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Why does He maintain a communication with this woman,this sounds off to me?!!

yasmine16

By yasmine16
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yasmine16 Member

yasmine16

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About a year and a half ago to two years ago, my boyfriend who is 36 asked me (28) to do him a favor and to please call a female ''friend'' to give her an address (which I looked up and it happened to be of a lawyer as far as I can remember). He wanted ME to do it because the womans husband is violent,and jealous even of his own shadow,basically it seemed to me that this woman in in some sort of abusive or toxic relationship she has 2 children with this man, and supposedly this man has even been in jail in the past, so my bf wanted me to do him the favor of calling her, Just in case the husband picked up the phone out of rage, that way he would think I was just her friend, and would not put her in any danger,,, this man has called my boyfriend at midnight to tell him to not engage in conversations with his wife. and also smashed his wife's computer for talking to much on Facebook.

 

 

So yesterday, after almost 2 years he mentions me this women AGAIN!! and the fact that now she is contacting him because she has ''suicidal'' thoughts that she can handle it anymore because she is not happy, so he was emailing her back trying to talk her out of it,and told me that she is a long time friend and he is concerned of her doing something crazy or wanting to kill herself, But I don't know what can possibly be going on here that after almost 2 years he mentions me this women again!!! I am very suspicious whether this can be a lover, an ex,What do you think can be happening?I don't want to be played. gives me a weird vibe.

ASG Established Member

ASG

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This is clearly a friend that is in trouble. And he's trying to help her. Why is it suspicious that he's mentioned her?

 

She might be an ex... We don't know that, but I very much doubt anything is happening between them right now. She's in a bad place and needs help and your bf is trying to provide some. Good on him.

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kidm Established Member

kidm

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About a year and a half ago to two years ago, my boyfriend who is 36 asked me (28) to do him a favor and to please call a female ''friend'' to give her an address (which I looked up and it happened to be of a lawyer as far as I can remember). He wanted ME to do it because the womans husband is violent,and jealous even of his own shadow,basically it seemed to me that this woman in in some sort of abusive or toxic relationship she has 2 children with this man, and supposedly this man has even been in jail in the past, so my bf wanted me to do him the favor of calling her, Just in case the husband picked up the phone out of rage, that way he would think I was just her friend, and would not put her in any danger,,, this man has called my boyfriend at midnight to tell him to not engage in conversations with his wife. and also smashed his wife's computer for talking to much on Facebook.

 

 

So yesterday, after almost 2 years he mentions me this women AGAIN!! and the fact that now she is contacting him because she has ''suicidal'' thoughts that she can handle it anymore because she is not happy, so he was emailing her back trying to talk her out of it,and told me that she is a long time friend and he is concerned of her doing something crazy or wanting to kill herself, But I don't know what can possibly be going on here that after almost 2 years he mentions me this women again!!! I am very suspicious whether this can be a lover, an ex,What do you think can be happening?I don't want to be played. gives me a weird vibe.

 

After two years you haven't heard him mention this woman and she comes up again because he is trying to calm her down because she has suicidal thoughts and the only thing you can think is that he is cheating on you with her? Has he cheated before? why don't you trust him? Why does it give you weird vibes? From what you have described, it sounds like a friend wanting to help a friend. Your boyfriend sounds like a great friend. Considering her threats of suicide, he should probably encourage her to seek professional help..

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yasmine16 Member

yasmine16

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After two years you haven't heard him mention this woman and she comes up again because he is trying to calm her down because she has suicidal thoughts and the only thing you can think is that he is cheating on you with her? Has he cheated before? why don't you trust him? Why does it give you weird vibes? From what you have described, it sounds like a friend wanting to help a friend. Your boyfriend sounds like a great friend. Considering her threats of suicide, he should probably encourage her to seek professional help..

 

 

Yeah after 2 years he had not mentioned her to me especifically, but He communicates with her a lot im sure!. he wont be telling me all the time 'oh I talked to so & so and she has this issue', plus that second time he mentioned her( 2 days ago) is because I saw him looking at his phone while I was trying to show him something on internet and that's why he mentioned her and her ''situation'' Other wise maybe he would of not said anything.

Gaeta Established Member

Gaeta

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I know I spend way too much time on here when I recognize same stories written under different names.

 

To me this sounds like a woman in distress and a man wanting to help her. Would you prefer your boyfriend to be completely indifferent in front of a friend who's security and life might be in danger?

 

There was more to this story last time.

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stillafool Established Member

stillafool

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Yeah after 2 years he had not mentioned her to me especifically, but He communicates with her a lot im sure!. he wont be telling me all the time 'oh I talked to so & so and she has this issue', plus that second time he mentioned her( 2 days ago) is because I saw him looking at his phone while I was trying to show him something on internet and that's why he mentioned her and her ''situation'' Other wise maybe he would of not said anything.

