moonchild94 Posted December 27, 2016 Posted December 27, 2016 My first bf and sex partner I have blocked via phone number, fb and everything. He dumped me twice. Idk if you can read my other threads but I met him on tinder. He basically played me, was manipulative and dumped me in the coldest way possible. I felt bad for him and pitied him. However I cared and got feelings and wanted to help him. He had a drinking problem and temper issues as well. He dumped me when I followed him to his room and begged him to stay with me by kicking me out of his home. I've never cheated, however I was overly attached to him due to sex. I was insecure and I questioned him a lot but trust me I had reasons. I've gone to a psychiatrist, I've told my friends and every person says it's not my fault but I still feel horrible.... I still feel like all that effort I put it was nothing and I didn't make any impact on him. I haven't heard from him since( hence blocked) I'm still friends with his best friend. I actually used to have a crush on his best friend. The first two months I wanted nothing to do with him. Never checked on his social media or anything. I was just recent this month that I heard he deleted all of his social media. I don't even see him in pictures with his best friend or his brother who he always hangs out with anymore. I guess I'm gaining curiousity as to what happens? Idk. This ex gave me HPV... I should be furious and not want anything to do.. yet why do I still feel a void? I feel angry and sad still. The counselor said I need to stick up for myself and numerous friends say I need to love myself. I'm trying so hard. I'm trying to spiffy myself up now. I go out a lot and try new places. I'm even moving to a different state too. I'm still hurt and it's causing me a lot of mental pain still. What else can I do? Oh also the people he was always around that pretended they didn't know each other are all hanging around each other now? Ones I used to hangout with. I see them all on Facebook. Should I delete these people off Facebook?
Blanco Posted December 28, 2016 Posted December 28, 2016 It's not an overnight process, and for significant relationships, such as first loves or pairings that lasted many years, it's just not as easy as flipping a switch and feeling all better. Keep doing the positive things you've mentioned, but don't feel guilty about allotting some time each day to reflecting on the relationships and how you're feeling about it that day. Eventually, with time, you'll find yourself feeling less inclined to do this. And then, one day, you realize you're actually over it.
Author moonchild94 Posted December 28, 2016 Author Posted December 28, 2016 It's not an overnight process, and for significant relationships, such as first loves or pairings that lasted many years, it's just not as easy as flipping a switch and feeling all better. Keep doing the positive things you've mentioned, but don't feel guilty about allotting some time each day to reflecting on the relationships and how you're feeling about it that day. Eventually, with time, you'll find yourself feeling less inclined to do this. And then, one day, you realize you're actually over it. Does it get better??? Also should I delete the best friend off Facebook?
Blanco Posted December 28, 2016 Posted December 28, 2016 Of course it gets better. It just takes time and building a life independent of that person. My first real breakup was around this time 10 years ago. I kind of smile and shake my head recalling how absolutely devastated I felt about it all. My feelings at the time weren't wrong and they were authentic, but they seem so silly now. People were telling me that I'd eventually get past it; that I was too young to really know what I wanted. They were right, but it sure didn't feel like it. I didn't find any shortcuts. It just took time, and staying active in building a life that didn't include her at all. And yes, I would either block or delete the friend(s). Cut off any avenue that will possibly feed you any information about your ex.
Author moonchild94 Posted December 28, 2016 Author Posted December 28, 2016 Of course it gets better. It just takes time and building a life independent of that person. My first real breakup was around this time 10 years ago. I kind of smile and shake my head recalling how absolutely devastated I felt about it all. My feelings at the time weren't wrong and they were authentic, but they seem so silly now. People were telling me that I'd eventually get past it; that I was too young to really know what I wanted. They were right, but it sure didn't feel like it. I didn't find any shortcuts. It just took time, and staying active in building a life that didn't include her at all. And yes, I would either block or delete the friend(s). Cut off any avenue that will possibly feed you any information about your ex. Yeah I'm trying so hard. Some days I'm so golden but other days I get sad. I know I'm way better off without him too. I wish I could just hurry up and experience the next thing. I'm 22 and he was my first bf. I can't imagine how my first real love will be. Oh man. Any negative or sad thought I try to keep myself preoccupied and listen to music too. Yeah, I was thinking about blocking them. They serve no purpose. Also they tried to ask my friend out and asked if she was single so I found that really shady too. I feel like they're laughing and mocking everything I do or post....
nineball Posted December 28, 2016 Posted December 28, 2016 I am guy who experienced similar feelings after a brief "relationship" with a woman I met online. Here is my take. Your feelings are real and you have to acknowledge that..Once you have acknowledged that you have to go through "detoxification". The first thing to do is to get to love yourself, and realize that you only has the keys to your own happiness. Do the simple things like getting back to something you enjoy doing eg working out, art, or any other stuff that women enjoy:), just positive stuff. This will start to build up your worthiness, since self worth is affected when one gets dumped. It's a process, but once you completely heal and move on, you will be a better person and ready for a more healthy relationship.
