cassielassie Posted December 28, 2016 Posted December 28, 2016 Heyhello! I can no longer deal with this by myself so I'm asking advice here as I don't really have anyone to talk to about it! I am a 20 year old girl, I'm in a relationship since about 6 months back and it has been going really well but lately (probably since about 2 months back) i've started dreaming about my ex/first love almost every night and it's always the same - we talk and get back together, but last night I dreamt that I was crying while chasing after him everywhere trying to get his attention. I even woke up crying.. The first time I saw him I only saw him from behind at first but I already then couldn't stop looking, it was like a force pulling me in, and when he turned around our eyes met and it was just like in a cheesy love-movie, and complete love-at-first-sight. I wasn't single at the time so I tried forgetting him although we got to know each other and stayed in touch but he eventually got back together with his ex-girlfriend and I decided to try to forget him.. until they broke up again and he eventually asked me out and I ended my relationship at the time in a heartbeat. I saw all the warning-signs from the start... he was constantly talking about his ex and neglecting me from the start at the same time as he claimed I had nothing to worry about and that he loved me etc. When it ended because I found out he was cheating with her it all got very ugly.. we were texting and I was ready to forgive him and move on but he said a bunch of stuff that was really, really messed up and hurtful and I got so angry I ended it right there in text and then broke down crying. The first time we saw each other face to face after that he didn't even look at me. He was just completely cold but I knew I needed closure so I was planning on asking to talk to him face to face but he moved on literally right away (to his ex-girlfriend of course) so I was left all confused and did nothing. He sent me a long "letter" one day though where he said he regretted his behavior and that he was "heartbroken" and hoping I could forgive him one day, when this didn't work he was basically just like "ok" and then openly started dating her. About 7 months later I met my current boyfriend, and I fell in love quite quickly and I knew I was over my ex because when I saw him just after I had met my now boyfriend I felt nothing for him and I remember being so happy over that, I had finally moved on. Although the first time I saw my ex outside when I was with my boyfriend we had been together maybe 4 months and I saw him.. and my knees got all weak just like they used to when we were together everytime I saw him and I hated myself so much for that, though the next time I saw him I felt nothing again and it keeps going back and forth like that with my emotions... I saw him 2 weeks ago with his girlfriend and as usual he didn't even look at me but again my knees got all weak but it felt like someone stabbed me with an axe through my heart. I cried later that night. We broke up about a year ago now yet I feel so badly right now that I need closure, I need to speak to him face to face about everything and I need explanations. I knew from the start of the end that I needed that and I was right... But I have deleted him from all my social media long ago and if I were to message him now I would seem sad and pathetic and he'd probably laugh at me or something. I've tried in some ways to indirectly get his attention so that he might contact ME instead of the other way around but I don't think he's noticed. It's quite unlikely he has. I've even thought of doing something if we see each other around outside sometime soon but as he is always so quick to look away and pretend like I don't exist I don't think I would get any chance... but I think that this is why I have those dreams, because I never got any closure... and I have tried to achieve closure on my own but obviously it's never worked and i'm so scared I will never get over it without closure, it's been over 2 years since I first saw him and here I am... he still crosses my mind daily... I feel like a crazy person. And I keep asking myself why he always gave me so little attention when we were together but he doesn't seem to be the same way with her.. why couldn't he love me the same? what's wrong with me?... I don't know where these thoughts are coming from.. I was over him... And I feel horrible to my boyfriend.. if I can't get any kind of closure I don't know if i'll ever stop feeling this way and in that case I need to leave him and be alone like I had planned to be before I met him.
preraph Posted December 28, 2016 Posted December 28, 2016 I have an exercise for you so you don't sacrifice your dignity by contacting the guy for closure and make yourself feel even worse. Sit down and make a list. Do NOT talk about your feelings. Do not talk about how it could have been or how you wished it could be. Do not talk about the guy you thought he was that he wasn't. Write down only his actions. Not how you interpreted them, but just his physical actions. Put them in a timeline starting at the beginning. Example how not to do it: When we met he had a girlfriend, but he asked me out because he knew I was the one. How to do it: When we met, he had a girlfriend. He asked me out anyway. That was just an example. Forget what he said. Look at his actions only just as an exercise and maybe it will give you some clarity. You can't always go by what people say their intentions are. Actions speak louder.
Author cassielassie Posted December 28, 2016 Author Posted December 28, 2016 I have an exercise for you so you don't sacrifice your dignity by contacting the guy for closure and make yourself feel even worse. Sit down and make a list. Do NOT talk about your feelings. Do not talk about how it could have been or how you wished it could be. Do not talk about the guy you thought he was that he wasn't. Write down only his actions. Not how you interpreted them, but just his physical actions. Put them in a timeline starting at the beginning. Example how not to do it: When we met he had a girlfriend, but he asked me out because he knew I was the one. How to do it: When we met, he had a girlfriend. He asked me out anyway. That was just an example. Forget what he said. Look at his actions only just as an exercise and maybe it will give you some clarity. You can't always go by what people say their intentions are. Actions speak louder. Thanks. Hm.. he was single when he asked me out.. I wasn't. I've done this already. :/ It was my only way of coping since I had no one to talk to, I wrote everything that he'd done, I wrote it down in detail and then tried to make sense of it and I did this for months. I wrote down my emotions as well though it was hard since I went numb after the breakup, I felt nothing - empty. This worked, sure, it made it clear to me what a jerk he is but that was only a temporary solution. I still go through it in my head from time to time, trying to remind myself that he's no good.. it's no help. It just keeps coming back to the fact that I need real closure. It's just the kind of person I am. I DREAM about him coming to me just explaining everything and saying he's sorry and about me forgiving him. I DREAM about closure several days a week. :/ I don't know what more I can do.
Author cassielassie Posted December 29, 2016 Author Posted December 29, 2016 Not much to do then I guess.. like I thought. My only connection to my ex at all is i'm friends with one of his best friends but he doesn't even live here at the moment so I won't see him again until around 3 months when he's back in town. Not that that makes any difference! I don't wanna talk to him about this lol.
Recommended Posts