2BHAPPY Posted December 26, 2016 Posted December 26, 2016 7 weeks ago I broke up with my boyfriend because of him not following on his promises to call and other issues about commitment. I was having issues with my mom being sick and have a daughter whose cancer is back. I sent him a text to tell him I was going through a very difficult time and needed time to process things to which he said he was sorry I was dealing with this and to hang in there, now it's been 7 weeks and I really want to reach out to him for moral support as si am too sad right now. He has an outgoing personality and always had the right things to say, I miss him terribly around this time but I've also noticed that he had added an exgirlfriend to his Facebook. The not knowing if he went back to her is killing me as well. He always told me they were just friends.
Sweetfish Posted December 26, 2016 Posted December 26, 2016 7 weeks ago I broke up with my boyfriend because of him not following on his promises to call and other issues about commitment. I was having issues with my mom being sick and have a daughter whose cancer is back. I sent him a text to tell him I was going through a very difficult time and needed time to process things to which he said he was sorry I was dealing with this and to hang in there, now it's been 7 weeks and I really want to reach out to him for moral support as si am too sad right now. He has an outgoing personality and always had the right things to say, I miss him terribly around this time but I've also noticed that he had added an exgirlfriend to his Facebook. The not knowing if he went back to her is killing me as well. He always told me they were just friends. First and foremost im really sorry about the personal events that you are going thru. I hope all works out well. As far as breaking up with your boyfriend. How do you know you wont breakup with him again? Are you going to try to get back with him and then break his heart again? When things get difficult are you going to let him go again.. Men like to shine for their women when they are at their low points... to show they will go thru hell and back (to prove their love for you) and you took that away from him. So I would really think about if you think getting in contact with him is for the benefit of a health relationship in the future.
jamili Posted December 26, 2016 Posted December 26, 2016 Never dump someone unless you are 100% sure. It's not a good idea to put someone's heart through a meat grinder like that, just to change your mind and try get them to lower there guard and allow themselves to possibly go through that again. If you want to reach out to him, and you are sure you want to have a relationship again, for real this time, then I say do it. But be very careful and make sure you are making the right choice... are you sure these issues of not calling and commitment won't get under your skin again eventually?
Author 2BHAPPY Posted December 27, 2016 Author Posted December 27, 2016 I didn't dump him. We were going through some stuff were he wasn't keeping up with calling and initiating much. It was very very hot then things wound go cold and I wouldn't hear from for days. I was frustrated because I was going through a lot of uncertainty with everything in my life and he was adding to it. I don't want to call because I want to start again. I am not mentally ready to be with anyone while I worry about my daughter. I just want to be able to talk to him and not expect anything from him other than his support. He does not want a committed relationship with me and I am ok with that. We broke once before for 3 months and when we got back together it was hot and cold relationship and I don't want that anymore. He was always supportive though if anything happened in my life and this is when I need him.
Author 2BHAPPY Posted December 27, 2016 Author Posted December 27, 2016 Sweetfish. I can assure you he is not heartbroken. He is an older who is a pilot and has many opportunities and may even be with a prior girlfriend. I have accepted that he doesn't a commitment with me and am ok.
ExpatInItaly Posted December 27, 2016 Posted December 27, 2016 I don't think it's a good idea to get in touch with him during this difficult time. You are under enough stress as it is, and if he goes cold again, it's going to make it worse. I know you would like his support, but I really feel you would be better to seek it elsewhere. Lean on other friends or family members instead. Your ex sounds too unreliable and I fear it would only bring you more pain. You say you're okay with him not committing to you, but you also mentioned how you're very curious as to whether he's returned to his ex. This suggests you're not really okay with his behaviour and still have feelings. If it were fine and you were at peace with him not wanting a real relationship with you, it likely wouldn't make a difference to you if he has in fact reconciled with her.
