Grey40 Posted December 30, 2016 Posted December 30, 2016 My advice is to use multiple dating apps, don't put all your eggs into one basket. I'm a guy, but I get virtually no dates on Tinder or OkCupid, and on OkCupid I don't a single girl answering my messages. On bumble I get tons of matches and girls talking to me, and POF I've been on 3 dates in the last few months alone from that app, which has been the most successful for me thus far. Sometimes certain apps work better for certain people based on demographics, or some other factors. Tinder is by far the worst because it's the most mainstream dating app, which means there are way too many people on there just "checking it out" and not taking it seriously at ALL. Try going on the lesser known apps, because people who are interested in pursuing a true online relationship will dig harder.
kendahke Posted December 30, 2016 Posted December 30, 2016 How a person looks has little, really, to do with what about them attracts and keeps the attention of others. I see plenty of people who are no where near being society's definition of "hot" and wonder how in the hell?, but there is someone for everyone. Try to rely less on OLD and more on interactions in the real world through the pursuit of things you're passionate about. People tend to become more lazy the longer they are on OLD and get into a rut where they don't want to put themselves out there. Nothing is worse than dealing with a jaded sourpuss who's been on OLD a little too long.
Grey40 Posted December 30, 2016 Posted December 30, 2016 Unfortunetley, a lot of guys have no idea what they're doing to pick up girls, and they wait WAY too long to ask girls out, and sometimes never do. So it's probably not entirely your fault. There are men on there that are in relationships who window shop and feel guilty and then stop talking, there are guys who are looking for quick hookups and don't want to put any effort in get them, and then there are guys who are just so bad at dating that they just continuously talk to you, never make plans and never try to hang out which is just beyond pathetic to me, easy road to the friend zone. Some are just insecure and afraid to make the move and make a decision. It would definitely be helpful if you can copy and paste a conversation that you thought seemed promising. Even then, it's hard to know what anyone's intentions are when you've never even met them in person.
palmsand Posted December 30, 2016 Posted December 30, 2016 If you're talking to guys you like but they aren't asking, maybe they are the shy type and hesitant to make that move. Try pushing the conversation to where an opening for a date is apparent. Like asking what they are doing in the next few days or something. Say something to let them know you want to see them, without saying it literally. Give them an opening to jump at. And maybe making your responses longer and more detailed. That shows you are really interested and thinking about what they have said. Maybe it's just me but paragraph after paragraph in one message tells me she is really interested.
Fhsjkfjrhsdh3646 Posted December 31, 2016 Posted December 31, 2016 OP provided that you are at least average looking and have decent photos, you really don't need to write much on your profile if you want to get dates. Guys will message you and fill your inbox. If you want better messages to read, as well as higher quality men, make sure your profile is good. It gives them something to message you about if they know a bit about you. You should also view guys' profiles, it will tell them you looked at their profile and a lot of them will message you back.
Author ilovemusic3 Posted December 31, 2016 Author Posted December 31, 2016 Here's an example of how the convos usually go. Me: Hey, how's it going? Guy: Good, how are you? Me: So how was ur weekend, do anything fun? Guy: they tell me what they did Me: I say what i did and then i say so what r you lookin for on here? Guy: No expectations, or a relationship Me Same here and to meet new ppl, dating. So what do u like to do for fun? Guy: they name some things Me: I tell them concerts, comedy shows, bike riding, swimming. Then I ask about one if the things they named that they like to do. Like if they say concerts, I ask who they've seen, etc. After that either they stop talking. Or I'm the one that has to keep asking stuff like about their fave movies, etc.
TheTraveler Posted December 31, 2016 Posted December 31, 2016 Here's an example of how the convos usually go. Me: Hey, how's it going? Guy: Good, how are you? Me: So how was ur weekend, do anything fun? Guy: they tell me what they did Me: I say what i did and then i say so what r you lookin for on here? Guy: No expectations, or a relationship Me Same here and to meet new ppl, dating. So what do u like to do for fun? Guy: they name some things Me: I tell them concerts, comedy shows, bike riding, swimming. Then I ask about one if the things they named that they like to do. Like if they say concerts, I ask who they've seen, etc. After that either they stop talking. Or I'm the one that has to keep asking stuff like about their fave movies, etc. It's your physical appearance
2011 Posted December 31, 2016 Posted December 31, 2016 I'm a 27 year old female. I'm on POF, Okcupid, and Tinder, and I haven't met anyone in months. I'll talk to guys but they never ask me out. And if they do ask me out they never go through with it. It just seems like every guy is either just looking for hookups, or has other girls, or too busy to go out. What should I do? How do other people get dates? And here's me thinking females are spoiled for choice online dating? You might need to explicitly state in your profile no hook ups or one nighters at all please in big bold with stars at aeach end, if of course you don't already have that.