 

How do you know he is communicating with her a lot?

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Lorenza Established Member

Lorenza

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You sound incredibly jealous. Right now it doesn't sound like there are any red flags. Isn't your boyfriend allowed to talk to a friend or mention a friend who is female? Give legal advice?

 

I'd be proud if my guy helped a woman in need. That might save her life for all I know. You should turn on your empathy button and maybe suggest your own help too. Would you like to be dealing with abuse and suicidal thoughts on your own? I don't think so...

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ExpatInItaly Established Member

ExpatInItaly

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I know I spend way too much time on here when I recognize same stories written under different names.

 

To me this sounds like a woman in distress and a man wanting to help her. Would you prefer your boyfriend to be completely indifferent in front of a friend who's security and life might be in danger?

 

There was more to this story last time.

 

I was about to say the same; I recognize the story.

 

OP, have you posted this before?

 

In any event, I don't think you have reason to be suspicious just based on what you have written. If there is more that you haven't mentioned here, those details might give us some more context.

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anika99 Established Member

anika99

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I know I spend way too much time on here when I recognize same stories written under different names.

 

To me this sounds like a woman in distress and a man wanting to help her. Would you prefer your boyfriend to be completely indifferent in front of a friend who's security and life might be in danger?

 

There was more to this story last time.

 

Guess I spend too much time n here too because I also remember this story.

 

OP why post the same issue under different usernames? Did you not like the feedback you got the first time?

 

I seem to recall from your first thread that there were some pretty strong clues that your bf is cheating.

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yasmine16 Member

yasmine16

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How do you know he is communicating with her a lot?

 

Its obvious, he even said it, that she does not let him study calling and emailing him. and he told her to talk to her husband wisely and see if they can come to an agreement because she wants her husband but the issue is she has 2 kids with him. I told him that she needs a psychologist help or something and my boyfriend agreed.but I don't know all this drama and communication with that women just seems sketchy to me!

 

Plus am not all the time with him.

Gaeta Established Member

Gaeta

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Its obvious, he even said it, that she does not let him study calling and emailing him. and he told her to talk to her husband wisely and see if they can come to an agreement because she wants her husband but the issue is she has 2 kids with him. I told him that she needs a psychologist help or something and my boyfriend agreed.but I don't know all this drama and communication with that women just seems sketchy to me!

 

Plus am not all the time with him.

 

He has problem managing his friendship with her, she overwhelms him with her problem.

 

That being said why do you see cheating all over this? You think a man is aroused by a woman nagging/complaining/crying over the same thing over and over?

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yasmine16 Member

yasmine16

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He has problem managing his friendship with her, she overwhelms him with her problem.

 

That being said why do you see cheating all over this? You think a man is aroused by a woman nagging/complaining/crying over the same thing over and over?

 

The problem is that I believe in my mind this can be an ex girlfriend and he does not want to say it for one reason or another. this woman is originally from were we are both at right now,, due to the fact that my bf and I met abroad for studying issues,but she does not live here, she lives in new york my bf lives in the states as well as me, but as I said we met abroad due to studying.

Gaeta Established Member

Gaeta

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The problem is that I believe in my mind this can be an ex girlfriend and he does not want to say it for one reason or another. this woman is originally from were we are both at right now,, due to the fact that my bf and I met abroad for studying issues,but she does not live here, she lives in new york my bf lives in the states as well as me, but as I said we met abroad due to studying.

 

And you believe that in your mind because? You have reasons to believe that or it's all your imagination?

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yasmine16 Member

yasmine16

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And you believe that in your mind because? You have reasons to believe that or it's all your imagination?

 

 

I have reasons in the sense that like I mentioned before that women is originally from here (where we are both at now) but she resides in new York, I asked him her age and he said 27, I am 28, My bf is 37 ,anyways I also remember he told me a long time ago that he had a relationship with a women who he knew that she was already with someone,(I know my suppositions sound weird but they can mean something behind all of this)

 

I just want to get to the bottom of this, cause at then Its going to be my precious time (3 years wasted, with an idiot) of course if it happens to be the case the he is doing wrong behind my back.

Gaeta Established Member

Gaeta

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I have reasons in the sense that like I mentioned before that women is originally from here (where we are both at now) but she resides in new York, I asked him her age and he said 27, I am 28, My bf is 37 ,anyways I also remember he told me a long time ago that he had a relationship with a women who he knew that she was already with someone,(I know my suppositions sound weird but they can mean something behind all of this)

 

I just want to get to the bottom of this, cause at then Its going to be my precious time (3 years wasted, with an idiot) of course if it happens to be the case the he is doing wrong behind my back.

