Is my girlfriend trying to make me jealous? ***Updated***

[4x4storm]

So I have been dating this woman for about a two months now and everything seems to be fine (Except for that missing her dance concert issue that I posted about). But apart from that i've tried to do everything right i've cared for her when she was sick I have made her breakfast in bed I even bought her flowers but there is something else.

 

From the day we started dating she literally tells me about every encounter she has with a guy. For an example a few weeks ago she tells me how a guy asked her out at work and she respectfully declined. I didn't know how to respond I kind of just laughed and shrugged it off but the issue is there always seems to be a new story literally every time we meet .

 

I'm lost I just don't know how to react should I be protective? should I show her i'm jealous?

 

Today she informed me she was going to Ikea with her family but in the past she told me a guy she knows once sent her a gift. But just a few minutes ago I get this text:

 

Her: He was working and it was kind of funny because I saw him and just laughed and he got all awkward.

 

Edit: Just received a phone call apparently she is going to be late tonight she said she is quickly seeing a friend before me when I asked what they were doing she couldn't answer it.

Edited December 28, 2016 by 4x4storm

[umirano]

Ask your Gf. Seems like a valid question.

[Deonce]

It sounds to me like she's trying to make you jealous, yes. Had an ex who was like this and it was a pain the ass. You should just play it off like it doesn't bother you at all, and see if she stops or continues doing it.

[basil67]

I don't see that she's trying to make you jealous. I would guess that she's simply an open book.

[IfonlyIknew]

Yeah it seems she is looking for validation from you in some way, "checking" or "testing" your feelings if you will. I would never bring up encounters to my boyfriend unless he is there like the other night I had a random facebook messenger phone call from a man I never talked to, and that opened a conversation of men "cold calling women", but back to your question, I believe she has a motive of letting you know these things, yes.

[4x4storm]

Update: So things took a turn for the worse last night. She came over with gifts she got from Ikea which I thought were sweet but this is where it all went downhill we started making out and she would continually stop to message someone on Facebook. She later opened up to me and told me it was the Ikea guy. I asked her to put her phone away and explained she couldn't because her and this guy were setting up to meet each other.

 

I just didn't know what to say she explained further how they just started chatting again. I opened up to her and told her I have trust issues she started crying said she would never hurt me like that.

 

We talked it over and she decided to not meet up with him this is something I didn't tell her to do. We talked it iver more and I tried to explain how I felt she told having guy friends is just a part of her life and is something I may need to deal with.

 

We kissed and made up but I still feel very hurt by all of this.

[Gaeta]

She is trying to raise her value in front of you by talking about how she is in demand, this type of strategy rarely works with men. She is immature and probably does not take you too seriously. I would never tell my BF about my stories, he's important to me, what he thinks of me is important, and I'd be too afraid to turn him off.

 

If I were you I'd tell her you're not interested in hearing her hook-up stories.

[Gaeta]

Update: So things took a turn for the worse last night. She came over with gifts she got from Ikea which I thought were sweet but this is where it all went downhill we started making out and she would continually stop to message someone on Facebook. She later opened up to me and told me it was the Ikea guy. I asked her to put her phone away and explained she couldn't because her and this guy were setting up to meet each other.

 

I just didn't know what to say she explained further how they just started chatting again. I opened up to her and told her I have trust issues she started crying said she would never hurt me like that.

 

We talked it over and she decided to not meet up with him this is something I didn't tell her to do. We talked it iver more and I tried to explain how I felt she told having guy friends is just a part of her life and is something I may need to deal with.

 

We kissed and made up but I still feel very hurt by all of this.

 

How old is she...12?

 

She was seeing this guy the other night, she was not with her girlfriend. Do yourself a favor and drop this one.

 

Texting on FB while kissing you??? Who does that???? and what man would excuse that??

[IfonlyIknew]

That was very rude and inconsiderate on her part. What was the reason that they were going to meet? Or was it just to hang out? She is lacking respectful boundaries with you and it's been what 2 months? This is the time she should be proving she is girlfriend material she doesn't sound like the greatest catch.

[4x4storm]

Apparently they are old friends and he called her stupid for having anxiety so she ran into him today and he apologized and asked to hang out later this week.

[4x4storm]

So she is asleep and I'm sitting up feeling sick I have a million thoughts running through my head were the gifts she gave me today even for me or did he buy them for her?

 

The story just seems so strange she goes to Ikea with her family she then goes home leaves to come visit me but then tells me she is seeing her friend but can't explain why so she will be late. She arrives at her friends so they go back to Ikea! Buy presents then she ends up at mine...

[elaine567]

I think she is an open book, but she is taking things far too far.

NO bf can put up with her stopping the kissing to speak to another man. A man that is not her doctor, her dentist or her shrink, but a guy who works in Ikea and who obviously wants to date her...

 

I guess at this point in her life, she is inundated with interested men and doesn't have the ability or the desire to cut them off dead, as she has a bf.

She is leading this guy on massively, whilst at the same time keeping you informed of her progress...

 

She is NOT relationship material.

Proceed at your own peril

[inigele14u]

She's trying to do a couple things. She's trying to manipulate you. She's trying to make you jealous and keep you engaged with her. She's trying to build trust with you. This could mean a lot of things. Maybe she is insecure? Maybe she will or is cheating? Maybe she is just immature. What I'd do is play it out, but it does seem like peril is guaranteed at some point. Especially if she's lying to you and she's getting away with it. Lol.

[inigele14u]

After reading the comments, it's probably best you drop her. She's trying to manipulate you, and because you seem like a genuine good guy - you're falling for it. I was you about two years ago. This feeling won't ever stop, because she has already broken boundaries. You won't trust her, consciously or subconsciously. Drop it. Billions of women out there for you brother.

[smackie9]

You are reading too much into this. Maybe she is keeping everything above board showing you that you can trust her, by telling you she is declining guys that are hitting on her, and is laughing in the face of a guy that likes her to put him down to show he hasn't a chance with her. maybe a little ego boost in there, but I feel she is letting you know she can handle those kind of situations.

 

As for meeting the friend....it could be something, or it could be absolutely nothing.

 

Instead of assuming and us assuming getting you all riled up, talk to her about it.......

[CommittedToThis]

she is looking for validation from you in some way, "checking" or "testing" your feelings

 

Yep, this is what is commonly known as a s**t test.

 

I got s**t tested a couple-few times over a recent 3-week dating period with a woman I really liked (she was filthy rich, intelligent, cute, and sexy). The final straw came when she decided to tell me her contractor was hitting on her while I was out running an errand she had sent me on. She sent me away so she could be alone with the contractor then told me he hit on her.

 

It smelled like fish because earlier she'd said this guy had worked for her for 5 years and was reliable. That was all. It seemed weird to me that he would choose this particular weekend to hit on her.

 

I non-reacted: "Gee, I'm sorry he made you feel that way."

 

As mentioned, she'd s**t tested me before and at this point I was done. If I had wanted to continue, I could have reacted, like, "Ah, I see, I'm going to have to work a lot harder if you're going to be my woman exclusively."

 

At this stage of my life I'm not "doing" s**t tests. If I smell it, I quell it.

 

To the OP, dude, she is so, so disrespectful. Once a woman loses respect the way she has, it will only get worse. Please, consider putting yourself first, like, right now man. Just ask yourself if your thoughts of her are useful to you. What are you getting out of them as far as personal fulfillment goes? Are they getting you anywhere, or are they just causing you to tread water in a sea of pain?

 

Ask the same questions of her and her direct involvement in your life -- is she useful in helping you be the best man you can be?

 

I have a note on my fridge: IS THIS USEFUL?

 

I ask myself that about thoughts, emotions, living things and objects.

 

First I would set some firm boundaries, if you even wanna go that far and stick around.

 

In my wise old age I would leave her now, but it's your call. All the best.

[Miss Peach]

I don't see that she's trying to make you jealous. I would guess that she's simply an open book.

 

I talk about men who ask me out and such to my BFs too. I don't do it to make them jealous. I just don't want to keep anything from them so if it's someone we might run into socially or professionally I tell him what's going on. I don't bring up random guys from the grocery store or something that I will never run into again. I am not a fan of don't ask/don't tell type of arrangements so people who like to keep their SOs protected in the dark are not the guys I want to date.