Kempeitai Posted December 31, 2016 Posted December 31, 2016 Here's an example of how the convos usually go. Me: Hey, how's it going? Guy: Good, how are you? Me: So how was ur weekend, do anything fun? Guy: they tell me what they did Me: I say what i did and then i say so what r you lookin for on here? Guy: No expectations, or a relationship Me Same here and to meet new ppl, dating. So what do u like to do for fun? Guy: they name some things Me: I tell them concerts, comedy shows, bike riding, swimming. Then I ask about one if the things they named that they like to do. Like if they say concerts, I ask who they've seen, etc. After that either they stop talking. Or I'm the one that has to keep asking stuff like about their fave movies, etc. Stop all the redundant small talk. Ask them out for coffe, lunch, or a drink. 1
carhill Posted December 31, 2016 Posted December 31, 2016 Hey OP sorry to read about your difficulties.... from reading your quoted conversation, my suggestion would be to engage in a bit more fun-teasing and sexual innuendo and promote some mystery. Another related suggestion would be to be flexible on location and be willing to look outside of your local demographic. If you were vertical and ambulatory in the demographic I left after nearly six decades, I'd predict you'd be single for a week, maybe two, tops. I battled that, from the other side, for decades and my own M proved it out, where my exW moved in a new BF before we were D'd and she was middle-aged and overweight but she knew how to get men, including three husbands. You have the power, just learn how to wield it and in a location that brings the most bees. The tip my exW practiced and always provided to her clients was seek to always look your best and make the best of what genetics gave you. Looks get the interview. Your style makes the interview go. Good luck! 1
normal person Posted December 31, 2016 Posted December 31, 2016 Here's an example of how the convos usually go. Me: Hey, how's it going? Guy: Good, how are you? Me: So how was ur weekend, do anything fun? Guy: they tell me what they did Me: I say what i did and then i say so what r you lookin for on here? Guy: No expectations, or a relationship Me Same here and to meet new ppl, dating. So what do u like to do for fun? Guy: they name some things Me: I tell them concerts, comedy shows, bike riding, swimming. Then I ask about one if the things they named that they like to do. Like if they say concerts, I ask who they've seen, etc. After that either they stop talking. Or I'm the one that has to keep asking stuff like about their fave movies, etc. So basically, you say the exact same things anyone else could say. You have trivial, surface level, conversations that follow a script. They sound robotic. You're not giving yourself or him any opportunity to form an emotional bond (you don't necessarily have to do this before you go out -- you can save it for the date), or give him any sense of you as an individual (saying you like concerts, comedy shows, bike riding, swimming doesn't characterize you, or anyone else, an individual, sorry). Why does it matter what his favorite movie is? If it's Die Hard 2 are you not going to go out with him or something? Talking about what you did over the weekend or what you do for fun (i.e.: "hung out with friends" and "the same generic stuff that you read in my profile") is meaningless and worst of all, boring. You need to break the monotony. Talk succinctly and efficiently about the personal aspects of things: how those things make him think and feel, why he does them, what makes him tick, and then you join in on the party and let him see the intricacies and nuances of you that can't be necessarily shown in a profile, only conversation. Learn to do that efficiently and stop asking trivial questions, you're going to bore people to death. Form a real, non-scripted connection and don't waste any time meeting up. Best of luck. 1
SwordofFlame Posted December 31, 2016 Posted December 31, 2016 So basically, you say the exact same things anyone else could say. You have trivial, surface level, conversations that follow a script. They sound robotic. You're not giving yourself or him any opportunity to form an emotional bond (you don't necessarily have to do this before you go out -- you can save it for the date), or give him any sense of you as an individual (saying you like concerts, comedy shows, bike riding, swimming doesn't characterize you, or anyone else, an individual, sorry). Why does it matter what his favorite movie is? If it's Die Hard 2 are you not going to go out with him or something? Talking about what you did over the weekend or what you do for fun (i.e.: "hung out with friends" and "the same generic stuff that you read in my profile") is meaningless and worst of all, boring. You need to break the monotony. Talk succinctly and efficiently about the personal aspects of things: how those things make him think and feel, why he does them, what makes him tick, and then you join in on the party and let him see the intricacies and nuances of you that can't be necessarily shown in a profile, only conversation. Learn to do that efficiently and stop asking trivial questions, you're going to bore people to death. Form a real, non-scripted connection and don't waste any time meeting up. Best of luck. Going to disagree here. It's not necessary to have deep emotionally connecting conversations online, that's what in person meetings are for. I agree with the posters that if the guy doesn't ask you out, you should just him ask out after a few messages. There are a lot of time wasters online, and unless you live in some sparsely populated area where going on first dates are inconvenient, than just aim to meet as soon as possible. 1
Thenicegirl Posted December 31, 2016 Posted December 31, 2016 I'm your age and met my bf on OKC. Other than having good pictures, I think having a unique profile helps a lot. I listed interests that most other women probably don't have and did my best to showcase my humor which encouraged guys to think out of the box when approaching me. Instead of having the same boring conversations I encountered more men that would try to match my energy and actually try to impress me. Since we were having fun together already they were way more inclined to ask me out.
