savvy2008 Posted December 27, 2016 Posted December 27, 2016 I've been using online dating for a while but none of the guys who contact me seem to be working out. About a year ago a man messaged me and our answered questions didn't match up. There were some things that he answered, that made it a deal breaker for me. I'm a conservative person, and a Christian, and looking for the same. He messaged me four times in the course of a year, but again, some of the critical views didn't match up, so I kept reiterating that. He messaged me again today, saying that we're both Christians and love to laugh, and are both looking for a relationship. I responded admittedly sarcastically. I said something about how I think there isn't anyone who hates laughing. But I'm wondering if I should give him a chance. I should mention that I immediately recognized him from Facebook. He is very good friends with a man that I casually dated for about 2 months, although that was about 3 years ago. I guess I felt like that would be weird. I did tell this guy (let's call him Jared) that I knew his friend, but didn't specify that I had dated him in the past. Should I give him a chance? All of the questions we disagreed on before, are now deleted from his profile. He said a while ago that he hadn't looked at the answers in a while and that they had probably changed. I'm assuming that's why they're gone. Do I need to stop being pessimistic and give him a chance? I feel like every time I decide to do this, go out on a date "just to see" it ends up badly. Am I just giving the wrong guys a chance or should I not be giving someone a chance if I'm not for sure interested? Also..what's everyone's opinions on persistent guys? He'll just type "sorry" and when I respond "for what?" he says for viewing my profile when I don't want to talk to him/get to know him. This bugs me even more for some reason. Like he's saying sorry to bait me into talking to him. That bothers me. Is it a good thing that he's interested and therefore every few months will message me again, or is it just creepy and should I continue turning him down? 1
Dis Posted December 27, 2016 Posted December 27, 2016 I always say give the guy a chance...its one date But you already seem really turned off by him and usually theres no coming back from those types of feelings No need to be rude to him though. I never understood women who use OLD and are rude to the men that contact them. I'm in the upper 5% of women using OLD but you would never see me giving a guy an attitude or acting like I'm superior to them...if I'm not interested...I dont say anything Move on
Author savvy2008 Posted December 27, 2016 Author Posted December 27, 2016 Thanks for the response. I was wondering myself if I could get past the lack of attraction I have because of him being so persistent and weird about messaging me. I haven't been rude, the first three times he messaged me I made it a point to be very nice. This time, he was just irritating. Loving to laugh is not some kind of cool connection...everyone loves to laugh, lol. I was for sure sarcastic but I consider that to be different from being rude, so hopefully he understood that and didn't read into it in a bad way.
Dis Posted December 28, 2016 Posted December 28, 2016 Thanks for the response. I was wondering myself if I could get past the lack of attraction I have because of him being so persistent and weird about messaging me. I haven't been rude, the first three times he messaged me I made it a point to be very nice. This time, he was just irritating. Loving to laugh is not some kind of cool connection...everyone loves to laugh, lol. I was for sure sarcastic but I consider that to be different from being rude, so hopefully he understood that and didn't read into it in a bad way. Theres nothing wrong with the fact that you're not attracted to him...we cant be attracted to every guy on OLD I would say something to him to let him know that you're not interested though...but in a nice way. Otherwise he might waste his time trying to date you when it obvi wont happen Plenty of guys out there though...keep your eyes open
LookAtThisPOst Posted December 28, 2016 Posted December 28, 2016 I've been using online dating for a while but none of the guys who contact me seem to be working out. About a year ago a man messaged me and our answered questions didn't match up. There were some things that he answered, that made it a deal breaker for me. I'm a conservative person, and a Christian, and looking for the same. He messaged me four times in the course of a year, but again, some of the critical views didn't match up, so I kept reiterating that. He messaged me again today, saying that we're both Christians and love to laugh, and are both looking for a relationship. I responded admittedly sarcastically. I said something about how I think there isn't anyone who hates laughing. But I'm wondering if I should give him a chance. I should mention that I immediately recognized him from Facebook. He is very good friends with a man that I casually dated for about 2 months, although that was about 3 years ago. I guess I felt like that would be weird. I did tell this guy (let's call him Jared) that I knew his friend, but didn't specify that I had dated him in the past. Should I give him a chance? All of the questions we disagreed on before, are now deleted from his profile. He said a while ago that he hadn't looked at the answers in a while and that they had probably changed. I'm assuming that's why they're gone. Do I need to stop being pessimistic and give him a chance? I feel like every time I decide to do this, go out on a date "just to see" it ends up badly. Am I just giving the wrong guys a chance or should I not be giving someone a chance if I'm not for sure interested? Also..what's everyone's opinions on persistent guys? He'll just type "sorry" and when I respond "for what?" he says for viewing my profile when I don't want to talk to him/get to know him. This bugs me even more for some reason. Like he's saying sorry to bait me into talking to him. That bothers me. Is it a good thing that he's interested and therefore every few months will message me again, or is it just creepy and should I continue turning him down? Funny you mention this. 4 years, yes? That guy wasn't me, was he? LOL (just kidding). I remember sending follow-up emails to women I had emailed in the past only to be ignored and even had taken lengthy breaks to only come back and see the same women (like yourself), that still remain afixed to these sites. You would set yourself apart from these women if you do give him a shot, actually...esp. if you share the same belief system. You actually knowing his friend would probably be more of a reason to do it anyhow. So why not? I had grown weary of overly picky women on these sites that remain online spinsters that continue to remain on these sites. Break the mold and don't be THAT woman! Thumbs up to you if you decide to meet up!