[elaine567]

I talk about men who ask me out and such to my BFs too. I don't do it to make them jealous. I just don't want to keep anything from them so if it's someone we might run into socially or professionally I tell him what's going on. I don't bring up random guys from the grocery store or something that I will never run into again. I am not a fan of don't ask/don't tell type of arrangements so people who like to keep their SOs protected in the dark are not the guys I want to date.

 

I agree transparency is good. BUT I guess you don't keep stopping whilst making out with your bf, to message some other guy on FB though.

[phineas]

last woman who would tell me about every guy who hit on her when she was out and about i asked her why she thinks i care to hear about every dude that hits on her and asked if she wants to hear about every chick i hit on when i'm out and about.

 

total mind-scrambler.

 

I ended up dropping her eventually because she was seriously insecure.

[4x4storm]

I would like to thank everyone for expressing their opinions but I woke up this morning feeling a little better so this may be a final update.

 

I went to bed last night pretty much preparing my break up speech with this woman but when I woke up I considered the fact that I just spent all of my Christmas holidays with her family so I will let it go a little longer to see what happens.

 

So I did the douchebag thing while she was in a different room I picked up her phone and looked through all her conversations mainly the one with her girlfriend and this ikea guy. What I found I didn't know what to make of it

 

I found out it was actually my girlfriends idea to go back to Ikea and buy a few things but she wanted to bring her girlfriend as she knew I would get jealous knowing that guy was there.

 

She brought up how hotter this guy was looking now but her girlfriend reminded her what he did to her.

 

In her chat log with this guy they were pretty much catching up but he was throwing in stuff like "Wow you boyfriend is so lucky i'm happy for you" "You are looking really beautiful now" "So are you buying me dinner?"

 

They are both dancers so he went on about needing help with a music video this is where my girlfriend offered to meet up and help him. This is what stunned me a little as she was more willing to meet up with this guy and actually cancelled plans with her best friend.

[phineas]

I predict this will not end well for you.

he isn't her friend he is her ex.

she is going to meet up with him.

 

sorry but shady AF.

 

err. didn't I read this somewhere else on the forum?

[4x4storm]

I predict this will not end well for you.

he isn't her friend he is her ex.

she is going to meet up with him.

 

sorry but shady AF.

 

err. didn't I read this somewhere else on the forum?

 

You probably did read it somewhere else as I would think this happens a lot. I just got off the phone asking for my mums opinion she pretty much stated she has male friends but she feels this woman is going to hurt me.

[savvy2008]

I used to do this crap when I was younger...I'd purposely bring up situations where other guys hit on me or something. I was doing it to make the current guy jealous/aka want me more. The underlying issue was insecurity and I had a need to be reassured. Instead of risking sounding like a giant wimp and literally asking for reassurance, or fixing the problem entirely, I'd get it that way.

 

 

I don't think this will end well. Now I tell whoever I'm with things that I feel would be important, like running into an ex. But there is a different tone to it, I'm not making a big deal, it should be just simply mentioning it and moving on to more important things. It doesn't sound like your girlfriend is telling you these things to be respectful.

 

 

I have my own views on someone hanging out with the sex they are attracted to, while in a relationship. I wouldn't do it just purely out of respect, but everyone is different. The fact that they are also exes....eh.

 

 

She sounds like a person who needs lot of attention. And I HATE the excuse some people will use, that she used with you. That she is just friends with these guys and you have to deal with it, more or less. She's totally dismissing your feelings on it.

[4x4storm]

Just to let everyone know I broke up with her just then. I feel I did it the right way I went over to her house and confronted her about it again. I told her that I looked at her conversations and I wanted her to explain it.

 

She didnt say much but you need to trust me I replied with I don't think I can. Pretty embarrassing I'm a very emotional guy and I think I was crying more then she was

[kvolm2016]

Just to let everyone know I broke up with her just then. I feel I did it the right way I went over to her house and confronted her about it again. I told her that I looked at her conversations and I wanted her to explain it.

 

She didnt say much but you need to trust me I replied with I don't think I can. Pretty embarrassing I'm a very emotional guy and I think I was crying more then she was

 

Breaking up with her gives you the opportunity to figure out whether you were unwilling to trust or unable to trust. Either one has the potential to impact future relationships. Maybe now is the time to work on your trust issues?