How to move on after getting my heart broken twice by the same man.

[Mistermime777]

In September the man I had been with for 17 months blindsided me with a breakup. Things had been different since January but he kept promising to do better and I waited and waited for him to act like we were in a relationship again. He broke up with me saying nothing was ever good enough for me but later changed his tune to he didn't think he was enough of what I need and that he needed to take some time to himself to learn how to love himself before he could love anyone else. I told him I would like to try again when he was ready and he said alright. We parted ways and I never tried to contact him again. I missed him and thought about him everyday but I knew if he was going to ever try he had to decide that's what he wanted on his own. The holidays have been difficult and I wished for nothing more than to hear from him again. Around 10pm on Christmas I saw my phone light up with a text from him after 3 months he finally came back for me! I was nervous but i had hope that maybe he was ready to try again. He told me Merry Christmas and he hoped I had a good day. I asked what made him text me and he said "It's Christmas and I didn't want you to think I was a total ****. I'm still trying to figure out how to love myself like I promised you I would. but it hasn't been easy." He ended with a text saying we should talk soon and I was over the moon thinking maybe this was my chance and he'd finally changed...Less than 24 hours later I found out he's already on the dating apps looking for new guys to date. I was devastated. Why contact me if he's moving on with his life? Why worry about what I think of him if we haven't spoken for 3 months? Why get my hopes up? I haven't been able to sleep or eat today. This feels much worse than the first time he broke my heart. How do I move on from having my heart broken by the same man twice?

[2005tahoe]

I'm learning this myself with the women. Go No Contact!! Let him be, that's the best revenge, let him wonder what you're up to. Live life, work out, travel.

[umirano]

The obvious way to look at this is to say "well that's what you get for breaking NC" and it's not wrong. On the other hand he likely really doesn't know "how to love himself" yet. I think that's a phrase that stands for something else. Something that he himself doesn't know what it is. But the important thing is that he isn't ready and he let you know. That's something to appreciate, no?

 

Good luck and that 2017 may bring something better!

[Satu]

Sorry that you're hurting.

 

Protect yourself from further upset:

 

*No direct contact.

*No sending or receiving of messages.

*Block any means he might use to contact you.

*No replies to anything that gets through your blocks.

*No indirect contact through third parties.

*De-friend or delete him from all social media.

*No monitoring of him on social media.

*No 'little birds' feeding you news.

*Tell people that you don't want to know anything about what he is doing or saying.

 

Take care.

[anika99]

A guy saying he needs time to go off on his own so he can learn to love himself is just a guy trying to break things off without hurting the other person's feelings. It the ole "it's not you, it's me" speech.

 

He ended things with you because he didn't see a future with you and didn't think you are the one for him. The BS story he gave you was either to spare your feelings or to keep you on the back burner while he samples other menus. He likes knowing he can always pick things up with you again if nothing better comes along.

 

You will get better as soon as you realize that he's just some guy. He isn't the be all and end all to your happiness. Doesn't sound like you ever had a great relationship with him. You said yourself that you spend over half the relationship waiting for him to do better so why exactly do you even want him back? Neither one of you were happy together.