Author savvy2008 Posted December 28, 2016 Author Posted December 28, 2016 I'm keeping my eyes open..maybe I'm just getting desperate. I'd be lying if I said my disinterest in this guy had nothing to do with me previously dating his friend. His friend is an incredibly kind hearted, sweet man. I don't think we'd be a good match long term but I think some of my resistance comes from that. If I date Jared, I feel that forever closes the opportunity for me to date this other man again. But like I said, I don't think we are a match, so why would I care? Thanks for listening to my ramblings...the many failed meetings and guys I'm uninterested in pushing me really has me exhausted.
phineas Posted December 28, 2016 Posted December 28, 2016 every question i answered on okcupid....I was probably drunk. The questions are dumb. No man I know even reads that stuff. lol
Author savvy2008 Posted December 28, 2016 Author Posted December 28, 2016 It's nice to have a males perspective on this! I actually gave two guys a shot that I typically would not have, just in the past month. And well...here I am. One of them works for the same company as I do, but different location. I'd never officially met him but I recognized his face. That lunch date was so awkward I went back to work from my break early. The other date I actually posted about on here. I had a really hard time disconnecting from him, he has OCD and anxiety and more or less guilted me into thinking that if I stopped seeing him, I was a horrible person judging him for a mental illness that he can't control. Just been a bad year dating for me...ugh.
Author savvy2008 Posted December 28, 2016 Author Posted December 28, 2016 I think most of the dating questions are dumb, but some give you an idea of who the person is.
junebug1 Posted December 28, 2016 Posted December 28, 2016 I always say give the guy a chance...its one date But you already seem really turned off by him and usually theres no coming back from those types of feelings I pretty much agree with this. I mean, it's up to you clearly, but one date probably wouldn't hurt if you're considering. Let us know how it goes if you do meet? If you're comfortable telling. I'm curious whether your initial feelings will solidify or if you will be pleasantly surprised. 1
GemmaUK Posted December 28, 2016 Posted December 28, 2016 Personally. I wouldn't. He sounds like someone who can't take no for an answer. He also doesn't respect your right to say no thanks and make that choice yourself. Both big red flags. You explained about his answered questions being the thing that didn't match up for you - what does he do? Just deletes them. He spent time answering them so there's gonna be something in what he wrote. He sounds like he is also desperately trying to find things in common - eg laughter. He is probably using that as he doesn't know enough about you at this point. If you do decide to talk I bet he'll be asking a lot of questions and may well be into everything the same as you. Or at least he will say he is. 1
Author savvy2008 Posted December 28, 2016 Author Posted December 28, 2016 I think I will give him a chance and see if my first thoughts about him are correct! I was thinking it was all desperation too. Seemed like he was grasping at straws to try and find ways we were similar. I told him I would meet him and offered up my lunch break sometime next week as a time to meet, since it will have to be a short meeting since I'm on break.
preraph Posted December 28, 2016 Posted December 28, 2016 Thanks for the response. I was wondering myself if I could get past the lack of attraction I have because of him being so persistent and weird about messaging me. I haven't been rude, the first three times he messaged me I made it a point to be very nice. This time, he was just irritating. Loving to laugh is not some kind of cool connection...everyone loves to laugh, lol. I was for sure sarcastic but I consider that to be different from being rude, so hopefully he understood that and didn't read into it in a bad way. Look, your gut is telling you not to, so follow your gut. I hate persistence. He could be a real problem. Also, obviously, you have trouble saying no and getting rid of him already, so think how much harder that will be if you go out once. I don't think you have the stomach for it. 1
Author savvy2008 Posted December 28, 2016 Author Posted December 28, 2016 I was a little bit worried that he deleted the questions that we disagreed on just because I mentioned it. But he said right away that he answered the questions a long time ago and that they had probably changed. Why not change your answer then, instead of deleting the question itself?
