When people say 'it's not you, it's me', do they really mean that?

[ZayKayWill]

Or is that just something people say to make the other person feel better?

[Satu]

I don't know if they mean it or not, but it is true.

 

It isn't you.

 

It is them.

 

 

Take care.

[T-16bullseyeWompRat]

Usually means they have found someone else and don't want you to know they stepped outside to find that other person.

[Scarlett.O'hara]

Truthfully, sometimes people have their own issues to deal with before committing to a relationship.

 

However, most people wouldn't want to let go of someone they have REALLY strong connection with. This means their interest was probably only mediocre to moderate at best.

 

Better to know that sooner rather than later.

[Lady2163]

I take it with a grain of salt. I accept they may have issues and they recognize I'm not the one to help them through it.

[road]

It does not matter if it is you or not.

 

 

It could be they have issues, not ready to date or have a relationship.

 

 

What does matter is that they do not want a relationship with you.

So they can be telling the truth or letting you down easy.

 

 

The important thing is that would you rather be told a lie or told they would never date anyone like you. Telling you all the things they do not like about you. How they get sick of the thought of having sex with you makes them feel.

 

 

I'd rather be let down easy. There are women that I would never date. Never ever. And I would never ever tell them the truth. I would let them down easy.

 

 

Though I never had women come on to me so I never had to. And back in the day I appreciated the women that were not interested in me to let me know without being brutal about that.

[Gloria25]

It really could be "them", or it could be that they simply are too embarrassed (or don't want a confrontation) to tell you your shortcomings.

 

I've been there on both ends. There were guys that nothing was wrong with them, they simply weren't my cup of tea for reasons going on in my head. Some guys, I felt I would embarrass them about it.

 

And, some guys - I just didn't want confrontation.

 

I mean, I've lost count of times guys got upset when I gave them the "let's just be friends" speech, but I remember two specific ones. One guy, when we were out, I think he could tell I was done cuz I didn't want to order another drink. After our date, I simply texted him and told him that I didn't see a connection, we could be friends, good luck and dude called me a "b-". Another guy began stalking me, he'd follow me online, call all times of the day/night and hang up. I had to go and report him to my commander (he was a civilian contractor on the base - who literally lied about everything on his online profile) and dude told them that I propositioned him for money and was upset that he didn't wanna pay.

 

From that point on, I no longer am nice with guys when I'm not interested. I either fade, ghost, make excuses, disappear. Or, maybe, maybe the "it's not you, it's me" excuse. I also DO NOT give out my tel until I'm sure I'm interested in the guy.

Edited December 27, 2016 by Gloria25

[thecrucible]

Some people mean what they say. Other people are just being lazy by using a clichéd expression. It's unlikely you'll really find out what's going on.

[thefooloftheyear]

If you dissect the statement, then even breaking up with someone because they are a complete douchebag, can still be the "issue" with the dumper, because they don't like douchebags...

 

But yeah, its a way to be patronizing and not make the person think you are heartless, so they take the hit...Who cares, ??

 

TFY

[preraph]

I think people very often mean it. Like if there's a guy who's really nice but the woman just can't see herself having sex with him, she may really be regretting that she can't feel "it" for this guy and say "It's not you; it's me." She may feel it's her problem or that she is some way she can't change that she knows may keep her from happiness in some ways.

 

Other times, it could be a man says this to a girl he's been dating because he's wanting to date other people and knows she isn't going to go for it. I mean, it can be used in many ways.

 

But in general, just do always remember that people have their own reasons for rejecting you most of the time that have nothing to do with your quality as a person, so try not to take it as your own fault.

[Miss Peach]

I look at things this way - things match or they don't. Think of puzzle pieces. Sometimes someone is a lovely person but the puzzle piece just doesn't fit.

[RecentChange]

Can't generalize - I have said it when it was me, not them (I wasn't ready for a relationship), and I have said it when I met someone else to soften the blow.

[alphamale]

Or is that just something people say to make the other person feel better?

when someone says "it's not you"...it's you

[amaysngrace]

It means they're just not that into you which is why they say it's them because it is them....being not that into you.

[GoodOnPaper]

when someone says "it's not you"...it's you

 

Agree . . . Isn't that why the textbook response is "I invented it's-not-you-it's me. If it's anyone, it's me!"

[alphamale]

Agree . . . Isn't that why the textbook response is "I invented it's-not-you-it's me. If it's anyone, it's me!"

 

:lmao: