Why does He maintain a communication with this woman,this sounds off to me?!!

January 6, 2017

Exactly he is out, I cannot be with a 20 year old, all these lies, some people have issues, and he certainly does. its all weird and not make sense. none of not 1 bit,so I'm dumping his old behind, he will be 50 and still be miserable and alone.you will see.

I don't know, you seem to be the one with issues...

He spoke to you about her 2 years ago, then mentions her again this year and that is enough for you to terminate a relationship of what? 2-3 years. There must be something else going on.

Also if you say he's a doctor I don't know but I think doctors have no choice but to report domestic abuse whether they are in a clinic or not. They are doctors 24 hours a day, I mean their Hippocratic oath is not something they leave at the hospital when they leave.

January 6, 2017

OP, you have a vivid imagination.

And you have trouble separating feeling from fact.

Your SO was doing the right thing by trying to talk another person out of committing suicide.

January 6, 2017

Its obvious, he even said it, that she does not let him study calling and emailing him. and he told her to talk to her husband wisely and see if they can come to an agreement because she wants her husband but the issue is she has 2 kids with him. I told him that she needs a psychologist help or something and my boyfriend agreed.but I don't know all this drama and communication with that women just seems sketchy to me!

Plus am not all the time with him.

What are you prepared to do when he tells you he isn't going to abandon his friendship just because you want to be jealous? Whine?

January 6, 2017

@Gaeta,UPDATE!!: I asked him again nicely and he said she is just a friend that I know from long time ago and I know her family but honestly he seemed reluctant to give me a good ol explanation like usual, it just does not satisfy me , I asked' why can she get help somewhere else in a suicide hotline or a psychiatrist and he is like'' well she feels that since I am a doctor I can help her''. and then he comes with the bull**** that:'' if I would be doing something shady I wouldn't have told you anything about this in the first place'' Im just tired of not getting a decent explanation.

Right now I'm so angry and frustrated, I just feel like breaking up with him, and strut it on his face.

???? Seriously? That doesn't sound like love to me.

I'm seeing nothing wrong with this explanation.

You're looking for trouble and drama where there is none.

What phrase can I TELL him that will really hurt him and make him feel bad? I just feel like telling him: 'its over, I don't need you in my life anymore,you are a piece of ****. that's what I feel like telling him.

Oh, ok, I see where this is going now... you're trying to figure out how to lash out and exact revenge here... a person who loves their boyfriend doesn't do this--a person who wants to control their boyfriend does.

Sure, I could tell you how to do this, but I'll bet even money that you don't have the stones to stand in that truth and take your buttwhippin' for it, so I won't waste my time.

You just need to leave and find someone else. This isn't the man for you. At. All.

January 7, 2017

In your first post you said your boyfriend is 36.

Its a saying, he actually turned 37. I meant he is acting childish.

January 7, 2017

I don't know, you seem to be the one with issues...

He spoke to you about her 2 years ago, then mentions her again this year and that is enough for you to terminate a relationship of what? 2-3 years. There must be something else going on.

Also if you say he's a doctor I don't know but I think doctors have no choice but to report domestic abuse whether they are in a clinic or not. They are doctors 24 hours a day, I mean their Hippocratic oath is not something they leave at the hospital when they leave.

He should refer her to some real help, but does not, he graduates soon so technically he is a ''doctor'', another issue is that this woman is in New York and him and I are both in the Caribbean. so I don't know what this mumbo jumbo is really..... I feel empty in all of this.

Why is it so difficult for him to open up to me and give me a sincere/clear explanation of who she is and where they meet. even if she was an ex just say it for crying out loud (I feel she is honestly an ex) he always has issues giving out explanations, This man has ADHD which is also annoying as heck, I feel bad, but he acts so different than a regular person. ughh.:confused:

January 7, 2017

@Gaeta,UPDATE!!: I asked him again nicely and he said she is just a friend that I know from long time ago and I know her family but honestly he seemed reluctant to give me a good ol explanation like usual, it just does not satisfy me , I asked' why can she get help somewhere else in a suicide hotline or a psychiatrist and he is like'' well she feels that since I am a doctor I can help her''. and then he comes with the bull**** that:'' if I would be doing something shady I wouldn't have told you anything about this in the first place'' Im just tired of not getting a decent explanation.

Right now I'm so angry and frustrated, I just feel like breaking up with him, and strut it on his face.

What phrase can I TELL him that will really hurt him and make him feel bad? I just feel like telling him: 'its over, I don't need you in my life anymore,you are a piece of ****. that's what I feel like telling him.

Wow. That escalated quickly.

His explanation is fine. You are tired of not getting a decent explanation, but HE GAVE YOU ONE. WHAT do you want??? Seriously? What kind of explanation would SUIT your narrative?

A normal person would not make such a big deal out of this.

I hope you are not always making such drama when he is talking to a female friend.

