crazy with an injury, or there has been a death in the family, he's feeling sentimental or hurting for one of his Kiddo's I personally wouldn't know what to do with tears from him.. this isn't to say I think it isn't okay for a Guy to cry (or a Girl for that matter) just saying that if I was with a Guy who cried because he was having a not so good day over what I percieved to be a petty issue... I just wouldn't really know what to do with it. Your BF may be this way... tears may make him uncomfortable as he isn't sure what to do to make things better for you (again thinking he needs to or you want him to solve the problem) so instead of sitting there with you while you're crying he is looking for the exit sign hoping to make a run for it before the snot bubbles appear... JK JK JK IME Women are usually just more nurturing then Men are... and while I wouldn't agree with your BF blowing off all your issues or even never being there for you when you're feeling emotional and handing you a kleenex for the snot bubbles... It may be a good idea to make sure this isn't happening a lot.. what you percieve again to be venting he may percieve to be nagging/bitching 24/7 and he isn't all about it. Hope it gets better
Pendawn Posted July 18, 2005 Posted July 18, 2005 Originally posted by susanl Could someone, possibly a guy, explain to me why guys don't like girls to show emotions. Say something is bothering you and you get upset or just tired and upset from a long day--he says something that sets you off, the tears come and he backs off and doesn't talk to you for days. Doesn't apologize or anything --just no contact. He has told me he hates tears but you know sometimes things just get to you. So come on someone explain why guys don't like emotions???Just enlighten me a little---Thanks Well i think it's unfair to class it as a guy thing, as many men have no problem with their girl showing emotion. In fact some guys kind of enjoy it as it makes them feel like the MAN and protector to save his woman form the big bad evils of the world. That said, it's clear YOUR GUY does have a problem with this. Who knows? Only he can truly say. It could be as Merin explained, or it could be in his past he's experienced women (gf/wife/mother/sister) who used tears to manipulate the men in thier lives. Could be he witnessed this, and it has made him angry and untrustworthy. I'm inclined to say this is more likely than Merin's suggestion simply because he seems angry at your tears and has blanked you for days, rather than just uncomfortable. IMO you need to explain to him that sometimes you just have to cry and it's probably nothing to do with him, and you'll do your bets to not make a big issue but then he has to do the same. Perhaps if you're feeling teary you can let him know and go into a room privately and get all the tears out with a sad movie, or music or just ranting to a gf or something. Personally I couldn't STAND to be a with a guy who wasn't there to support me and comfort me when I was emotional, but we all have different needs.
Marshbear Posted July 18, 2005 Posted July 18, 2005 I don't have a problem with an emotional woman unless she cries all the time over any and all issues. Your b/f probably feels uncomfortable when you show emotion and does not know what to do for you. That indecision causes him to avoid you and not upset you. Emotions usually cause people to become closer and maybe he has a concern with this issue. If it is a big deal to you I think you should find another b/f who isn't afraid to comfort you when you want to express the emotional side of your nature.
whichwayisup Posted July 18, 2005 Posted July 18, 2005 Men are fixers, they just want to solve the problem with as little hassel as possible. Lean on him for crucial things, but talk to your girlfriends, unless your issues involve him. Merin is right, women are more nurturing than men, and that is why women should cry with women friends, (or gay male friends! LOL!) (some) men just aren't comfy with the whole crying thing outside of death, an accident etc.
Author susanl Posted July 18, 2005 Author Posted July 18, 2005 Well I understand everything you all are saying but the one thing that I don't understand is I am so supportive of him when he goes through hard times but the minute I get a little emotional --its he gets mad. Since I got some response to this let me explain a little--oldest is a jr in college, youngest is going 17 hrs from home to college in august--(dad is taking him), I am selling the house and moving to a condo to be a little closer to him--my choice instead of moving in with him. Getting everything done and getting the kids to do their stuff is a little overwhelming --so yes I was tired and overwhelmed (first time of ever selling a house and getting it ready)--so can someone explain why he can't see this or understand it. Because right now I am in the mode of -he isn't calling --why should I --I am capable of living on my own--got a great condo, great neighborhood--yes I love him tons but---why can't he understand this is a big deal with lots of work involved? Again I read and listen so any suggestions would be greatly appreciated--he is a wonderful guy 99% of the time but gosh--youngest leaving, moving etc come on???? Thanks again
whichwayisup Posted July 18, 2005 Posted July 18, 2005 The fact he gets mad, probably has NOTHING to do with you. It could be from a previous relationship, something in his childhood or he honestly just can't handle you crying - Has no patience for it.
Pendawn Posted July 18, 2005 Posted July 18, 2005 Originally posted by whichwayisup The fact he gets mad, probably has NOTHING to do with you. It could be from a previous relationship, something in his childhood or he honestly just can't handle you crying - Has no patience for it. Exactly. Clearly your guy has some major issues with women crying and being emotional, beyond the normal male "not sure how tod eal with this". It could be that he thinks becuase you are upset about moving etc he thinks you don't want to be near him and you're subliminally telling him you don't want him. You can either just accept this is the way he is and nothing will chnage it, and decide what that means to you, OR contact him explain why you were upset, that it was nothing to do with him, sometiems you just get upset and as a suposed "partner" you really need him to be even just a little comforting nad supportive when you feel upset and not nagry. perosnally I would ask him WHY he reacts this way when you cry. Maybe he'll tell you.
Jolene Posted July 20, 2005 Posted July 20, 2005 He is a man-child and needs a mother, not a girlfriend. The minute you need him, he bolts. Now what kind of self-respecting man justifies not being there for his family? Don't answer. Just think about it.
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