Author savvy2008 Posted December 28, 2016 Author Posted December 28, 2016 Thanks for the response! Previously I've been really harsh and critical of men that have asked me out. Lately I've been trying to be more open minded but along with that came a difficulty to shut the guy down once I realized I wasn't interested. I don't want to hurt anyone's feelings so I end up accidentally stringing them along because I'm trying to delicately let them go. I don't like persistence either....hopefully he surprises me in a good way.
Gr8fuln2020 Posted December 28, 2016 Posted December 28, 2016 every question i answered on okcupid....I was probably drunk. The questions are dumb. No man I know even reads that stuff. lol OP, there may be some truth to this. You 'claim' to be a conservative Christian, but dating on an online site. I, like phineas take very little stock especially when people claim to be 'christians' looking for the same, but online dating. I've seen it all, scantily clad ladies, rebel flags, curse words in their profiles and they all claim to be 'Christians.' People who claim to be so, typically are being wishful, also code for 'I'm desperately looking for someone who have wholesome values, etc.' But, believe me, those same people will have sex with you long before any proposal. All in all, your 'idea' of Christianity and his are likely different, but he's also betting that your likely not as serious about your faith as so many online are. He erased the questions b/c he doesn't want you to remember all the differences which seem fundamental to me. He is taking your faith as serious as he's taking his. I try to steer away from the religious types simply b/c it's as BS as most others. I've dated some women who claimed to be 'conservative' Christians....not a chance they were. BTW, some of us actually take some time crafting an interesting profile that is actually truthful. Some people do read them...
Author savvy2008 Posted December 28, 2016 Author Posted December 28, 2016 My dating profile is very thought out and honest. I write about everything that is important to me, and what I'm looking for. I often don't get taken seriously, maybe because there aren't really a lot of Christians on those sites. The guy that we are both friends with is a really strong Christian, so I was thinking if he's friends with this guy, he's likely a good person. I don't know, online dating is tiresome.
Author savvy2008 Posted December 28, 2016 Author Posted December 28, 2016 Also, what does "claiming" to be a Christian, as you put it, have to do with online dating? That part was confusing to me. I've met more than a couple guys that were Christians, from that website. ??
preraph Posted December 28, 2016 Posted December 28, 2016 Thanks for the response! Previously I've been really harsh and critical of men that have asked me out. Lately I've been trying to be more open minded but along with that came a difficulty to shut the guy down once I realized I wasn't interested. I don't want to hurt anyone's feelings so I end up accidentally stringing them along because I'm trying to delicately let them go. I don't like persistence either....hopefully he surprises me in a good way. That's exactly right. Gavin de Becker, security and celebrity stalking expert says 'People who can't say no attract people who can't let go." You're not doing anyone any favors by refusing to say no or just blocking them from all your social media. The longer they are invested the harder to get rid of. The least little thing (like not blocking them), they take as a yes. Remember these guys KNOW they're pushing it. They know you aren't interested and they don't care that it's making you uncomfortable. If it were me, I'd block the guy and be done with him. The sooner you do, the sooner he'll be back to pestering some other woman. 1
ElizabethIII Posted December 28, 2016 Posted December 28, 2016 He messaged me four times in the course of a year, but again, some of the critical views didn't match up, so I kept reiterating that. You've had four messages from him in a whole year and you still cant decide to meet him or not? On the one hand, you are still talking about him so why not. Also you have met no one else in a year and still dont have a bf so why not.
GemmaUK Posted December 29, 2016 Posted December 29, 2016 Lately I've been trying to be more open minded but along with that came a difficulty to shut the guy down once I realized I wasn't interested. I don't want to hurt anyone's feelings so I end up accidentally stringing them along because I'm trying to delicately let them go. I don't like persistence either....hopefully he surprises me in a good way. Bearing this in mind (the bolded mostly) why would you choose to put yourself in a position with someone who has already been persistent? 1
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