mar96 Posted December 27, 2016 Posted December 27, 2016 I'm a very unattractive guy and I feel that if I date a prettier girl, it would be weird when my family meets her. Its not in a bad way at all, but it would seem weird to them if that makes sense. My family knows me more than anyone else and if they see me with a more attractive girl and meet her, it would be very off and awkward, like kind of unexpected of that to happen. I feel they are very aware I have nothing to offer. For example, I’ve almost had a very antisocial personality for the past years, and was socially isolated for a long time because of personal issues. I also lack hobbies and interests. I had zero friends for a log time. Now, all of a sudden, I would seem different as there is this pretty girl I want to have a relationship with. I don’t think they would be more proud than feeling odd about it. Should I just date a less attractive girl and just date within my bracket because of this? I just feel it would be too off putting to my family, but at the same time, I can’t help it that I want to date this very attractive girl even though I think I would have a chance. I don’t know what to do in this situation.
Space Ritual Posted December 27, 2016 Posted December 27, 2016 Young Man, One thing I have learned is to NEVER SETTLE. You say you are unattractive. You re being too hard on yourself. You know what? I am not the greatest looking guy on the planet but I have a lot of success with women many years younger than myself and most of them are quite attractive. 20 years + younger, and you know why? People are more receptive to someone that is extroverted and is not afraid to fail and will get right back up and head back into the maelstrom. I am the kind of person that will go right up to somebody whom under normal circumstances I would never have a shot in hell of even talking to let alone going out with, and look em right n he eye and ask em what their deal is. One of two things can happen, either they are offended and brish me aside or they are stunned...usually the latter and it keeps em interested at the outset. I was commenting on another thread about dating younger people earlier tonight and I said that for every 4 that may shoot me one down there will be one that will take the plunge and engage me. Confidence will always get you much farther than looks. Even if you can fake it until you make it it does work. Please do not sell yourself short. There are too many people that come here that have sold themselves short and can do much better than they expect in the romance department, but they are afraid to fail and they expect too much. Never be afraid of failure and do not expect a negative outcome at the outset or you will get both every time. If all else fails look like a psycho, just don't act like one. Chicks love psychotic eyes, even if they are afraid of you, they are still wondering what makes you tick, and that is half the battle. lol
Author mar96 Posted December 27, 2016 Author Posted December 27, 2016 Young Man, One thing I have learned is to NEVER SETTLE. You say you are unattractive. You re being too hard on yourself. You know what? I am not the greatest looking guy on the planet but I have a lot of success with women many years younger than myself and most of them are quite attractive. 20 years + younger, and you know why? People are more receptive to someone that is extroverted and is not afraid to fail and will get right back up and head back into the maelstrom. I am the kind of person that will go right up to somebody whom under normal circumstances I would never have a shot in hell of even talking to let alone going out with, and look em right n he eye and ask em what their deal is. One of two things can happen, either they are offended and brish me aside or they are stunned...usually the latter and it keeps em interested at the outset. I was commenting on another thread about dating younger people earlier tonight and I said that for every 4 that may shoot me one down there will be one that will take the plunge and engage me. Confidence will always get you much farther than looks. Even if you can fake it until you make it it does work. Please do not sell yourself short. There are too many people that come here that have sold themselves short and can do much better than they expect in the romance department, but they are afraid to fail and they expect too much. Never be afraid of failure and do not expect a negative outcome at the outset or you will get both every time. If all else fails look like a psycho, just don't act like one. Chicks love psychotic eyes, even if they are afraid of you, they are still wondering what makes you tick, and that is half the battle. lol Thanks, but the point is should I do it even if it would be off putting when my family meets and discovers the girl I would be in a relationship with?
