mia251 Posted December 27, 2016 Posted December 27, 2016 In a weeks time, I'm meeting the guy I've been talking to for nearly 2 months now. He only lives like 30 minutes away by train that is. We're friends but so much more too! We met through a dating app and you know when people say 'expect the unexpected' well I got that! He is like the most amazing and loveliest guy ever! I was a goner just after 2 days of speaking to him and 2 months later my feelings for him have grown massively! I've been wanting to see him ever since I first started speaking to him. I didn't think much of him at first when we first started talking, thought he was those guys who were after sex and sent dirty pics or wanted nudes. No. He was completely the opposite! Here's the thing... I'm really scared to see him! I really want to see him and I'm not backing out but I'm just so scared. I've met a couple of guys online who I've met who just wanted sex at the end. I never heard back from them and one said some horrible stuff about me to me! This guy is different. I didn't want to but I have fallen for him! I don't want to lose him. I don't want him to be like 'i don't want to talk to her anymore. She's ugly in person.' I have weight issues due to my thyroids. I hate it. He'll see me as a short, fat girl where he's lean, cute and beautiful! He's seem pics of me, face and full body but it's different in person isn't it? I just hate thinking about all the negatives. I really like this guy and I'm scared he'll reject after we meet!
DumpedGuy9617 Posted December 27, 2016 Posted December 27, 2016 Nothing you can do but go for it. He will either like you or not, go for it! 2
Madame_Noire Posted December 27, 2016 Posted December 27, 2016 Take each day at as it comes. Do not beat yourself about things. Remember, you have to love yourself before anyone else can love you. Have you spoke to him on the phone to establish fluent conversations, rapport and a strong connection ? 1
whichwayisup Posted December 27, 2016 Posted December 27, 2016 Go in with no expectations. you only know him online and not face to face. Yes the feelings are there but just take it slow, get to know him in the offline world, not online. 1
Redhead14 Posted December 27, 2016 Posted December 27, 2016 In a weeks time, I'm meeting the guy I've been talking to for nearly 2 months now. He only lives like 30 minutes away by train that is. We're friends but so much more too! We met through a dating app and you know when people say 'expect the unexpected' well I got that! He is like the most amazing and loveliest guy ever! I was a goner just after 2 days of speaking to him and 2 months later my feelings for him have grown massively! I've been wanting to see him ever since I first started speaking to him. I didn't think much of him at first when we first started talking, thought he was those guys who were after sex and sent dirty pics or wanted nudes. No. He was completely the opposite! Here's the thing... I'm really scared to see him! I really want to see him and I'm not backing out but I'm just so scared. I've met a couple of guys online who I've met who just wanted sex at the end. I never heard back from them and one said some horrible stuff about me to me! This guy is different. I didn't want to but I have fallen for him! I don't want to lose him. I don't want him to be like 'i don't want to talk to her anymore. She's ugly in person.' I have weight issues due to my thyroids. I hate it. He'll see me as a short, fat girl where he's lean, cute and beautiful! He's seem pics of me, face and full body but it's different in person isn't it? I just hate thinking about all the negatives. I really like this guy and I'm scared he'll reject after we meet! This is the problem with online dating and waiting so long to meet. You build up a "vision" for who they are, expectations, etc. And, very often, they can't/don't meet the "idealized" version they've created in their heads. That being said, you just have to go into this meeting with confidence and balanced expectations and, hopefully, he will too. Be yourself, be relaxed, be confident, be able to think on your feet and be in the moment and focused. Wear something that enhances your best features and downplays the features you're not as comfortable with. If you have nice legs, wear a nice skirt with a tasteful blouse. If you have both nice boobs and nice legs, don't wear anything that shows them both off. Highlight one feature and leave a little mystery. I just hate thinking about all the negatives -- then don't do that. Think about the positives, more importantly, think about YOUR positives. 2
GunslingerRoland Posted December 27, 2016 Posted December 27, 2016 I wouldn't worry about the fact he'll be less attracted to you, as long as you were realistic with the pictures he's seen. But like others have said, you can have a totally different experience talking to someone in person as opposed to online. You might just not click, regardless of how well you guys know each other already.
Author mia251 Posted December 27, 2016 Author Posted December 27, 2016 Take each day at as it comes. Do not beat yourself about things. Remember, you have to love yourself before anyone else can love you. Have you spoke to him on the phone to establish fluent conversations, rapport and a strong connection ? Yeah we speak on the phone. More now since he's been off from work due to the holidays. We have great conversations. I'm more reserved and he is the chatty one which works for me. Our connection becomes stronger every time we speak. 1
Redhead14 Posted December 27, 2016 Posted December 27, 2016 Yeah we speak on the phone. More now since he's been off from work due to the holidays. We have great conversations. I'm more reserved and he is the chatty one which works for me. Our connection becomes stronger every time we speak. All you know is that YOUR connection is getting stronger every time you speak. And, while you're concerned that he may not find you as attractive or interesting, whatever, in person. The fact remains that YOU may not find him so in person either . . . keep your objectivity and be a little more focused on YOU. Manage your expectations and forget about what's in his head. 1
dumbass2 Posted December 27, 2016 Posted December 27, 2016 As long as you were totally honest in your profile and had some good clear recent photos you should be fine. As others have said, he may look different and you may not even find him attractive.
