dufour Posted December 27, 2016 Posted December 27, 2016 First time poster, long time reader I’m quite a shy and introverted guy, so dating isn’t something that comes naturally to me. Anyway had a resturant date with a lady about 2 weeks ago. She was lovely, very smiley, she was full of conversation AND way out my league. We sat for hours chatting and at the end of the meal, she asked for my number and suggested we meet up again. As we left the resturant I invited her for a drink at a nearby bar. We had a drink but the bar was very busy and noisy, so conversation didn’t flow very well. Anyway, she suggested we look for another bar that was quieter and had seats, but we couldn’t find one, so we agreed to call it a night. Just before we parted ways, we gazed into each others eyes for 7-10 seconds, my anxiety was unbearable so I lightly hugged her. I really wanted to kiss her, but my anxiety got the better of me. Anyway, I got home and 20 minutes later she sent me a text saying he had a great evening, really enjoyed meeting me and she was looking forward to meeting up again. The text messages flowed really well that evening, but lacked any sort of flirtation. Anyway we continued to text and arranged a second date for January. By this stage the text messages weren’t flowing as well as before, perhaps due to the Christmas distractions or because the text messages weren’t developing beyond, “How are you”, “What are you doing today”, type stuff. Neither of us broke the double texting rule, no matter how many hours/days a response took. It always felt like I was asking the questions, doing the chasing as it where... Anyway on Christmas morning, I wished her a Merry Christmas and she replied saying the same thing, but we haven’t text since Sunday. I’m really looking for some help and advice on how to move things forward or not. Thanks
Larryville Posted December 27, 2016 Posted December 27, 2016 She will lose interest in a hurry because your anxiety radiates off the computer screen, and if your texts or phone conversations are the same this will fade quickly. A woman will only tolerate your sheepishness for so long because eventually it will get old. No matter how much she may like you now eventually she wants a man to stand up for her. 1
Author dufour Posted December 27, 2016 Author Posted December 27, 2016 She will lose interest in a hurry because your anxiety radiates off the computer screen, and if your texts or phone conversations are the same this will fade quickly. A woman will only tolerate your sheepishness for so long because eventually it will get old. No matter how much she may like you now eventually she wants a man to stand up for her. True. We do have a second date arranged but I'm expecting her to cancel it closer to the date. I dunno, I just get the sense she's not really interested anymore after the initial excitement. Like if she was really interested she would have sent another text even though it's technically my turn to send the text. After a few days I think the double texting rule should be broken right?
Larryville Posted December 27, 2016 Posted December 27, 2016 Like if she was really interested she would have sent another text even though it's technically my turn to send the text. If you do the scoreboard thing in dating it will always lead to disaster. This is also the reason why you meet and chat with others and not put all of your eggs in one basket so to speak because I bet she is doing the same thing. Keep ALL options open
winny Posted December 27, 2016 Posted December 27, 2016 Relaaaaxxxxx...!! Text her if you want to... its no big deal... 1
Author dufour Posted December 27, 2016 Author Posted December 27, 2016 Relaaaaxxxxx...!! Text her if you want to... its no big deal... I want too, just feel she's not interested.
leogirl876 Posted December 27, 2016 Posted December 27, 2016 Call her, don't text her and say "I'd really like to see you again, when are you free to go out?" If you don't have confidence, fake until you make it. And when a woman looks you in the eyes, for crying out loud, just kiss her!!! You'll turn her off if you don't! Nothing is sexier on a man than confidence and goes for what he wants regardless of fear of rejection.
Author dufour Posted December 27, 2016 Author Posted December 27, 2016 Call her, don't text her and say "I'd really like to see you again, when are you free to go out?" If you don't have confidence, fake until you make it. And when a woman looks you in the eyes, for crying out loud, just kiss her!!! You'll turn her off if you don't! Nothing is sexier on a man than confidence and goes for what he wants regardless of fear of rejection. We have a second date arranged. Just it's my turn to text now but I feel I'm now doing all the chasing/asking the questions. Perhaps it's annoying her. Perhaps she's waiting for a reply?
butterfly84 Posted December 27, 2016 Posted December 27, 2016 if it's been a couple of days and your next date is sometime in January, then i think you should have some occasional chat in between to keep things flowing. don't be afraid to text her today in my eyes there isn't a rule here - you should show your interest and if she isn't interested she should show that as well. and what's that saying about whatever you think will happen does happen... stay positive! try to be confident don't say she's going to cancel because then it will come to fruition. goodluck!
winny Posted December 27, 2016 Posted December 27, 2016 I want too, just feel she's not interested. If she is not interested then you will know that from her response or the lack of it. What is there to fear? There is nothing wrong in expressing your interest in a girl with whom you have planned a date with in future. It is normal behavior. If she is showing a lack of interest then it shows her weirdness (rather than yours) after she agreed to a date. Don't be so insecure. Pull yourself together and shoot her a text. Take control.