He told me that indeed she does not have money that's why she sticks around her husband!! this is insane! and he abuses her and hits her. this sounds like a circus of crazy people to me. I can't deal with all this drama. I'm Tired.

Yes, domestic violence happens. It's a thing.

Your boyfriend is decent enough to help a friend in need.

You just indirectly blamed the victim of domestic abuse with your post.

That's not cool. And the only person making drama here is you.

Its a saying, he actually turned 37. I meant he is acting childish.

See quoted post of yours above. He is not acting childish. he is acting like an adult. He helped a friend in need, and when you with your childish jealousy came along and asked him what this is all about, he gave you a normal, reasonable explanation. And yet you are not satisfied.

You have issues. The man must have a lot of patience (no pun intended).

He should refer her to some real help, but does not, he graduates soon so technically he is a ''doctor'', another issue is that this woman is in New York and him and I are both in the Caribbean. so I don't know what this mumbo jumbo is really..... I feel empty in all of this.

Why is it so difficult for him to open up to me and give me a sincere/clear explanation of who she is and where they meet. even if she was an ex just say it for crying out loud (I feel she is honestly an ex) he always has issues giving out explanations, This man has ADHD which is also annoying as heck, I feel bad, but he acts so different than a regular person. ughh.:confused:

You feel empty? Does your boyfriend hit you? Are you a victim of domestic violence? Please try to put yourself in the girl's shoes. She is in a terribly toxic relationship and can't get out. Your boyfriend is an old friend of hers whom she trusts.

Even if it is an old girlfriend, why do you care?

Why can't you let this go?

You are making a fool of yourself with your childish behavior.

It's actually really, really selfish and I am quite mad to read your posts.

I don't think your boyfriend deserves you.

January 7, 2017

obviously i meant you don't deserve him! duh!

January 7, 2017

???? Seriously? That doesn't sound like love to me.

I'm seeing nothing wrong with this explanation.
You're looking for trouble and drama where there is none.

Oh, ok, I see where this is going now... you're trying to figure out how to lash out and exact revenge here... a person who loves their boyfriend doesn't do this--a person who wants to control their boyfriend does.

Sure, I could tell you how to do this, but I'll bet even money that you don't have the stones to stand in that truth and take your buttwhippin' for it, so I won't waste my time.

You just need to leave and find someone else. This isn't the man for you. At. All.

AGREED 100% he is not for me, I can't deal with him anymore. if you where me you would understand what I am saying, my bf is too complicated.

Like for example: if I have fresh breath minty breath he hates that!!, and automatically says:'' did you have Altoids I hate them, your breath smells like them, like if you woken up and wash your teeth'' so am like:' so you prefer me to have bad breath' whenever I look good he wants to bring me down or pick a flaw on me, he hates the fact that I am confident of my image!,what he does is not nice.

Seriously his Selfsteem has to be on the floor to act this way!.

January 7, 2017

He should refer her to some real help, but does not, he graduates soon so technically he is a ''doctor'', another issue is that this woman is in New York and him and I are both in the Caribbean. so I don't know what this mumbo jumbo is really..... I feel empty in all of this.

Why is it so difficult for him to open up to me and give me a sincere/clear explanation of who she is and where they meet. even if she was an ex just say it for crying out loud (I feel she is honestly an ex) he always has issues giving out explanations, This man has ADHD which is also annoying as heck, I feel bad, but he acts so different than a regular person. ughh.:confused:

You are upset over this woman contacting him twice over 2 years. Maybe he is afraid of telling you the truth. He fears your reaction and your drama. And he knows if he tells you you'll want to dig deeper and deeper and it will never end.

So what if she was a high school sweetheart of his, it doesn't mean he still holds a flame for her. You need to decide if you trust your BF or not. If you do than let him handle this on his own.

I personally will never understand this need of knowing all of the past details of a BF. It's not important, what is important is the right here and the right now.

My Bf has a female friend. She is full of drama with her boyfriend and once in a while she needs to vent so she picks my bf for that. I have never asked my bf where he met this friend of his, I have never asked him if she is an ex gf or ex lover, I don't want to know and I don't care. What I care about is today and how we enhance each other's life today.

January 7, 2017

AGREED 100% he is not for me, I can't deal with him anymore. if you where me you would understand what I am saying, my bf is too complicated.

Like for example: if I have fresh breath minty breath he hates that!!, and automatically says:'' did you have Altoids I hate them, your breath smells like them, like if you woken up and wash your teeth'' so am like:' so you prefer me to have bad breath' whenever I look good he wants to bring me down or pick a flaw on me, he hates the fact that I am confident of my image!,what he does is not nice.

Seriously his Selfsteem has to be on the floor to act this way!.

Like I said.....there is more to this story. There is no way you'd drop a good boyfriend because a female friend contacted him twice over 2 years.