MidnightBlue1980 Posted December 28, 2016 Posted December 28, 2016 Yeah I'm trying so hard. Some days I'm so golden but other days I get sad. I know I'm way better off without him too. I wish I could just hurry up and experience the next thing. I'm 22 and he was my first bf. I can't imagine how my first real love will be. Oh man. Any negative or sad thought I try to keep myself preoccupied and listen to music too. Yeah, I was thinking about blocking them. They serve no purpose. Also they tried to ask my friend out and asked if she was single so I found that really shady too. I feel like they're laughing and mocking everything I do or post.... My husband's friends went through a divorce. We were not sure what happened but the wife defriended my husband and just about everyone she had ever met in the last 10 years while with him. For whatever reason she kept me, so I can see her on FB and Instagram and she has lost a lot of weight and transformed herself. Do whatever you need to do to move on. People understand and may feel a little bad but care a lot less than you think they do.
Author moonchild94 Posted December 28, 2016 Author Posted December 28, 2016 I am guy who experienced similar feelings after a brief "relationship" with a woman I met online. Here is my take. Your feelings are real and you have to acknowledge that..Once you have acknowledged that you have to go through "detoxification". The first thing to do is to get to love yourself, and realize that you only has the keys to your own happiness. Do the simple things like getting back to something you enjoy doing eg working out, art, or any other stuff that women enjoy:), just positive stuff. This will start to build up your worthiness, since self worth is affected when one gets dumped. It's a process, but once you completely heal and move on, you will be a better person and ready for a more healthy relationship. Yeah especially since I got dumped twice. That was such a double whammy for me. I'm slowly getting there again. Yeah... it just sucks because I can tell that he was screaming for help but the people he surrounded himself with suck. Hence he sucked and he was just mean sometimes. I believe he cheated on me too but didn't want to admit it. I knew and tried to be understanding too which was a triple whammy.. I felt like he threw me on the ground, stomped on my face and just left me there. :/ I do hope he is okay and I hope he gets his life together too. I felt bad because he was a 25 year old man and I was doing 10 times better than him. >< I had to help him study for his permit test and he treated me like garbage.
Author moonchild94 Posted December 28, 2016 Author Posted December 28, 2016 My husband's friends went through a divorce. We were not sure what happened but the wife defriended my husband and just about everyone she had ever met in the last 10 years while with him. For whatever reason she kept me, so I can see her on FB and Instagram and she has lost a lot of weight and transformed herself. Do whatever you need to do to move on. People understand and may feel a little bad but care a lot less than you think they do. Yeah. Only reason I kept the best friend is because he's positive and a goal oriented guy. But idk.. I feel like what's the point? He seems sneaky and probably tells him sometimes "if" he cares to know. I don't want him to know anything. Meh.
DarrenB Posted December 28, 2016 Posted December 28, 2016 I'm assuming you're still not emotionally stable (I don't mean that in an insulting way, more from an observant perspective), so it'd be wise to stop contacting anyone who would feedback any false propaganda to him. You need time to heal and whereas the friend of his might be supportive and understanding, you are correct in saying you don't know whether it's because he's trying to gain more information out of you to refer back to your ex or not so in hindsight it would be more beneficial from your behalf to halt any conversations, rants, discussions for the meantime. Let things settle, let yourself recuperate so you can grasp the whole situation and better understand it down the line. Things do get better, the more time you spend attempting to make it happen, the easier it will become to bestow upon yourself naturally and frequently.
Author moonchild94 Posted December 28, 2016 Author Posted December 28, 2016 I'm assuming you're still not emotionally stable (I don't mean that in an insulting way, more from an observant perspective), so it'd be wise to stop contacting anyone who would feedback any false propaganda to him. You need time to heal and whereas the friend of his might be supportive and understanding, you are correct in saying you don't know whether it's because he's trying to gain more information out of you to refer back to your ex or not so in hindsight it would be more beneficial from your behalf to halt any conversations, rants, discussions for the meantime. Let things settle, let yourself recuperate so you can grasp the whole situation and better understand it down the line. Things do get better, the more time you spend attempting to make it happen, the easier it will become to bestow upon yourself naturally and frequently. Well yeah. I'm still struggling. Idk it was a very hard situation that took a toll on me. Actually I'm sure they don't even care and that I'm overreacting thinking I was important but I could've just been girl joke of the month. I just find it weird how I block him from everything which is great. But when I hear from others he completely disappeared off social media and he loves taking pictures and going to parties was weird. I hope that moving to a new city will help me and I can delete all the friends off Facebook.
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