whichwayisup Posted December 27, 2016 Posted December 27, 2016 Yeah we speak on the phone. More now since he's been off from work due to the holidays. We have great conversations. I'm more reserved and he is the chatty one which works for me. Our connection becomes stronger every time we speak. This means nothing until you actually meet face to face. it's so easy to feel a connection online, your mind just fills in the blanks and creates a little fantasy of how perfect that person is - Problem with that it's a false sense of security and many of times reality is nothing like what you built him up to be. Sounds like you're very emotionally attached too, so be careful.
ASG Posted December 27, 2016 Posted December 27, 2016 This means nothing until you actually meet face to face. it's so easy to feel a connection online, your mind just fills in the blanks and creates a little fantasy of how perfect that person is - Problem with that it's a false sense of security and many of times reality is nothing like what you built him up to be. Sounds like you're very emotionally attached too, so be careful. Yeap... Not to put a downer on all this, but I've had "connections" with guys I met online and then, when we actually met in person, the connection just wasn't there. On my part at least. I ended up being the one pulling the plug on it and never going beyond the first date... In any case, I wish you luck OP and hope he's all you ever dreamed.
Author mia251 Posted December 27, 2016 Author Posted December 27, 2016 Yeap... Not to put a downer on all this, but I've had "connections" with guys I met online and then, when we actually met in person, the connection just wasn't there. On my part at least. I ended up being the one pulling the plug on it and never going beyond the first date... In any case, I wish you luck OP and hope he's all you ever dreamed. I guess you all are right. And to the person who said about recent pictures... We send pics, recent pics to each other every week. And yeah I'm very emotional and get emotionally attached to people really quickly then when they go, it hurts a lot. I've tried to a but more reserved which works then I get called a b.i.t.c.h for it. For me at this point, it feels like the real deal but I won't know that until we've met.
Author mia251 Posted December 27, 2016 Author Posted December 27, 2016 Yeap... Not to put a downer on all this, but I've had "connections" with guys I met online and then, when we actually met in person, the connection just wasn't there. On my part at least. I ended up being the one pulling the plug on it and never going beyond the first date... In any case, I wish you luck OP and hope he's all you ever dreamed. I guess you all are right. And to the person who said about recent pictures... We send pics, recent pics to each other every week. I don't edit my pictures either. What you see is what you get with me... And yeah I'm very emotional and get emotionally attached to people really quickly then when they go, it hurts a lot. I've tried to a but more reserved which works then I get called a b.i.t.c.h for it. For me at this point, it feels like the real deal but I won't know that until we've met.
Author mia251 Posted December 27, 2016 Author Posted December 27, 2016 As long as you were totally honest in your profile and had some good clear recent photos you should be fine. As others have said, he may look different and you may not even find him attractive. At first when we first started talking, I wasn't really drawn to him. I thought he was a weirdo. Then we messaged all night. I started to like him. We spoke on phone next day and I liked him a bit more. The weeks went on and now I've become attracted to his personality and him.
Redhead14 Posted December 28, 2016 Posted December 28, 2016 I guess you all are right. And to the person who said about recent pictures... We send pics, recent pics to each other every week. I don't edit my pictures either. What you see is what you get with me... And yeah I'm very emotional and get emotionally attached to people really quickly then when they go, it hurts a lot. I've tried to a but more reserved which works then I get called a b.i.t.c.h for it. For me at this point, it feels like the real deal but I won't know that until we've met. it feels like the real deal -- What, exactly, is "a real deal"???? And, no matter what that is, there is no way in H E double L that you would know this at this point. There is no "real" until it's real. Manage expectations and be objective. No pre-conceived ideas, notions, visions, etc. Be in the moment. I've tried to a but more reserved -- Don't be reserved, be yourself, whatever that is. When people try to be reserved, they come across as cold and unemotional which is off putting. Balance your emotions against logic and insight. You can have emotions, just don't let them be what controls you. Have a little of both emotion and logic. Is it OK to be excited about a date? Yes. Is it logical to think he is going to be "THE ONE" or is "real deal" based on texting and a date? No. 1
LoveFiend Posted January 1, 2017 Posted January 1, 2017 This is the problem with online dating and waiting so long to meet. You build up a "vision" for who they are, expectations, etc. And, very often, they can't/don't meet the "idealized" version they've created in their heads. I totally agree with you. From her post it seems she has an "idealized" guy in her head, but weather the actual guy in real life is actually that "idealized" guy is two different things. There is no harm meeting him, but with dating one lesson I have learned from trial and error is you have to give yourself a reality check once in a while to keep things in perspective.
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