January 7, 2017

Really sounds like you just don't like your BF. There are other men out there, you don't have to be stuck with one. I made a mistake of staying with my gf way too long, hoping things would change or improve and I was just being foolish and didn't realize that I just didn't really like a lot about her and was hanging around out of contentment and convenience. Don't get revenge, it's pointless. If you're unhappy, you should re-evaluate yourself and be single for a while.

January 7, 2017

Like I said.....there is more to this story. There is no way you'd drop a good boyfriend because a female friend contacted him twice over 2 years.

I know I sound dramatic, but if you were in my shoes you would understand'

he does not refer her or stops communication with her cause he has a big attachment to her, I even said to him this woman needs professional help like right now she is in a toxic relationship, its not your duty to do so, and he started getting all defensive, Believe me, He knows I was telling him the truth, the problem is like you said he does not want to tell me the truth, because he is afraid of the reaction or outcome. so he is at fault, But as I said I feel something is not right.

January 7, 2017

Really sounds like you just don't like your BF. There are other men out there, you don't have to be stuck with one. I made a mistake of staying with my gf way too long, hoping things would change or improve and I was just being foolish and didn't realize that I just didn't really like a lot about her and was hanging around out of contentment and convenience. Don't get revenge, it's pointless. If you're unhappy, you should re-evaluate yourself and be single for a while.

You are right, Maybe I just hang around trying to convince myself that each day it will be different or he will change, and believe me, I also don't like many things about this him, I don't know whats keeping me from just breaking up. I just need to do it.otherwise it will get worse.

What hurts me the most is the fact that I wasted 3 years of my life for nothing, believe me it makes me want to scream and cry a lot, but I guess there will always be a bright future afterwards. I think its the best.

January 7, 2017

Break up with him already.

You think of him as a piece of s$%&.

But I think it is pretty clear from your posts, and i hope you realize, that you have a big role to play in the disintegration of this relationship.

I say put the two of you out of your misery.

Edited January 7, 2017 by bachdude

January 7, 2017

You want to break up with him because he said something about minty breath and because he helped a friend in need.

How old are you?

January 7, 2017

Wow. That escalated quickly.
His explanation is fine. You are tired of not getting a decent explanation, but HE GAVE YOU ONE. WHAT do you want??? Seriously? What kind of explanation would SUIT your narrative?
A normal person would not make such a big deal out of this.
I hope you are not always making such drama when he is talking to a female friend.

Yes, domestic violence happens. It's a thing.
Your boyfriend is decent enough to help a friend in need.
You just indirectly blamed the victim of domestic abuse with your post.
That's not cool. And the only person making drama here is you.

See quoted post of yours above. He is not acting childish. he is acting like an adult. He helped a friend in need, and when you with your childish jealousy came along and asked him what this is all about, he gave you a normal, reasonable explanation. And yet you are not satisfied.

You have issues. The man must have a lot of patience (no pun intended).

You feel empty? Does your boyfriend hit you? Are you a victim of domestic violence? Please try to put yourself in the girl's shoes. She is in a terribly toxic relationship and can't get out. Your boyfriend is an old friend of hers whom she trusts.
Even if it is an old girlfriend, why do you care?
Why can't you let this go?
You are making a fool of yourself with your childish behavior.
It's actually really, really selfish and I am quite mad to read your posts.
I don't think your boyfriend deserves you.

Well [], that's a problem she needs to deal with and look for help where she is, her family, why can she do anything WOW all of a sudden my ''boyfriend'' is superman,really funny! Oh please snap out of it. makes no sense to me, she hits her husband as well and still wants to be with him, I don't have time for a circus. I will let there affair be if that's what they have. I don't have time for all this drama.

Edited January 7, 2017 by a LoveShack.org Moderator
Unnecessary

January 7, 2017

I know I sound dramatic, but if you were in my shoes you would understand'
he does not refer her or stops communication with her cause he has a big attachment to her, I even said to him this woman needs professional help like right now she is in a toxic relationship, its not your duty to do so, and he started getting all defensive, Believe me, He knows I was telling him the truth, the problem is like you said he does not want to tell me the truth, because he is afraid of the reaction or outcome. so he is at fault, But as I said I feel something is not right.

Please clarify this. You said in your original post that she contacted him 2 years ago and contacted him recently. That is 2 contacts in 2 years right? please confirm.

How can he have a big attachment to her if he did not communicate with her in 2 years?

January 7, 2017

Tell him to direct her to a suicide hotline and back to her other family members and then ignore her. Tell him to stop being an emotional tampon for some other woman.

January 7, 2017

Please clarify this. You said in your original post that she contacted him 2 years ago and contacted him recently. That is 2 contacts in 2 years right? please confirm.

How can he have a big attachment to her if he did not communicate with her in 2 years?