Author 2BHAPPY Posted December 28, 2016 Author Posted December 28, 2016 So I went ahead and texted him and told him what was going in since I asked him for space 7 weeks ago and he immediately texted me wanting to talk through FaceTime as he was out of the country. I said that I was not prepare to talk to him on FaceTime since I had taken something to sleep and he said then to hold off until he got back in a few days and we could talk. The problem now is that I though I would be ok talking to him but then realized that I still care for him.. just the fact that he cared enough to immediately talk to me because of what I was going through made me realize why I love him. He is a very caring person and has always offered his shoulder for me to lean on. If it weren't for his traumatic divorce from a marriage of 24 years I know that he would be the perfect partner.. He is afraid to love and be heartbroken again. I want to see him so bad but I don't know if that is possible given the fact that he might be seeing someone. I guess after I asked for time off he decided to keep company with someone he briefly dated in the past. I know that they have kept a friendship but he has always assured me he wasn't in a relationship with anyone. I want to be able to see him face to face so that I can ask him straight what is going on. I would just want him as a friend for now as I don't think I can handle a relationship unless he will be there for me all the time. I am feeling very jealous of his friend and I've noticed that in the past month he has added her on facebook and she has added some of his family members to her facebook and has made comments on their facebook posts. I never did that to him but I met his mother and some other family members personally. but it hurts to see her getting so comfortable on facebook. It was comments like "adorable' or 'awesome couple" but neverless it bothers me. I am hoping that we get to see each other face to face so that we talk about our past issues and what bothered me and about her. I don't know if he just wants to talk on the phone or what. The last time we stopped talking I texted him and he immediately called me and told me how much he missed me and wanted to see me, but we never talked about the issues that broke us up. I don't know if this will be that same were he would want to see me in person. Hoping someone chimes in and gives me some direction. I really love this man and need him at this time in my life because I feel so lonely once I get home and not have someone to share this burden with. Then pain is sometimes unbearable and I get very emotional.
Slimtripper Posted December 28, 2016 Posted December 28, 2016 So I went ahead and texted him and told him what was going in since I asked him for space 7 weeks ago and he immediately texted me wanting to talk through FaceTime as he was out of the country. I said that I was not prepare to talk to him on FaceTime since I had taken something to sleep and he said then to hold off until he got back in a few days and we could talk. The problem now is that I though I would be ok talking to him but then realized that I still care for him.. just the fact that he cared enough to immediately talk to me because of what I was going through made me realize why I love him. He is a very caring person and has always offered his shoulder for me to lean on. If it weren't for his traumatic divorce from a marriage of 24 years I know that he would be the perfect partner.. He is afraid to love and be heartbroken again. I want to see him so bad but I don't know if that is possible given the fact that he might be seeing someone. I guess after I asked for time off he decided to keep company with someone he briefly dated in the past. I know that they have kept a friendship but he has always assured me he wasn't in a relationship with anyone. I want to be able to see him face to face so that I can ask him straight what is going on. I would just want him as a friend for now as I don't think I can handle a relationship unless he will be there for me all the time. I am feeling very jealous of his friend and I've noticed that in the past month he has added her on facebook and she has added some of his family members to her facebook and has made comments on their facebook posts. I never did that to him but I met his mother and some other family members personally. but it hurts to see her getting so comfortable on facebook. It was comments like "adorable' or 'awesome couple" but neverless it bothers me. I am hoping that we get to see each other face to face so that we talk about our past issues and what bothered me and about her. I don't know if he just wants to talk on the phone or what. The last time we stopped talking I texted him and he immediately called me and told me how much he missed me and wanted to see me, but we never talked about the issues that broke us up. I don't know if this will be that same were he would want to see me in person. Hoping someone chimes in and gives me some direction. I really love this man and need him at this time in my life because I feel so lonely once I get home and not have someone to share this burden with. Then pain is sometimes unbearable and I get very emotional. You broke it off with him. It sounds to me like you aren't able to deal with the pain of this yourself. That's pretty selfish. My ex was only bothered about how she would handle the pain of breaking it off, not about how I would feel. You've left this guy for 7 weeks. Now you want emotional support. It's not fair on him. Only contact him if you are 100% certain about getting back together and those earlier problems aren't there anymore
Slimtripper Posted December 28, 2016 Posted December 28, 2016 You broke it off with him. It sounds to me like you aren't able to deal with the pain of this yourself. That's pretty selfish. My ex was only bothered about how she would handle the pain of breaking it off, not about how I would feel. You've left this guy for 7 weeks. Now you want emotional support. It's not fair on him. Only contact him if you are 100% certain about getting back together and those earlier problems aren't there anymore Reading this again, please stay away from him. "I want him as a friend for now" You want him because he's moving on with an ex and you're terrified he won't be there for you to lean on anymore. These motives are totally selfish. You need to lewve him to live his life.
