Author primer Posted December 27, 2016 Author Posted December 27, 2016 It sucked coming to work today. Everyone asks how my Christmas was. I had to put on a fake smile and say "good". Oh, if they only knew.
Redhead14 Posted December 27, 2016 Posted December 27, 2016 We do live together in a house that I own. I do not depend on him at all for financial support. Our money is totally separate. I work full-time. Pack his things, have them on the porch ready for him and tell him you are done. You can do much, much better. 1
Gaeta Posted December 27, 2016 Posted December 27, 2016 It sucked coming to work today. Everyone asks how my Christmas was. I had to put on a fake smile and say "good". Oh, if they only knew. You know what, here is a good way to help you break it up definitely, next time someone ask you how you're doing reply: awful ! X and I broke up, it's definitive. We are over. Make it public you are done.
smackie9 Posted December 27, 2016 Posted December 27, 2016 It sucked coming to work today. Everyone asks how my Christmas was. I had to put on a fake smile and say "good". Oh, if they only knew. So is this how you want to live your life??? Having to put on a fake smile and say everything is OK??
smackie9 Posted December 27, 2016 Posted December 27, 2016 On Christmas Day I did stand up for myself and tell him I do not feel secure in our relationship and I would never marry him. He came back telling me he thinks we can make it work. ^^^^^This is totally weak..... No standing up for yourself IS saying that you will NO LONGER tolerate his behavior, and if he doesn't clean up his act and start treating you with respect by communicate in a decent manner, IT IS OVER....no more chances, you will be done. 2
Redhead14 Posted December 27, 2016 Posted December 27, 2016 I did stand up for myself and tell him I do not feel secure in our relationship -- That is not standing up for yourself. That is simply letting him know that you don't feel secure. So what? Standing up for yourself would be "I don't appreciate being treated like a door mat and being subjected to your childish, immature behavior every time you don't like something and more than once. I will not tolerate it anymore and I want you to leave my house immediately".
hippychick3 Posted December 27, 2016 Posted December 27, 2016 I had a years long relationship with a personality disordered man (diagnosed borderline personality) and he acted much the same way. He would have huge meltdowns and then break up with me over the stupidest things. Things that were so minor most people would wonder if they were even worth mentioning let alone break up. Things like I didn't compliment him enough for doing the dishes, or I looked away for a moment when he was talking to me. The one thing that drove him absolutely nuts within minutes was not being able to get ahold of me. If I went out for an hour or so and forgot my phone and he called within that short span of time he would lose his mind. First he would leave a somewhat normal sounding voicemail saying hey, call me back. Five minutes later it would be another voicemail saying something along the lines of, I don't have time to play your games so you better call me back. By the third voicemail he was calling me names and telling me he never wanted to look at my lying face again. That would all happen within the first 15 to 20 minutes of him not knowing where I was and not being able to reach me on the phone. Every breakup felt real as he would turn as cold as ice and refuse to even talk to me for days, sometimes weeks. Then when I would accept the end and stop trying to talk to him, he would suddenly do a 180 and start pursuing me again. He would become his usual charming and affectionate self and minimize his earlier behaviour and verbal abuse by saying he was just mad and all couples fight and say things they don't mean and that I shouldn't be so sensitive. He also loved to ruin holidays, birthdays, weddings, etc. Pretty much any special occasion were high risk days for him. If he didn't destroy the actual day he destroyed the day immediately before or after. Looking back I cannot think of a good rational explanation for my staying with the guy as long as I did. It defies logic and I can only surmise that the stress, the push pull, the extreme highs and the lowest lows, the walking on eggshells, all those things broke me and I became a shell. I became emotionally sick as he was. The thing that made me finally leave was that it started to escalate a lot towards the end. It was becoming physical and thankfully that was my line in the sand. This doesn't get better. It stays the same or it gets worse. Never better. Get out. I could have written this post almost word for word about my ex-husband. It took me years to build up enough confidence to leave. I'm so happy I did.
Miss Peach Posted December 28, 2016 Posted December 28, 2016 I could have written this post almost word for word about my ex-husband. It took me years to build up enough confidence to leave. I'm so happy I did. Same here. I never had a diagnosis on my XH but same sort of experience.
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