@gaeta,No no understand me here,,in february 18 2014 he asked ME to do him a favor and call from his mobile this woman he referred to as a friend to give her an Address that it was something urgent. That's not the first time they have communicated, I'm sure,they communicate more often even way before we started going out, he told me yesterday when we went out that supposedly she calls him when she needs him to give her advice.and he was calling her a lot but she did not pick up. I guess either that woman has mental issues or her husband is lurking every step she takes.

I also mentioned that this man had even called my bf in the middle of the night long time ago around the time he asked me to do him the favor, so he would not talk to his wife anymore. just because she is far does not mean that there are not possibilities of them having an emotional affair (speculating) but is also weird that my boyfriend talked to her husband to try and ease things between them. Another weird thing is I am 28, this woman is 27( that's what he told me) she has 2 kids with the man,so SINCE WHAT TIME DOES MY 37 YEARS OLD BF KNOWS THIS GIRL FROM. The AGE DOES NOT MESH HERE.

January 7, 2017

Tell him to direct her to a suicide hotline and back to her other family members and then ignore her. Tell him to stop being an emotional tampon for some other woman.

That is exactly what I am saying,, is like if she was draining him down emotionally from long time ago, he has to be emotionally attached to her or something, if he was honest and told me everything from the heart I would even help him out but since he is just giving me superficial answers not haing a normal talk, I cant help but to feel like this.

January 7, 2017

@gaeta,No no understand me here,,in february 18 2014 he asked ME to do him a favor and call from his mobile this woman he referred to as a friend to give her an Address that it was something urgent. That's not the first time they have communicated, I'm sure,they communicate more often even way before we started going out, he told me yesterday when we went out that supposedly she calls him when she needs him to give her advice.and he was calling her a lot but she did not pick up. I guess either that woman has mental issues or her husband is lurking every step she takes.

I also mentioned that this man had even called my bf in the middle of the night long time ago around the time he asked me to do him the favor, so he would not talk to his wife anymore. just because she is far does not mean that there are not possibilities of them having an emotional affair (speculating) but is also weird that my boyfriend talked to her husband to try and ease things between them. Another weird thing is I am 28, this woman is 27( that's what he told me) she has 2 kids with the man,so SINCE WHAT TIME DOES MY 37 YEARS OLD BF KNOWS THIS GIRL FROM. The AGE DOES NOT MESH HERE.

Ok, I am gonna ride that bus with you for a while.....why don't you contact that woman's husband and get the real story?

January 7, 2017

Please clarify this. You said in your original post that she contacted him 2 years ago and contacted him recently. That is 2 contacts in 2 years right? please confirm.

How can he have a big attachment to her if he did not communicate with her in 2 years?

He has mentioned her 2 times in our whole 3 years of being in this relationship, but they have communicated or communicate more often!

January 7, 2017

Well [], that's a problem she needs to deal with and look for help where she is, her family, why can she do anything WOW all of a sudden my ''boyfriend'' is superman,really funny! Oh please snap out of it. makes no sense to me, she hits her husband as well and still wants to be with him, I don't have time for a circus. I will let there affair be if that's what they have. I don't have time for all this drama.

[]

Look, why don't you try to show some compassion.

Perhaps her family doesn't understand? Perhaps her relationship with her family is not very good? Perhaps your boyfriend is her only confidante regarding this? If she is an old friend, why are you so hung up about this?

Why don't you just ignore it?

I see how he involved you 2 years ago when he made you do the phone call, but that just shows he trusted you.

Just tell him you don't want anything to do with it, but that you are happy he is good enough of a person to help a friend in need. Now let it go.

And either be happy in the relationship or LEAVE IT.

If you think they have an affair, ask him: "Do you have an affair?"

If he says no, trust him. if you don't trust him, LEAVE HIM.

2 calls in 2 years doesn't sound like drama to me.

Domestic violence is not 'drama', it's not something to make fun of or trivialize.

It is, however, drama, when you victimize yourself the way you do in this situation. I just don't see it.

There must be more to the whole thing, because from what you tell, it just doesn't make sense why you would be so upset about this.

Edited January 7, 2017 by a LoveShack.org Moderator
Personalized content redacted

January 7, 2017

Ok, I am gonna ride that bus with you for a while.....why don't you contact that woman's husband and get the real story?

Yes please, My aunt which is a very wise lady told me the same, why don't you contact someone that knows your boyfriend, or that women or something. I told her that I don't have her last name just her name neither do I know her husbands, my bf does not have any close friends here were we live just an old man that has a business and is friend of his family.

I know that spying would sound Inmoral or not appropriate but I believe sometimes in life we have to walk outside the lane, and do what we have to do to get certain answers, I was thinking how about an email and send it to him pretending to be the woman and see how he reacts? what do you ? or how would you do it?

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Why does He maintain a communication with this woman,this sounds off to me?!!

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