Author dufour Posted December 27, 2016 Author Posted December 27, 2016 (edited) if it's been a couple of days and your next date is sometime in January, then i think you should have some occasional chat in between to keep things flowing. don't be afraid to text her today in my eyes there isn't a rule here - you should show your interest and if she isn't interested she should show that as well. and what's that saying about whatever you think will happen does happen... stay positive! try to be confident don't say she's going to cancel because then it will come to fruition. goodluck! Problem is the text chat isn't moving beyond the, "How are you, what are you doing today?" text chat. This is why I'm reluctant to text her back because it'll just be, "How was your Christmas?" and she may find it boring. All the dating guides say this is a sure way to loose a date. Obviously texting might have been easier if we'd had a physical connection on the first (kiss, proper cuddle, hold hands etc) but we didn't so the texts are a little mundane and lack a romantic touch! The fact is I really, really like her. If she is not interested then you will know that from her response or the lack of it. What is there to fear? There is nothing wrong in expressing your interest in a girl with whom you have planned a date with in future. It is normal behavior. If she is showing a lack of interest then it shows her weirdness (rather than yours) after she agreed to a date. Don't be so insecure. Pull yourself together and shoot her a text. Take control. I always get a response from her, but how long can any lady take the "How are you today" text messages. Edited December 27, 2016 by dufour
OatsAndHall Posted December 27, 2016 Posted December 27, 2016 Dude... They're text messages. Just text messages. Take a deep breath and calm down. Shoot her a message telling her you'd like to meet sooner than you originally met as you had a good time with her the first time around. If she doesn't respond, then you'll have your answer. If she does, then you've got your foot back in the door.
butterfly84 Posted December 27, 2016 Posted December 27, 2016 when you talk about the day something must come out of that. tell her what you had for lunch and then ask if she had something good or what her favorite foods are? there are a ton of things you can say on text. whats the second date - did you already pick a location? you could parlay something related into the conversation?
Author dufour Posted December 27, 2016 Author Posted December 27, 2016 (edited) Dude... They're text messages. Just text messages. Take a deep breath and calm down. Shoot her a message telling her you'd like to meet sooner than you originally met as you had a good time with her the first time around. If she doesn't respond, then you'll have your answer. If she does, then you've got your foot back in the door. I just read so much about text messages after the first date and importance placed on them. I honestly wish I could meet her sooner but unfortunately I can't, otherwise that's a good idea. when you talk about the day something must come out of that. tell her what you had for lunch and then ask if she had something good or what her favorite foods are? there are a ton of things you can say on text. whats the second date - did you already pick a location? you could parlay something related into the conversation? I always try to be slightly entertaining in my own quirky way. I think she finds it funny but it's hard know as she doesn't really bounce of it. Anyway, do you think it's normal that that she hasn't replied after sending me a Happy Holidays message on Sunday? Perhaps she's expecting me to text her next? Afterall it's my turn and she probably wants to be chased a little after doing all the chasing on the first date. Edited December 27, 2016 by dufour
butterfly84 Posted December 29, 2016 Posted December 29, 2016 If she sent the last message then I think it's normal for you to send the next one. I say go for it.
Versacehottie Posted December 29, 2016 Posted December 29, 2016 OMG, sorry, stop sounding and acting so defeated--it will cause exactly what you are afraid of. All the signs from the first date sounded good. But you are losing momentum. You guys are in limbo, probably both wondering how the other feels and wondering if it's worth it. You gotta do your part to make it worth it; show her you have a spark and see if it applies to chemistry between the both of you. I wouldn't suggest asking for plot line or her history via text and being so serious over text. Text is for more in the now, IMO. Be light, playful and fun, keep the momentum going and keep it simple. Also stop saying she is out of your league to yourself--gonna cause you anxiety and paralyze you. You need to tell yourself that you may discover more about her where you find out she is not the right one for you. Stop jumping to the end of this story and just try to make it to and through the second date--in a happy and fun way. Flirt more, think less. Good luck 1
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