 

Why don't you just ask him straight out?

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yasmine16 Member

yasmine16

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Why don't you just ask him straight out?

 

I did ask him, and thats all he said, Honestly I am so bad when it comes to this of what to ask and what not,,what do you think is a good way to ask him and get the answers?

Gaeta Established Member

Gaeta

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I did ask him, and thats all he said, Honestly I am so bad when it comes to this of what to ask and what not,,what do you think is a good way to ask him and get the answers?

 

Ask him how they met, how she became a friend and if they were ever lovers.

  • 2 weeks later...
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yasmine16 Member

yasmine16

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Ask him how they met, how she became a friend and if they were ever lovers.

 

 

@Gaeta,UPDATE!!: I asked him again nicely and he said she is just a friend that I know from long time ago and I know her family but honestly he seemed reluctant to give me a good ol explanation like usual, it just does not satisfy me , I asked' why can she get help somewhere else in a suicide hotline or a psychiatrist and he is like'' well she feels that since I am a doctor I can help her''. and then he comes with the bull**** that:'' if I would be doing something shady I wouldn't have told you anything about this in the first place'' Im just tired of not getting a decent explanation.

 

Right now I'm so angry and frustrated, I just feel like breaking up with him, and strut it on his face.

 

What phrase can I TELL him that will really hurt him and make him feel bad? I just feel like telling him: 'its over, I don't need you in my life anymore,you are a piece of ****. that's what I feel like telling him.

Grey40 Established Member

Grey40

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Yasmine, I think you're definitely over-reacting here. This girl sounds like an old friend that is in a really abusive, scary relationship and she doesn't really know who to reach out to. Going to a doctor or psychiatrist is becomes very expensive and maybe it's not financially an option for her. And he's right, if he was cheating on you and seeing this girl, he DEFINITELY would not tell you about her or talk to you about it. Trust me.

 

I think you just need to tell him that this really bothers you, and you don't like that he's talking to her and letting her confide in him. See if he can find someone who he can suggest to help her. And that woman should be ending that relationship and filing a restraining order on that guy, because that doesn't sound like it's going to end well for her. He sounds insane.

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Gaeta Established Member

Gaeta

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What phrase can I TELL him that will really hurt him and make him feel bad? I just feel like telling him: 'its over, I don't need you in my life anymore,you are a piece of ****. that's what I feel like telling him.

 

Seriously?? are you 7 or something?

 

Asking how to HURT a man shows a lot of immaturity, selfishness and jealousy on your part...and I am being nice.

 

If you are not happy in this relationship then leave. If him having a friend in need is unbearable to you, leave.

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yasmine16 Member

yasmine16

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Yasmine, I think you're definitely over-reacting here. This girl sounds like an old friend that is in a really abusive, scary relationship and she doesn't really know who to reach out to. Going to a doctor or psychiatrist is becomes very expensive and maybe it's not financially an option for her. And he's right, if he was cheating on you and seeing this girl, he DEFINITELY would not tell you about her or talk to you about it. Trust me.

 

I think you just need to tell him that this really bothers you, and you don't like that he's talking to her and letting her confide in him. See if he can find someone who he can suggest to help her. And that woman should be ending that relationship and filing a restraining order on that guy, because that doesn't sound like it's going to end well for her. He sounds insane.

 

 

He told me that indeed she does not have money that's why she sticks around her husband!! this is insane! and he abuses her and hits her. this sounds like a circus of crazy people to me. I can't deal with all this drama. I'm Tired.

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yasmine16 Member

yasmine16

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Seriously?? are you 7 or something?

 

Asking how to HURT a man shows a lot of immaturity, selfishness and jealousy on your part...and I am being nice.

 

If you are not happy in this relationship then leave. If him having a friend in need is unbearable to you, leave.

 

 

Exactly he is out, I cannot be with a 20 year old, all these lies, some people have issues, and he certainly does. its all weird and not make sense. none of not 1 bit,so I'm dumping his old behind, he will be 50 and still be miserable and alone.you will see.

Gaeta Established Member

Gaeta

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Exactly he is out, I cannot be with a 20 year old, all these lies, some people have issues, and he certainly does. its all weird and not make sense. none of not 1 bit,so I'm dumping his old behind, he will be 50 and still be miserable and alone.you will see.

 

In your first post you said your boyfriend is 36.

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Redhead14 Established Member

Redhead14

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In your first post you said your boyfriend is 36.

 

I think she was projecting out to his future . . . old, lonely man . . .

Gaeta Established Member

Gaeta

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I think she was projecting out to his future . . . old, lonely man . . .

 

OH lol, thanks for clarifying.

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