jangle04 Posted July 17, 2005 Posted July 17, 2005 Well I've been separated about 8 months now and I'm over the ex-wife now. She cheated and I've been seeing someone new about 4 months now. I told her I have to take things day to day and take it slow. She has treated me perfect, went out of her way for me many times and we enjoy each others company. Getting to the point though. We came to a point where our relationship is suppose to be just with each other. She had broken up with her ex-bf right before we met after he got some other girl pregnant. Anyways it just all seems funny how she could remain friends with this guy. The point is he stops by there a lot and hangs out and they still talk on the phone, etc... I don't mind her being friends that's fine, but I have to wonder and here's why! I picked her up the other day to take her to the airport to go to Florida for a week. When I came up she was still asleep and hungover. She said he stopped by about 10:30 after he got off work and didn't leave until 1:30 that night? They stayed up drinking, just the two of them. She said nothing happened and just talked. I said ok but it seemed fishy. I have a key to her house and went over there this morning to cut her grass. As I was using her bathroom I saw an empty box of condoms in her trashcan there. There were no wrappers or anything. I called her on it and she said she was cleaning out her toiletry bag and threw it in there. She said it'd probably been in there a year but I need she just went out of town back in May. Am I just being paranoid since I was cheated on by my wife or am I being played. I mentioned something about it to her and she goes off saying I'll never trust her because of what my wife did. I do want to trust her but it doesn't make any sense no matter what happened in my past. All the thjings she said to me were exactly what my ex said and it's scary.
A Fly onThe Wall Posted July 17, 2005 Posted July 17, 2005 Originally posted by jangle04 She said he stopped by about 10:30 after he got off work and didn't leave until 1:30 that night? They stayed up drinking, just the two of them. I do think you are being a little paranoid but you need to keep your eyes open. Her ex bf wants to f**k her otherwise he wouldn't be hanging with her. I also think that if your relationship takes a turn and you are calling her out on things like empty condom boxes and guys staying over her house till late hours then your relationship is already in the tank.. The trust is gone
crazy_grl Posted July 18, 2005 Posted July 18, 2005 Originally posted by jangle04 I mentioned something about it to her and she goes off saying I'll never trust her because of what my wife did. I think that's an unfair statement for her to make. Your wife didn't have to cheat on you for you not to trust your gf around her ex, especially when she's spending late nights with him. Most people would not be happy about that behavior. Your ex wife's actions might make you a bit more sensitive to this, but it doesn't mean that your gf's inappropriate actions should be excused because you're "paranoid". Take your gf's word that she hasn't cheated and about the box of condoms if you can. (If you can't, the relationship is probably doomed.) Let her know that while nothing has gone on up to this point, you're not comfortable with her spending time with him. Ask her to put herself in your shoes and imagine how she'd feel if you were staying at your ex's until 1:30 in the morning. This seems like it might be a deal breaker for you (and it should be), so if after you explain yourself and ask her to stop seeing him, she refuses to, either break up with her or tell her you need some time to think (whichever you feel is best). But don't make it an ultimatum. Give her the chance to choose you over him without giving her an ultimatum and trying to force it out of her. If you ask her not to see him anymore, she refuses, and you simply accept that, you'll be giving her the message that she can do whatever she wants without respecting you. And she'll probably end up cheating with him.
Author jangle04 Posted July 20, 2005 Author Posted July 20, 2005 Thanks. The advice really helped. I had a long talk with her and I have to believe her. I also told her that I need some time to figure things out for myself though. She agreed and encouraged me that I should get things out of my system and we can slow it down, but still hang out and enjoy each others company and the benefits. It has only been a short time since my separation so I'm not quite ready to make another commitment again and she is very understanding of that because she has been there before. I told her I cared about her and could possibly see myself with her but I need to make sure I'm doing the right thing as I don't want to put her through my rollercoaster of emotions right now. She's cool with that and your advice helped.
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