normal person Posted December 31, 2016 Posted December 31, 2016 (edited) Going to disagree here. It's not necessary to have deep emotionally connecting conversations online, that's what in person meetings are for. I agree with the posters that if the guy doesn't ask you out, you should just him ask out after a few messages. There are a lot of time wasters online, and unless you live in some sparsely populated area where going on first dates are inconvenient, than just aim to meet as soon as possible. I'm not talking necessarily about a deep emotional connection. I'm talking about displaying some semblance of personality and nuance. Like giving an opinion, taking a stance, making a joke, etc. Things that characterize. Saying you like going to the movies is essentially like saying you breath. It's meaningless babble; it's pointless. Saying you like going to horror movies because you like the rush of having the **** scared out of you characterizes you. Saying you cycle doesn't do anything to differentiate you from the other 100 million people who cycle. Saying you cycle because you like the accomplishment of completing long distance rides, or you're obsessed with fitness and you hate wasting time and sitting still characterizes you and gives you dimension. It gives people a reason to like or dislike you rather than have no opinion and just be bored with you. Connecting with those things on a subtle emotional level is what will help. If a girl can read my whole profile and not come up with anything more interesting to say than "how was your weekend?" she's an instant ignore for me. So much so that I even mention it in my profile. You'd be surprised how many women still don't take the hint, or are incapable of understanding this. You only have a small window to audition yourself in the profile, then in the communication, then on the date. If you can't demonstrate enough acuity or good judgment to pass through each of the first 2, there's no sense going on the date. Simply put, someone who meets a complete stranger, knowing every word they say will be scrutinized, and still thinks "how was your weekend" -- like that's a unique or engaging question, or something he hasn't been asked a million times before -- is a good question to ask someone, is showing the person how poor their judgment is and how little thought they've put into the process and differentiating themselves from the pack. You're saying: "Ok, give me all you got." And she comes back with "how was your weekend?" This is really the best you can do??? Simply put, if someone thinks some variation of "hi," "hey," "how are you," "how was your weekend," "what's up," or anything trivial like that that most people would be tempted instantly ignore, is a good message, then it's not much of a surprise if they struggle with OLD. All they're doing is advertising their poor judgment and lack of originality. Edited December 31, 2016 by normal person 1
oneinamillion93 Posted December 31, 2016 Posted December 31, 2016 Don't answer that I already know. How do women get dates or attract men? You need to be somewhat attractive, friendly, not afraid to make eye contact, be sexy and flirty. If you are frumpy, dumpy, insecure and a nervous or negative nelly, guys are repelled. how can one simply know which is insecure which is being nervous?
TheTraveler Posted January 1, 2017 Posted January 1, 2017 Don't answer that I already know. How do women get dates or attract men? You need to be somewhat attractive, friendly, not afraid to make eye contact, be sexy and flirty. If you are frumpy, dumpy, insecure and a nervous or negative nelly, guys are repelled. Did you read the OP's post? What does this have to do with online dating?
chumly Posted January 1, 2017 Posted January 1, 2017 OP..I am really sorry to hear about what you have been going through. it is so tough to figure people out in OLD. I have had similar situations where people contacted me but yet were not very engaging...it almost made me feel like they were not really interested...so I would wonder why they ever bothered to contact me in the first place, it would make no sense and it does not make any sense. OLD and the dating world and the world in general is filled with very very very strange people..myself included.....so finding a nice person to even simply date is like finding a needle in a very very very large haystack of nutties... A prime example of this is...there is one man on OLD that constantly contacts me out of nowhere..we have a few converastions back and forth, he is always very complimentary to me (tells me how adorable he thinks I am and pretty) but at the same time he is not very engaging..seems like I have to lead in all the conversations..so I just assumed he is playing some kind of game and is just not really interested, however, he added me to his fav list and I wished him a Merry Christmas on Christmas eve and he seemed to touched that I did this and now has been messaging me about getting together since and we even became FB friends but the conversations are still very strange (like he is not really interested at the same time), so I dont put too much stock in him. I dont know if we will ever really meet but I kind of view him as just an online acquaintance now...someone I will say hello to every now and then and maybe get together with if the situations lends itself to that. so yes, people are strange in the dating world. I think some of the suggestions about enlarging your demographics were really good. Also, would you consider dating older men?? Unfortunately the age bracket you are in tend to attract alot of immature thinking when it comes to dating (no offense to anybody here in that age bracket..since everyone on here seems very mature.) but you might get a better response if you are willing to consider older men. Anyway, good luck to you and dont give up..you will find someone out there that will appreciate all your good qualities!!