Author 2BHAPPY Posted December 28, 2016 Author Posted December 28, 2016 Slimtripper....I think you're reading this all wrong. I love this man very much but he has commitment issues and I was having a hard time in the relationship. We were not making plans for the weekends, he would get hot and make a lot of promises then go cold and not call or text until I initiated. I felt as if I was the only one having a relationship. The reason why I backed off was because we had had a most incredible saturday date, he took me to the movies, went to dinner and then we spent the night together before he left for his work trip. He promised he would call me when he got back 4 days later and made plans for the following week. A week later I still did not hear from him so I called him and he tells me he had been back from his trip and when I asked him why he didn't call me, he said he was being a hermit. So this is why I got frustrated with him and said I needed some time to myself. It wasn't the first incident and I've had it. I do like him as a friend and I think that would make him feel a lot comfortable. I wish that we could be romantic again, but I am afraid of being hurt again because of his noncommittal issues.
marky00 Posted December 28, 2016 Posted December 28, 2016 Sounds to me like the OP was a victim of the so-called "forced dump". In other words, she dumped him to protect herself since her gut instinct was that she was more invested in the relationship than he was. OP, although that took some guts and your gut-instinct may be correct here, when you really love someone sometimes its best to just stick it out and take the pain when they finally do the deed. At least that way, you don't get all the what-ifs etc. In life, its very hard to find people we love and so when that person does come around sometimes you need to also accept the pain that comes with that love. Anyway, it does sound like he is protecting himself or not as into you as you were hoping. Your gut instinct was and is probably correct. But I do think breaking up with anyone you love is a risky strategy, all be it a very gutsy one. Good luck. 1
Calcmag Posted December 28, 2016 Posted December 28, 2016 Sounds to me like the OP was a victim of the so-called "forced dump". In other words, she dumped him to protect herself since her gut instinct was that she was more invested in the relationship than he was. OP, although that took some guts and your gut-instinct may be correct here, when you really love someone sometimes its best to just stick it out and take the pain when they finally do the deed. At least that way, you don't get all the what-ifs etc. In life, its very hard to find people we love and so when that person does come around sometimes you need to also accept the pain that comes with that love. Anyway, it does sound like he is protecting himself or not as into you as you were hoping. Your gut instinct was and is probably correct. But I do think breaking up with anyone you love is a risky strategy, all be it a very gutsy one. Good luck. Agree with this. OP how are you doing?
Author 2BHAPPY Posted December 29, 2016 Author Posted December 29, 2016 Calcmac. I do agree 100% with you. I am feeling very nervous about talking to him. I don't want to just talk on the phone but I need to be with him if only just to hug. He has a calming effect on me and I've always been able to rely on him whenever i had a problem. Now I don't know if he is going to be agreeable to seeing me in person. The last time we stopped talking and when I called him back he was very happy to hear from me and he immediately wanted to plan to meet. I don't know now that this other person might be in his life. I initially thought of just connecting with him and just talking, but Ive realized that I am still in love with him. Would it be too forward to ask him to meet me in person. I know that with the new year coming up, he probably has problems and I will be crushed if he says that he can't see me.
impliedlost Posted December 29, 2016 Posted December 29, 2016 Calcmac. I do agree 100% with you. I am feeling very nervous about talking to him. I don't want to just talk on the phone but I need to be with him if only just to hug. He has a calming effect on me and I've always been able to rely on him whenever i had a problem. Now I don't know if he is going to be agreeable to seeing me in person. The last time we stopped talking and when I called him back he was very happy to hear from me and he immediately wanted to plan to meet. I don't know now that this other person might be in his life. I initially thought of just connecting with him and just talking, but Ive realized that I am still in love with him. Would it be too forward to ask him to meet me in person. I know that with the new year coming up, he probably has problems and I will be crushed if he says that he can't see me. first and foremost, I am sorry to hear about your situation.It sucks. Secondly,you have no business hurting him, which you will do. Fact is, you are selfish, you are insecure, and you screwing up. You know you screwed up. Let him have his own life back. Stop using him. Get therapy. get a support group for what you're going through. Good luck with everything
Author 2BHAPPY Posted December 29, 2016 Author Posted December 29, 2016 Amazing how everyone has their own perception of what I am trying to convey. I was dating a man who didn't want to be exclusive. I distanced myself because I saw a post on his facebook about him walking with another woman to a coffee shop and this he did to get my attention because I went away that weekend. I asked him to allow me to take sometime to myself as I was dealing with daughters medical issues and I couldn't handle the stress of that plus the stress of his ambivalence about us. He did date other women while we were together and he was on a dating site. He is no poor Johnny here. But he was a great date and treated me well when we did get together. Now I don't know how many women in his life felt the same way. The woman in question was always in the background but I don't think he dedicated much time with her. I just miss his friendship and his way of comforting me during bad times.
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