Hngr9 Posted December 28, 2016 Posted December 28, 2016 Let me give you some background first. I recently separated for over 6 months from an emotionally abusive 27 year marriage. I've been diagnosed with ADD and PTSD. For the first time in my life I am alone. i have my struggles for sure but I am much happier with the exception of lonliness. I have been with women off and on these past couple of years. Yes, I was a cheater. I'm not proud of that but I have come to the conclusion with my therapist that it was a coping mechanism but I am not at all proud of. Anyways, I have met someone whom I am very fond of. We've known each other for two months. We have spent time together, been intimate, talk and text daily. She initiates the majority of all communication. She is very reserved and does not show her feelings easily. When she does, it is ver vague. She is very adiment about not labeling things. She says we are exclusive. She has told me that she feels safe around me, cares for me, and would love to spend alot more time together. She is very independent. Here's the problem and it may just be me.... When we first met, for about a month, things were euphoric. Holding hands, intimate conversations, etc. For the past couple of weeks, she's been very withdrawn. She has a demanding job, her grown children are taking a lot of her te. Most of all, her roommate has lost thier job and the house that they just bought may be forcloded on. Her name is not on the house, but they have been friends for many Years and she was about to get her own apartment. But she is struggling with what to do. She does want to have a place of her own, but doesn't want her friend to be homeless. And to top it all off, the holiday season is nothing but tough for her. Her mother and father have recently passed and she is still mourning the death of her best friend that committed suicide 3 years ago. When I noticed the change, she immediately told me that she is going through a horrible time and I shouldn't get discouraged. She says she deals with things by becoming recluse and cold and asked me to please be patient with her. But the wierd thing is that we literally spent more than an hour on the phone each day. She still texts and calls me all the time, even when she gets free time at work and wants Me to come see her a couple times a week on her lunch break. But there is not as much affection there as before and our conversations Are as well. IMO, she has built a wall. Here's what I can't figure out... How do I handle this? She has never given me a reason not to trust her. But what do I do? I want so BAD to be a rock for her but she doesn't want that. I've been alone all my life and I want those things that come with a loving relationship. But my anxiety is always telling me she's going away. Do something, prove yourself. My head tells me tp shut up and back off but not all the way. I'm very confused and don't want to screw this up. Any advice would be appreciated. 1
Mangue Posted December 28, 2016 Posted December 28, 2016 Show you trust Her. Get rid of your Anxiety.
Author Hngr9 Posted December 28, 2016 Author Posted December 28, 2016 I know but it's very hard. She told me today that her feelings for me haven't changed. But I'm so doubtful of myself. I'm afraid I will screw it up. That is why I'm reaching out.
Author Hngr9 Posted December 28, 2016 Author Posted December 28, 2016 Show you trust Her. Get rid of your Anxiety. Thank you for that advice though... It does make sense. Trust is something people with anxiety lack. Both of themselves and others.
Gaeta Posted December 28, 2016 Posted December 28, 2016 All these problems were already there when you met her 2 months ago so why was she able to be a girlfriend before but not anymore. I think the newness is fading away. She might be waiting to see if her feelings will come back or she is simply using you to fill a void. What ever it is, it would not be enough for me. You barely know this woman, you don't have to be her rock. You have no history unifying you. If a girlfriend of 1 year is suddenly going through some tough time yes you be her rock but you don't poor your heart out for a woman that you've dated 2 months and she doesn't even want a label with you. I would let her go figure herself out.
Mangue Posted December 28, 2016 Posted December 28, 2016 If you want rewards in this world you must learn to do "very hard" things. You must work on your anxiety, it could help with this women... but if the relationship is already dying it will be useful for the next ones anyway. A rock is never anxious. 1
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