The love of my life

[I'msolostatthemoment]

Back in my university days, I met this guy. I met him in a pub on a student night out, and we kissed and swapped numbers that night. He text me, and asked me out, and we began to see each other. We were really happy together, and I fell in love with him very fast. We were intimate, and I got a bit of a scare, and thought I was pregnant. I stupidly decided to tell him I thought I was pregnant, and he got quite a fright, as did I at the time. I got it checked out, and it turned out I wasn't pregnant, which both I and he were very relieved about. Everything got back to normal with us, and I loved spending time with him, I loved him so much. I again stupidly told him I loved him, he was quite stunned I think. He looked at me and kissed me, but never said anything to me. A few days later, we were out with him and his friends, and he gave me a rose in front of his friends. I continued to see him, but one of the last nights I was with him, he seemed somewhat distant towards me. I never realised it at the time, but it was probably because I told him I loved him, which I really regret saying to this day, as I think it scared him off. Not long after that, he broke up with me.

 

Devastated is not the word for how I was with this news. I couldn't stop crying, and had to take a week off college as I was so broken hearted and missed him so much. He did his exams, and went on work placement, and left the city where we went to university together. I went to one college, he went to another. I had to finish my few months of college, but something died in me that time when he broke up with me, and I don't think I will ever get it back.

 

He returned back to college a few months later, and after 6 months or so of being utterly heart broken, I decided I needed to see him, so I called down to visit him. We talked, and I told him I missed him, but never told him how devastated I was. I sort of said I would like to get back together, but he said he couldn't, as he needed to concentrate on college at the time. When I was leaving, he held me, and we were really close to each other, and he had my cheek to mine, and we kissed goodbye. I'll never forget that moment, because after months of been so heart broken, I felt safe and happy in his arms. I left, and never stayed in touch with him after that.

 

Then exactly a year to the day, I decided to go to the pub we met in, and get drunk with my friends, as I was still heart broken, and missed him so much. It was the exact date, and the exact place where we first met a year ago before, and he turned up to the pub! I was just stepping into a taxi with my friends, and out of no where, I heard some guys calling my name. I was in the taxi, and looked back, and who was it, but all his friends calling my name and my ex boyfriend was with them. I was amazed! I got out of the taxi and back to the pub, and I was right, he was there with all his friends. I will never forget when I went back to the pub, and I saw him, my heart thumped so heart in my chest, I honestly thought something was wrong with my heart, as it was thumping so hard in my chest!

 

I got myself together, and went over and said hello to him. He seemed happy to see me, and we were close when we talked, I could see love in his eyes, I know there was love in my eyes for him. Again I was so happy and content in his presence. I remember we walked for a while, as we did that night a year ago when we met. I was a bit drunk, but I remember him saying that he thought I was a gorgeous lovely girl, and I could have anyone I wanted. I didn't understand at all. He went his way, and I went my way after that. However, I didn't know what to think after that night, why did he turn up at the pub the exact date where we first met the previous year?

 

A few months later, I bumped into him in a different pub, we talked again, and were close again, however I saw him kiss another girl in front of me that night, which really upset me. I never seen him since then and that was years ago. I have had boyfriends since then, but no one that was like him, no one that made me feel the way he made me feel when I was with him.

 

The past few months, he has come into my mind an awful lot, keeps coming into my mind, and I don't know why? I sent him a message a few months ago via Facebook, asking how he was, but I never got a reply. Then this evening, I decided to send him a message, still haven't got a reply, and I probably won't. He is probably with another girl, and forgot all about me. After the past few months though, I have realised I miss him again, and I wish we were in contact, it would be so nice to see him after all this time.

 

Why is this happening to me? And, would any of you have any ideas about what was going on in his mind while we dated, and the year after we broke up, as I have never been able to figure it out? Why he keeps coming into my mind the past few months, I certainly don't understand either. I would be really grateful for your thoughts on this guys, thanks.

[I'msolostatthemoment]

Anyone? It may seem like a long story what I wrote, but I think its a nice story, and I would be so grateful for someone's opinion on this, please and thank you

[preraph]

He likes you as a person, but he wasn't ready for a serious relationship back then, and that pregnancy scare made him realize how not ready he was. Then you said you loved him, but he knew he wasn't ready for any commitment, so he at least had some ethics and broke it off with you instead of leading you down a path that went nowhere.

 

His comment about how lovely you are and you can have anything you want is because feels guilt about hurting you. He does think you're a lovely person, but whether it's you're not THE girl for him or whether he's just still not ready for a serious relationship, he's not going down that road with you again. He made out in front of you. So that tells me he's not hoping something changes down the road and you get back together. He has really moved on. That doesn't mean he didn't like you as a person, and I honestly felt that considering he simply wasn't in as deep as you, he did the right thing making a clean break.

 

He probably never stopped going to that pub.

 

It's time you moved on and refocused yourself. You'll always have the memory.

[bachdude]

I can kind of see myself in your story. Years ago I fell very in love with a women and our relationship lasted about 2 years or so. She broke up with me and it took a ridiculous amount of time to get over her. I pined over her for a long time. I mean - a really long time! I'm talking years!

 

I can see you are a hopeless romantic! And what I can say is that all of that time I held onto her actually turned out to be wasted years. I didn't get over her because I refused to. I WAS IN DENIAL.

 

You can't move on because you are in denial too. I'm sorry to say, and I know it hurts to admit it, but he isn't interested. You are picking up on his eyes, how he looked at you with love, but you are projecting your interest onto him. If he really wanted to be with you, he would have taken the opportunities when he saw you again to reignite the relationship. And he didn't. Instead, he kissed another girl - in front of you. Think on that.

 

Your denial is preventing you from going through the proper grieving process that will lead to letting him go. You need to admit the truth, to yourself and allow yourself to grieve.

 

OP, it's time to lay this relationship to rest. It is poisoning the other relationships that you have had because you are a hopeless romantic and you have in your mind that he is THE ONE.

 

It was special for you, OP, but it wasn't the same with him. He didn't see you as THE ONE.

 

Please move on. You are letting the years pass you by pining over him.

[stillafool]

I have to agree with the above 2 posters. He really enjoyed the time you two were together but he didn't fall in love and that's why he didn't say it back to you. He broke up with you because his feelings didn't match yours and he knew continuing the relationship wouldn't be healthy for either of you. He obviously thinks you are a beautiful girl that's why he was with you. He was glad to see you and thinks fondly of you but that's it. He hasn't replied to your messages because he knows you still want him. If he had any intention of wanting you back he wouldn't have kissed that girl right in front of you. I think he is more than likely in a relationship with that girl now.

 

I don't know if this guy was your first love or not but it does take a long time to get over a first love. You will be okay. (((HUGS)))