chumly Posted January 1, 2017 Posted January 1, 2017 It's your physical appearance but if it were her physical appearance why would they bother contacting her at all to begin with?? They must have liked something about her or the way she looked that made them want to message her initially?? I find it difficult to believe that men would message someone they did not find at least somewhat attractive initially (whether it might have been her looks or something written in her profile)..there must have been something that made them want to message her to begin with
BoatsBoatsBoats Posted January 1, 2017 Posted January 1, 2017 Gonna have to agree with normal_person here. Sure, if you look like Scarlet Johansson you can half-ass your way through a conversation and still get plenty of dates, but for an average looking girl, you are gonna have to stand out in conversations. Unfair but such is life. Here's an example of how the convos usually go. Me: Hey, how's it going? Guy: Good, how are you? Me: So how was ur weekend, do anything fun? Guy: they tell me what they did Me: I say what i did and then i say so what r you lookin for on here? Guy: No expectations, or a relationship Me Same here and to meet new ppl, dating. So what do u like to do for fun? Guy: they name some things Me: I tell them concerts, comedy shows, bike riding, swimming. Then I ask about one if the things they named that they like to do. Like if they say concerts, I ask who they've seen, etc. After that either they stop talking. Or I'm the one that has to keep asking stuff like about their fave movies, etc. This is really similar to how a lot of guys on Tinder initiate conversations with me and honestly it's boring. The guy has to have a REALLY good profile for me to actually keep going on with such a generic and dull conversation. My profile says that I write software (among other things) and 90% of guys initiate by asking me "What kind of software do you write?". After a certain amount of times you just get tired of answering the same questions over and over again. I rarely ever write first to guys on Tinder, but I remember one guy whose profile I really liked but he hadn't initiated any conversation with me. His profile mentioned that he liked bad puns, so instead of asking "Hi, how are you. What kind of puns do you like?" I just went crazy with corny pickup lines and jokes with puns on him and after two days of conversation he asked me out for dinner. My experience is that guys like it when you're a bit random and don't take things too seriously. Rather than asking what concerts they've been to, ask which was the best concert they've ever attended in their life. If you like the artist too, tell them something like "No kidding, I love -bandname-, -songname- makes me cry like a little baby. Can't believe I missed that concert. Have you also heard of -bandwithsimilarsound-?". If you hate the artist, be honest about it "I tried listening to them once and I couldn't even finish one song. Teach me your ways". If you have never heard of the band ever before try using that to your advantage "Never heard about 'The orangutangs' but I do find orangutangs adorable. Does that count?". You want the conversation to be light and fun and automatically steer into another topic rather than turning it into an interview. Also, do you always start conversations or do the guys do it a lot as well? I find that guys who initiate are a lot easier to keep interested than the ones you have to initiate with. If you always have to start the conversation and no guys write to you first it's probably because your profile needs improving.
kendahke Posted January 1, 2017 Posted January 1, 2017 Oooh, that was painful to read. Almost like pulling teeth. Stop wasting so much time trying to get to know them by message/email/text. Meet them in person as soon as possible so that you: 1. stop building the artificial construct of who you want them to be 2. can ask these same questions and gauge his demeanor/responses in real time instead of guessing because you're spending too much of your time in the relationship in your head. Meeting them in person does not mean go on a first date. It means meet them for coffee or whatever and make it a short meeting--if it turns out great, then you can spend longer. If it turns out to be a dud, you're out of at most :30 minutes of your life.
Kempeitai Posted January 1, 2017 Posted January 1, 2017 Oooh, that was painful to read. Almost like pulling teeth. Stop wasting so much time trying to get to know them by message/email/text. Meet them in person as soon as possible so that you: 1. stop building the artificial construct of who you want them to be 2. can ask these same questions and gauge his demeanor/responses in real time instead of guessing because you're spending too much of your time in the relationship in your head. Meeting them in person does not mean go on a first date. It means meet them for coffee or whatever and make it a short meeting--if it turns out great, then you can spend longer. If it turns out to be a dud, you're out of at most :30 minutes of your life. This. Can't stand when women try to do a lot of chatting online. We can do that over coffee or lunch.
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