Scarlett.O'hara Posted December 27, 2016 Posted December 27, 2016 You should date someone because you like each other, regardless of how attractive or unattractive your family think they are. At the end of the day, it is your life, your happiness, and who you date has nothing to do with anyone else. Why would your family feel odd? Wouldn't they just be happy that you are happy? It sounds like you might be overthinking this a little bit. Rather than focusing on these negative thoughts, it would be more beneficial for you to spend more time developing new hobbies and interests, and try and socialize a bit more. You only live once. 1
TheTraveler Posted December 27, 2016 Posted December 27, 2016 Are you dating the attractive girl or your family is? At the end of the day, you are dating her. Not them 1
Noproblem Posted December 27, 2016 Posted December 27, 2016 That's funny. I bet you are an attractive and a good person and if it wasn't for your family, you would have turned up great with any problem. They ruined you and now you think you can't even date pretty girl because of what they think of you. It's a lie, what they think of you is a lie! Stop believing their lies and just live out of your misguided brackets! 1
Author mar96 Posted December 27, 2016 Author Posted December 27, 2016 (edited) That's funny. I bet you are an attractive and a good person and if it wasn't for your family, you would have turned up great with any problem. They ruined you and now you think you can't even date pretty girl because of what they think of you. It's a lie, what they think of you is a lie! Stop believing their lies and just live out of your misguided brackets! thanks but I'm not attractive at all. Not even close. If you saw a picture of me, you would confirm. Edited December 27, 2016 by mar96
Author mar96 Posted December 27, 2016 Author Posted December 27, 2016 (edited) You should date someone because you like each other, regardless of how attractive or unattractive your family think they are. At the end of the day, it is your life, your happiness, and who you date has nothing to do with anyone else. Why would your family feel odd? Wouldn't they just be happy that you are happy? It sounds like you might be overthinking this a little bit. Rather than focusing on these negative thoughts, it would be more beneficial for you to spend more time developing new hobbies and interests, and try and socialize a bit more. You only live once. Hi! I remember you from my last question here. Yes, I thought about how and why my family would feel off about it. Its because I've always been less social and friendless for a long time because of personal issues and on top of that, I'm very unattractive. It would seem weird to my family that all of a suddenly, the girl I introduce them to would be very attractive. They probably would be boggled to see the attraction. Its hard to put into words, but its more like very unexpected of me. I think they would be happy that I'm happy, but more off put that the girl is physically out of my "bracket." Edited December 27, 2016 by mar96
TheTraveler Posted December 27, 2016 Posted December 27, 2016 You need to give us more information. How long have you dated this alleged attractive girl? Have you gone on multiple dates? We need more info
smackie9 Posted December 27, 2016 Posted December 27, 2016 You sound like you need a therapist to sort this out....not only for isolating yourself socially but the guilt you carry about what your family thinks about you having an attractive date. You have a lot of issues with self worth/confidence. 1
Author mar96 Posted December 27, 2016 Author Posted December 27, 2016 You sound like you need a therapist to sort this out....not only for isolating yourself socially but the guilt you carry about what your family thinks about you having an attractive date. You have a lot of issues with self worth/confidence. What do you mean? I am fairly confident and have no problem asking a girl out, its just I don't know how my family would react.
Gaeta Posted December 27, 2016 Posted December 27, 2016 What do you mean? I am fairly confident and have no problem asking a girl out, its just I don't know how my family would react. What is the reaction you would fear? What is the worse thing that could happen? They would stop loving you? I doubt it. They would reject her? I doubt it. They would reject you? I, again, doubt it. So my question is what is the worse thing that could happen if you bring an attractive woman home for dinner?
mikeylo Posted December 27, 2016 Posted December 27, 2016 If the girl doesnt have an issue with you then how does anyone's opinion matter? Sorry, but grow up !
preraph Posted December 27, 2016 Posted December 27, 2016 I am not trying to be hurtful, but I want to know why you think you have a chance with this woman. Is it possible she's just a friendly person who's nice to everyone? Or has she actually acted like she wants you to ask her out? Also, if you're that worried about your family's opinion, are you still living with them? Are you even READY to date? I mean, at some point a person has to "leave the nest" both mentally and physically and stop caring what their parents think about every little thing. But I will say that I believe i know why you think so badly of yourself, if you believe your parents would criticize you for having a nice looking girlfriend. That tells me they have ruined your confidence and self-esteem. Look, the other end of it isn't good either, but the mothers I know tell their awkward looking sons they are so very handsome and they really believe it too because no one is more beautiful to a mother than her own child and she has no real perspective on it. But I'm very worried your mother isn't like that and wonder if you don't maybe need to work through some issues in therapy to find out how your family demeaning you has affected you -- because that is them, not you. Once away from their influence, you may blossom and discover it's not you that's got these inadequacies but your parents. If you have the confidence to ask the girl out, ask her out. Don't dwell on it if she says no. But if you feel you won't be able to ever feel "worth it" to her, then you're not ready to date anyone you're not feeling equal to, and that's true of most of us. Good luck.
Author mar96 Posted December 28, 2016 Author Posted December 28, 2016 (edited) I am not trying to be hurtful, but I want to know why you think you have a chance with this woman. Is it possible she's just a friendly person who's nice to everyone? Or has she actually acted like she wants you to ask her out? Also, if you're that worried about your family's opinion, are you still living with them? Are you even READY to date? I mean, at some point a person has to "leave the nest" both mentally and physically and stop caring what their parents think about every little thing. But I will say that I believe i know why you think so badly of yourself, if you believe your parents would criticize you for having a nice looking girlfriend. That tells me they have ruined your confidence and self-esteem. Look, the other end of it isn't good either, but the mothers I know tell their awkward looking sons they are so very handsome and they really believe it too because no one is more beautiful to a mother than her own child and she has no real perspective on it. But I'm very worried your mother isn't like that and wonder if you don't maybe need to work through some issues in therapy to find out how your family demeaning you has affected you -- because that is them, not you. Once away from their influence, you may blossom and discover it's not you that's got these inadequacies but your parents. If you have the confidence to ask the girl out, ask her out. Don't dwell on it if she says no. But if you feel you won't be able to ever feel "worth it" to her, then you're not ready to date anyone you're not feeling equal to, and that's true of most of us. Good luck. Its not one woman in particular, but in general. I've noticed unattractive girls are normally mean to me and don't anything to do with me while prettier girls are the opposite. I often hear less attractive girls saying they only want "goodlooking" guys while I observed that attractive girls would often say "looks don't matter". I'm just confused. They just seem to be more welcoming and open to talk to. I've never asked out any girls throughout school so I never knew the truth. I'm not confusing niceness with attraction though. I know for sure that no girl would want to approach me but I feel that If I make the effort to approach, there's a possible chance for success. I even remember one time a girl, who was an an acquantaince to me, who was very pretty, had even complemented on an outfit I was wearing. She said" You look nice today, I like your outfit." There were a few other examples of this happening as well. I also keep in mind they could have better lives and explains why they are much more friendlier. But sigh, I don't know, should I try to talk to attractive girls, or should I just lower my standards. Its not that I would mind very much lowering my standards, but I just don't want to pass up that remote possibility of potentially dating someone more attractive than me. I don't think my family sees it in a bad way, maybe I am overthinking that. They don't treat me badly at all or ruin my confidence. I just don't know how they would react. I don't what I should do. Its a convulsive thing. Edited December 28, 2016 by mar96
RecentChange Posted December 28, 2016 Posted December 28, 2016 I am going to vote for over thinking. Live your life, hit on girls, worry about the million "what ifs" after she says yes to a date / to be your girlfriend / to be your wife. You are putting the chart way before the horse. Don't bring a drug addict or abusive person home. An attractive one? That is the Least of your worries.
preraph Posted December 28, 2016 Posted December 28, 2016 Here's what you do. Forget about who's too pretty and who's not, and you ask out the girl who never misses a chance to smile at you and say a few words and who you find keeps putting herself in your vicinity. I liked your comment about maybe her being friendly is because she had a better life. There is a lot of truth to that. Maybe life has been easy for her because she is pretty or just has great parents or whatever and so she feels she has kindness to give to others. Or maybe she's never had a bad experience with a guy so she doesn't feel she has to be careful about someone misunderstanding. But anyway, whoever is friendly on a consistent basis and comes around you, that is who you ask to do something. And please remember: A date is just a date. It isn't a proposal of marriage and isn't likely to lead to that! You go on a date to SEE if you like each other and find out more about each other and don't go with a bunch of expectations. Good luck.
LoveFiend Posted December 28, 2016 Posted December 28, 2016 Well I will tell you a story. At one time in my life I was a 25 yr old virgin without ever having sex or a girlfriend before. I had a bachelor's in Electrical Engineering and an MBA, but due to not having the best looks and being only 5'4" my idea of staying in my own bracket and only going after women I wanted was getting me nowhere. I had to make a choice in my life.I wanted a lot of sex, a lot of relationships, and a lot of love in my life. I realized due to social stigma I would have to give up friends and even have family reject me, but sometimes to get what you want you have to give up other things in your life. So I decided I would be open to dating women older than me, I would be open to dating men, I would be open to transexuals, bisexuals, etc. If I had a choice of only dating very young very attractive women in their 20's would I, yes! Due to genetics and my very poor sex life and awful dating life I decided to let go of my values and adopt new values that would bring more happiness in my life. I am now almost 40, about 15 years later. I have been married twice to older women and I have had 38 sexual partners in lifetime. Tested myself this summer and still STD free and no herpes with all that fooling around. Dated older women, women my own age, men, transexuals, men & women older than me, and men & women with subpar looks but I have subpar looks myself. 38 sexual partners for a guy who stands only 5'4" and not the best looks isn't too bad. I did it by applying economics to the dating world, supply and demand. If I had the looks to get a lot of attractive women in their 20's would I have dated women older than me? No. Would I have even bothered with men or transexuals? Of course not. To be honest I was not the least bit attracted to most of my sexual partners, but that wasn't important to me. I wanted a lot sex, a lot of partners, a lot of relationships. Having dates every weekend for years was great. If it was an older woman, if it was a guy, a transexual, a bisexual, it really didn't matter to me. As long as I got a date and had sex on the weekends that is all that mattered to me. So my advice is to open your options up if your not happy and be more flexible with your thinking, you don't have to go to the extreme measures I did lol.
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